“She didn’t look scary.”
“That’s the scary part. I’m chalking it up to the tensions and emotions and I was the only thing she could cling to.”
“You’re serious.”
“I’m never serious.” He took his plate out to the porch and put his feet on the railing. He knew that Mirisa would be appalled at how far they had slipped into their bachelor ways. None of them realized how much she did until they had to do it themselves which is why they had hired someone to clean. They tried having someone cook but grew tired of constant Mexican food so James went back to cooking.
James turned down the lantern except the one next to Garnett since he was still writing on his manuscript. Garnett sipped on his whisky and leaned his head back closing his eyes. He closed the manuscript and put the pen in the holder setting them both on the coffee table. He picked up his half smoked cigar and lit it before opening Mirisa’s letter. She wrote as if she were standing next to you discussing something. It was a long letter but very light and flowing. She ended it with a red lip imprint causing him to smile. He folded it back up and cut another piece of pie taking it into his room.
Meeks finished the drawings and folded them so they could be mailed to the builder then he opened and read her letter.
Alexander, I am sorry that I could not tell you myself for there are few things in one’s life that are as magical as learning that you will become a father. Dominic is aware that he may not be the father and I can only believe this is why I haven’t heard from him and why he is finding excuses not to come home. It is sad that this birth carries such a burden for him. Garnett was right that he didn’t and doesn’t want to know the details but I don’t believe he will ever accept my behavior because he knows it wasn’t just loneliness or boredom for he knows me well. I am sorry that I have hurt him because it is not in my soul to purposefully hurt another and I know that I have done that. I can find no justification for what I did because it was a very selfish thing but I won’t give up that night in your arms and the memories that now keep me company during the long unfilled nights. I am caught between a man who won’t hold me and one who isn’t allowed to and the blame must be laid solely on my doorstep.
I find myself sitting in the window when I can’t sleep at night watching the moon and remembering your touch and your words. It is your words that comfort me. I pray that you will be here when the babies are born for I think you have missed too much and for that I am truly sorry. Thank you for your letter and your faith that I can find the strength to reach for your love. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your patience and belief in me.
I cannot yet be by your side but please know that I love you. Mirisa
If he ever doubted her love, he was now convinced that one way or another he would spend the rest of his life with her. Meeks ran his fingertip over her words as though he could touch her but it was the word ‘father’ that caught in his throat even though his lips were not pronouncing the words. He sat up drawing from his memories shadowing in the curve of her cheekbones and the way her thoughts always washed across her eyes when she was deep in thought. Mirisa filled so many of his journals but he didn’t know if he captured her or if he captured his feelings of her.
MIRISA SPENT the afternoon at Charlotte’s while the children played in the gardens. Charlotte served watercress cucumber sandwiches and orange tea while they discussed their pregnancies. Charlotte was on her fourth pregnancy and was sure that she would have another daughter. Mirisa enjoyed sharing a pregnancy with Charlotte and they would make their doctor appointments together leaving the children with Mrs. Ross who now had four married daughters which she gleefully exclaimed afforded her to always have a grandchild on the way. Mrs. Ross took Mirisa under her wings as another daughter and when she visited the ranch in Texas she always took the time to seek out Dominic to scold his unacceptable behavior. As much as Dominic tried to avoid the lectures, Mrs. Ross was much smarter and would always corner him which caused Tom Ross to just laugh at his discomfort telling Dominic he was lucky because he wasn’t married to Mrs. Ross.
Thomas pulled up in the small buggy tying it to the post in front of the carriage house. He was overrun with children as he worked his way through the garden to the patio. He kissed Charlotte and asked Mirisa if she would like a ride to the house.
“Thank you but it is still light enough that Matthew and I shall walk back through the woods.”
“Then I shall escort you to the other side.” He opened the gate as Mirisa kissed Charlotte’s cheek and told Matthew to say his goodbyes as they headed into the woods. Matthew ran ahead as Thomas and Mirisa talked easily about the children and his business running the General Store. He knew from talking to Charlotte that Dominic had not communicated with her so he never inquired but didn’t understand. When they reached the edge of the forest, Thomas told her goodnight and watched as she took Matthew’s hand then he returned home knowing Charlotte had cooked a wonderful meal as she always did. Thomas thought it was wonderful that Mirisa spent so much time at their home.
Matthew stopped half way across the field to pick wildflowers handing them to his mother. The breeze off of the river was warm and she was feeling drowsy from carrying the babies. They walked closer to the edge overlooking the river where Matthew’s favorite flowers grew. You could see the love they shared as they talked while walking. Dominic was leaning against the railing as James quietly wondered how any of them allowed so much time to pass. The image of her in the late term of pregnancy was mesmerizing. James thought it was the little things like moving her hands when she talked and always touching that he had missed the most.
“I don’t know why you allowed her to stay here instead of bringing her back to Texas.”
“Garnett, you complained with Matthew that I should have taken her back to the Plantation and now you’re complaining that I erred on the side of her safety and health.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t know that James would be so good at delivering babies and lousy at baking. Seriously, how could you spend even one night away from her?”
“How about I just let you marry her then you won’t have anything to complain about.”
Garnett put down his glass and walked down the steps heading to the field as Matthew looked up spotting him at the same time that Mirisa turned toward the house. Matthew handed her the flowers and took off at a dead run. Garnett snatched him up as Matthew threw his arms around his neck and asked if he brought his father home. Garnett set him down as Matthew ran to the veranda. Garnett turned back to Mirisa who was standing quietly with her arms filled with flowers and tears running down her cheeks. He walked across the field and kissed her before using his thumb to wipe her tears.
“You are the most beautiful woman God ever created.” She started laughing and hugged him trying not to crush the flowers.
“Garnett, I shall never question my beauty until the day you don’t tell me that.”
“How have you been?”
“The nights have been very lonely.” She handed him the flowers dropping some as he tried to hold on to them. “I have missed you so much.” Garnett dropped the flowers and pulled her back into his arms holding her so tight while talking to her.
“Dominic, I think he took your offer seriously. Does that offer come with the children?”
Dominic set Matthew down as Garnett picked up the flowers as she laughed at his attempt to not drop as many as he was picking up. He held Mirisa’s arm as they walked across the field and up onto the veranda. Dominic brought her into his arms talking to her softly. You could see her struggle but it wasn’t clear to James why both of them seemed to be uncomfortable.
Dominic looked at her realizing her beauty never diminished no matter how much time had passed. “When did you last see the doctor?”
“Yesterday.”
“And?”
“And I was wondering if any of you remembered that I existed. I’ve seen more of Tom Ross than the four of you.”
Dominic looked into her ey
es. “Mirisa.”
She kissed him then took the flowers away from Garnett and kissed both James, who didn’t want to release her, and Meeks. “Dinner might be a little late since we hadn’t planned on unexpected company.”
“I am hardly unexpected company since I live here.”
“How would any of us know that Dominic?”
Matthew climbed up on the chair next to James and asked him how the ride was which made them all laugh. Matthew finally talked his father into walking down to the stable to see his pony before it got dark. Mirisa took the flowers into the kitchen and separated them as Jasmine brought in the vases filling them with water. She finally went out onto the veranda and watched as Matthew brought out his pony.
Meeks put his arms around her pulling her back against him. “I was wrong. Being near you is a lot harder than missing you.”
She put her hands over his but didn’t respond. They stood quietly until James stepped out with a cup of tea putting it down on the table next to her chair. He looked at them then put his hand on her stomach as Meeks stepped back lighting his cigar before sitting down.
“Does the doctor think the babies will come soon?”
“One has dropped down already and is probably pushing his sister into me because the pressure has been getting worse along my backbone.”
“I thought you still had a few weeks?”
“Obviously my children would argue that point.” She stirred her tea. “How was your trip home?”
“Uneventful.”
“Can the ranch spare all four of you?”
“You know Mirisa sometimes answering you only creates a bog that you cannot get out of no matter how hard you try.”
“Well, then I must assume that all of you are just as happy without me underfoot.”
“You know that’s not true since all four of us are here.”
Dominic and Garnett came back up with Matthew still chattering about his summer. When it was announced that dinner was served, Dominic put out his hand helping Mirisa to stand then escorted her into the dining room. Matthew decided to sit next to Garnett as they set a plate of fresh squash and beans in front of him. The smell of the fresh seafood gumbo was only trumped by the taste. Mirisa watched them eat like they hadn’t eaten in eight months.
“Has no one been feeding you?” They all looked at her.
“Actually Meeks finally taught James how to make edible pies but I don’t think he’ll ever replace you.”
“Then it is a good thing that I made pies last night.”
They had a great meal that lasted for hours as she listened to them talk. She finally said she had to go to bed and kissed everyone good night.
Meeks and James both turned in as Dominic closed down the house and sat out of the veranda sipping on his whisky. Garnett sat down next to him. “Dominic, you’ll have to face her sooner or later.”
“I know. I’ve been thinking a lot about our marriage and the last year.” He sat forward. “I can’t seem to stop hurting her. I am aware when I do something that it will hurt her and yet it doesn’t seem to matter to me. I really don’t know when I went from loving her to not caring.”
“Is there something driving this feeling?”
“I know there’s a possibility that the baby isn’t mine.”
Garnett didn’t respond right away. “Why do you think that?”
“She told me when we were home in April. I think I have been through every emotion which is funny considering I didn’t think I had any emotions.”
“Did you ask her…?”
“I don’t want to know. I shouldn’t blame her but when I saw her today all the anger just overwhelmed me. I don’t care about the infidelity, I care that what it means is that she’s in love with someone else. She would never willingly sleep with a man she didn’t love with all her heart.”
“If you love her then you will find a way to find that love in her again and if you don’t then you need to step aside and let her find happiness. If I had walked away from pursuing my wife then she might be alive today. Selfishness can lead to blindness but sometimes we just can’t let go no matter how much it destroys someone else. You can’t ever take back the things you say in anger or the things you say for the purpose of hurting someone.”
“Well, I think I need to deal with my problems.” He went up the stairs not looking forward to dealing with it. She was curled up in front of the fireplace with a book on her lap. He walked over to her and knelt down. “Mirisa, I think we need to talk about our marriage. I need to know if you want to remain in this marriage. You once told me that our marriage wouldn’t last if I continued to be gone for long periods of time and I ignored that warning. I’ve actually ignored all of your warnings because I didn’t understand how important being a strong family was to you. After the babies are born, I want to take you back to Texas.”
She reached out and touched him. Dominic took her into his arms picking her up and placed her on the bed. He ran his hand over her stomach and then without thinking he made love to her. She curled up in his arms as he quietly smoked his cigar. He looked down on her sleeping face noticing the tears just on the tips of her lashes. She had not offered any explanations nor apology and Dominic knew that Mirisa felt abandoned by him. Even in the lap of luxury, abandonment whether physically or emotionally was damaging to any relationship. The quiet of a lost love was deafening.
The week went by fast with Matthew spending every waking moment with his father. They finally took him to find a small horse and outfitted it with a better saddle. Thomas stopped by the house to let Mirisa know that Charlotte had a baby girl in the middle of the night. Mirisa told him that she would stop by to see her in the afternoon.
“Please do not walk over. If you wish, I will come by with the buggy to get you.”
“Dominic is home…”
Thomas nodded. “Alright, but I don’t want you exerting yourself this close to the birth.”
“Thank you. Thomas, does she resemble her mother?”
“Spitting image. Just as pretty as her sister.”
“I will come over after lunch. Please give her my love.”
MIRISA STARTED to stand when the pain hit her without warning. She grabbed the side of the table as it grew stronger and she had trouble catching her breath. Jasmine was walking past the library when she heard her. She laid the linens on the foyer table and called for Mrs. Chauvin before she knelt down next to Mirisa. They helped her to stand and slowly walked her to the small room that had always been used as the Plantation birthing room. Mirisa sat on the edge of the small bed as Jasmine left coming back with a cup of fresh tea. She placed it next to the bed and then slowly undressed Mirisa putting her in a cotton gown.
Conrad sat on the window sill. How many times had his mother gone into this room? Mrs. Chauvin felt the temperature of the room drop. She pulled back the covers and put the warm blankets down. Simone jumped up on the window sill and rubbed against Conrad.
“Mirisa, you need to drink the tea before you lie down.” She put the cup up to her lips and she drank it slowly. The pains slowly went from sharp to a hazy feeling. Mirisa sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Conrad.
“I didn’t expect to see you in this room.” Mrs. Chauvin turned to the window and assumed she was talking to the cat. Simone immediately jumped down and jumped up on her bed. Conrad smiled and walked over squatting down in front of her. Conrad put his hand on her stomach and told her the most miraculous thing in life is bringing breath into a child. The drums started as Jasmine smiled for the women would guide this child into the world and he would travel to his foretold place with their people. Conrad kissed her fingertips and was gone. The temperature returned to normal as Mirisa lay down and closed her eyes. “Jasmine, please send a note to Charlotte with my regrets that I will not be able to visit today as well as the gift that is upstairs in my room.”
“I shall.”
Mirisa’s labor was moving slowly and she was sleeping restfully when James a
nd Meeks returned from town to a quiet house. James poured a shot and decided to check the kitchen when Jasmine walked past the door carrying a basin of water. James watched her walk down the hallway. When she came back he asked her if anyone was home.
“Mr. Lanfear is still out riding with Mr. Alexander and Matthew.”
“Mirisa?”
“She’s in labor…” James looked from her down the hall.
“Thank you.” He walked in the library and took a shot. “I think we’re going to have babies tonight.” James walked down to the room and Mrs. Chauvin moved him out of the room telling him that she was sleeping peacefully and shouldn’t be woken up. James thanked her and went back in the room. She was lying on her side wrapped around her pillow with the cat curled up at her feet. There was a breeze coming through the window carrying the bouquet of roses. He sat down next to her and brushed back her hair. Mirisa opened her eyes. “Are you comfortable?”
“I think they drugged me because nothing hurts.”
James laughed then asked her to roll onto her back so he could check for labor pains. He handed Meeks his watch and told him when to start it and when to stop. They were a few minutes apart but not strong. Jasmine came back in and James asked if her water had broken which it had. She closed her eyes and James told Jasmine to get him if anything changed. Meeks stood in the doorway listening. When James stepped out with Mrs. Chauvin, he walked over and sat down next to her. He put his hand on her stomach and she put her hand on his.
“Thank you for being here.”
He kissed her softly and told her that there’s no other place he would want to be. James and Meeks were sitting in the library talking when Dominic came in with Matthew.
Mrs. Chauvin walked up to Dominic and said something to him. He told Matthew to wait with James as he followed Mrs. Chauvin. Matthew sat down and closed his eyes reaching out to his mother then he got up and walked down to the birthing room. Garnett was unbuckling his gun when Dominic came back.
Garnett looked up. “Is she having the baby?”
The Visitor - Colorado 1869 - 1871 Page 4