“Thanks, Susan.”
I made my way out of the storage room and was able to see a bit better once I was at the reception desk. Boggs and Nathan were playing a hand of cards by candlelight.
“Hey guys,” I said quietly, not wanting to wake those who were still sleeping in the back room.
“Hey Zoe,” said Boggs. “You ok?”
“Yup. Gus woke up. I just need to pee.”
Susan walked up behind me. “Nate, do you mind checking in on him?”
Nathan stood up. “My pleasure, Susan.”
“Zoe when you’re done come finish Nathan’s hand?” suggested Boggs.
I looked at Nate, who winked at me. “Gus will be fine. Take a break.”
“Ok.”
I walked to the bathroom, and left the door open so I could see by the candlelight from the lobby. While I sat on the toilet, I pulled my t-shirt up to look at my belly. My skin was stretched tight. The green streaks had darkened and were nearly to my breasts. On both sides of my belly button, it actually looked bruised and was tender to touch. The baby had been kicking me hard right there when the horde had passed through in the alley. I wondered if it could have actually bruised me. I was only about three months pregnant. Deep down I knew it wouldn’t be long before something would change, and the fate of my baby would be known.
I finished relieving myself, and then stood and faced the mirror. I wasn’t able to see the right side of my face, which was hidden in shadows, but what I could see looked like a much older woman. Perhaps it was due to the lighting, but I knew deep down that it was a result of life in a zombie plague. Walking out of the bathroom, I walked to where Boggs was sitting and joined him. He and Nate had set up two of the lobby seats facing each other with an end table in the middle.
“Want to play a game of cards?” he asked me.
“Nah. Maybe we can just sit and talk?”
“Sure.”
Boggs stood and walked over to me, settling in behind me. He put his hands on my shoulders and began massaging. Almost every muscle in my body relaxed at once.
“Feel good?”
“Mm Hmm.”
He continued kneading and I slumped down in my seat a bit.
“I’m so tired of running,” I whispered.
“I know. We all are.” He took a moment to rub gently behind my ears and sighed. “Someday we’ll find somewhere safe. We have to keep believing that.”
“I think the baby’s coming soon,” I said randomly.
Boggs stopped rubbing and walked around to face me. He sat down on the end table that was set up for card playing and took my hands in his.
“What makes you say that?”
I looked down at my swollen belly and tugged at the bottom of my t-shirt before looking back up at Boggs. “I’m not sure exactly. It’s just a hunch. I know I’m not that far along, but look how big I am, Boggs. The baby bruised me yesterday when the last horde came through. I was at the back door and it’s like it could sense them. She went crazy in there then stopped as soon as they passed.”
“She?”
“Huh?”
“You called the baby ‘she.’”
I shrugged. “Or he.”
“We’ll just take things as they happen.”
I nodded in agreement, and then yawned.
“Gus is asleep,” said Susan, interrupting up.
“Is he ok?” I asked.
“Nathan says he looks good overall. He gave him some pain medication through the IV, though. Says he’ll be out for a while.”
“That’s good,” said Boggs. “I’m sure he needs it.”
“The girls are just getting up, and Nathan and I are going to organize our supplies. You two should go sleep for a bit.”
“Are Linus and Agnes still asleep?”
“No. They’re going to come help us in here. Everyone woke up when Nate was tending to Gus.”
I yawned again. I felt bad going back to sleep, especially since Nathan must be exhausted.
“Maybe I should stay up and Nathan can sleep.”
Susan shook her head. “You need the extra sleep, Zoe. And Nathan isn’t ready to leave us alone with Linus, just in case.”
“Seems logical to me,” added Boggs. “I’ll just catch a few hours and then take over for Nate.”
I stood, rather awkwardly, and gave Susan a quick hug. Boggs took my hand in his and led me to the back room. The girls passed us on the way and I ruffled Jane’s messy red hair. Linus and Agnes were just getting up when we entered the storage room. Nathan had a battery powered camping lantern turned on low and was adjusting Gus’ IV lines and bags.
“Hey guys,” he whispered. “I just hung another antibiotic, and the main bag of fluids should last for several hours. Gus is gonna be out for a while. Go ahead and get some sleep.”
“Thanks, brother. Wake me in two or three hours and I’ll spell you,” said Boggs.
“I won’t argue with that request,” he said with a cheesy grin.
Nate left the room, taking his flashlight with him.
“Looks like we’re alone,” mumbled Boggs.
“Gus is here,” I reminded him.
“Ya but he’s out.”
The moonlight was streaming in from the windows, making Boggs’ face look unusually pale. He pulled his tank top off. I reached up and touched the scar on his neck. He closed his eyes, lost in my touch.
“It’s green, Boggs.”
“I know.”
“Can you hear them too?” He hadn’t given any indication that he could hear the dead within his mind, as I could.
“No. Nothing.”
“Good, because it’s terrible.”
“Sometimes I get angry. Really angry.”
“Like when you hit me?”
“That was one time.” He opened his eyes, and I could see them welling with tears. “Sometimes it’s hard to control. Really hard.”
“Let’s go to bed.” I didn’t want to talk about that horrible day. I didn’t want to think about the what-ifs or the what-will-bes.
Boggs hung his head, and then slipped out of his camouflage pants. I took my own pants off. They had grown uncomfortably tight around the waist. Boggs stood before me and pulled my t-shirt up, placing a hand gently over our baby. We stood forehead to forehead for a moment, in silence, and then climbed onto the air mattress on the floor. We settled in under the cover, me with my back to him. Boggs wrapped an arm around me and rested his head near my own.
“Zoe, I’m so sorry our lives are like this. I never would have wanted this for you – for us.”
His hand reached around to my belly again, and as it moved down toward more sensitive areas I tensed.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“We can’t, Boggs, Gus is in the room.”
“He’s out cold. It’s fine.”
Boggs and I hadn’t made love since I’d been with Gus. My heart was still torn between the two, which I had just recently begun to realize.
“I can wait, Zoe, until you’re ready.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “There’s just so many things that have changed.”
“I know, and I know a lot of that is my fault. Is it ok if I just hold you?”
I nodded, and then rolled over to face him. I snuggled close to his chest and let him hold me in his arms.
“I miss Emilie,” I mumbled into his chest.
“Me too. She was full of fire, wasn’t she?”
“Ya.” I wanted to cry and mourn her loss, but didn’t have the energy.
“Zoe, I need to ask you something.”
“Ok.” I was so tired, but became very aware of when his body tensed.
“Did you sleep with him?”
My own body tensed and my skin went cold as ice. I wasn’t sure what to say. After a moment I finally found my voice.
“Who?”
“You know who I mean. Gus.”
I took a deep breath. “Why are you asking me this?”
“I
’ve seen how you two are together. It was just a hunch.”
I didn’t answer.
“I take it by your reaction that the answer is yes?” He sounded like he was angry but trying not to lose his cool.
I scooted away in order to look at his face.
“Why?” he asked. His eyes were full of deep hurt. “Why’d you do it?”
“That day in the house in Concrete, when you grabbed my arms and hit me. Gus was there, and something was between us. I can’t explain it, Boggs. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I swear it.”
He rolled onto his back and folded his arms across his bare chest. His silence was deafening.
“I’m so sorry, Boggs.”
His voice was broken. “Not as sorry as me, Zo. Not as sorry as me.” He stood up and put his clothes back on.
“Where are you going?”
“I need some space. Hurting you or him, or both, is all I want to do right now.” He seemed to grow even tenser and more filled with anger with each passing second.
“Please, stay and talk to me?”
“Leave it be. I’ve hit you once and I don’t want to again.” His voice was strained.
My insides were twisting and his words stung to the core. I couldn’t blame him for being angry, though. Gus and I had done the unforgivable. I watched him walk away, his footfalls heavy with anger. Still unable to cry over Emilie or anything else, I curled up on my side and wrapped an arm over my belly. I listened to the sounds from the lobby. I could hear Boggs’ voice, loud and irritated, and Nathan trying to calm him down. Someone slammed something down on a table or counter. I heard Susan say something like ‘you knew?’ and within minutes everything got even louder. I stood shakily and made my way to the lobby. Abbey and Jane passed me. Abbey was holding Jane’s hand and urging her forward. They both looked frightened.
Nathan was talking to Boggs in a very stern tone. “You can’t just go out there, man. You know that’s stupid.”
“Leave me be, Nate. I need to be alone.” Boggs’ voice was full of venom. He was standing near the hallway that led to the back door, his fists clenched.
“Boggs, you’re not going outside?” I asked in disbelief.
“Shut up, Zoe,” he spat the words at me. “Just shut up.”
“C’mon, Boggs. Just stop for a sec. You know going out there alone is suicide,” urged Nathan.
“Just back off,” yelled Boggs. I hadn’t seen him this angry since the day I chose to face a zombie alone, risking my life and that of our baby.
“Adam, stop it,” said Susan.
“Fuck you, Susan. You’re just another bitch whose screwed me over before.”
“Hey, uncalled for, Bro,” said Nathan, who was getting just as worked up as Boggs.
My best friend and the father of my unborn child hit the wall beside him hard with a fist, leaving a hole in the drywall.
“Boggs!” I yelled.
“What the hell’s going on in here?” I turned around and saw Gus walking slowly toward me. His voice was strained with pain. He must have disconnected his own IV line.
“What the hell’s going on in here?” repeated Boggs in a mocking tone. “What the hell do you think is going on in here? You fucked my girl is ‘what the fuck is going on in here!’”
The room fell eerily silent, aside from the sound of little Jane crying in the back room.
Agnes worked her way past me and Gus, I assumed to sit with the girls. Susan followed her.
“I don’t think this is the best place to discuss this,” said Gus in his deep voice. “You’re upsetting the little ones.”
“Fuck you, Gus,” spat Boggs. “If you weren’t hurt I swear to God I’d beat your ass senseless right now.”
I heard Gus sigh and could feel his presence close behind me. Boggs slammed his fist against the wall once more, not hard but as a show of some sort. He shook his head slowly side to side. “You fucked my pregnant girlfriend,” he whispered. “Christ, classy.” He turned and walked down the hall.
“I’m going with him,” said Nate. “I’ll come back once I get him safe and settled down.”
Gus took a deep breath. “Thanks, brother.”
“Let me come with,” said Linus.
Nathan looked at the younger man and nodded. “Bring your gun.”
I felt Gus rest his hands on my shoulders as Nathan and Linus followed Boggs down the hall.
“Someone has to lock the door,” I said, unable to find any emotion to add to my voice.
“Zoe,” whispered Gus. “What happened, darlin’?”
“He asked if I slept with you.”
“And you told him?” he asked, his tone disbelieving and slightly scolding.
I turned around to face the cowboy who had only been in my life for a few months. I looked up into his eyes. “I had to.”
I jumped slightly when the back door slammed shut. I turned and walked down the hall. I opened the door and looked outside. The three men were walking down the alley. I could sense the dead nearby. I watched until they disappeared around the corner, and then shut the door gently and engaged the deadbolt. I leaned against the door and closed my eyes.
Eventually I forced myself to stand upright and walk back to the lobby. Gus was sitting in one of the padded chairs and I walked toward him.
“Mind if I sit?”
“Please do. We should talk, Zoe.”
I sat beside him and leaned back in my chair. “Pretty big mess, huh?”
“Ayup. I’m mostly worried about you, though.”
“You should worry about yourself, Gus. How are you feeling?”
“I think I’ll live. It hurts like a son of a bitch, but I think Nathan got antibiotics into me in time.”
“I never meant to hurt him,” I said, changing the subject back to Boggs.
“You weren’t alone in what we did.” He reached a hand out to me, and I took it into my own. “We’ll all get through this.”
I nodded, but had my doubts.
CHAPTER 12
Susan was far from happy with me and Gus, understandably. Still, her cold shoulder toward me was starting to grow old. It had been hours since Boggs had left, followed by Linus and Nathan. I knew she was angry that Nathan and Boggs were both in danger because of what Gus and I had done. I had tried to apologize to the girls, but Susan was adamant that I not talk to them until she figured out how to explain to them what was going on. She was their primary caregiver now and I had to respect that.
Eventually Gus grew tired, so I helped him walk to the storage room.
“I remade Gus’ bed,” said Agnes.
“Thank you kindly,” he replied.
“Gus, this is Agnes. We found her and her brother, Linus, in the sporting goods store across the alley.”
“Nice to meet you, Agnes. Sorry it’s under these circumstances.”
She shrugged. “I just hope my brother’s ok out there helping your friends.”
“Ok, girls, let’s go out to the front lobby and let Gus rest,” said Susan.
She and Agnes left the room, led by Jane and Abbey.
“I need to lay down, Zoe.”
“Can I get you anything?”
“Just sleep. Unless you know what Nathan’s been giving me? I’m probably due for more antibiotics.”
“Ya, something called Cephalexin. I know he set it all up on the counter.”
He motioned toward the operating room doors with a tip of his head. “What’s back there?”
“A surgical room. It might still stink, though. Nate and Boggs and I cleared out a dead dog before we brought you over from the smoke shop. It was horrible, Gus.” I felt goose bumps rising on my arms as I thought about large dog. “It was dead, but it snapped at Nathan when we went to move it.”
“You mean it was alive?”
“It was one of them…the living dead.”
“Shit.” He shuffled toward the double doors. “I want to take a look, ok?”
“Sure.”
I walked with
him. Once inside the room, it smelled more like bleach than death. Gus looked around intently. I stayed near the doors and just watched him. He stopped near the center of the floor that housed the drain, and before I realized what he was doing I heard the sound of his urine stream, followed by a sigh of relief.
“You did not just do that,” I said.
He tucked himself into his pants before turning toward me. He smiled and winked at me. “Much better. When I’m a little steadier on my feet I’ll look for supplies.”
“What for?”
“Birthing that baby of yours. Let’s get back to the other room. It’s cold in here.”
He wrapped an arm around me and we went back to the counter where Nathan had set out supplies. Gus looked at a few different syringes that had been labeled, as well as a small IV bag that had an empty syringe and two small vials sitting beside it.
“I’m going to mix up the antibiotics and get them going. Do me a favor?”
“Anything.”
“If I fall asleep, wake me up when the bag is almost empty. Maybe half an hour.”
“You need to sleep.”
“Ok. I’ll teach you what to do, but if you need help wake me up.”
“Do you know where Nate got the IV supplies?”
“In one of those drawers by your knees.”
“I need to restart the line. Can you bring a chair or stool over?”
I walked to the other side of the room where I recalled seeing a rolling stool. I brought it back with a few squeaks of its wheels and placed it near Gus. He had set several items out on the counter.
“Ok, darlin’, I need you to tie this rubber strip around my left arm, above my elbow. Make it tight.”
I took hold of a wide rubber strip and eventually produced a slip knot as he instructed. He rubbed his skin down with what smelled like rubbing alcohol, and then used his free hand and his mouth to uncap a very large looking needle. I flinched when he punctured his own skin and threaded it into his vein.
“Ok, go ahead and untie the tourniquet?”
I did as asked while he held the IV in place. Before long he had it taped up and secured. He walked me through the steps of attaching the tubing that would feed the antibiotic solution in, explaining that connecting the tubes would be difficult one-handed. Before long he was lying on the air mattress.
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