She wasn’t quite sure herself. When Lucas had held her and promised to help her, she’d melted into him, stealing those few moments of comfort and stillness in the face of a descending storm that would whirl through her life and touch everything. Even though his arms felt like the safest place she’d been in a long time, that feeling of needing him, of not wanting him to let go of her, terrified her, too. He’d have to, eventually. He’d have to let go of her and she’d have to let go of him, and she couldn’t do it again. Let herself get so close, let her heart knit together dreams of a future with him. It had taken her years to recover. She’d walked around like half of her was missing. And she couldn’t fall that way again, not now. Not when Gracie would need all the stability she could give her.
Naomi made her way across the room, not looking at anyone directly.
They were dying to know the test results—she could read the questions in their silence, but she couldn’t tell them what she’d learned. Because that would make it real.
On the way to the front door, she snagged her daughter’s shoulder. “Come on, Gracie girl,” she managed to say without crying. “We should go on home and get you into bed.” That was all she wanted to do. Fall into her bed and pull the covers up over her head.
Jessa appeared in front of her, halting her hasty escape. “Actually, we were hoping she could spend the night here.” Her friend gave her shoulder a knowing squeeze. “If it’s all right with you. Then she and I can go up and visit the baby bunny first thing in the morning.”
“Can I, Mom? Please?” her daughter begged, tugging on the hem of her shirt.
“Of course.” She gave Jessa a grateful look. Somehow the woman already knew. They’d gotten so close, there was no doubt that Jessa had read the results on Naomi’s face. Her friend knew she would need space tonight, time to come up with a plan.
And she had to call Mark.
“You listen good to Uncle Lance and Aunt Jess,” she whispered, pulling her daughter in for a hug and a kiss. God, was it possible for her heart to bleed? “I’ll be here to pick you up for camp at eight thirty.” Or maybe she wouldn’t take her tomorrow. Maybe she’d spend the day with her. Take her shopping and out for pedicures.
She hadn’t even told Gracie about her father yet, but she already felt like she was losing her.
“I’m always good at listening when I’m at their house,” the girl said emphatically.
“You are, honey. You’re such a good girl,” she murmured, smoothing her daughter’s hair, holding her eyes closed until the tears dried.
“Come on, sweet girl.” Jessa took Gracie’s hand. “Let’s get you set up in the guest room.”
Briefly, Naomi looked up at the rest of the group. They’d all resumed their conversations, silently giving her permission to leave quietly. Without saying goodbye she let herself out the front door, but before she could get it closed Lucas was there.
“Can I walk you home?”
“Sure.” The word stuck in her throat but he didn’t seem to notice.
They walked silently side by side down the porch steps, the only sounds the crunching of their footsteps and the occasional chirp of a cricket. Night in the mountains was so still, with the valley tucked in the peaks’ shadows quiet and secluded. Moonlight spilled onto the dirt, unhindered by smog and manufactured light. Out here you could see the radiance of the stars. You could hear the wind breathing. Most summer nights, after she put Gracie to bed, she’d go out and sit on the porch, taking in the tranquility of it all. But now, with the chaos inside of her, she felt out of place in the midst of it.
“What can I do?” Lucas finally asked. He stopped at the edge of her driveway. “I want to make this easier for you.”
“You can’t.” She turned to him, hovering closer to the road, intent on keeping distance between them.
“I think I can.” He stepped into her space, searching her eyes, her lips. But he didn’t touch her. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.” She folded her arms, trying to ward off the chill. It wasn’t so much the brisk mountain air—it was that cold empty feeling that left her exposed. “I have to call Mark. I have to tell him.” Right now that was her only clear next step.
“What if you invited him to come to dinner? At Lance and Jessa’s? Then everyone could be there. You could introduce him to Gracie. And then you can let her decide what she wants.”
It made sense. To bring him to a familiar location. To have her friends and family there for support. “I guess that would be best.” She peered at his face, the moonlight softening his cheekbones and sturdy jaw. “What do you think she’ll choose?” She hadn’t meant to whisper but that was all she had.
His hesitation answered her question. He’d know. He’d grown up without a parent.
“I always wanted to know my mom,” he said gently. “Didn’t matter how long she’d been gone. If she would’ve walked back into my life, I would’ve wanted to know her.”
“Of course you would’ve.” A parent was like an anchor. Even though her own parents had moved away, they gave her identity and support. They’d helped her know who she was in the world.
Lucas took her hands and tugged her closer.
His touch reached through her hesitation. Those hands were so strong in hers. Enough to steady her.
“Even if she chooses to have a relationship with Mark, you’ll always be the person she turns to,” he murmured, his face close enough for her to feel the softness of his breath on her mouth. “You’ve been everything to her. That won’t change.”
He touched his fingertips to her cheeks, smoothing away tears she hadn’t even realized were falling. “A lot will change,” he said. “But no matter where she goes, you’ll always be home to Gracie.” He spoke it with authority because he’d lived it.
“That was your dad for you.”
“Right.” His own tears made those gorgeous hazel eyes glisten. “Even when I was away, when I thought of home, it wasn’t the house or the land. It was him.”
His fingers threaded through hers and held on tighter. That one small touch sent a blinding surge of want. Just screw it all, she thought. Screw being a responsible adult. Screw all of the reasons she couldn’t be with him right now. Tonight.
He caught her in his arms. “And when I came back after all of those years and saw him again, it was like nothing had changed. You and Gracie have a bond she can’t have with her dad. Because he wasn’t there.”
Once again, her feet steadied beneath her. How did he do that? Reach into her fears and sort them all out? Make them so insignificant? “I’m glad you came home,” she uttered because they were right there. He was there. And he made her feel good—younger and freer and fearless. “God, Lucas. Why did you stay away so long?” She breathed the words against his neck, inhaling the wild scent of the woods, before pressing her lips in to taste the salt of his skin.
“I never thought I deserved another chance with you.” His chest rose and fell faster. Those large strong hands came to her hips, holding her so tightly against him that she could feel the sheer strength of him, the force of his desire for her.
Lucas pulled her face to his. “You know what?” he whispered against her mouth, his eyes seeing into her very soul. “I might not deserve it, but I want it. Another chance. I want you.”
Her breaths came so fast she could only manage a small sound of agreement deep within her throat.
It seemed to be enough, though. He lowered his mouth to hers and completely took her over, tracing her lips with his tongue. The faint taste of chocolate lingered in his mouth, filling her senses. How had she ever thought this would be a bad idea?
She kissed him back harder, wanting to free herself to feel everything, every part of him, every cell that sparked within her. His mouth moving her overs aroused an overwhelming greed that had been dormant for so long. “Take me inside,” she murmured between tastes of his lips.
He groaned, too busy thoroughly kissing her to say a thing. His lips moved de
sperately but in control, as if he couldn’t get enough of her, as if he were afraid she might run away. Then they skimmed her jawline, inching their way down her neck, nibbling and sighing against her sensitive skin.
She couldn’t run even if she tried. It seemed he’d learned a few tricks in the years they’d been apart. Her legs were already giving out. Everything was giving out. Turning her body completely over to him. “Take me inside,” she said again, this time with the force of her hunger.
“You’re sure?” he asked in her ear.
Her whole left side seized in a shiver. “Don’t make me beg.” She couldn’t stop here. Not now. He’d already brought her too far. He’d already made her want him too much. The years without him had left her with a void, and she hadn’t realized how lonely she’d been until this moment. How much she’d neglected a whole part of herself—the sensual part, the passionate part. Slowly he was reawakening the need to be held and touched and completely lost in someone else. Each year that had passed between them only added to the intensity of this bond between them, the desires that gripped her so fiercely. She’d lost him once. And now she had him back.
Easing his lips over hers again, he lifted her against him. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he moved easily across the lawn, up the porch steps.
One of his hands held her backside, caressing in a way that made her hips grind into his, while his other hand fumbled with the doorknob.
Her hair fell into her eyes as he staggered inside, but he smoothed it away from her face and set her feet on the floor, holding his arms around her waist. “You don’t know how much I thought about this. About kissing you one more time.”
“This kissing is good,” she agreed, breathless. “But I can think of something even better.” She tugged his T-shirt up and over his head and let it fall to the floor. “Wow,” she uttered, awed by the sheer strength of his body. He’d been toned back in high school, but now hard muscle sculpted a ladder up his abdomen, and his broad chest tensed with sheer power. She laid her hands against his tanned skin, sliding them down the front of his body, taking in every bend and curve.
His eyes closed as though he had to gather himself, then he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, more slowly this time, savoring. His lips held their own power, prying her open—not only her mouth but also her heart, bringing her back to that place when she’d trusted him fully, when she’d given him every part of her.
His lips inched back from hers, but his eyes didn’t let her go. “Tell me what you want,” he said, low and hoarse.
“I want you to make love to me.” She wanted him to remind her what it meant to be cherished. She’d forgotten. It had been years since she’d been with him, since her body had ached in this tantalizing desperation. They were both different people now—both broken in so many ways, both searching for wholeness. She felt that need as strong in him as she did within herself.
“Say it again,” he said with a tempting grin, already working his way down the buttons on her shirt.
God, just the feel of his fingers grazing her collarbone made her legs clench tight. “I want you to make love to me, Lucas Cortez.” Her voice had gone husky. “I want you to tear off all my clothes, lay me down on that couch, and bury yourself inside of me.” She stared at Lucas, wide-eyed. Wow! She might be out of practice, but she could still talk with the best of ’em.
“With pleasure.” The raise of his eyes promised plenty of that. His breath seemed to hitch as he undid the last button on her shirt and slid it off her shoulders. His gaze fell to her bra. It definitely wasn’t one of her best—boring old white, hardly any lace. But it wasn’t like she’d been planning on sleeping with anyone. That wasn’t exactly part of her daily schedule. Or even monthly schedule…
“You are so sexy,” he growled, cupping her breasts, his eyes fixating on the bra as if it were one of those hot little numbers a woman wore to seduce a man. Which was sweet, considering it was clearly a mom bra.
Kissing her cheek, then her neck, he reached his arms around her back and popped the clasp, sliding his hands around her rib cage and up underneath the bra.
A gasp hit her in the lungs as his fingers scraped her nipples.
“Your body is so damn perfect,” he said, dragging the bra straps down her shoulders until he could pull it off.
A self-conscious shudder rattled her shoulders as she stood bare before him. Her body had changed since he’d seen her last. She’d developed quite the chocolate habit, and she’d had a baby…
“You’re even more beautiful,” Lucas murmured, as if he’d heard her worries. Lowering his head to her breast, he dragged his tongue to her nipple and covered it with his hot mouth, melting her from the inside out.
“This is so much better than Starz.” The words trembled through her lips.
Lucas laughed against her skin. “I’ll do a hell of a lot more for you than Starz ever could,” he promised. Taking her face in his hands he drew her lips to his, kissing her with that soft, bone-melting heat. “I want you so bad I’m in pain,” he groaned.
“I can help with that.” She ripped open the button fly of his jeans, freeing the impressive erection his boxer shorts couldn’t contain. The feel of him throbbing in her hands submerged her in the depths of passion.
Lucas’s shoulders caved as though he couldn’t hold himself upright. Desire darkened his eyes as they stared into hers. Working on the button of her jeans, he urged her backward toward the couch and lowered her to the cushions. He pulled his body over hers and she shoved his jeans down over his hips. Just as he went to work on hers, her back left pocket started to vibrate.
Naomi froze underneath him. “Oh God. My phone.”
“Ignore it,” Lucas murmured, kissing his way down her chest again.
“I can’t.” She was a mom. She never had the luxury of ignoring her phone. She wriggled until she could reach it.
Lucas rolled onto his side. “Who is it?” he asked, tracing a finger over her breast.
“Jessa.” Which meant something was wrong. Pushing away from him, she sat upright on the couch and cleared the impassioned wheeze out of her throat before swiping the screen. “Hello?”
“Hey, girl,” Jessa said with a worried undertone. “I’m so sorry to call, but Gracie threw up.”
Her shoulders dropped. “Oh no. I’m sorry.” Jessa and Lance didn’t have kids. The last thing they needed to deal with was throw-up.
“It’s no problem,” her friend assured her. “I wouldn’t have even called except she’s still not feeling well and she’s asking for you.”
“I’ll be right there.” Naomi scrambled to stand and put herself back together.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” Lucas asked, already by her side.
“Is that Lucas?” Jessa asked with a horrified gasp. “Is he still with you?” She didn’t give Naomi a chance to answer. “Oh no! I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have called. Forget I called. Okay?” she pleaded. “Lance and I have got this. We’ll take care of her. You two just carry on, and—”
“I can’t forget,” Naomi interrupted, regret sinking her heart. What had she been thinking? She hadn’t. That was the problem when she was with Lucas. She couldn’t think straight. And while she was here pretending to be a free and clear woman, Gracie was at someone else’s house throwing up and miserable. “I’ll be there in a few minutes,” she told Jessa before hanging up the phone.
“Everything all right?” Lucas had already dressed, as though anticipating he’d have to run out and save the day.
“Gracie threw up.” She avoided his eyes as she buttoned her jeans and slipped her bra and shirt back on.
“Poor girl.” He walked to the door and opened it, waiting as if he wanted to go with her. “I’ll help you bring her home.”
Heartache spilled through her. If she needed a reminder of why she hadn’t dated, why she hadn’t slept with a man since before Gracie was born, there she had it. “It’s okay. You don’t have to come,” she said carefu
lly, though Lucas wasn’t clueless. The sad draw of his mouth proved he’d heard what she hadn’t said.
“I don’t want her to know we were together.” Things would be confusing enough once she introduced Mark into the picture.
“It’s okay for you to do things for yourself once in a while.” He strode over to her. “You shouldn’t feel guilty for letting yourself enjoy the moment.”
She couldn’t help it. All these years, she’d worked so hard to be everything Gracie needed her to be. She’d had to be as good as two parents all on her own—always there, always available. There was a constant pressure to make sure her daughter never missed out on anything. Now she didn’t know how to let go of that.
“Maybe it’s better,” she said, scooting past him and out the front door.
“What the hell does that mean?” He chased her down and stood in front of her.
“Just that I have no idea where this would go anyway.” What good would sex do for either one of them? Besides the instant physical gratification.
Lucas studied her as though trying to figure out what was going on. “Ten minutes ago you asked me to make love to you.”
“Obviously that was a bad idea. You’re leaving,” she pointed out. “And I can’t. I just bought a house.”
He seemed to know better than to argue.
“Besides that, I have to deal with Mark.” She couldn’t let her emotions take over all the time. “My daughter needs me to be fully present.”
“Your daughter needs you to live, too,” he shot back. “She needs to see you taking risks and making the most of every opportunity life throws at you so she will, too.”
The words wrecked her defenses.
As if intent on finishing the job, he swept his hand down her arm. “You’re right. I don’t have it all figured out. I don’t know where this’ll go. But I’m not afraid to find out. You might be. But I’m not.”
He leaned down and kissed her on the lips, then turned around and left.
Chapter Twelve
You sure Harlan Wellington is gonna be okay with this?” Lance turned off the highway and onto the dirt road that cut through the flat grasslands outside of Casper, Wyoming.
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