by Vivian Wood
Maddie tilted her head, thinking for a moment before responding.
“Well, I know that Shifter genetics are super dominant. I would be willing to bet that you can expect things to proceed just like a regular Shifter pregnancy.”
“And how is that? How do I find out about that?” Sadie asked, screwing up her mouth with displeasure.
“I see your point. There aren’t really any older females here to talk to, are there?”
“Not unless you count Gwen, no.”
Maddie snorted, rolling her eyes. Sadie raised a brow, curious.
“You don’t like her either?” the human asked.
“You could say that. I’ve just had a very… enlightening chat with her.”
“That doesn’t sound pleasant.”
“No. It wasn’t.”
“Did you two argue about Jasper?”
Maddie’s gaze snapped to Sadie, shocked.
“What do you know about it?” Maddie managed.
“That’s the thing about being a nobody here. Everyone talks about everything, no holding back. They barely know that I exist, much less worry about what I might learn.”
“And what have you learned?”
“That Gwen and Jasper used to be an item. A long time ago, I mean,” Sadie added.
“How the hell am I the last one to know about this? No offense, but how does the human know before I do?” Maddie scowled.
“All the men…” Sadie stopped for a moment before correcting herself. “Males, I mean. All the males have been talking about it nonstop. Wondering when you two were going to go at it. Hoping there was going to be some mud wrestling, mostly.”
Maddie had to laugh at that.
“They wish.”
Sadie rolled her eyes.
“You have no idea how much. The males are all pretty explicit about it.”
“They should have told me sooner. I can’t get my feathers ruffled right now. I have to head for Louisiana later tonight.”
“You’re leaving?” Sadie asked, her gaze dropping to her lap.
“Just for a couple of days. My brother is getting married. Like a human,” Maddie said, her amusement evident.
“Maybe it’ll be a good thing to get away from Gwen and Jasper for a few days,” Sadie said.
Maddie chuckled.
“Yeah, it would. Gwen’s staying here, but Jasper’s going with me. He promised to be in the wedding with me.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. I want to scream at him so badly, but I need him to keep up appearances for the next few days. I can’t screw up this wedding or my brother will kill me.”
“Well, I guess this gives you a chance to talk to Jasper. If you want to, that is.”
“I’m not even sure how I feel right now, much less what I want to say.”
“Maybe you should just take the weekend to cool your heels, then. Think things over, hang out with your family… just don’t do anything yet. Give yourself time and space to think.”
Maddie looked at Sadie, considering.
“You’re pretty good, you know that?”
Sadie laughed and blushed, shrugging her shoulders.
“I don’t know. I just say what I think will help.”
“Well, it’s good advice and I’m going to take it. I actually need to go ahead and start packing. I just wanted to stop by and see if you needed anything before I left.”
Sadie shook her head, gesturing to the laptop.
“Nothing you can really help with at the moment,” she said.
Maddie stood, stretching.
“Alright. Well you have my cell number if you need me. Otherwise I’ll be back Monday and we can start making a plan for you, for your pregnancy. Two smart girls like us, we can work out something. I promise.”
Saddie nodded, giving Maddie a brief smile.
“Okay. Have a good trip,” the girl said.
Maddie nodded and headed out of Sadie’s room. As she walked back to Alpha’s House, she considered Sadie’s advice. She had a good couple of hours stuck in the car with Jasper on the way to New Orleans, and she could use them to talk things over with him if she wanted.
On the other hand, she had no idea what she wanted to say to him.
Hey, so I found out today that Gwen was almost your mate. Nice of you to tell me.
Or maybe: Gwen and I have a bet going over who replaced whom in your heart. Care to break the stalemate for us?
Or the other option, which was to say nothing at all and let him piece it all together. After all, it’s what he’d done to Maddie.
Maddie opened the door to Alpha’s House, puzzling over her dilemma.
36
Jasper guided his Mercedes out onto I-10, distracted by Maddie’s pensive silence. Other than a murmured greeting and a kiss on the cheek, Maddie had done nothing more than hand over her suitcases for him to pack in the trunk.
Ever since they’d climbed in the car, Maddie had been staring out the window as if the scenery was the most fascinating thing she’d ever seen. From her faraway expression, though, Jasper could guess that the roadside was the last thing on her mind.
He’d turned up the radio in an attempt to banish her silence, but now he turned it back down.
“So are you going to tell me what you’re thinking?” he asked, glancing at his mate.
Maddie looked at him as if she were startled to see him in the car.
“Um,” she said, “I honestly don’t think you want to know.”
Jasper narrowed his gaze, frowning.
“Of course I do,” he said, puzzled.
“Well,” she began, hesitant. “I was wondering… I was thinking that you must miss Gwen’s breasts.”
Jasper choked, the breath leaving his body in a violent cough. For a moment, he had to turn his attention entirely to the road so as not to veer the car straight into the ditch running alongside the highway.
“Come again?” he asked when he could breathe again.
“Well, I was thinking that if anyone had the choice between my chest and hers, they’d pick hers. Not that I’ve seen them, of course. But we look so much alike, I imagine that you just sort of substitute hers for mine in your head when we’re having sex.”
“Why the hell would you be thinking about Gwen’s… you know,” Jasper asked, befuddled.
“We had quite an interesting conversation today, Gwen and myself. First of all, apparently she’s the ex you never talk about.”
Jasper opened his mouth and closed it again, unsure how to answer. He had no idea that Maddie had just now put it together. Part of him had hoped that she already knew, and part of him wanted her to never find out. He’d felt that he couldn’t risk their fragile relationship just to tell her unimportant details about his former lover. Now, of course, he realized that his strategy was backfiring big time.
“Do you know that she thinks you only dated her because she looks like me?” Maddie asked. Maddie gave a little chuckle, shaking her head. Before Jasper could figure out what to say to that, she continued. “I told her that I’m pretty sure you mated me because you couldn’t work things out with her. She disagreed, and told me all kinds of fascinating information. Informative, is what she is.”
“She’s right, at least,” Jasper said, minding his words.
Maddie looked at him for a long moment, looking puzzled.
“I mean it,” Jasper said. “I dated Gwen because I couldn’t have you.”
“That’s a horrible thing to say,” Maddie said.
“It’s true. I thought… I thought I could make it work. It didn’t, obviously.”
“You’re full of shit,” Maddie bit off, crossing her arms. “If you felt that way, why the hell wouldn’t you come to me instead?”
“Right. Yes. I thought, ‘Let me just walk up to Madeline Fucking Copeland and ask if she remembers me and then perhaps suggest that we become mates’. Highly probable.”
“Just as probable as the rest of this story,” Maddie said, cocking an
eyebrow.
“It’s not a story. I’ve never lied to you, and I wouldn’t start now just to flatter you.”
“There’s no reason you couldn’t have approached me. When you did come around the Louisiana pack this time, it was to find Tessa. You were going to take her as a mate, without so much as telling me hello. The facts don’t back up what you’re claiming.”
“I picked Tessa because things had failed with Gwen, and I wanted to start fresh. I wanted to start with someone who didn’t know anything about our pack, or my history.”
“Well, I’m sorry that didn’t work out for you.”
Jasper slammed a hand against the steering wheel, frustrated.
“Damn it, Madd. If I’d thought for a second you would have even looked at me, I wouldn’t have wasted a moment on her. I was more surprised than anyone when you offered to be my mate.”
“You were prepared to fight my brother for Tessa. If I hadn’t stepped in, you would have gone to the mat against him.”
“Only because I couldn’t have you, and Gwen wasn’t a good enough substitute. I was like a man dying of thirst, staring at a photo of Niagra Falls. Even a puddle would have whetted my palate, for a little while.”
“I still don’t understand why you couldn’t just come to me.”
“Because you’re— look at yourself! You’re beautiful, and smart. You’re good at pretty much everything you try. You have plenty of suitors, males without all the fucked up baggage I’m carrying around. What have I got to offer that you couldn’t get elsewhere, and probably better?”
“You know that isn’t true.”
“I blacken everything I touch. Everyone I’ve really loved, I’ve killed. Ennis, my parents…”
“You didn’t kill your parents, Jas.”
“I watched my father kill my mother. I couldn’t stop him. And when the Legion came a few months later, I chose not to stop them from killing him.”
“That’s not the same thing. You were a child.”
“I hid, and watched. I did nothing. How is that not the same thing?”
“I can’t believe you would even say that, Jasper.”
“You know what the thing of it is? My mother, I could never forgive myself for that. But my father dying… I don’t even feel that bad about it. I feel… nothing. Or it’s so faint that I can’t tell. It disgusts me,” Jasper said, staring straight ahead at the road.
When Maddie was quiet for a long moment, Jasper finally slid his gaze over to her.
“It disgusts you, too,” he said, his tone quiet.
“No,” she said.
“Yes. Admit it. We can both be honest now. I’m damaged, and I’m dangerous. I’ll kill when I think it needs to be done. I fear almost nothing, and it frightens you. As it should.”
Maddie just looked at him with an impatient expression.
“What?” she asked, cross. “Am I supposed to say something now? Or do you want to continue telling me what I think and feel even though you have basically no idea what’s going in my head?”
Jasper pressed his lips together, scowling.
“Oh, you’re done? Good. You’ve given me some things to think about, and I’d like some time to process before I make any decisions.”
“Decisions about what?” he couldn’t help but ask.
“About us.”
“What decisions are there, Madd? You’re going to leave to travel the world. I’m going to be here, running this damned pack into the ground. The world will keep turning, and soon enough it’ll be like nothing ever happened.”
“And what then? You’ll go running back to Gwen?” Maddie asked, her voice taking on a dangerous edge.
Jasper clenched his jaw, furious at her accusation.
“No. Regardless of what you do, Maddie, I’ve made my bed. Shifters mate for life, and I intend to take that seriously.”
“And if I don’t?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think it will end well,” Jasper said, unwilling to consider it.
“As I said earlier, I need time to process. Will you hold your end of our truce through the wedding at least?” she asked.
“I’d do anything you asked me to, Madd.”
Maddie shot him a glare, which just made him sigh. Maddie should have been a lawyer; she had a way of extracting very precise promises when she needed them.
“We’ll hold the truce as long as you want,” Jasper agreed.
“Thank you,” she said, turning back toward the window.
“Maddie? Would it help if I said that—”
“Jasper!” Maddie half-shouted, cutting him off. Calming herself, she took a deep breath. “Give me some time. That’s all I’m asking,” she said.
“Alright,” Jasper said, settling in to his seat. It was all out of his hands now. All he could do was get comfortable and pray that his mate made the right choices.
37
Maddie sighed and shifted in her seat, trying not to look as bitchy as she felt. She stood up to pace the Louisiana Den’s Armory. For the day of the wedding, the Armory had been set up as the bride and groom’s preparation suites. It was a perfect setup, since there were two distinct wings of the building and both led straight out onto the broad grassy area of the Den.
Just outside the Armory, below a couple big oaks, the pack had placed a beautiful white wedding arbor. The trellis was woven from rough oak branches, with beautiful ivy and white roses spilling down the sides in an artful arrangement. Several rows of white folding chairs faced the arbor, making a quaint wedding scene.
When Jace had brought Maddie and Jasper out to see the setup, Maddie’s heart sunk into her stomach. Jace just looked so damned happy, a big grin in place of his usual somber expression. She knew it was beyond selfish, but her brother’s evident glee seemed to magnify the discomfort between herself and Jasper. One uneasy glance at her mate’s face said that he felt just the same way.
Hours later, Maddie was way past discomfort and into downright misery. She paced the hallways of the Armory, smoothing out her expression whenever she saw any of her pack mates.
Or were they now her former pack mates, since she’d taken an Alpha as a mate? Maddie shook her head. It was just one more unanswered question to drive her crazy.
She found a quiet spot in Tessa’s changing area, right next to a big three-way mirror that had been set up just for today. Maddie sagged into a chair with a sigh. She’d finished getting ready ages ago, and now there was nothing to do but sit and turn her issues with Jasper over and over in her mind. Glaring up at the clock on the wall, she ran her hands over her pale peach bridesmaid’s dress to smooth out any wrinkles caused by her agitated pacing.
The dress was perfection. The fabric was a beautiful, soft silk. It was cut in a very flattering halter-top style, with a trim waist that followed the hip down, ending just above the knee. It was backless, just on this side of daring. Obviously Tessa had noticed that all the Shifter females in her wedding were drop dead gorgeous, and she’d taken full advantage of that fact when choosing the dresses.
Maddie stood and checked herself out in the mirror, admiring the sophisticated edge the dress gave her. She had pinned up the top half of her hair, letting the rest fall in soft curls. She’d kept her makeup minimal, as Tessa had requested of all her bridesmaids. She turned, checking her silhouette.
A low whistle came from the doorway. Maddie whirled to find Jasper giving her much the same once-over. She blushed, essentially caught checking out her own ass.
“That is some dress,” Jasper said, sauntering into the room. His eyes roamed hotly over her body, giving Maddie a little shiver. She gave him a soft smile, shaking her head.
“It’s nice, but I can’t wait to get out of it. I’m more of a tee shirt and jeans girl, you know?” Maddie said, checking out Jasper’s ensemble. He wore a tightly-fitted tux, traditional all the way down to the black bow tie. It was like seeing James Bond in person, Maddie decided.
“We’ll get you out of that dress soon enough,
” he said, giving her a mischievous wink. Maddie blushed even more deeply. Jasper always knew just what to say to drag her mind right into the gutter, and he damned well knew it.
“Do you ever think of anything else?” Maddie asked, crossing her arms to cover her chest. The movement did nothing to block his hungry gaze, and she rolled her eyes.
Jasper was on her in two steps, gathering her in his arms and dipping her body back dramatically as he pressed a kiss to her mouth. Maddie’s arms went around his neck as her body heated sweetly against his, opening her mouth to the onslaught of his kiss.
Jasper straightened, pulling back to look her in the eyes.
“Any complaints?” he asked, running a thumb over her jawline.
Maddie laughed and shook her head.
“None at all,” she said.
“Didn’t think so,” he said with a grin, releasing her as Jace entered the room. The groom’s smile was gone, replaced by an anxious expression.
“Has Tessa been in here?” Jace asked, raking a hand through his hair.
“I actually haven’t seen her at all yet. We came straight to you, Jay,” Maddie said, giving her brother a concerned frown.
“I can’t find her anywhere, and the ceremony is supposed to start in twenty minutes,” Jace said, frustrated. “This whole thing is her doing, I don’t understand why she’d just vanish right before the ceremony.”
“She’s the one in the huge white dress. How hard can she be to find?” Jasper asked, trying to keep things light. He clapped Jace on the arm reassuringly. “We’ll help you look.”
“When you say you looked everywhere, does that include the ladies’ room?” Maddie asked her brother.
“Er… no,” Jace admitted. “Will you see if she’s in there?”
“I would be willing to bet you pretty much anything that she’s hiding out in there, trying to get over some cold feet,” Maddie said.
“Less talk, more bride-finding,” Jasper said, shooing Maddie out the door. “I’ll keep the groom company.”
The first two restrooms she checked were a bust, but the Maddie hit pay dirt on the third. The door was locked, but she heard the distinct sound of sniffling from outside. She bit her lip and knocked gently, hoping Tessa wouldn’t outright reject her comforting. The last time they’d spoken, it hadn’t exactly turned out well.