Dark Grace

by M. Lauryl Lewis

  “Ok, last step for now. There’s a syringe of morphine on the counter. It’s labeled. I want you to push half into the IV now, and the other half just before you disconnect the antibiotics. Follow it with the syringe labeled ‘flush.’”

  “What if I mess it up?”

  “You won’t. Just do like I showed you, ok? I’ll get pretty sleepy for a while.”

  I gathered the syringes from the counter and sat cross-legged on the air mattress beside Gus.

  “Try not to look so sad, Zoe. Things will work out.”

  “He’s so mad,” I whispered.

  “I’m sorry.” He reached up and cupped the side of my face in his palm.

  I tried to smile at him, but failed miserably. “You ready?” I held the syringe of morphine up.

  He nodded. “Remember, just half for now. I don’t want it to hit me too hard.”

  I wiped off a port of the IV tubing with an alcohol wipe, and then screwed the syringe on and slowly pushed in half of the liquid medication. As I was following it with the flush solution, I saw Gus’ face begin to relax.

  “You ok?”

  “Much better. Hey, how did Nathan know how to do all this stuff?”

  “He said when he was younger his brother had leukemia and he learned about IVs. The rest, well, I guess he was a drug addict when he was a teen living on the streets.”

  “We’re lucky to have him with us.”

  “Ya.”

  “These dressings need to get changed soon.”

  “I’ll get Susan. She did it last time so knows where the supplies are.”

  “Looks like what we need is on that shelf over there. Mind grabbing a few things? I’d rather just keep it you and me for now.”

  I carefully stood up and walked to the metal supply shelf. “Tell me what to grab?”

  “See those bottles of saline? Grab one of those. On the other end there’s some ‘a-b-d’ pads; grab three. And a roll of wide tape.”

  I gathered the items and returned back to the bed. “Anything else?”

  “Ya, a pair of gloves. There’s boxes of them on the counter. Also a towel or something.”

  “There’s towels in the cabinet by the operating room. Hang on a sec.”

  Within a couple of minutes I was back with the towels and gloves. Gus had worked at peeling his bandage off, but left it covering the wounds.

  “I’m not sure how bad it’s gonna look. You think you’ll be ok seeing this?”

  “Are you kidding? After all the crap we’ve seen and done? Piece of cake.”

  “Good girl.”

  He peeled the old dressing off, wincing as he did so. “Son of a bitch,” he groaned.

  “Gus, open your eyes,” I said. “Look.”

  He lifted his head, obviously in pain.

  “They’re healing. They were twice this big two days ago.”

  “Fuck me,” he said. “I remember.”

  “They’re green.”

  “So they are. Same shade as your hip and Boggs’ neck.” He sighed heavily.

  “What do you make of it?”

  “Either the pathogen is still in the environment, or I caught it from you.”

  “Boggs told me he’s had episodes of really bad anger, but can’t sense the dead like I can.”

  “The rate of healing is incredible,” he muttered.

  “Maybe it has something to do with how fast the baby’s growing?”

  “Could be. Ok, darlin’, I just need you to pour some of the saline on the wounds then cover them with the a-b-d pads, and then tape it down.”

  I put the thin towel from the cabinet on Gus’s side to collect spilled saline, and he turned toward me a bit to let gravity help. I poured the liquid onto both wounds and wiped away what I could without touching the injuries. The actual bandaging only took a couple of minutes. I looked up at the bag of antibiotics that was dripping into Gus’ bloodstream. It was empty.

  “Looks like it’s time for sleep.” I covered Gus with the sleeping bag that had been unzipped to use as a blanket. I pushed in the rest of the syringe of morphine, used the flush syringe, and then disconnected the main IV line. Gus was already falling asleep, his eyes heavy. I leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. “Sleep,” I whispered.

  ***

  Once I knew Gus had drifted off, I made my way to the lobby. Agnes and Susan were drawing with the girls, trying to pass time.

  “Gus is asleep,” I said.

  “Is he ok?” asked Abbey.

  “I think so, Abs. His wounds are healing faster than normal. I just changed his dressing, and gave him antibiotics and pain medication. He’s asleep now.”

  “Susan said you and Gus made Boggs mad,” chirped Jane.

  “Jane, shhh,” whispered Susan.

  “It’s ok. Gus and I did something and hurt Boggs’ feelings, Jane. Susan was right. We know it was wrong and we’re sorry.”

  “Can’t you just say sorry to Boggs?” asked the little red head.

  “I wish it was that easy, sweetie.”

  We all turned suddenly, hearing knocking on the back door. Susan was the first one up, followed by Agnes. They rushed to the end of the hall. The knocking came again, and I heard the door open.

  “Nate!” cried out Susan, her voice full of relief.

  “Agnes can you lock the door?” I heard Nathan ask.

  The three of them made their way back to the lobby, and I stood.

  “Is Boggs ok?” I asked.

  “He’s pissed, Zoe. But he’s safe. We found a furniture store about two blocks away. I think we should relocate. It’s a lot more comfortable there.”

  “What about Gus and all the medications and things he needs?” I asked.

  “Honestly, Zoe, I hate to say it but I think we better leave Gus here since Boggs is so pissed. We can check on him every six hours.”

  “Absolutely not,” I said firmly. “I will not leave him alone here.”

  “I can’t leave you here alone,” said Nathan.

  “Gus is here. We’ll be fine.” My cheeks felt like they were on fire. How could our ‘family’ be so ready to abandon us? “His wounds are healing fast. He showed me how to manage his IV and his bandage. We’ll be fine.”

  “I don’t like it, Zoe. Not at all,” said Nathan. “We need to all regroup, get some energy back, and move on. And as pissed as Boggs is, he’ll raise hell if I leave you here.”

  “I don’t care. He’s the one who walked out on me.”

  Nathan put his hands on his hips. “Susan, get the girls ready. I want to get them to the furniture store. It’s a lot more secure there. Zoe, I wish you’d change your mind.”

  “Not a chance.” I was livid.

  “I’ll come back and check on you as soon as I can; hopefully tonight,” promised Nathan.

  “We’ll be fine.”

  “Agnes, can you help pack the food? Leave enough for Gus and Zoe.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, above my swollen belly. Agnes got to work without a word. I’m sure the situation was beyond awkward for her. Within ten minutes, I watched as they all walked down the hall, toting full backpacks. Little Jane took up the rear. As she followed the others to the exit, she stopped suddenly. She turned and ran to me, wrapping her arms around me.

  “Zoe, please come with,” she whispered. She clung to me, and I hugged her back fiercely.

  “I’ll come find you guys in a couple days, sweetheart.” I kissed her on the cheek and turned her around and nudged her toward Susan. “Stay safe,” I whispered, probably not loud enough for anyone else to hear.

  CHAPTER 13

  After everyone was gone, I locked the back door and sat for a long while in the lobby, thinking. I was numb inside. My best friends were gone, and it was my fault. I watched my belly as my baby began moving about. I wondered what she looked like. What chances she had of living. I had begun thinking of her as a girl, ever since I had dreamt of Emilie holding the hand of the little girl with my face. I was feeling extremely hu
ge and awkward and I noticed my feet were beginning to swell.

  “Penny for your thoughts,” I heard Gus say sleepily.

  I looked up, surprised to see him awake already.

  “Just thinking about the baby,” I said quietly.

  “Where is everyone?”

  “They left.”

  I saw Gus tense. “What do you mean they left?”

  “Nathan said they found a furniture store about two blocks away. He wanted to gather us all there because it’s more comfortable, and he thinks more secure. Gus, he wanted to leave you here and just come back to do your antibiotics.”

  “You didn’t go with?” He was in front of me now, kneeling so he could look me in the eyes.

  I shook my head back and forth. “I told him I wouldn’t leave you.”

  He took my hands in his and sighed. “If it’s safer, you should go.”

  “No. I won’t leave you. I told Nate I’ll take care of your meds, and we’ll come and find them in the next day or two.”

  “I don’t like the group being split up.” He looked angry.

  “Me either.”

  “Did they at least leave us any supplies?”

  “Two guns, some food and water. Ammo. The air mattresses.”

  “We’ll be ok.”

  We both stood and went back to the storage room. I looked through the food Agnes had set aside for us and produced two granola bars, a sack of potato chips, and two bottles of water. I set up a picnic on one of the thin camping rolls that Linus and Agnes had used the night before. Gus said he felt up to sitting with me, but he still looked like he was in pain. I asked him if he wanted more morphine, but he refused to take anything that would make him drowsy since it was now just the two of us. He said he had to stay alert to help us survive.

  “There’s a package of beef jerky. Do you want a piece?” I asked.

  “Let’s get some sleep and save it for when we wake up.”

  “Can I sleep with you?” I asked.

  “Of course you can. I insist, in fact.”

  Gus got settled on his air mattress near the cabinet, and we went through the routine of the IV antibiotics one more time. It took the antibiotics about twenty minutes to finish dripping into Gus’ veins. Once the IV bag was empty, I disconnected the tubing and lay down beside him. I pulled the cover over us and we watched each other for several minutes.

  “What’s next?” I asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m not sure. Anything. Everything.”

  “We stay alive. We keep going.”

  “Will you promise me something?”

  “Name it.”

  “Don’t leave me.”

  He held his arms open and I scooted closer. I was careful to not press on his belly, knowing it would hurt. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes while he held me.

  “Never, Zoe. I’d never leave you.”

  His warmth felt right. It felt like home. I fell asleep listening to his breathing.

  ***

  I woke hungry. The type of hunger that only the dead feel. The unending need to devour living flesh and gorge on entrails and the core of bones. I clenched my fists and focused on breathing.

  “What’s wrong?” whispered Gus from beside me.

  “The dead are near. So many of them,” I moaned.

  I looked over. Gus was lying beside me, propped on one elbow. He ran his free hand over my hair.

  “You locked the back door, right?” he asked.

  I nodded. “Ya.”

  “Then let’s just stay quiet.”

  I focused on his eyes, delving into them. He kissed my forehead gently and held me close. Before long the moaning from Roamers was audible, their garbled groans fouling our ears and their desires littering my mind.

  “There’s so many,” I whispered against his bare chest.

  “Shhh. They’ll pass.”

  “Oh God, Gus, they’re eating. Some of them are eating,” I whimpered.

  I flinched in his arms when we heard a gunshot. It was followed by four more. The taste of human flesh filled my mind and I groaned.

  “Shhh, baby, shhh.”

  A last gunshot rang out and I began shivering. I could feel the horde moving farther away, in pursuit of prey.

  “They’re following someone. Oh God what if it’s the others?”

  “We’ll wait till they’re gone and find out, darlin’. There’s nothing we can do while they’re out there.”

  “What time do you think it is?”

  “Looks like we slept awhile. Mid-afternoon?”

  The sounds of the dead were fading, from both my ears and my mind.

  “The baby’s kicking,” whispered Gus. “Hard.”

  “She’s been doing that when the dead are near. Like she knows.”

  “She?”

  “Just a hunch.”

  “We need to get moving. One more IV dose of antibiotics, a dressing change, and then I want to be out and investigating. We need to be back with the others. I don’t know what the fuck Nate was thinking separating the group.”

  Gus and I worked together to get another dose of antibiotics ready. He still refused pain medication, and swore he was feeling better. His five-o-clock shadow had turned into a short beard. He looked rough and pale.

  “I was thinking,” I said quietly. “Maybe I should go to the furniture store alone.”

  “Absolutely not,” he replied sternly. He looked at me like I was crazy.

  “You still look so weak. Maybe it’s best you not move right now.”

  “I’ll be fine. No offense, Zoe, but I’m not letting you out of my sight. It’s just not happening. Now, help me change this bandage?”

  I gathered the same supplies as last time, hoping to be done as soon as possible so that we could make our way to the others in the furniture store. I knelt beside him and peeled the tape from around the edges. I felt his eyes on me as I worked. Peeling the bandage back, I was in shock at the continued healing. His wounds were almost fully mended.

  “Gus,” I whispered. “Look.”

  He lifted himself up onto his elbows to inspect his lacerations. “There’s no way they should be nearly healed in just three days.”

  The stab wounds were mostly scar tissue, the edges rimmed in a light shade of green. They looked so much better than the raw wounds they once had been.

  “At least they’re healing, huh?” I asked idly.

  “I think we can skip the bandage. We should pack light. Food, water, and some meds and supplies. Assume we’re not coming back here.”

  “Ok. I’ll pack the food and water.”

  “How many backpacks do we have?”

  “Just two.”

  “That’ll work fine. Can you bring one of them to me?”

  “Ya. Sure.”

  I stood up and walked to the lobby. It felt cold and was eerily quiet. I closed my eyes in a moment of concentration, listening for signs of the dead outside. Sensing nothing, I walked to the front windows and dared to move the blinds aside. The sky was overcast with dark gray clouds that threatened to drop rain. The sky lit up with lightning and several seconds later the building shook from thunder. My baby jumped inside of me as if reacting to the noise. The street in front of the store was littered with bits of plant debris and various weeds were growing in cracks in the asphalt. I watched as an old plastic grocery sack blew by, eventually getting stuck under the tire of an abandoned car.

  “You ready?” Gus startled me.

  “Ya. Looks stormy out.”

  “Let’s go then.”

  We walked together toward the hallway that led to the alley.

  “Hang on,” I said. I stopped at the reception desk, found a pad of paper and a pen, and wrote a quick note.

  We heard gunshots. We’ve come looking for you. –Zoe

  “Ok, let’s go,” I said as I set the note on the granite counter top, next to the sign in sheet.

  I followed him down the hallway, and we bot
h paused at the door.

  “Do you feel any of them?” he asked quietly.

  “No.”

  “Ok, once I open the door stay behind me.”

  “I should go first, Gus. I know which way they went.”

  He was quiet in thought for a moment. “Ok. Stay close, though.”

  I disengaged the deadbolt and opened the door. Wind blew in, carrying with it the nauseating stench of death. The dead dog was still lying against the building in its red biohazard bag. The plastic sack had been ripped open and rotten entrails were strewn about. I wondered just briefly what had torn into the bag; an animal or the living dead.

  “Fuck,” whispered Gus.

  “That’s the dog I told you about.”

  I turned away from the scene and began walking down the alley. We passed the sporting goods store. The door that Nathan had tied shut was now wide open and knocking against a rock sitting nearby every time a gust of wind passed by. I had my pistol in hand, and my backpack strapped over both shoulders. I was glad my tennis shoes weren’t making much noise as we walked. We had both dressed in layers since we needed room in our backpacks for critical supplies. Once we reached the end of the alley, I felt Gus take my hand is his. He stepped beside me and pulled me to the wall on our left.

  “Let me look around the corner before we move, ok?” he whispered into my ear.

  I looked him in the eyes but didn’t answer. I just wanted to study his face, and the depth of his eyes, before we proceeded. Just in case it was my last chance to do so. While my mind was free of the dead, I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Gus carefully stuck his head around the corner of the building to check for danger.

  “It looks clear,” he said just above a whisper. “Which way did Nate say the furniture store was?”

  “Left. Two blocks.”

  Gus nodded in acknowledgement and waved me forward. As we rounded the corner, he grabbed my hand again. We began running at a moderate pace in hopes of not being in the open for longer than necessary. The wind was becoming fierce and the darkness from the clouds seemed ominous. Lightning streaked across the sky as we neared the end of the first block. Thunder sounded again, nearly immediately. I tightened my grip on Gus’ hand. Rain began pouring down, splattering the street and sidewalks. The rain turned to hail as we crossed the next street. We slowed our pace to look at the signs on storefronts and the bb-sized balls of hail stung my face and neck.