Shades of Trust

by Cristiane Serruya

  “Throughout your life, you’ve had to deal with a lot of pain due to the tragedies that most people don’t have to deal with. You survived them all and achieved many things, things that others may take for granted. I know that money doesn’t make up for your losses. Nothing can, except love. Through it all, you’ve held onto a belief that you shouldn’t just live life, but should live it with morals and ethics. You think that you have to be perfect. You don’t. You think you need to control everything. You can’t. Sometimes, you even put other people’s needs and desires before yours. This is beautiful and makes you special.”

  I’m not following you. Sophia shrugged. “Thanks.”

  Dr. Kent put her feet on the floor and adjusted herself on the seat as she mused how to soften what she was going to say. “Listen, Sophia. All of the facts we went over today are shadows to blind you to your biggest fear, my dear: life. Life can only be enjoyed if one doesn’t plan it exhaustively. Life is the uncertainty of the future; the future is something you can’t control. No matter how much you plan, to live, you have to accept the beautiful uncertainty of life.”

  “I hope something beautiful comes out of all that uncertainty this time.” Sophia sighed and looked down at her hands. “I do hope.”

  The Harlequin Suite

  Saturday, December 3, 2010

  8:03 a.m.

  Barbara woke up and rolled over, feeling for Ethan. The sheets were warm and his head was marked on the pillow. She rolled to his side of the bed, burrowing her nose in his pillow to breathe in his male scent. Hugging his pillow to her chest, she passed her hand over her body. It reminded her that they hadn’t had sex for quite some time.

  All she wanted to do was to invade Ethan’s shower and make him call out her name in passion.

  She looked around the room, wondering if what she was doing would really keep him by her side. In fact, Barbara had started to doubt her actions.

  She got out of the bed, planning her day carefully.

  Notting Hill, The Ledbury

  8:31 p.m.

  Barbara was finding it nearly impossible to concentrate on the menu. The idea of dining out was actually the most exciting thing Ethan had agreed to. He had been in an excellent mood during the day, for a change.

  Being outside her confinement, her golden cage, was exhilarating. She looked around the restaurant and relaxed in the chair. She had dressed with care, wearing a sexy, black dress under her new coat and had chosen coral and gold drop earrings and a heavy gold chain from which a coral pendant called attention to her breasts.

  The heated looks Ethan had been giving her since she had left the dressing room made her tingle. She craved his touch.

  They had exchanged sensuous touches in the Ferrari, and when his hand went under her dress, she almost asked for him to stop the car and take her then and there but the Ferrari was too small.

  Now she was squeamish on the chair and enjoying every moment of it.

  She thought something had changed within him the night they had talked about how he treated her. He had become more responsive to her, but a few days later, he had reverted to the aloof man she had met on the first day. The only thing that hadn’t changed back was that he still called her by her own name.

  She sighed in contentment and looked in the mirror on the restaurant wall to retouch her lipstick. Her hand stopped mid-air and she wished she had stayed home.

  She could not pretend she was not staring, because her eyes were glued to Sophia who had just walked in. She had never seen her so close.

  Sophia was wearing a one-shoulder long-sleeve blouse made of heavy black lace, a yellow short pleated leather skirt, and black high-heels. She had rimmed her eyes with kohl and her lips had just a touch of gloss.

  Barbara was astonished at how Ethan could think they were alike. She was the complete opposite of delicate and natural Sophia. She felt self-conscious; big breasted, too tall, old, and awkward.

  The waiter pulled the table and Sophia sat beside Alice on the sofa, thanking him with a bright smile, and the young man blushed.

  “Whore,” Barbara murmured under her breath. She understood what her friends had been saying to her; only a fool would believe Ethan could forget Sophia so easily.

  Barbara could bet Sophia had not noticed her sitting as she was, shadowed by the pillar. Or that anyone had noticed her. Ethan had chosen the most discreet table in the room. She was his shame. That made her sad; that made her sick.

  “Ashford. What a pleasure!” Leonard said as he entered the men’s room. “Are you dining here too?”

  Ethan controlled his facial expression and smiled at Leonard. His parents’ words, threatening to tell Sophia and Alistair he was having an affair with Barbara made him galvanize into action. “Ah, yes, just leaving, Allenthorp. I had a wonderful Roe Buck.” I hope they still have it on the menu.

  Leonard chuckled. “Sophia would faint if she saw anyone eating Roe Buck near her. She fainted when we went hunting.”

  Jesus. Things couldn’t get worse. “Ah. Is she here too?” Ethan zipped up his trousers in a hurry.

  “Yes. Just the four of us.”

  Great. That’s really great. Ethan washed his hands and said goodbye to Leonard, leaving the room, looking around for Sophia’s table. Leonard will find it weird, to say the least, if I don’t greet them. Why did I let Barbara talk me into going out? The awkwardness he was feeling turned into anger directed toward Barbara. She is nothing, only here for my pleasure.

  Sophia was surprised when Ethan said a curt hello to Alistair and Alice, perfunctorily kissed her cheek, and walked quickly back to his table.

  The stunning woman who had been ogling her, stood up and deliberately put her hand on Ethan’s arm.

  Not that this was a problem for Sophia.

  What baffled her was the fierce look, which came from a woman she had never met before. What have I done to you? Whoever she was, she was not hiding herself, or that she had noticed Sophia. Her blue eyes flashed with possessiveness, jealousy, and other emotions Sophia couldn’t comprehend.

  Sophia looked at the others to see if anyone had noticed the woman, but they were immersed in choosing their food. Incapable of subduing her curiosity, Sophia looked back.

  Barbara had put on her coat, placed an arm around Ethan’s waist, and gave her a last look as if she could burn Sophia to ashes. When the maître d’ opened the restaurant door for them, she mouthed a word dripping with venom.

  A shudder ran down Sophia’s spine even though she hadn’t been able to decipher the word.

  From far away, she heard someone calling her name.

  “Sophia?” Alice asked.

  “Are you all right?” Alistair cupped her face. “You’re pale and you spaced out for a moment.”

  “Mm-hmm,” she nodded. “Yes, I’m fine.”

  “Yeah, that was convincing,” Leonard drawled sarcastically.

  “I have a slight headache,” she lied, with a smile pasted on her face. “I think it’s hunger.”

  “So let’s order,” said Alice.

  Alistair stared at Sophia for a moment, wondering why she was lying. Why every time Ethan was around she got distracted. Why Ethan kept hounding her as if Sophia were a sweet fox he wished to devour.

  On the way to Atwood House

  10:53 p.m.

  Maybe she has seen me with Ethan before. Or maybe he’s mentioned me and she is jealous. Slowly, as Sophia made sense of the scene at the restaurant, she realized that they had been riding back in silence. Neither of them had remembered to put on any music.

  The dinner had been scrumptious, talkative and full of laughter. Leonard and Alice kept telling Sophia about Alistair’s mischiefs when he was younger. The way back to their house had been a silent one though, each one dealing with their private thoughts. Alistair’s lips were thinned to a straight line and his hand was gripping the wheel hard.

  As he drove into their underground garage, she covered his hand with hers, inquiring, “Everything okay?” />
  “Aye.” His shoulders relaxed a bit. Just keeping my jealousy and desire under control.

  Sophia climbed out of the car when Alistair killed the engine. The house was pleasantly heated and she took off her coat.

  Alistair opened the door to the pool lounge for her and locked it after him. He stopped by it, stretched out his arm, and opened his hand, letting his car key fall to the floor.

  Sophia heard the noise and turned. She was ready to drop on her haunches to pick it up when she saw Alistair’s pose.

  Did he do it on purpose? Her eyes flicked up to his face and the hunger she saw made her hot. Ah!

  She was still impressed how, with just a look or a gesture, he could turn her on.

  Her coat and purse slid down her arm to the floor and she stepped toward him, breathless. Her need was so strong that her voice came out hoarsely, “Should I pick up your key, Alistair Connor?”

  “Nae.” He desired her, right in that moment, no foreplay. In a fluid movement, he pressed her on the wall, growling, “I’m still hungry.” For you.

  I’ll appease your hunger. She gasped but welcomed the onslaught of his kiss.

  His hand searched for her zipper. When he didn’t find it, his hand sought her skin.

  Moaning in his mouth, she moved her foot up around one of his legs, opening up to his touch.

  When his hand brushed her thigh-high garter and then her sex, he broke the kiss and stepped back, panting. “Fuck, Sophia. Take off your skirt, I want to see it.”

  She smiled naughtily and opened the zipper, letting her skirt pool around her high-heels.

  Fuck. Under her pleated skirt, she was wearing an unapologetically erotic garter belt with no panties and was hairless.

  “If I had known you were wearing—no’ wearing—fuck, I’d have come home earlier.”

  Their gazes clashed and locked.

  His forest-green eyes were raging with passion.

  “It would have ruined the surprise,” she whispered, pulling him by the lapels of his blazer. “Now, stop talking and start doing.”

  “As you wish.” He grabbed the neckline of her blouse and pulled, tearing the lace to discover she was wearing no bra.

  He stepped back to enjoy the sight and shook his head, amazed. “What have I done to you?”

  “I don’t know and I don’t care.” She wiggled her fingers at him. “You’re too talkative tonight. Come here.”

  He had wished to take her rough and fast to release the tension between them but her boldness of going out without bra or panties had empowered him and all the tension had evaporated. He knew she had done it for his pleasure and for Alistair there was nothing more arousing than that.

  “You’re a witch,” he breathed, and dropped to his knees.

  She was going to answer that she was no witch but his tongue drew a path directly to the seam of her thighs, disarming her. She threw a leg over his shoulder and fisted his hair as his tongue found what he was looking for.

  My own ambrosia. My paradise. When he thrust his tongue inside her, she had to lean against the wall. He licked her leisurely, melting her into a puddle of desire and gasps.

  “Mmm, stop. I want more of you,” she moaned loudly, complaining of the torture. When he didn’t comply, she pulled hard at his hair. “Alistair Connor. I want more.”

  He looked at her face, and dragged the tip of his tongue so slowly over his lips that Sophia heaved a breath. “More. Of. What?”

  She closed her eyes, enjoying the desire pooling in her center and said out loud, “I want your big, hard dick pushing into my hot, wet pussy.”

  “Fuck, Sophia. I love this. Keep talking,” he ordered. “Tell me what you want.”

  She heard the tantalizing sound of his clothes being shed as she told him what she wanted, mixing dirty words with sensations. She could feel the intensity of her desire and her breath quickened as she understood the power of awareness. When she felt his warm breath on her neck, she was so aroused that her knees buckled.

  “More than a witch.” He pushed her up against the wall and she wound her legs around his waist. “You’re an enchantress.”

  Sophia opened her eyes when the tip of his penis brushed her. In the shadowed lounge, he looked like a feral Highland warrior taking possession of what was due to him.

  She arched on his chest. “Fuck me.”

  He plunged in, burying himself into her.

  Her cry of pleasure filled the room and her legs wound tighter around him.

  “Shhh! Don’t scream,” he admonished, lunging deeper.

  “As if I could not.” She locked her ankles and pushed against him, drawing him inside. Sophia was so close that her boundaries were blurred and all her sensations were honed into pure delight. “I’m—”

  “Come. I’ve got you.” Alistair fought for a bit of control but all his leashes were gone. She did that to him. She drew his control into her and made his emotions come to the fore.

  He slanted his head to kiss her better. He had never felt that need, that pleasure, that love. He grunted loudly, withdrew, and thrust hard into her, in a long stroke.

  “I love you.” All Sophia could feel, smell, and hear was Alistair. In that moment, he was her world. And then she could hold no more, and yanking back his long black hair, she cried as violent spasms robbed her of sanity.

  Clamping him inside her body, she barely heard as Alistair shouted her name when he started to come.

  Like the first time they had made love, Sophia passed out.

  Sophia opened her eyes and saw Alistair gazing adoringly at her. He had carried her to one of the reclining chairs and lay beside her, propped on an elbow.

  “Hey,” she whispered.

  “Hey, you.” His hand ran over her body and his lips curled. “I really don’t know what to make of these fainting fits of yours.”

  She stretched lazily under his caress. “And I really don’t know what to make of this ripping habit of yours. I’ve been buying more clothes and lingerie than ever.”

  The curling grew and he flashed her a wicked smile. “Good. I can keep ripping them then.”

  The Harlequin Suite

  Monday, December 6, 2010

  1:00 p.m.

  “I know this now. You were right. I can’t compete with her. She haunts him like the ghosts in his castle,” Barbara said, angrily and loudly. “Sophia is this, Sophia is that. Sophia. So-phi-a. I hate that name.”

  Scott stopped at the door of the small office, alarmed. There was so much disgust in her voice that he instinctually pressed himself against the wall. Silently, he pulled the door open a bit more and peered through it.

  Barbara was walking the length of the room and speaking on a cell phone Scott had never seen before. He could hear her laughing bitterly but she was too far away for him to make out her words. As she made her way back, he was paralyzed by shock.

  “She’s going to Scotland for Christmas. No, we are staying here. In my icy, gold cage,” Barbara stopped walking as she listened to her friend’s advice. “Yeah, you’re right, she’s a bitch.”

  Scott didn’t like what he had heard at all. He had learned to like Sophia as much as he liked Ethan. In fact, it was not difficult to like Sophia once one passed through all the barriers she put around herself.

  He could even compare Sophia with Ethan. Although in opposite ways, deep down in their hearts, all they wanted was simply to please and give love, and to receive it in return.

  From his early childhood, Scott’s mother had taught him that anything which begun with the wrong motivations ended badly. Scott wondered how much his words and actions had contributed to what was happening now, and how it would weigh on his shoulders. What had seemed a funny and romantic game of espionage with Ethan stalking Sophia and then trying to replace her by hiring Barbara had now become a tight web of lies and hate.

  “I don’t care what Scott says about this anymore. Isn’t Ethan helping the bitch in her charity for children? Of course he likes children then.
Yeah, that was my idea. I’m sure after the first shock, he will love to be a father.” Her pause was more concerned now. “Now. I haven’t thought of this possibility. But, no. No, I don’t think he has sterilized himself. He takes too many precautions. Condoms, pills, Plan B. I have stopped the pill already and I’ll… hmm…yes! Excellent idea! I’ll start to collect a few used condoms. Prepare yourself to be a godmother.”

  “Oh, dear. She has gone crazy,” Scott whispered, horrified.

  Chapter 11

  Wednesday, December 8, 2010

  8:09 a.m.

  “So, Scott, this is everything?”

  Scott mopped his head. After reviewing the day’s schedule, there was still one touchy issue he had to talk about.

  “Is there anything wrong?”

  Digging deep within himself, Scott brought to the fore all his courage. His thoughts were organized with such clarity that he even stopped sweating.

  Ethan had always been impressed by how the shy, nervous Scott could become a confident man under pressure. Ethan knew he was undermining Scott’s abilities when he asked him to deal with his own personal problems, but he needed someone he could count on.

  Scott’s conscience had been weighing on him. He had a strong sense of family, religion, and morals and would always be grateful for the help his boss had given his family.

  He consulted his notes, and twirling his Montblanc in his fingers, he told Ethan, word for word, what he had heard Barbara saying on Monday. He was dreading Ethan’s reaction, but when Scott finished, Ethan was still.

  Ethan looked at Scott, completely dumbfounded. My life just keeps becoming stranger and stranger and this time it’s my fault. Ethan was quiet for a moment, then, sharply, he said in a strange voice, “Dismiss her.”

  “Mr. Ashford?” Scott’s watery-blue eyes were understanding, but he was not so sure Ethan was thinking clearly. “I’m not sure that is the wisest thing to do.”

  “No, Scott, maybe it’s not the wisest move, but it’s necessary.” This is my chance to move on and break all the strings. He rose and buttoned his waistcoat and put his suit jacket on. His mind was working over what he could do to minimize the blow to Barbara.