“Oh jeez, dude. Just tell him what’s going on.” DeShawn jumped in. “Dylan, you’re going out on a date. You’re going on a date with Matthew.”
It took me a minute before I could remember what they were all talking about. “Wait, the drag queen?”
Steven nodded. “Yeah. I mean that’s not his only characteristic, but yeah.”
“You set me up on a date? With someone I’ve never met?”
“Dylan,” Steven said. “He’s my cousin. He’s an awesome guy. Get to know him.”
Riley put his arm around my shoulder. “Relax, dude. We’re all going to be there. It’s a group date.”
I was confused again. “So, we’re all dating him?”
“Aw, Dude,” Riley said. “I keep telling you, stop trying to make me gay. I’ll never date you. Give it up, Miss Thing!” He started laughing. “God, I love this. It’s like a whole new way of speaking. We should try to work some of this as code into our plays on the field. Think of how much we’d confuse the other team. Like we could call out a play, like, ‘This down we’re doing the Yasss, Queen.’”
“You are so weird, Riley.” I started laughing. “Dating you would be gross.” Then I realized what was actually happening and I started to get sweaty. “Hold on. I’m actually going on a date?”
“Hey, Matthew!” Riley yelled. “Why don’t you and Dylan ride in my car with me and Steven? DeShawn, you can meet us there, right?”
“Sure, thing.” DeShawn headed out to the car, and Riley pushed me ahead of him, until I practically stumbled into Matthew.
“So, Dylan,” Matthew said as he slipped his arm in mine, “Steven tells me you’re the quarterback. That’s pretty impressive.”
“Um, thanks, Matthew. Do you like football?” We waited on the porch while Riley locked his front door. Matthew was almost my height, and I couldn’t help but notice he had nice eyes. They were a blue-green kind of thing, but that might have been the dim porchlight. Riley squeezed by us.
“I don’t know much about it. Maybe you could teach me?” He opened the door for me and I climbed in, scrambling across the seat. I could see Matthew laughing as he got in behind me. “I could have walked around, Dylan.”
“Oh, right, I guess so.” I buckled my seat belt, and Matthew followed my example. Steven and Riley were in the front seat, playing with the radio, and then Steven turned around.
“You guys all comfortable?” Steven leaned his head over the back of his seat checking to see something, like if Matthew and I were holding hands.
“Steven, buckle your seat belt. It freaks me out.” I put my hand on his forehead and shoved him back in the front.
“Right. Sorry.”
Riley backed out of his driveway and headed down the street. DeShawn was probably already wherever we were going. DeShawn drove as fast as he possibly could—which was one of the reasons I never rode with him—and Riley always drove just below the speed limit.
We ended up at Cheese Sticks, a restaurant everybody in school went to at least once a week. They had these cheesy breadsticks that were unlimited and, even though it wasn’t great food, it was cheap and right near the movie theater. Sure enough, we could see DeShawn’s car and went into the restaurant. I spotted Dave as he waved us over to a table in the corner.
Matthew’s arm was still in mine, and as we walked up the table, he kept talking to me, pointing out pictures on the wall and asking me about them. When we got up to the table, I heard Steven say, “You guys don’t mind, do you?”
I looked up right as Matthew stepped closer to me, pressing against my side. There was Jonny and Allie. Rick, Robert, and Mouse, and Chad. Riley pulled a chair up to the end of the table. He sat down and trapped Allie and Jonny in the booth against the window because DeShawn had already claimed the chair on the other end of the table. Oh, and they trapped someone else inside too. Someone who was staring at me the way I was staring at him. Tommy.
“What a coincidence,” Chad said, smiling. “Wow.” Chad grabbed a cheesy breadstick from the basket on the table and started eating. “So weird, right?”
Steven pushed me into a seat right across from Tommy, and shoved Matthew into the seat next to me. “Seriously, man? Still talking with your mouth full? It’s like you were raised in a cave.” Steven turned to Rick. “I thought you managed to cure him of that.”
“Please,” Rick said, giggling a bit. “All he does is tell me he’ll change, and then he does it again.” He pulled a breadstick out of the basket and dropped it on his plate. “Just like a guy.”
Allie reached across the table to grab her water. “Tell me about it.”
“Aw, babe,” Jonny said. “Don’t say that. I’m a wonderful boyfriend. I’m thoughtful, and generous, and attentive. Feel free to agree with me at any time.”
She smiled and sipped her water, not saying anything to Jonny. She reached across the table and held out her hand to Matthew. “I’m Allie.”
“Hi,” Matthew said, smiling. “I’m Matthew. I’m Dylan’s date for the evening.”
I looked up carefully to see Tommy’s face flush bright red. I figured he was annoyed at having to spend time with the team. I knew at any minute he’d sigh and use the annoyed voice. Even though I was trying to not shut down and go numb again, and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, I was still hurt and angry. And sad. I was still sad.
The waitress came up to the table and took everyone’s drink order. Jonny and Allie had already ordered some appetizers, and the only one who needed a menu was Matthew. The rest of us had been here enough that we’d pretty much memorized the entire thing.
“So, DeShawn,” Matthew said, turning to the end of the table. “Tell me a story about Dylan.” He put his hand on top of mine. “People are always so shy when they first start dating that I’m counting on you to tell me something fun.”
“Hmmm,” DeShawn said, rubbing his bald head and winking at me. “How embarrassing would you like me to get?”
“Go for it.” Matthew smiled again, but it was kind of evil. Fun, but evil.
“DeShawn,” I warned him with my eyes. “Don’t you dare.”
“Hah!” DeShawn barked a laugh at me. “Dude, I’m not afraid of you.” The waitress brought over our drinks, which were all Cokes, except for Matthew, who ordered a Diet Coke. “So, when we were freshmen, just starting the season, Dylan got hit during a play, but he wouldn’t drop the ball. Thing is, he must’ve had his eyes closed and ended up facing the other direction and scored a goal for the other team!” DeShawn couldn’t stop laughing. “Coach was so pissed! He ended up benching Dylan for three games.”
Everyone on the team started laughing. Allie looked over at Rick and shrugged. Mouse squeaked out a little laugh, and Tommy looked at everything but me. The waitress brought the appetizers the others had ordered and spread them around the table.
“Do you play football, Matthew?” Rick asked, grabbing a mozzarella stick and then passing the basket down toward Riley who nodded and took three for himself.
Matthew shook his head. “No, not at all. I’m in theater.”
“Really?” Rick asked. “Did you know that there are only thirty-three complete Greek tragedies that have survived? There’s some evidence that many of them weren’t even considered very good at the time. Of course, we look at them as classics, but there’s no real way of knowing.”
Chad turned to Matthew. “Told you. The guy knows everything.”
Chad wasn’t at the house when I was ambushed with a date, so when did he talk to Matthew? I guessed they must’ve met sometime at Steven’s house, but I saw Riley shoot Chad a look and Chad got a little pale for a second. I realized Matthew was talking to Rick about the history of theater, and I had to admit his eyes took on kind of a sparkle when he talked about performing, and it reminded me of Tommy and his collapsing star from the observatory. It was kind of cute. I put my elbow on the table and rested my chin in my palm, so I could look at Matthew.
“Hey,” Steven said. “Rick, I for
got to tell you, if you and Mouse need a place to build your new battlebot, my dad said you could use our garage. Unless it has a flamethrower. He said it would be a total no if it had a flamethrower.”
“Thanks, Steven,” Rick replied. “I might take you up on that. My mom is tired of me leaving screws and bolts in the driveway.”
“Matthew,” I said, kind of jumping in. I didn’t want to be rude, but I realized I hadn’t spoken to him much. “when did you come out to Steven? I mean, he was super cool about me coming out.”
“Excuse me,” Riley said, cutting Matthew off. “I think no one was cooler than me.”
Chad tossed a napkin at Riley. “Oh, right dude.” Chad looked at Tommy and Allie. “Riley thought Dylan had a crush on him and got super upset when Dylan said he wasn’t into Riley.” Chad raised his voice until it was high and girly. “Oh, Dylan, you don’t love me? What will I do?”
Riley threw the napkin back at Chad. “Matthew, tell me. I’m hot, right? You can tell me the truth.”
Everyone went a little silent and looked at Matthew.
“Well,” Matthew looked at Riley for a long minute before speaking. “You’re cute, I guess. Don’t get me wrong,” he continued as he leaned over and put his head on my shoulder. “You’re no Dylan, but you’re cute.” Matthew turned his head and kissed me on the cheek.
Tommy started coughing, and Jonny slapped him on the back a few times. “You okay, dude?” Tommy nodded, and Jonny took his hand away. “Cool, I was worried.”
I could tell I was red, but I got brighter when Steven started clapping. “Awww, Dylan’s first gay kiss. I mean it’s your first, right? Unless you and Tommy kissed.”
Riley smiled almost as evil as Matthew did earlier. “Matthew, Tommy is Dylan’s ex-boyfriend.”
“Is he now?” Matthew’s eyebrow arched up high. “Interesting.”
Tommy mumbled, the first thing he’d said all night. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
“Dylan,” Matthew said, turning to face me and draping his arm across the back of my chair. “How far would you go?” He wiggled both eyebrows, and now it was my turn to start coughing. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to do that.” He brought his hand to my chest and whacked me lightly right in the middle of my pecs. “Wow. Muscles.”
“I work out.” I can’t say it didn’t feel good, having someone who was into me, but it felt a little weird having it happen right in front of all my friends. Okay, it felt weird having it happen in front of Tommy. Tommy with the amazing smile and the hair that flopped in front of his face and the tiniest dimple and the sigh that made me so crazy but that I loved hearing. Tommy, who I’d never gotten to kiss, who I’d never gotten to hold hands with during a movie. Tommy, who I wanted to keep safe. Tommy. “I work out,” I repeated.
“You never answered the question, Dylan,” Steven said as the waitress came over with someone else from the restaurant bringing all the food over. Steven smiled at me again. Why were everyone’s smiles so weird tonight?
Matthew’s hand was still on my chest, and I moved back a little. “Um, I don’t remember the question.” The waitress put my cheeseburger down in front of me, and I suddenly started to wonder why I’d ordered regular fries instead of curly fries. It was the only thing I could think of at that second to keep my brain from exploding.
“Matthew wanted to know how far you went with Tommy.”
Tommy started fidgeting, and he turned to Allie. “I have to go to the bathroom.”
Allie looked at him. “A little trapped here, dude.”
“Did you just call me dude?” Tommy looked at her and blinked, and then he turned and glared at me. “This is your fault!”
“What’s my fault? What the hell did I do?” I dropped the fries in my hand onto the table. “You dumped me, remember?”
“You made her call me dude! You introduced her to Jonny, and Rick and Robby and Robert to your friends, and now they’re not my friends anymore! They’re all your friends! His name isn’t Mouse. His name is Robby.” He couldn’t push Allie, so he started trying to push past Chad who barely budged even when Tommy shoved his whole weight against Chad.
Rick spoke up quickly. “We can all be friends, Tommy. I really like Steven and Chad.”
Mouse spoke without looking up from his plate. “And I like my nickname. It’s fun to have a nickname that doesn’t make me feel bad.” His voice really did squeak.
Steven looked up. “See whose name Rick said first, Chad?”
“It’s not a competition, Steven,” Chad said, while he was eating a chicken wing.
“Chad,” Rick replied, pointing at his face. “Mouthful.”
“Why are you mad at me, Tommy? If anything, I should be mad at you.” I was raising my voice now, because Tommy kept telling Chad and Mouse to move. “You’re the one who yelled at me. And called me that word.” Suddenly I stood, and Tommy gritted his teeth and slid underneath the table.
Allie ducked down, so her head was underneath the cloth, and the whole top of the table shook. Rick grabbed his glass because it almost fell over, and suddenly Tommy was on his knees in front of me throwing the tablecloth up. It landed on top of my plate, and I watched the ketchup soak through.
Matthew looked at the two of us in horror. “Did he just crawl under the table?”
Riley started laughing, but DeShawn was sitting quietly, watching us like we were a movie.
Tommy got to his feet and stood right in front of me, pushing himself between me and Matthew’s chair. “I know you should be mad at me,” he barked. “I’m not stupid!”
“Then why are you yelling at me?” I was totally confused. Tommy’s brain always worked faster than mine, but it wasn’t like I couldn’t follow his train of thought. Not this time. Now his train was a crazy train, and I was running along next to it, trying to figure out what was going on and where it was headed.
“I’m yelling at you, because I can’t yell at myself!”
“That makes no sense at all.”
“I’m yelling because I’m angry, Dylan.” His voice started getting a little quieter.
“Why are you angry?” I pulled the tablecloth off the ketchup, because I knew it would stain and because I needed to focus on something outside of Tommy and me staring at each other, yelling.
“Because it’s my fault!” He dropped his voice to a volume so low, I could barely hear him. “It’s my fault you got hurt.” Tommy stared at the floor.
I reached out carefully and put my hand on his shoulder. He didn’t flinch. He didn’t pull away. He looked up at me and I could see his eyes. He wasn’t quite crying yet, but I could see his eyes were wet. “Tommy, what are you talking about?”
“It’s my fault. If I hadn’t gone to that game, then you wouldn’t have come out to the entire school, and then Russell wouldn’t have come after you.” He wiped the back of his hand across his eyes. “But I’m mad at you because you should have told me. You should have told me what happened right away.”
I took my hand off his shoulder and began to massage my temples because I was starting to get a headache. “Why the hell do you think that anything is your fault? Did I make you feel that way?”
“Come on, Dylan. You know it’s my fault.” He crossed his arms, and I looked over his shoulder to find Riley slowly eating his burger without taking his eyes off the two of us. “You would have gone to college and met some guy who you didn’t have to worry about because he’s smaller and can’t fight and played football and never gotten beaten up.” Tommy took a deep breath and was almost crying again, and I could feel my heart break.
“Hold it, Tommy.” I cut him off and kind of spun him around to have him sit on my empty chair. I knelt in front of him, so we were almost eye to eye. “I don’t blame you for anything. It wasn’t you that made me come out. And it wasn’t you who jumped me. I don’t blame you for anything, and I hate that you’re blaming yourself.” He was looking at the floor, and I put my hand under his chin and lifted his face so he’d have to look at me. “
Maybe I should have done things a little different, but I don’t, not for one second, regret telling you how I feel or for letting everyone else know.” I took my hands away from his face and grabbed his hands. I didn’t squeeze them, but I held tight so he couldn’t jump up and run away. “Don’t you get that, Tommy? I love you. I love the fact that I can tell which smile means you’re happy and which means you’re pissed off. Don’t you get that I want to protect you?”
“You have to protect yourself. You’re the one who got beat up.” He rolled his eyes at me. “Besides, Dylan, it’s not like I’m a catch. I’m short and skinny and my dad’s a control freak. And I’ve got issues. Lots of issues.”
“I would get beat up a million times if it meant that I could hold your hand in the hallway.” I heard someone sniffle behind me and turned around to see Matthew wipe his napkin across his eyes. Even Jonny looked a little teary eyed. “Tommy, we will only work if we talk to each other.” He gripped my hands tighter. “I swear to God, I will do everything I can, but it’ll only work if we both want it to.” I sighed. It sounded like the same sighs I give when we’re so far behind on the field, we know we’re never going to win the game. “If you don’t want this, then tell me. If you don’t want me, then I won’t bother you anymore. Rick can tutor me in trig for the rest of the season, and Riley and the other guys on the team’ll watch out for you and your friends.”
Rick spoke up from across the table. “Steven’s been teaching me how to throw a punch, and Chad’s been showing me some karate moves. Well, karate movies.”
DeShawn looked at Rick and smacked his hand on the table. “Yes! Isn’t Enter the Dragon awesome?”
Allie cut the two of them off before they could keep going. “Guys, romance here.” I knew she was pointing at Tommy and me, even if I didn’t look at anyone but him. “Go on, Dylan.”
“I hated the last week, Tommy. I hated us not talking and not having lunch together. I still love you.” I swallowed the lump I could feel in my throat. “Tommy—”
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