I folded my arms over my breasts, trying to hide myself from his x-ray vision, and entered the kitchen. On the counter was a white bag with Palermo’s written across it. A receipt was stapled to the bag, and ‘Rosalie’ was written on it.
As I opened the bag, the smell of garlic knots rose up and my mouth watered. Also in the bag was Fettuccine Alfredo with ground sausage, my favorite dish. I grabbed two plates and brought the bag to the dining room.
“Thank you for ordering for me,” I said. “Do you want some?”
“Nah, I like their pizza.”
We sat in silence while we ate. I caught Shane looking at me every so often, but instead of speaking, he ate more pizza. For once, I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to mess up this moment.
Shane finished his pizza and stared at me. Anytime I looked up, his gaze was still there. He wouldn’t stop and I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to until I felt myself blushing.
“Do I have Alfredo all over my face?” I asked.
I reached for a napkin and his hand closed over mine.
“I’m sorry about before,” he said, his voice husky.
“Just forget about it.”
“No, I should know better. When I was in jail, if someone entered my space I would’ve kicked their ass.”
“I overreacted. I’m sensitive about my room, my space. I can’t help it.”
“Is that why you’re here?” he asked.
I nodded.
“You don’t have to say anything else. I understand.”
He squeezed my hand and somehow I knew he really did understand.
“About what you said in my room...”
“Again, I’m sorry,” he said. “I thought maybe something was going on between us and I stupidly thought we could continue it.”
“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thinking the same thing.”
“Well, we can’t. Not here, not in this house. Not where I’m your stepbrother.”
“Then let’s go somewhere else.”
We decided to head into New Brunswick where there were several large hotels and enough people that no one would notice us. On the ride there, Shane pointed to a 7-Eleven convenience store and asked me to pull in. He came back out after a few minutes with a grocery bag full of stuff.
“What did you get?” I asked, trying to peek into the bag.
“Essentials.” He swatted my hand away. “Now keep driving.”
The hotel was one of the tallest buildings in the city and overlooked the river. We had no problem getting a room and rode up the glass elevator in silence. My heart was pounding in my chest. I had never done anything like this before, but the thought of being alone in a room with Shane and nothing else but a bed was too good to pass up.
As the elevator doors opened, Shane took my hand and we followed the numbers to our room. He flicked on the lights and set the grocery bag down on the desk next to the television.
In the center of the room was a king-sized bed with brown and cream colored sheets. It faced a wall of windows that were covered with long drapes.
I was beginning to feel awkward, like some kind of slut. I sat on the edge of the bed and wrung my hands together. Shane sat beside me, pushed my hair over my shoulder, and whispered huskily in my ear.
“I know what you want.”
His voice gave me chills and my nerves slipped away. I turned to him, hoping he would kiss me again, but instead he stood up and started emptying the bag from the convenience store. I was beyond confused.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I know what you want,” he said, his voice different from just a minute ago. “Ice cream.”
He held up several pints of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and a box of plastic spoons, balanced them in his arms, grabbed the television remote, and set them down on one of the nightstands next to the bed.
“Let’s go,” he said as he patted the head of the bed. “Get your ass up here.”
He propped up some pillows and took off his boots before leaning back against the headboard. I kicked off my sneakers and sat cross-legged beside him.
“Do you have cookie dough?”
“Of course. It’s your favorite,” he said as he handed me a pint.
“How do you know that? And my favorite from Palermo’s too. How did you guess that?”
“I didn’t guess, I know,” he said. “Your father talks about you a lot and I have to say I enjoy listening. When I was in jail, I didn’t have much else to do besides listen.”
“I didn’t think this was what you were getting when you went to the 7-Eleven.”
“What did you think I was getting? Condoms?”
“Actually, yes,” I said, laughing.
“I got those too.” His face got serious and he leaned in closer to me. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to do you right now. But this isn’t how I imagined it.”
I was stunned. The guy I had been crazy about had imagined having sex with me?
“You imagine it with everyone, don’t you?”
“No,” he scoffed. “I know what my rep at school was and there was a reason for that. I’ve had my fair share of pussy, but it all stopped when I saw you.”
“You are so full of it.”
“Here’s the thing, Rosalie. You are too good for me. My life is so fucked up and you’ve got a future ahead of you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about us. We can’t happen. I’m a fucking black cat. I’m nothing but bad luck. Everything I do gets fucked sideways. Remember that day when our parents announced they were married? I had seen you before then, before I even said anything to you. It’s my fucking bad luck that you became my stepsister. And what happened with Seth was more of my bad luck, too.”
“Well, I sometimes think I’m pretty lucky, so maybe we’ll cancel each other out,” I said.
“You can’t be that lucky or you wouldn’t have left your mom.”
“Why did you leave your mom?”
He lowered his head and shoved a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth.
“You want the CliffsNotes version?” he asked.
“No, I want to know everything.”
A pained expression passed over his face. He let out a long sigh, then shook his head.
“I can’t tell you everything,” he said. “Don’t ask why, I just can’t right now.”
His eyes pleaded with me to understand and I nodded, afraid of saying anything that would silence him.
“I’m sure your dad told you about my pop. We were really close and what’s funny is you and I even met when we were kids, when my parents were still together, but I know you don’t remember that. You had a doll with you and you both had on matching tiaras.”
I laughed. “I remember that doll. I used to take her everywhere.”
“I was a stupid kid, it’s no wonder you don’t remember me. I thought you were a princess, like a real princess. You were so pretty and you had that tiara. We were probably around six and I was too afraid to talk to you then.”
“Hmm, six. That explains a lot.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t remember much from when I was six. Well, I remember one thing, in a parking lot, and I don’t know if it’s real or not. Anyway, forget about it. We’re not talking about me.”
“We are, why do you think I call you princess?” he said with a crooked smile.
“You usually call me that when you’re pissed off.”
“I call you that when I’m pissed you’re my sister.”
It was my turn to look away. I had never blushed so much in my life, but it seemed Shane had that effect on me. It was a little embarrassing.
“So like I said, my pop and I were close. He used to take me everywhere. I don’t think my mother ever knew what to do with a boy so she didn’t care. My dad had a problem though. He was an addict.”
“Is that how you got involved with drugs?”
“Kinda. I was never
an addict like my pop. I never used other than smoking some pot once in a blue moon. I saw what it did to people and I didn’t want anything to do with it. But sometimes you just don’t have a choice.”
Ten Years Ago
“Get out!” Joanna screamed. “You lost your job, you spent all of our savings, and now I find out you’re dealing? What about Shane? Did you get him involved too? No, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. Just get out, Ryan. I’m done. I’ve had it.”
My mother stormed out of the room, leaving my father crying with his face in his hands. I was only eight, but I knew a lot more about adult things than my peers. Cautiously, I put my hand on my father’s shoulder.
“Is there anything I can do, Pop?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I don’t know, Shane. I don’t know. I messed up bad, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. Your mother wants me gone. You have to make a choice, are you coming with me or staying here?”
I didn’t see it as a choice; my father needed me, my mother didn’t. I saw how things were when I was around, I was nothing but a thorn in her side.
“Where will we go?” I asked.
“To your grandmother’s in Philly. She’ll take us in. Don’t tell your mother though.”
“Why not?”
“Because your mother and grandmother don’t get along.”
I had only seen my grandmother a handful of times, and most of them were when we picked her up at the train station during a visit. We never went to visit her in Philly and that day I found out why.
Grandma Ventana, or Abuela as she wanted me to call her, lived in the ghetto. The buildings around her were in disrepair. Some of them looked condemned with boarded-up windows, but people still lived in them.
Abuela’s home was off an unmaintained street in a forgotten part of the city. The brick tenements were so close to each other that some leaned against the others. The air had a bad combination of filth and decay.
The wide sidewalk in front of her house was busy. Hanging between the buildings over the street were electrical wires and clotheslines with shoes dangling by their laces. I soon learned the hanging shoes was a sign that drugs were sold in that area.
Abuela sat in a rickety lawn chair in front of her building. She stood as we walked up the street from the train station, her head shaking with disappointment.
“Sinvergüenza,” she said, looking at my father. “It’s the drugs, isn’t it? Get inside and I’ll make you something to eat.”
As Abuela fried drumsticks, my dad and I sat at the large dining room table. The room was painted a bright orange and a large crucifix hung on one of the walls.
When they were done, she placed the chicken on the table with a pile of paper plates, then sat down. My father started eating like he had never seen food before in his life. Abuela clucked her tongue as she shook her head.
“So you’re my problem now, huh?” she said.
“I’m sorry, Mami, but I had nowhere else to go,” Pop said.
“This is my fault. I didn’t watch you enough when you were younger. I thought I could trust you with the product, instead you started using.” She clucked her tongue before running it over her teeth. “You’ll have to work for me again, but this time if anything’s missing, you’re paying double for it.”
“Yes, Mami, whatever you want.”
Her eyes turned towards me and she squinted through her glasses.
“How old are you now?” she asked.
“I’m eight.”
“You look like a bright boy, how’d you like to make some money and help your father out?”
Present Day
“I delivered drugs to Abuela’s dealers. Her thinking was that I was a child, a juvenile, so they would be more lenient on me than an adult.”
“That’s terrible,” I said.
“It wasn't as bad as you think. My grandmother and I grew close and I understood why she did what she did. I'd do anything for her, and I proved that by never giving the cops her name.”
“So when you had Seth’s eyeglass case in school...”
“The cops ran my name and all my priors came up. They had no choice but to take me in and since I wouldn’t play ball with them, they locked me up.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “All this time I was worried it was my fault, and it really is.”
“Nah, it’s just my shit life. I can’t get away from it. Abuela passed away a couple of years ago. That’s when Pop and I moved and I started going to your school. I could have told the cops what they wanted to know, but I didn’t want to disrespect her memory.”
He was quiet and he gave me that look again where I thought he could see through my clothes. Only this time it didn’t bother me. This time I knew he was seeing something more.
“Right now,” he said. “Right here, tonight, this has been the best day of my fucked-up life. Being in bed with you like this has made all of that shit okay because I know it was bringing me to you.”
I was lost in his words. I knew he was being sincere, but part of me couldn't believe it. Why was the guy I stalked in the halls not that long ago saying all these amazing things to me? It was unreal. I couldn’t handle how serious he was.
“Is this how you got into all those girls’ pants?” I asked with a grin.
“That depends. Is it working?” He tilted his head to the side as he pushed my hair off my shoulder. “You don’t like being serious, do you? It makes you uncomfortable.”
“Maybe. Or maybe I’m just nervous because I think I know what’s about to happen.”
“Do you?”
His hand cupped my face and pulled me closer. His kiss was gentle at first, then more demanding. As his tongue slid near my tongue, I moaned softly.
“I like that,” he said. “Do it again.”
“I can’t. It just happened.”
“Then I’m going to make it happen again.”
“I don’t think you can.”
“I love a challenge,” he said.
He moved further down on the bed so we were lying next to each other. His lips kissed my neck before he pressed them against mine. He sucked on my bottom lip and bit it. I forced myself to not make a sound.
“Nothing? We’ll see about that,” he said with a crooked smile.
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to make you moan so loud the people in the next room will complain.”
I laughed as he pulled me against him until I felt his hard cock pressed against my thigh. The memory of him naked drifted through my mind. I pressed myself against him more, then slid my hand over him.
“You make me so fucking hard. Do you have any idea how hard it is to think with you in the next room? To hear the shower turn on and to imagine you naked?”
“I want to see you again,” I said, lifting his shirt.
He pulled his shirt off quickly then unbuttoned his jeans and kicked them off. Lying naked beside me, he pulled my face to his again, his tongue hungrily exploring my mouth.
His hands moved roughly over my shirt, squeezing my breasts before reaching for my pants. I felt him hesitate a moment before he pulled them down past my hips. I pushed them off then moved my bare leg against his.
Shane reached for my hips and pushed his cock between my legs, against my panties.
“You’re so wet I can feel it through your panties,” he said.
He groaned as he rubbed his cock against the thin material. His hands grabbed my ass, pressing me tightly against him.
“I can’t take it anymore. Please just fuck me already,” I said. I started to pull my panties down, but he stopped me.
“No, we can’t. I want you so fucking bad, but we can’t.”
“It’s because I’m your stepsister, isn’t it?”
“That’s only part of it,” he said. “I wasn’t joking when I said today has been the best day of my life. And if we did this right now, I could die a happy man. But I can’t do it. I keep waiting for something bad
to happen. Nothing this good ever happens to me. You’re too good for me. I know something will fuck this up just like everything else in my life.”
I wanted to argue with him and tell him nothing would happen, but I couldn’t. I didn't have the words to make him feel better. And I didn’t want to say something to ruin what wasn’t just the best day of his life, but mine too.
We spent hours lying in bed together, Shane naked and me still in my shirt and panties. The time flew by as we kissed and touched each other, but we never let it go too far.
~ Eight ~
The next few days were a blur. Shane didn’t come out of his room much, and when he did, he kept to himself. He hardly looked at me and I knew he was avoiding me.
I found myself falling on my old high school habits. I looked for little clues and signs of what he was doing or where he had been. He went out several times, but I didn’t know who he was with. Was he dating? Just the thought of it made my chest ache.
Shane would come out of his room late, after everyone had fallen asleep, but whenever I tried to talk to him, he disappeared back into his room without a word. Part of me was glad he wasn’t yelling at me, but another part wished he was. I needed something from him, even if it was him being mean. The silence was worse than almost anything he could possibly say.
The rest of the house was asleep and I knew Shane would be up soon to eat or whatever it was he did in the middle of the night. I had to stop listening for him and thinking about him. I had to stop obsessing about him. Needing something to get my mind off him, I looked at my cell phone and decided to see what Noelle had been up to.
“Hey stranger,” she said as she answered.
“Thanks, that makes me feel even better.”
“Nah, you know I’m just busting your chops. I haven’t been around much lately either with getting ready to go away and trying to spend as much time with Craig as possible.”
“How are things with him?”
“Things are...well, they could be better. You know when we started dating the whole plan was we were just hanging out for the summer. No strings, no ties since we were both going away. But now it’s different and that’s making it harder. He’s even talking about transferring to my school, but I told him that’s just insane. What’s going on with you? How’s Shane, your way-hot stepbrother? Have you accidentally walked in on him in the shower yet?”
Sinned: A Priest Romance Page 13