Judge Savage

by Tim Parks

  Beat you up? She was alarmed.

  Daniel realised he had his sunglasses on. He took them off to show the patch. The room was brightly yellow and red. You didn’t know that?

  They beat you up? She was on her feet, shocked. You are hurt? She came to stare at him. She doesn’t follow the news, Daniel realised. These people have a different community. They don’t bother about the English news. They have satellite TV. Briefly, he explained what had happened. I can’t be absolutely sure it was them, he said. She sat down again, staring, shaking her head. I’m so sorry, she was saying. She shook her head from side to side. That’s terrible. Obviously it isn’t unimaginable to her, he noticed, that her father and brothers would beat someone up. You poor thing, she kept repeating. I shouldn’t have mentioned this at all, he realised then. I could have seen her, said hello and left. No, I could have waited outside the block, till I caught a glimpse of her – she is thriving – and left. There was no need to speak to her. So that made me even more concerned, he explained, that something might have happened to you.

  You still worried for me! she sang out. Even after being beaten up! Her bright voice conveyed a charming exoticism. Daniel, how nice! She frowned. You never loved me, though. Why did you do this? Why did you try to find me? From the door, the elderly woman interrupted with a dry word. Minnie turned and spoke extremely harshly. As she swung round, Daniel caught the flutter of breasts beneath the smock. The old woman muttered her disapproval. For me? Minnie turned back to him. She was shaking her head. I’m so sorry you were hurt. Daniel repeated: I didn’t want to feel that you had appealed to me and that I hadn’t helped, that maybe you’d got into some kind of trouble. As she watched him, she began to smile. The English gentleman! she laughed. She was shaking her head again, then brushing back her hair. You’re the English gentleman! I did all this for nothing, Daniel realised. I risked my life, my livelihood, for nothing.

  Abruptly he asked: So why did you call me? She sighed. He noticed a green neck-band. It was elegant. She looked at him, but didn’t reply. It was as if she couldn’t even remember. She said she was desperate then, but now she can barely remember calling you. By the way, he said, I should warn you, the police know that the people who attacked me were Korean. The police? When a judge is beaten up – I’m a judge now – the police inevitably work a bit harder to find out who did it. They know it was a Korean. Her eyes widened. I doubt if I can stop them finding out.

  You mean you didn’t tell them? To tell them, Daniel explained, would mean telling about you. Yes, she said, yes. She hasn’t thought about this at all, Judge Savage realised. Her right knee had started to rock with tension. She is taking it in now, he saw. Did the Kwans themselves know? he suddenly asked himself. It seemed impossible that the three men wouldn’t once have watched the news, seen his face. My face has been all over the papers, he told her. She brushed her hair from her cheek. Sooner or later the police will find out. That’s their job. They will arrest your father.

  Then she was very practical. Everyone will deny it, she said. You will deny it, because you must never admit about me. It would be bad for your family and your job. I will deny it. My father will deny it. My brothers will deny it. Maybe so, Daniel said, but what if the police find concrete evidence? They will still deny it, she said, always, even if they were in prison they will deny it, because they would never want people to think that I had a relationship with a black man. They nearly killed me . . .

  The expression irritated Daniel. The girl was healthy. Her breasts are bigger, he noticed, than when I knew her. Yet she talked lightly about being nearly killed. And how many times had she said, he’d kill me if . . . he’d murder me if . . . ? Wasn’t it that, in the end, that had tricked him into worrying about her? Her stories about her violent father. But here she was positively blooming. So why didn’t they kill you? he demanded. You seem fine to me. I’m going to have a baby, she said.

  Again she waved away the old woman. Ben’s mother, she explained. Ben had been going back and forth from Korea for years. I doubt if you spoke to him at all. Ben doesn’t know a word of English. I’m sure he doesn’t know anything about this. He would have left me. They smuggle people in, she said. That’s what these flats are for. We have five of them. Then I got pregnant. It was stupid. I was putting everything off, but when I was pregnant then I knew we must marry. She drew a deep breath. I couldn’t dream of escaping any more. I had been living two lives in two worlds. That’s when I called you.

  Daniel watched the girl. Every time you went to bed with a different woman, he had once told someone, perhaps Martin, you came into contact with a completely different world. You established a secret chain of contact between different lives. That was the excitement of it. You never knew who else was attached to the link you had made. It was a secret chain stretching out across the world, through all the communities you would never know or understand. It’s a stupid risk, Martin had said. And a shameful breach of trust.

  And what did you imagine I would do for you? Daniel asked her. She looked down so that the hair fell over her face. You used to say: the only thing holding you back is what’s inside your head. Remember? She looked up. How presumptuous of me, Judge Savage said. I don’t know, she sighed, I wanted advice, I wanted to get an abortion and disappear. I don’t really know. Sometimes I think of myself as a normal English girl. I’m not Korean at all. I just wanted to hear what you would say. So why didn’t you come, that evening, he asked. Because Mark, she said, my brother, that’s his English name, I don’t know, he’d heard something I said on the phone. We had a fight. He is always worried about the honour of the family. He is very Korean. You wouldn’t understand. There is this whole honour of the family thing. By the time I got there you had gone. She sighed and smiled. And when I got back I told them I’d been to see my black pimp lover. It was a joke. I always said it. You know? Anyway, Mark started hitting me. Then I told them Ben had made me pregnant. Now I’m married, she finished. It was bound to happen. This is me.

  Daniel was aware he should be quick. The old lady was fretting, making signs. Look, he was suddenly earnest in spite of himself, some voice was speaking that wasn’t quite his own, look, if you’re not happy, Minnie, wouldn’t it be better for you if these people were arrested so that you could be free. You can always divorce. You see, he paused, at some point I may be obliged to tell the truth.

  These people? The Korean girl’s eyes widened. My father! But she smiled. No, I don’t think like that now, she said. This is my life. She smiled again. You said yourself I was flourishing. Look at my tits! That’s just hormones, Daniel said. She shook her head: You were quite right about it all being in my mind. But the fact is that it actually is there. That is my mind. Anyway, they’ll never be arrested, she smiled. Dad’s never had problems with the police. You needn’t worry.

  Standing up, Daniel again noticed the candle and photographs. The family shrine? She had explained once how her father would kneel before the photos of his grandmother but not his grandfather, whom he’d hated. It had fascinated her that Daniel didn’t even know who his real mother was. She looked at the photo. Ben’s Dad, she said. He died before I was born. There was a flower too, he now saw. Don’t kiss me or even shake hands, she warned. Her eyes flickered to the older woman. I’m so sorry you were hurt.

  The door closed behind him. Walking along the balcony, Daniel glimpsed, beyond the corner of the block through a hazy distance, the hills that rose to the north of town. If I looked hard enough, if my one eye was sharp enough, I could pick out our house. But the girl had told him to leave quickly and discreetly. Glancing at his watch in the lift, he realised it was only twelve. Two grand well spent, he thought. Deny everything.

  FOURTEEN

  IT WOULD BE unrealistic to expect a cab in these parts. Walking along Sperringway, Daniel Savage was struck by the thought that resolving his problems seemed to involve going from one young woman to another. He grinned. In the end Minnie is in much better shape than my daughter. Why
did I ever allow myself to be so distracted?

  He came to a bus stop. Three Hispanic boys on a low wall were laughing at him. Needless to say the glass over the timetable and route map was gone. They laugh at the impeccably dressed black, he thought. Does it go to the station? he asked. Yeah, yeah, one boy said. The others burst into giggles.

  The road was a slow dual carriageway through housing estates both sides. He had done the fashionable reading in his time on the social causes of crime. Yet he was aware of having fallen back over the years on the rather simplistic notion of the bad penny. That was one of the colonel’s obsessions. Frank was a bad penny. Most of the people in the dock were not evil at all. The Mishras, the man who had broken his son’s wrist, the fool who had fondled the retarded girl. It was painful to sentence such people. But others were decidedly and inexplicably bad pennies. The stone-throwers surely. It would be a pleasure to send them down. Minnie’s father. It is a character thing, he thought. He had no real take on it. Perhaps there were trials where the jury was right just to base a verdict on intuition of character. Kwan is evil, Daniel told himself. They had that bag ready, he thought. They came knowing they would attack me.

  But then someone dies and a character changes. On the bus a middle-aged white woman stared. She had recognised him. I’ve certainly changed, Daniel thought. And at the station the cabbie too. If you don’t mind my saying so, sir, we should have the bloody death sentence for the bastards who did that! Bet you’d love to try’em yourself, sir. Daniel didn’t reply. Nice looking missus you’ve got, if I may say so, to judge by the photo, sir. I’ll tell her, he said. He was thinking that in the end the colonel had been wrong about Frank. Frank had been kind this morning. Perhaps then, by some miracle, Sarah might change too.

  From the phone box at the bottom of Carlton Street he called Hilary. I’m here he explained, Carlton Street. She asked where he’d been. That police inspector was eager to speak to you. She couldn’t remember his name. I felt claustrophobic at chambers, I thought I needed a walk. I’ve got someone in, she explained, to sort out the plumbing for the washing machine. Listen, he said, I’m going to tell Sarah that if she wants to live away from home, I’m happy to rent her a small place for a while. Are you agreed? There was a moment’s hesitation. Indignantly, his wife declared, Well, fairer than that you cannot get. Did the inspector say what it was he wanted? No. The solicitor’s at four-thirty then.

  So what do you want to do? he asked his daughter. He had noticed there was a plastic bag on the kitchen floor. I’m glad to see you’re eating. Max brought it, his daughter said. He had found her on her mattress in shorts and tee-shirt listening to her Walkman. That was kind of him. Oh it was Mum actually bought the stuff, she added. For a moment Daniel didn’t understand. Come on, only Mum would get me things like plain low fat yoghurt. And Mon Cheri. She knows they’re my favourites. Daniel sighed. Do you like Max? he asked. Taking a moment to think about it, she answered: He’s okay. I have time, Daniel thought. It was something he used to tell himself when cross-examining. You have time. Don’t hurry. He was aware of being anxious about Mattheson. It was one thing to be satisfied that Minnie was okay, quite another to feel sure that the case was closed.

  Sarah, we’ve got to sell this place. The new house was expensive, love. We don’t have unlimited funds. She didn’t look at him. I have a good salary now, but it will take a few years to mount up. He paused. Quite apart from the fact that we’ve signed a contract to sell. We’re honour bound. She was sitting on the mattress with her back to the wall, knees open wide, chin to the window. He had turned a chair round and was gripping its back between his hands. She has my chin, he thought. There’s nothing left here, he told her. There’s no table, no sofa. We don’t live here any more.

  The girl shrugged her shoulders. Her father tried to joke: You can’t even go back to nature in a place like this. She groaned. That’s such a stupid expression, Dad. Nature doesn’t go back so why go back to nature. They exchanged glances. To go back is unnatural, she said. He waited. She is very much my daughter, he thought. He felt reassured, but intensely aware of the mistake he had made that day he persuaded her to go to her exams.

  What would you like to do? he asked again. Now you’ve finished school. Tell me. Her lips were set and she shook her head as if in disbelief that he couldn’t understand. Minnie too had sat on the floor, while he was on a chair. Minnie is infinitely more disadvantaged than Sarah, he thought. Yet conversation with the Korean girl had been remarkably easy. He needn’t worry for her. At last Sarah asked, Want a Mon Cheri? He took one. She giggled: Chosen for me by Mum, delivered by Max, eaten by Dad. He smiled. I’ve got three full hours, he thought.

  Listen, Daniel said. However softly one spoke, the voice took a sharp ring in the bare room. This morning I looked through the case of a Chinese man accused of assaulting his daughter, your age more or less. Bloke has a small business and trained up his children so that each would have a particular role in the company. Also, they had to marry inside the community. You know. The two older children were brothers. Anyway, when the third child, the daughter, rebels and starts seeing a white guy instead of the bloke she’s supposed to marry, her father goes and beats her up. Pretty badly actually. Her wrist was broken in two places.

  And? Sarah enquired. You’re telling me I’m well off, I suppose. Not exactly. I’m just asking you: is there anything we are forcing you to do, or even to be, if you see what I mean, that you don’t want to do or be, or anything we’re preventing you from doing that you are dying to do?

  Sarah appeared to be thinking, but as he watched her Daniel was struck by the realisation that this was a sham. She wasn’t thinking at all. Why did he have this impression? Smirking, she asked: Do I have the right to silence? Everybody has the right to silence. He smiled: But these days the jury has the right to draw such inferences as may seem appropriate. She cried: I knew it was a cross examination! In the end, you’ll drag me out kicking and screaming. Won’t you!

  Sarah! Judge Savage stood up. For God’s sake. Let’s have a cup of tea. There’s no kettle, she remarked. So let’s go out to a café. I’m not leaving here, she said. In case I don’t let you back in? She was silent. Daniel was struggling to contain himself. Why, he should have asked Minnie earlier, had she insisted on provoking her father with that line about the black pimp lover? No wonder they had hit her!

  By the way, Sarah said, when I’m silent, do feel free to draw inferences. I want you to. There was a superciliousness in that smile. It was as if she’d inherited it from Frank. Which was a ridiculous notion. If ever there was a father, he’d often joked, who can be a hundred percent sure he is the father, it’s me. He said: Sarah, let me tell you an odd thing I heard this morning. You know your Uncle Frank. Not really, she interrupted. Not at all in fact. Okay, you know about your Uncle Frank. The only time I spoke to him was at Granddad’s funeral. You know the story, he insisted, of your Uncle Frank. Yes, your honour, she smiled. I know Mother never wanted to see him. This surprised Daniel, that she should have looked at it this way. But it was true of course. Well, this morning, I found out that he’s got a stand at Doherty Street market, selling antiques. Cool! the girl said. For a moment she was enthusiastic. And so? Judge Savage groped for a moment. The point is, it’s something nobody ever thought he’d do, or anybody in the Savage family and I just thought . . . Don’t, she told him. She smiled. She had already seen the whole discussion. She is smart, he thought. Abruptly he decided: Look, Sarah, you’ve got to leave the house immediately. We’ve got to get this exchange of contracts. If I can’t pay the builder tomorrow, theoretically he can repossess the house. If we take out a further loan to pay him, the interest will exceed even a judge’s income.

  This is the only house I’ve ever lived in, she said. Again she had turned her face away. So what’s that supposed to mean? he demanded. People don’t go from birth to death in the same house. You don’t get buried in your first nappies. You have to move and change. She turned her face a
way and when she spoke her voice had become flat and dull. You can drag me out kicking and screaming, she said.

  All at once Daniel was exhausted. As on Saturday, he felt the irrational urge to go straight to Police Inspector Mattheson and tell him everything. I fucked a girl, yes, on the jury. I got mixed up in her personal problems. It was her father had me beaten up. Arrest him. Daniel could see the scene as the interview finished. He could see Mattheson reaching for the phone to give the order. Why was it so seductive? The ensuing humiliation, the showdown with Hilary, perhaps they would be a relief. A sudden weakness came over him and he rested his face on his forearm across the back of the chair. Unthinking, he asked: How did all this happen?

  I don’t know, she said. Sensing she was looking at him now, he looked up. Their eyes met. There was a sympathy, he knew. And hostility too. I can see, he began. He stopped. It is always me exposing myself, he thought. She had told him nothing. Go on, she said. He sighed. I can see why you would feel upset about what happened with your mother and myself. I even think I can see how that might encourage you to get attached to an evangelical group. She was looking resolutely at the floor. In the sense maybe that when you’re young you find it difficult to accept any distance between ideals and reality. A thing has to be perfect or it’s nothing. I can even see why that might have started you sending me those unpleasant letters. Those quotations from the Bible. He waited. It was you wasn’t it? She was silent. But even accepting all that, I mean, that you find the lives of your parents, I don’t know, difficult to deal with, or even sick, you know, what I really can’t see is why you have to take it out on yourself, why you go and throw away your exams.