Shades of Trust

by Cristiane Serruya

  Not quite, but I can try. But let’s set some limits here. “So, let me see if I got this right. No pain, no humiliation, no abuse. If I say no, it’s no. If I agree to something, I can ask you to stop if I change my mind.”

  Hmm. That’s it, Sophia! He nodded and controlled the naughty smile that threatened to split his lips. You and I will do great scenes together.

  “But let me make myself clear here, Alistair Connor, I’m no submissive. I don’t like that label and I don’t like to be ordered around. In fact,” a naughty smile appeared on her face, “I’ll probably be ordering you around.”

  We’ll see. He snorted but let her finish what she was saying.

  “I can role-play, I can indulge in some previously agreed upon fantasies. It spices up the relationship. But that doesn’t mean that you can order me around.”

  “Agreed. We’ll go through all those things together. I—I have to apologize for not being completely forthcoming with you from the beginning.” He locked his eyes on hers, for a full minute, hypnotizing her. “Let me make this right.”

  Yes, please do. She raised a questioning eyebrow, “How?”

  “Marry me. Let me love you for the rest of my life.”

  She opened her mouth and closed it again, uncertain. Dammit, Sophia, say yes!

  For a heartbeat, Alistair was sure she would accept. “We have a standoff, it seems.”

  “A standoff?”

  “Indeed. You keeping saying no. I’ll keep saying yes. I can be as stubborn as you are. I have no intention of changing my mind.”

  And I will capitulate. I’m not strong enough to keep you at bay. Sophia looked away.

  Jaw clenched, Alistair walked to the dressing room, and an instant later, he was back behind Sophia. He caged her body inside his arms, bent his head and kissed her neck, nipping at her earlobe.

  His movement caught her by surprise and she moaned, incapable of holding back her pleasure.

  “I love you, Sophia. Say yes,” he murmured in her ear, as his big warm hands squeezed her waist softly. Say yes. Say yes. He stepped closer, his warmth tantalizing.

  She whirled in his arms.

  Sophia felt utterly conflicted. All she wanted to do was run away like a scared rabbit. But that was all she couldn’t do, as he held her under his spell.

  She closed her eyes and parted her lips, inhaling a desperate mouthful of air. Before she could open her eyes, his lips took hers, commanding, demanding, ravaging her senses and his hand closed over her breast.

  When he broke the kiss, the need to feel his mouth on hers again pulsed through every cell of her body and she leaned into him, consumed by the intensity of his gaze, unable to speak a single word.

  All her reasons for saying no suddenly seemed so banal and incongruous. Yes, Alistair Connor! Yes!

  Time stopped and Alistair waited as she mused, analyzing her feelings.

  Yes, I’ll marry you. Yes, I love you. She opened her mouth to answer him, but no words left her mouth. She was paralyzed by the realization and her emotions were tumbling over one another.

  “Sit.” He pointed to the armchair and knelt on one knee when she sat down. He breathed deeply and took an old jewel box from his pocket. “I had this hidden in the picnic basket. I had a whole speech rehearsed. But you said nae.”

  His eyes were flaming as the intense emotions he was feeling swirled in them. “Since you left, I haven’t slept. I can’t work. I can’t live without you. When you said that you needed some time to think, you plunged a knife in my chest and left my heart bleeding, Sophia,” he whispered. “I felt you slipping through my fingers but I will never let you go. Never. You are mine, Sophia. My woman. My love. And I want you to be my wife. Marry me, Sophia.”

  She felt like closing her eyes, but the passionate love that resounded in his green depths was too wondrous to not be enjoyed. Too precious to be thrown away. Too rare not to be treasured.

  When Sophia married Gabriel she was barely a woman. She had loved him, yes, but with Alistair she had known a more mature love. Stronger, deeper.

  She looked at him, as if seeing him for the first time and an epiphany hit her. This is what I’m going to lose if I say no. A passionate man that loves me and that I love like I have never loved before. A treasure. I have to trust this is going to work. It’s all a matter of trust.

  He returned her stare, waiting. The moment was suspended in air.

  “Yes, Alistair Connor. I accept. And, yes,” she mustered all her courage and cupped his jaw with her hand and whispered on his lips, “I love you.”

  Those three words were Alistair’s undoing. A sudden light flooded his body and soul, pulverizing to dust the remaining shields he had built over the years, leaving him dazzled at the brightness of his feelings. He blinked, too startled to believe his ears. She loves me. She. Loves. Me.

  He drew her gently into his arms and his lips closed over hers in a loving kiss.

  Breaking the kiss, he breathlessly asked on her lips, with his eyes closed, “Say it again.”

  “Eu te amo, Alistair Connor. I love you,” she murmured. “And…yes…heaven help me, us…I will marry you.”

  Amen. He wanted to laugh. He wanted to shout it to the world. He opened his eyes and looked at her. My Beauty. Mine.

  “Give me your hand, please,” he asked, as happy as he had ever been in his whole life. He gently held her hand and felt her pulse beating as unevenly as his. He took off the Cartier ring, put it aside, and opened the old jewel box.

  “Oh. My God,” Sophia gasped.

  A twenty-six carat fancy deep grayish-blue pear-shaped diamond set in white diamonds gleamed at her, as Alistair slipped it on her slim finger.

  “My father gave it to my mother when they married. When I told my father I was going to propose, he suggested I give it to you. It was my mother’s favorite.”

  “Alistair Connor. It’s magnificent.”

  “It’s called The Blue Teardrop.” He smiled, feeling more confident and completely besotted. “This ring reminds me of you. You never believe me when I tell you that you saved me. You did, sweetheart. I was living on the scraps of humanity, inside a deep dark well where no sunshine ever reached me. Only you were capable of rescuing me.”

  How could I ever think of saying no? “Oh, Alistair Connor.” How could I ever think of living away from you?

  “For me, this ring represents you.” He entwined his fingers with hers. “Your pure soul is clear as the white diamonds. The set is classic, elegant, and eternal, with a daring touch. The blue diamond is for hope and peace, as you are my hope of peace. Blue is the sky, and you are my private heaven. I want a happily ever after, not like in a fairy tale, but as a real family that relies on love, trust, and friendship to enjoy the good things life brings, and to overcome the bad, together.”

  “I hope I’ll always be worthy of your mother’s memory.”

  “You are, and you will.” He stood and held out his hand, inviting her to join him.

  He let himself be surrounded by her familiar taste and her scent, as he framed her face in his big hands and slowly dropped his head to kiss her.

  “Alistair Connor,” Sophia moaned, her arms encompassing his waist.

  In a heartbeat, their kiss changed from gentle to ravenous, her fingers tangled in his hair and his free hand found her breast.

  Sophia had missed his lips, his hands. His touch sent a shock through her spine.

  She wanted him to undress her, to rip her clothes off, to fling her on the bed and have his wicked way with her. Her hands untied her caftan.

  But he would not let her have her way. He stopped her.

  He wanted this to be good. Perfect. He would spend his whole life showing her how much he loved her.

  One of his hands cupped her nape and slanted her head so he could have better access to her mouth, while the other caressed her breast.

  Ever so gently, his hands lowered her caftan and swimsuit to her waist, baring her shoulders to his mouth.

&nbs
p; The sheer material of her caftan floated down on to the floor, skimming her legs, sending jolts of awareness over her skin, and the erotic sensation made her moan.

  His green eyes flashed with lust and love, telling her exactly what he was feeling as he helped her out of the swimsuit.

  The warmth of his chest scorched her, heightening the melting sensation that always came over her when he was in charge. The blood in her veins heated up to burning lava.

  Sophia’s hands encompassed his neck, bringing him even closer, her breasts tickling his muscular chest. Softness and hardness. She slipped her tongue along his bottom lip and bit it, returning his soft kiss, drawing his hard body onto hers, inviting, inciting. She needed to quench her thirst; she needed to fill the void his absence had left.

  He broke the kiss, to have a better look at her, running his fingers tenderly over her face, reconnecting, admiring.

  For a moment that seemed to last forever, there was only the sound of their breathing and the thud of his heart, roaring in his ears. He had never felt this freedom, this unfettered happiness, which he recognized for what it really was.

  This is what so few find at the end of the rainbow. Bliss. Utter bliss. Undiluted, unconditional love. “I love you.”

  The masculine smell of him overwhelmed her and his body called to her. His lips hovered over her face in a gentle caress, casting a spell over them. The pleasure his lips demanded from her coursed through Sophia’s veins. It snatched her up. It spiked her senses. It brought her home.

  “Please,” she moaned, and arched, as beneath his hand, her nipple had tightened to a firm bud. Incandescent fire spread through her veins.

  “There is no hurry.”

  “You always say that,” Sophia complained as his fingers stroked, gently kneading until his thumb and forefinger rolled her nipple.

  He laughed, delighted and traced her jaw with his tongue, nibbling at her earlobe and whispered, “Slow is better.”

  His mouth moved down her throat and to her collarbone, where he paused to take a small bite, in a sensuous and sinful caress that drew a loud moan from her.

  She tugged on his hair. “Fast is good too.”

  “Greedy, wanton woman,” he murmured on her lips. Hesitantly, he touched her back and she moaned softly on his lips, encouraging him and took his mouth in a deep and lustful kiss.

  He returned the kiss, but there was still restraint in him, as if he was unwilling to turn all of himself over to her.

  Even as she hated it, she understood why he held back. Desire made her press harder onto his body, slanting her mouth against his, her nails grazing down his back till one hand cupped his butt and the other pressed down on his hard erection, trying to break the last bit of his control.

  “Tell me you want me,” he asked. He needed to hear the words.

  “I want you,” Sophia breathed as her hands slid inside his shorts. “I love you, Alistair Connor. I’m yours.”

  The words were soft but unmistakable. Unbound pleasure erupted within him at her admission.

  “And I’m yours,” he answered, just as softly.

  He didn’t dare carry her in his arms, afraid of hurting her back. Putting his hands on her waist and kissing her again, blindly he guided her to the bed.

  He paused on the edge of the bed, took off his shorts and, with his hands on her hips, turned her away from him. Removing her hair from her back, he kissed the welts one by one.

  He was touched by the lengths Sophia had gone to see if their relationship could work. What she did was a sign of her love for him. A sign he wanted to wipe away immediately, if he could. “I’m so sorry, Sophia.”

  She turned. She didn’t want him to see the marks on her back.

  “It’s doesn’t hurt that much,” she whispered on his lips as she pushed him onto the edge of the bed and straddled him.

  He started kissing her anew, more decadently this time, running his tongue along her lips before moving to her throat, licking and biting lightly, letting her feel his arousal trapped between their stomachs.

  “Yes!” Sophia gasped at the passionate way he touched her. This is my Alistair Connor. This is the man I love.

  “You have such strong hands,” she whispered as he placed them on her hips.

  “And you are so soft,” he whispered against her neck.

  “And you’re hard as a rock,” she replied, running her hands over his broad shoulders and down his muscular biceps.

  He was an intriguing combination of silk and steel; she would never get enough. Sophia touched his face, holding it as she kissed him.

  He grunted with deep masculine satisfaction as he made his way to a breast. He could feel she was as hungry for him as he was for her, but he was determined that this time would be all about her. He lapped and nibbled on her nipple and then took it all in his mouth, sucking it with hard tugs that reverberated between her tights.

  “Alistair Connor.” His name left her lips in a husky moan when she lowered herself on his erection. Being with him felt so right, so perfect, she couldn’t imagine being any place else. She thrust her hands into his hair, entwining the silky long strands around her fingers. “I missed you.”

  This is where I belong. He groaned possessively with delight as her tight walls sheathed him. He opened his eyes and looked at her yellow-diamond ones. “You are my private paradise.”

  “And you are my pagan god,” she replied, bringing his head to kiss him long and hard.

  Alistair was resolved to conquer all of her, to make her so giddy with desire and passion she would never think about leaving him again.

  “Yes,” she whispered and arched on his mouth as he licked his way to the other breast and she slowly moved up and down.

  Alistair groaned in response as his hands gripped her hips, making her go faster. “Mine, Sophia. You are mine!”

  “Ah. Yes,” Sophia cried.

  He hardened even more at the sight of her raven hair spilling around her lightly tanned skin, her head thrown back in pleasure. Fuck, yes!

  “Come with me. I’m close,” she said, lifting her hips higher and sinking down, riding him fast. “I’m—”

  Suddenly, it was there.

  Her internal muscles clamped around him, her hands gripped his hair hard, as a thrill rippled through her, making her come hard, screaming his name on his lips.

  It was a call he could not resist.

  They climaxed in unison as her moment triggered his and he plunged deep, holding her down for several moments as his orgasm overwhelmed all rational thought.

  He collapsed back on the bed, taking her with him.

  Sophia was too tired to move, to even open her eyes. Her bones felt as if they’d melted and every nerve was numb and relaxed.

  He caressed her hair, grinning as relief roared through him and love swaggered in its wake. She is mine.

  For a long time, they didn’t speak, merely held each other.

  Alistair’s body was wrung out with physical satisfaction, his mind fogged and sluggish. But his heart was bursting with so much joy that he needed to voice his feelings. “I love you so much that I think I’m going mad.”

  “If this is madness,” she said, amusement in her voice, “take me to the asylum.”

  He chuckled and replied, “I don’t think I can make it right now. Maybe later.”

  She laughed quietly, and the vibrations rippled through her body into his.

  “I could stay here forever,” he added, almost to himself.

  She lifted her head and gave him a mischievous look. “Forever? How many wicked plans do you have?”

  You have no idea. “Did you really want me to never contact you, Sophia? Did you really think I would stay put and let you go?” he murmured.

  “No. No,” she whispered on his lips, spreading gentle kisses on his face. “I was ashamed and afraid. Afraid of what you would think. Afraid that my dark secrets would poison you. Us. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you enough.”

  “Promise me yo
u’ll never do that again. Promise me you will trust me no matter what.”

  “I do. I promise.”

  She stood up and went to the bathroom, returning with a moist towel for him.

  He had already opened the coverlet and settled himself on the pillows. He wiggled his fingers at her.

  She crawled over his body, sighing with content. Caressing his nipple with her finger, she whispered, “I love your chest.”

  He threw the towel on the floor and smiled, asking teasingly, “Only my chest?”

  She chuckled and her hand glided down over his flat abdomen and held his now flaccid penis in her hand. “This too. All of you.”

  His smile just broadened as he stretched, sated and happy.

  Should I ask? Courage, Sophia. “Alistair Connor?” Oh, God.

  “Hmm?”

  Her courage deserted her. Don’t spoil the mood, Sophia. Come up with something! “Well…I…” Quickly! “Hmm, now that I have you completely, I have a confession to make. My breasts are not original.”

  Uh? Not original?! He smiled, frowning amused at her, “Come again?”

  She lay back and raised her right arm, showing him a faint scar under her armpit. “I breastfed Gabriela for eight months and, my, she was a hungry baby.” She half-smiled, fond of the memories, and at the same time, saddened by them. “Afterward, I had plastic surgery and put in implants.” It’s important. Say it.

  His eyebrows rose high as he pushed up on an elbow to look at her. His hand held her breast. “Really? Mmm.” He smiled naughtily. “So, could you get bigger ones?”

  “Maybe. Depends on your behavior.” She giggled nervously and hid her face again on his neck. Come on, Sophia.

  He curled his fingers under her chin and lifted her face. “But that wasn’t what you were going to say, was it, Sophia?”

  She bit her lip and shook her head, lowering her lids.