"Look at this." Jason moved him down and lifted a canister. "Now this is a variety pack." He held it up. "Eighty condoms, different colors and textures. Sweet. We can surprise Laurie with different sensations." He chuckled.
"Why do you know what brand condom I use?"
"Dude. I've watched you bang our girlfriend a bunch of times now. You are very consistent." He put the canister of condoms under his arm.
"She's not our girlfriend yet." Russell shook his head. "We need to officially ask her."
"Yes, yes. I know you like everything done up all nice and tidy." Jason patted him. "Tonight she will be. Everything is in place."
"She was nervous enough. I think dragging her to the store she hates and telling her we had to talk to her may make her rethink her decision." Somehow he always ended up in this mess. After he and Jason talked, he wanted to make it official that night, but he listened to Jason and decided to turn this into a multi-day, multi-faceted ceremony.
"Oh the little black rain cloud appears." Jason thrust the canister at him. "She likes the ribbed ones, I'll have you know."
"She does?" He did notice Jason always had different condoms. He wished he didn't notice, but he did.
"If she puts it on me she always smiles, like it's our secret." Jason elbowed him. "But since you are my best friend and soon to be more, I'll reveal all."
More? They still had no real words for their relationship but it was a relationship, one that needed to be recognized. He really had no words for this conversation. He pushed his glasses up and tried to study his options.
"You are a creature of habit. You use the same brand and style as the ones we bought in junior high." Jason picked up a box of his brand. "I say we get these for your comfort zone and the canister of fun for her comfort. We'll mix it up."
"We are not sharing condoms." He had his nightstand where he kept his stash, and Jason kept his in the other one. Lauren kept her items in the bathroom, except for her lotion, which she alternated between the two nightstands.
"Why not, we share a girl." Jason reached behind him and handed him a bag of disposable razors. "Get this too."
"I have a razor." He reached up to his forehead and tried to push the vein that was sure to be bulging back in.
"You could use a little touch up downstairs." Jason pushed the bag into his chest.
"Not everyone needs to be hairless like you." He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "My situation is fine."
"No, I think it’s good to offer Lauren variety since we can provide her some." Jason nodded. "You know when you shave it, it looks bigger."
"We can measure anytime." He turned and found a mammoth bottle of peroxide. "Here."
"What's this for?" Jason took it.
"Maybe you're the one who needs a touch up."
"You know I'm a natural towhead." He put the bottle down and chose one more canister of condoms. "This should last us for a while, its two hundred and forty condoms. If we split them even we can each do her one hundred and twenty times."
For a man who was lousy at math, Jason managed to calculate that figure pretty fast. "Fine."
"Look this one has a special glow in the dark one." Jason pointed. "I get dibs on that one. Let's go before Lauren buys like five hundred pounds of cherries and we have to eat something jubilieed for as long as we have these condoms."
Again, the abnormal was normal. They were co-buying condoms, why shouldn't they? "How about we ask her already so we can use the condoms."
"Maybe once we're official we won't have to use condoms. We're all tested." Jason licked his lips. "Have you ever?"
The image alone got a rise out of him and he shook his head. "You?"
"Nope." His eyes widened.
They stared at each other.
"Let's go home." Jason turned on his heel and rushed away.
He took a step to follow, stopping and darting down an aisle as his survival instinct took over.
Anne stood only a few yards away from him flipping through some books.
When his first thought was how to get out of there without her seeing them, he wanted to bang his head against some oversized brick.
Now what did he do?
***
Roast beef. Lauren nodded to herself and grunted as she lifted the seven-pound hunk of meat. The roast, along with the baked potatoes, salad and a chocolate cake would be the perfect dinner. If they made it through tonight they could all share it, if they didn't, the four pound chocolate cake may make her ill enough to pass out.
She patted the side of beef, hid it under her eighteen rolls of paper towels so neither man would chastise her for buying too much, and took hold of the cart. Maybe Russell and Jason were too busy with their tools and toys to realize some of the items she put in the cart including a rather large size bag of pears that Jason loved poached in wine and an oversized bottle of the kind of April fresh fabric softener Russell preferred. She couldn't stop herself.
"Lauren!"
At the sound of her name being yelled, she looked up to find Anne waving at her.
There were many times at work where she forced a smile on her face in a half-hearted effort to not show her feelings. Her curled lips were her mask and right now she may as well have put on an entire Halloween costume for as much as she wanted to address her friend. The last time they crossed paths was at the charity event, and today felt no better.
At this moment she was thrilled she didn't prepare or eat any roast beef yet, she wanted to throw up at the memory of that night. With no point pretending she didn't hear or see her friend she lifted her hand, a limp, uninviting gesture.
Anne trotted over. "It's been so long." She flung her arms around Lauren and kissed her cheek.
"How are you?" She gave Anne the obligatory hug and wondered how what was once a wave and handshake turned into hugs and kisses. Those gestures should be saved for those most special, yet everyone now kissed and hugged without even thinking. She pulled back without returning the kiss.
"Good. It's been forever. I feel like you're avoiding me." Anne held her at arm’s length. "How are pharmaceutical sales for the one person that doesn't sell pharmaceuticals?"
Anne took a breath and Lauren opened her mouth hoping to cut her off before she asked about the men. All she could hope for was to get rid of her before they returned. She prayed they were collecting a palate-full of toys and tools.
"You look different." Anne tilted her head.
Different wasn't good or bad, but it was definitely bitchy, and Lauren's mind didn't spark a retort, instead it exploded with an epiphany.
This woman didn't like her.
No, Anne didn't like her. Someone who liked her either wouldn't mention her looks or say she looked nice. The different comment stood enough on the acceptable side of the fence to pass, but had at least one foot in the rude.
"How are things with Jason?" Anne moved around rude and slid closer into what she really wanted to know, and it wasn't about Jason.
Her only wish was for Jason to appear with one of his lines. Somehow she could never come up with the comeback quip like he could, it must be a different art form. She glanced around the warehouse.
"What, not talking?" Anne hit her in the shoulder.
All she needed to do was look where every other female stared. It was rule number one when locating one of her men, and sure enough right as a group of teenagers pointed and giggled near a stack of cold cuts. This time she waved her hand in a genuine gesture, this one a call for help. To hell with this, until she was told differently they were still doing whatever they were doing. "Why don't you ask him yourself?"
Jason lifted his chin and charged toward her with his arms behind his back. "I was a good boy." He smiled and she half expected at tiny cartoon starburst to appear on his pearly white. "Ask me why." Even after multiple warnings throughout the years to be nice to Anne, he didn't as much as acknowledge her.
"Why?" Anne leaned over to try to get in his eye line.
&n
bsp; Jason didn't turn his head, didn't glance over, he kept his focus completely on her.
Lauren wasn't going to chastise him. She wanted to know why he was a good boy. "Why?"
"Because I only bought two things." He revealed a bag of disposable razors in one hand. "Does this have the Lauren seal of approval?"
Jason used an expensive razor that took equally as expensive blades on his face, so did Russell, and she had a special razor for her legs and such. Her entire face heated when she realized what those would be used for. Jason took a lot of time to clean up his area and her mouth watered. This was not the conversation two people had if they weren’t going to have sex later. "Absolutely."
With his eyes on her he dropped the bag into the cart. "I also got this." He held out a box of candy with milk chocolate, white chocolate and dark chocolate, but it wasn't the confections, it was the name on the box. "It's called Trifecta."
A sweet taste, sweeter than the candy could ever be caused her to rub her lips together.
Jason raised his eyebrows and winked.
Caught in gazing at him, she didn’t move. The horrendous feeling that weighed her down lightened a little.
“Is that chocolate on sale?” Anne broke the spell. “What does trifecta mean?”
Jason put the box in the cart and put his arm around her waist and sort of spoke to Anne though he kept his eyes affixed on hers. “It means three winners, first, second and third place, but in our case I think it’s all home base.”
“I don’t understand.” Anne went toward them.
She didn’t care if Anne didn’t understand. Her eyes filled up. All that mattered was she did and if Russell were here he would as well. Where was Russell anyway? She wondered if he saw Anne and wandered off. She also wondered why Jason was being nastier to Anne than normal.
As Anne approached Jason moved them away. “It’s a mystery.”
“Maybe it’s one Russell can solve.” Anne began flailing her arms.
Lauren stiffened and took hold of Jason’s arm as she located Russell. He pushed his own cart and slowed down the faster Anne waved.
The ball of anxiety reformed, taking on a density that threatened to buckle her knees. This surreal experience was a total rewind of that terrible night, but now there would be no gallant jaunts to Vegas. Today it would just be the end.
At last, he joined them, staying behind his cart as makeshift shield. Unlike Jason with his complete attention on her from the first second, he glanced between the three of them. "What's going on?"
Her stomach bottomed out and the anxiety morphed into nausea. Somehow she wanted Russell to rush to her other side, show Anne they were together. But she supposed she should be happy for anything that didn't end in disaster, and Russell had come out a lot, but he wasn't ready in front of people they knew. She couldn't force him, didn't want to. They never officially declared themselves together, they only agreed that they wouldn't see other people until they figured this out. He owed her nothing.
"I called you and called you but you never called me back." Anne frowned.
Lauren squeezed Jason's arm. Russell never told her Anne called him.
"Okay." Russell shrugged his shoulders.
She bit the inside of her mouth.
"I saw the latest couple and hoped you may have tagged along." Anne shimmied around both baskets and went to Russell's side.
She couldn’t watch, wouldn't watch. Last time this happened Russell ended up with Anne's shoe and walking away with her. Her heart seemed to stop. All Russell needed was to feel like the outsider.
"What are you talking about?" Russell's tone was that of an annoyed teacher who just explained a simple problem to a student for the millionth time.
She opened her eyes only a crack, keeping her eyelashes as a veil in case she didn't hear right.
With his arms crossed, Russell backed up toward them.
"They are so lovey dovey with their chocolate and such, maybe you might want to get out of here and let them be." Anne gave him a crooked smile. "I can pick up something for dinner. I hate it when I'm a third wheel."
Lauren peeked at Jason. He stood with a grin across his face. Maybe he knew something she didn't because she knew this was going to ruin all the progress they made since Vegas. Ruin them. How many times did they have to be hit in the head with this until they were knocked out?
"You know, tricycles are pretty stable." Russell leaned over his basket, dug under some huge package of shop rags, and pulled out a box. "Was this the candy?"
Lauren opened her eyes all the way, this time to take in the glorious sight of Russell holding the Trifecta candy. She sucked in her breath and waited.
"What is with that?" Anne reached for it.
Russell reacted fast and held the candy up. "I got this for Lauren." He walked around Jason and went to her other side. "Look."
He placed the cellophane wrapped box in her hand. "For you."
She opened her mouth, but once again didn't have the chance to speak because this time Russell bent down and gave her a kiss. A light kiss right on her parted lips, but he may as well have bent her back and planted one on her, her body warmed up the same.
"Let's get out of here." Russell gave her one more peck. "I'll transfer this stuff into our basket."
She turned to Jason. With the same grin he gave her a kiss as well, only his was punctuated with a laugh.
"Is this a joke?" Anne's eyes were wide, wide enough that Lauren though they may pop out of her head. "What are you doing?"
"Trifecta." Jason nodded.
"Lauren." Red splotches took over Anne's cheeks as if someone had slapped her twice, but in Anne's case Lauren supposed it was three times. "I should have guessed."
"Anne." She almost felt bad for her. Maybe she should have told her. Maybe she was guilty of the same thing she almost accused Russell of, or maybe it was Anne.
Anne huffed and adjusted her purse, a half-hearted attempt to appear as if she were doing something, anything. "It's always you."
As if she'd been punched, she recoiled at Anne's words "What do you mean?"
"You get everything you want. You don't even have to choose." She shook her head. "Now I know why things aren't working out with Dr. Dalton."
Russell grunted at the name and Jason pulled her closer, but she couldn't deny that the reason things didn't work with Dr. Dalton was the men on either side of her. "Anne, you don't understand."
"What do you expect to happen now?" Anne went to her cart and put both hands on the bar. "Maybe for once you won't come out on top. In fact it looks like you’re stuck in the middle."
She shuddered at the venom behind Anne's voice, poisoned words that weren't a product of embarrassment but something much deeper and more evil. "Anne." Leave it to her so-called friend to voice her exact fear in the most cutting way. The only thing she was certain of was, Anne was not her friend.
"At least now I know why you didn't return my calls." Anne turned to Russell.
"I didn't return your call because I didn't want to." Russell put his arm round her. "But most importantly I have a girlfriend."
Somewhere in the background Lauren heard Anne say goodbye, saw her stomp away, but she froze at Russell's word choice. It was quite possible he didn't think that meant what she thought it did, and if she were Russell's girlfriend what did that make Jason? In Vegas they only agreed to give this a try, they never agreed to make a commitment.
"I think you sort of blew the whole thing we had planned for later." Jason put his arm around her.
"I think your planning sucks ass, look at her, she looks like she's going to pass out." Russell took her shoulders and turned her to face him. "Are you all right?"
She tried to nod but only succeeded in staring at him. With tears forming in her eyes, his image became all blurry like when she would mess around and put his glasses on.
Jason stood by Russell and waved his hand in front of her face. "Our girlfriend looks spooked."
When Jason used
the G word her heartbeat sped up and she was sure the poor organ was attempting to escape her chest. However, at the end of the day she needed to remember these were her best friends. The two people she could tell anything to and they wouldn't judge her, but could she ask them this?
"Say something." He leaned in, bangs falling down into his eyes.
"Girlfriend?" Now she used the word, one of the most deadly and misunderstood in the human language.
"Girls always need things to be so official. We had something all planned, but with Anne and all." Jason exhaled. "I don't have to be nice to her anymore, do I?"
Not sure what was up with Jason, she turned her attention to Russell.
Russell picked her hand up and brought it to his lips. "Will you be our girlfriend?"
"What do you mean?" The world seemed to swirl and she grabbed his forearm for stability.
"You know, like we don't see anyone else, we're committed, we're more than a sum of our parts." Jason put his hand over his chest as he if he were about to make a pledge. "We are officially a trouple."
"Trouple?" Her entire speech had been distilled down to one word questions.
"You know a couple, but three." Jason motioned between them.
"Do you want to know what we bought at the home improvement store?" Russell kept hold of her hand.
"Okay?" Trouple, home improvement, commitment?
"We are going to redo the closet so that all of our stuff fits in our room." He smiled.
"I really thought unveiling the closet would have been better than doing this in the warehouse store." Jason shook his head. "Maybe this was perfect."
"We want you, Lauren." Russell pulled her in close. "Let’s do this, okay?"
"Yes." Again only one word came to mind. This is what she wanted from the beginning and she could finally take a breath. Actually, another word came to mind, but she pushed it away. How?
Chapter Twenty-Five
"Oh my god, that is so freaking ugly." Jason stared up at the rain lamp that haunted his childhood. He thought he was free of it except for visits to his parents, yet here it was in his old bedroom, hanging in the corner. "Seriously. Who has this?" He made his fingers into a gun and pretended to shoot at it. The lamp was a parody of a lamp. "It doesn’t even give off any light."
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