Counting on a Cowboy

by Debra Clopton

  And it was as much her fault as it was the drunk who’d plowed into them.

  How she relived that night day after day . . . if she’d not been angry at her husband, if she’d just kept her mouth shut . . . Landon would have had his eyes on the road and not her. He would have seen that the oncoming truck wasn’t acting right. He would have been able to react.

  Instead he’d been glaring at her in disbelief, unable to believe she’d just told him she wasn’t sure she wanted children after all.

  And now Abby lived with the knowledge that this was as much her fault as it was the drunk driver’s. Sunday was never a good day. She’d hoped, been determined, that coming to Wishing Springs somehow would help, but it had been a disaster from the beginning.

  The wreck, meeting Bo, and feeling the strong flutters of attraction had thrown her off balance, but then finding Levi . . . the precious boy had wrapped his little fingers around her heart and now she was at risk of losing another baby. Just as she’d worried the moment she’d seen him standing in his playpen red in the face from crying that first morning.

  Looking down the road, her heart beating dully in her chest, she turned her car toward Wishing Springs instead of Bo’s ranch. Her spirits heavy, she knew she had no right to feel the joy that she’d felt in the last couple of days.

  Abby was thankful on Monday when the moving truck drove up at eight a.m. She’d never been so relieved to see her things in all her life.

  She needed this. Needed the unpacking, needed something to help her out of the funk she was in.

  By Wednesday she had made some progress in the unpacking and she’d talked herself off the ledge. And had climbed out of the feel-sorry-for-me hole she’d fallen into. She was functioning at least.

  Maybe one day she’d actually be living again.

  The knock on the door Wednesday startled her.

  Her heart lurched into her throat . . . she pulled open the door and realized as she did that despite everything, she was hoping it was Bo.

  “Abby, we are sorry and finally had to come say so,” Clara Lyn said, busting into the room the instant the door was cracked. “We came to apologize for making your life hard. If there is any blame to be had, it’s mine.”

  “I’m responsible too,” Reba declared, filing past her into the house with Clara Lyn. “I should have kept Clara Lyn in line, but I didn’t. And for that I’m truly, deeply sorry.”

  Clara Lyn shot her friend a glare. “You keep me in line? Ha.”

  “Girls, there is no need to fuss. You were both responsible,” Pebble said, looking primly at Abby as she stood on the threshold beside her. “They just jump in with both feet sometimes. So, if you are still upset with them, it is completely understandable. Completely.”

  Abby stared from one to the other and then she inhaled and her heart started beating again. “I didn’t mean to be a bad sport. It ended up being fine. Really. I was upset at being ambushed and auctioned off. But in the end it was a very enjoyable day.” She didn’t add until Bo got all huffy and strutted off after firing me.

  Clara Lyn’s forehead crinkled. “Really? But if you’re not mad, then why have you been holed up here all week?”

  Abby rubbed the tension from between her eyes. Getting pushed from hiding was a good thing, she reminded herself. These ladies were part of why she’d come.

  “Did you have a fight with Bo?” Clara Lyn asked.

  “How did you know that?”

  The older lady waved her hand, and the colorful rock bracelet rattled against the gold bangles. “Bah, if you’ve been around people as much as I have, you get a sense. But I sure missed it where the auction was concerned.” She glanced at Pebble. “I only just figured out that you had been through a heartbreak that might make you not want to be matched up with a fella. I’m so sorry.”

  Abby shifted her gaze to Pebble. Had she told them?

  Pebble’s gaze softened and she gave a slight shake of her head. “She figured it out on her own.”

  “It’s okay,” Abby sighed. “It’s not something I meant to hide.”

  “You’re too young to be a widow.” Reba shook her head, too, and Abby wanted to shake hers along with her.

  “I am. But I guess that’s not something anyone gets to choose.” She wanted the conversation to end. “It could be anyone and it was me.” Abby knew it was true. Why not her? But deep down she knew it was so much more than losing her sweet husband and lifelong best friend. “Really, I’m fine.” It was her tried and true answer.

  They all studied her quietly for a moment, then Clara Lyn took over. “Well, we hope so. We came by to abduct you this time instead of ambushing you. We’re going to lunch. Getting you out of this house.”

  Unable to resist, she’d let them sweep her off to lunch and when they arrived back at her house almost two hours later her nosey friends had cheered her up some despite their prodding and pulling trying to get info from her. They’d barely driven off before to her surprise Bo rolled into her driveway.

  Her pulse kicked in—and those stinking butterflies began winging their way around inside of her as he sauntered up the drive from where he left his truck at the curb. He snapped his Stetson from his head. Her heart—drat it—was thumping erratically when he halted in front of her.

  She’d missed him.

  “Hi, Abby.”

  “Bo,” she said. Her mouth went dry and her heart jumped in her chest. And there it was, the knowledge that denying she’d missed him was useless. Even if he had been out of line at the picnic the distance they’d had for the last few days at least had kept her from having these unwanted feelings. She wanted distance.

  She didn’t want to feel this attraction that he stirred inside of her, the heat that hummed through her just looking at him.

  Didn’t want thoughts of him elbowing their way into her thoughts day and . . . night.

  “I came to apologize.”

  “Bo, I don’t need you trying to tell me how to run my life. I barely know you.”

  He stiffened. “Abby, I’m apologizing for acting like a jerk. But I’m not apologizing for being upset that you were over there dealing with Rand when you should have called me. That was irresponsible, dealing with something like that all by yourself.”

  Irresponsible. Her mouth dropped open and the heat turned explosive. True, the most reasonable plan of action might have been to call in help, and where alcohol was concerned, she wasn’t reasonable. But to call her irresponsible—“I did what needed to be done. What I felt was the right thing to do.”

  His jaw tensed. Abby figured he was probably about to break his molars gritting down on them so hard.

  “You’re driving me crazy—you know that, don’t you?”

  “You’re driving me crazy.” Abby hiked her chin and glared at him. “You might as well go ahead and leave if you think I’m going to apologize for not meeting your requirement for saneness.” She turned away from him and inserted her key into her lock. Her fingers trembled.

  “Abby, wait.” His hand on her arm sent a shiver of awareness crashing through her.

  She bit down on her lip and tried to still the erratic pounding in her heart.

  “I was just concerned for you,” he said, his tone as smooth as butter. She felt him as he moved closer and gently turned her to face him. She was unable to stop herself from following his lead. Great—she could snap all she wanted but with him this close . . . and suddenly finding him looking into her eyes from only a breath away—Abby trembled. Shame washed over her at these feelings, but she was unable to stop them . . .

  Breathless. Irrational.

  He lifted his hand to her face and gently, ever so slowly, he traced the line of her jaw with the backs of his fingertips. His blue eyes raged with emotion like swirling seas as his hand slipped from her jaw to gently cup the back of her neck. The warmth of his fingers sent heat spiraling through her, the need that suddenly curled inside of her as she realized he was going to kiss her.

  “No,” s
he said, shaking her head with horror at her reaction to him. How could she? “Don’t,” she ground out, as remorse swamped her. “This isn’t right.” It was oh so very wrong. Landon had only been gone two years. Her heart was his. Always would be . . . dear Lord, how could she let these kinds of feelings affect her?

  “Why?”

  It was a simple enough question—a single word, and no way could she explain what was going on inside her thoughts. “Because I’m not ready to have a relationship. And, and because we wouldn’t be a match even if I was.”

  He’d stepped back giving her room but the small distance wasn’t helping her thoughts unmuddle.

  “Abby, didn’t you say it’s been two years?”

  “So now you’re putting a time limit on my emotions?”

  “No. Not at all, that came out sounding callous. That’s not what I meant. Didn’t you tell me you came to Wishing Springs to move forward?”

  “Yes. But Bo, I’m never getting remarried, so there is no reason for me to . . . to do this.”

  “This?”

  “This, this—” She impatiently dangled a finger from him to her. He knew what she was talking about, saw it dawn in his eyes. “I have no desire to have a relationship, to kiss a man. I-I love Landon. If you think there will be more, you’re wrong. I was just helping you out with Levi. I’m here to try and move on with my life, but I can’t do—this.” There she’d said it. Her heart was irrevocably wounded, like a crater burned deep and wide from a meteorite and now empty because the meteorite had disintegrated. Her heart couldn’t take losing anyone she loved ever again or it would turn to dust . . . and even if it could, she didn’t have the will to test it. These emotions and feelings swamping her were merely because she missed Landon’s touch so very, very much.

  Yes, that was it. That was exactly it. Relief calmed the guilt threatening to swallow her.

  When you missed someone as much as she missed Landon, then it would be easy to be vulnerable . . . it would.

  Call him a jerk, but Bo didn’t like knowing Abby was writing herself off ever loving again. It was wrong—-that emotion grabbed him around the heart.

  He’d almost kissed her and it had taken everything he had not to. The only reason he hadn’t was because she’d let him know she didn’t want to kiss him.

  A little over a week ago he wasn’t interested in anything to do with a serious relationship. But now, staring at Abby, he knew things had changed for him. No one had ever affected him like Abby did. The thought of her never loving again just didn’t sit well with him. “Abby, there is nothing wrong with deciding marriage isn’t for you again. That’s your business. But to just give up—I can’t stand the idea that you’re closing the door to your heart.”

  Her front porch didn’t feel like the right place to have this conversation, however Bo wasn’t letting her go until they’d made some progress. Since he’d met Abby in the dark on the road in front of his ranch things had changed for him at the speed of light. Abby had drawn him from the first moment. Sure she was beautiful, but there was something about her that pulled him in. Drew him like a bee to pollen. And he knew absolutely that he wasn’t ready for “this,” as she’d called it, to end. He wanted to explore it slowly, take care with it, and see where it could go. He wasn’t walking away again.

  He didn’t plan on using her to babysit again either. He’d learned that he could survive with Levi in the last few days, so he wasn’t desperate any longer. He’d reached out to Peg and Lana at Over the Rainbow and run into Clara Lyn at the grocery store. He’d had plenty of offers of help and advice. But he wasn’t giving up on Abby. He wanted to see inside that beautiful head of hers and know what made her tick. What made her smile. And he wanted to do whatever it took to see more of those smiles. They were unbelievable. He knew that she’d been through tragedy and was surviving and he knew that she had a heart that was kind and good and nothing he did could get her off his mind.

  Looking at her now though, she wasn’t smiling. She looked distant and looked as if she’d stepped behind an invisible barrier. “Bo, sometimes it’s the only choice to make. I need to go in.”

  “So you’re not going to invite me in.” He gave her a smile, determined not to be so easily sent away. He did not want to walk away right now.

  “Under the circumstances I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  To resist the need to reach for her, he crossed his arms. “Let’s start over, Abby. No way to get around it, I like you. You’re a good, kind, and compassionate woman. And despite the fact that we have differing views I’m not willing to let go of our budding friendship. I don’t know, maybe it has nothing to do with “this” as you’ve called it. But I know I value your friendship and I hate thinking that you’re going to push me away because there is a possibility that there could be something more between us.”

  She moistened her lips. He could read indecision in her expression. He’d just muddled this more.

  “We’ll probably just fight again,” she said, a hint of a smile turning up the corners of her lips.

  “Makes friendship interesting. Friends don’t need to agree on everything.” Bo’s gut turned over thinking she might still tell him to hit the road. He wasn’t above using every card in his deck to stop that from happening.

  “Maggie’s watching Levi while she’s home and loving it. And that’s another reason I came by. I wanted to invite you to dinner on Friday.” He didn’t want to let her close the door between them and he knew she would want to meet his sister-in-law. “Maggie and Tru are home and they’d love to meet you. And Pops has been asking about you and Levi would be overjoyed to see you.”

  “Bo—”

  “You know you want to meet Maggie. Her column is why you uprooted your life.” He saw the truth in her eyes and knew she wanted to. He grinned and felt his dimple show up and for the first time in his adult life, he hoped his dimpled grin softened her up.

  “Okay. I’d love to come to dinner at your house with you and your family. If it’s not too much trouble. But Bo, this is not a date. It’s me coming to dinner to meet Maggie. And that’s that.”

  “Great. I’ll come pick you up—but it’s not a date. Got that.”

  “I have a car—”

  “Yes, you do, but it’ll be dark after you leave and I’ll just not feel right about you getting home safe. I’ll pick you up.”

  “Okay, fine. Thank you.”

  He gave her an easy smile, holding back his enthusiasm so as not to push her away again. But he didn’t care what she called it. He called it success by baby steps. He’d kept the door open and if he got his way, Friday night he’d open it a little wider. It wasn’t just about the fact that he wanted to get to know her better. He felt with every fiber of his being that Abby needed help herself. And he planned to give it to her.

  One step at a time.

  19

  “Mom, things are fine. Stop worrying.”

  When Abby’s phone rang she’d been sitting outside the newspaper office thinking about going in and applying for the job there, but she hadn’t been able to. For one, Rand would probably have asked her to leave—or slammed the door in her face. And then there was Levi. Who was taking care of Levi?

  Now she was sitting in her car listening to the worry in her mother’s voice and wishing she could get her point across. “You’ve got to let me move on. And that means stop pushing for me to revert to the way things were. They aren’t and never will be the same.” It was the same old thing from the moment her mother had started talking.

  “I just thought given a few days, you’d come to your senses.”

  What was it lately with people telling her she didn’t know what she was doing? “Mom, stop. I have not lost my senses. I lost Landon. And Landon is not coming back. And if you continue on with this, this negative attitude, I’m going to have to draw away from you.”

  Abby hated to say this. But she was determined to either fix this between them or distance herself. She couldn’t c
ontinue with the attitude. It was as if her mother had ignored their previous conversation altogether.

  “Abby, I’m just doing what any mother who cares about her child would do. I care about you. I love you—”

  “I know you care for me. But if you love me then wish me the best in this new life I’m being forced to navigate. Pray for me to find happiness here in the midst of change. Change that isn’t easy for me. It’s not easy for you either as my mom and I recognize that. But I can’t keep having you insult my decisions.”

  “Abby, I can’t believe you’re saying this. I just believe you’re wrong and that being here would be better for you.”

  “Mom,” Abby sighed, rubbing her temple and feeling suddenly weary. “If I was getting into drugs, or drinking too much, or going off the deep end where men were concerned, I’d get that you should be trying to stop me. I’d want you to stick to your guns and try and shake some sense into me. But I’m doing none of that. I’m just trying to simplify my life. To find a place that makes sense to me and as much as you hate the thought of that, I’m the only one who can figure this part out, Mom.” Abby just wanted her mother and her friends to accept that things were never going to be like they were.

  “I was only trying to help.”

  Abby heard hesitancy in her mother’s voice and hope flared inside of her. Was she going to let it go? “I know. But now you could help by letting it go. Just be my friend right now, Mom. Support me and tell my friends to support my decision.”

  She would have loved to have been able to call and tell about the unexpected events of her first week in Wishing Springs—about the wreck, about Levi . . . about Bo. No, not about Bo. Her mother had been through a lot in her life and Abby loved and respected her very much.

  There was silence on the other end of the line.

  Then her mother asked, “So, what are you doing right now?”

  Abby’s eyes misted with the hope that they’d just taken a step in the right direction. She smiled, trying to form the next words. “I’m about to go to the grocery store.” No need telling her she’d almost gone into the newspaper office and applied for a reception job. She wasn’t going to, so she just moved on to the next item on her agenda.