by Nikki Moore
‘Rayne-’
‘Anyway,’ she stalked over to a table by the window and started rooting through her bag, cutting across whatever he’d been about to say, ‘I’d better get on with it.’ Yanking a tiny hand-held voice recorder out, she slammed it down on the table and whipped out her notes. ‘I’ll see you at lunch,’ she said evenly, hunting for a pen in one of the side pockets.
He appeared beside her, running a hand around the back of his neck. ‘Is everything okay, Ray? I didn’t mean to…’
‘I’m fine. Just busy,’ she replied tightly, immediately feeling like an ungrateful cow, given he was doing her a championship sized favour. But she could apologise at lunch. Right now she needed to focus on the job in hand, not the man whose heart she’d broken as a boy. These interviews could send her career stellar.
‘No problem,’ he answered mildly, no doubt remembering it was best to leave her when she was like this. ‘I’ll see you downstairs at one.’
She didn’t answer, checking her mobile phone for any urgent calls, aware of Lily giving Adam an absent wave as he strode out the door.
Thank god she’d have a chance to regroup and have a few hours without him. She was sure lunch would be fine, as long as she didn’t touch him. Or look at him.
Besides which, Lily would be there to play chaperone. So there was absolutely nothing to worry about.
‘Oh, my god, that was amazing,’ Lily squealed as she and Rayne walked out of No. 1 Court into the heaving mass of spectators
‘I have to admit, it was pretty brilliant,’ Rayne agreed, stretching her back out. Although she’d gone to Wimbledon the day before for the life experience rather than as a die-hard tennis fan, it had definitely been a thrill to spend the morning talking to some of the world’s best tennis players. Every interview had gone well, and one of the players had told her something she was almost certain was an exclusive. Her editor was going to love her to bits.
‘I got some great photos, I’m really happy with them.’ Lily was almost hopping on the spot.
‘Good.’ Rayne chuckled. ‘I thought you were hungover?’
‘Not anymore. How do I look?’ She’d snuck off to the toilets just before the last interview and come back wearing dusky pink lipstick, with newly brushed, shiny hair and smelling suspiciously of her trademark floral perfume.
‘Beautiful, as always. But Lils, why are you tarting yourself up for me and Adam?’ Rayne asked, and then froze. Oh god, Lily didn’t fancy Adam now did she? They’d always just been friends at uni, and Rayne had never worried about them together in that way, despite Lily once joking about it. She dipped her head, panic slamming into her. If Lily’s feelings were changing, what was she going to do? And what if Adam looked at Lily differently after so many years apart? But surely her friend wouldn’t do that to her, she was too loyal. God, this was awful. He wasn’t hers, but would she be able to stand it if he-
‘I’m not, you daft mare,’ Lily nudged her with an elbow. ‘I’m meeting Flynn for lunch before we carry on with this afternoon’s interviews.’
Rayne jerked her head up. ‘What? Aren’t you coming to lunch with us?’
‘No. You and Adam have catching up to do, and air to clear. I’m going to leave you to it, and let a gorgeous brunette take me to lunch instead.’
‘Like the one who asked for your number upstairs?’
‘That was very flattering,’ Lily blushed, flicking a look over Rayne’s shoulder, ‘but I told her I liked men.’
‘What’s this?’ A deep voice asked.
‘Lily got propositioned by the PR girl,’ Rayne told Adam as he appeared beside them.
‘Wow, Lils, you’ve still got it,’ Adam winked.
‘Well, two of the male players asked Rayne to dinner and a third slipped her his personal number,’ Lily blurted.
‘I’m not surprised,’ Adam said, crossing his arms over his broad chest. ‘And what did you do?’ He turned to ask her, cocking his head.
‘I thanked two of them politely but declined, and I gave the other back his number and told him maybe he should stick to his wife. I don’t mess around with married men.’
Adam nodded. ‘Good girl. Now, shall we go to lunch? I’m starving.’ He took her hand. ‘Flynn will be here in a minute Lils, he’s just parking the car. Rayne and I are walking.’
‘We are? And good girl?’ Rayne repeated as he started guiding her across the complex on the opposite side from St Mary’s Gate. ‘Good girl? And what’s it got to do with you? Bloody hell, Adam,’ she grumbled, ‘you used to be bossy, but now you’re practically high-handed.’
‘Calm down, Ray.’ He tightened his grip on her fingers as she tried to steal them back. ‘I was only joking. You can do what you want.’ He flashed a grin at her as they exited out of gate seven onto Church Road with its white painted houses, cars roaring past. Somewhere a dog let out two sharp barks, and the smell of BBQ drifted by on the air. ‘Although obviously I was pleased that you decided not take them up on their offers.’
‘Why?’ Sucking in a breath, she both hoped and dreaded that he’d say he wanted to ask her out himself. It was unlikely, given what she’d done to him, but if he did, what the hell would she do? Obviously she fancied him like mad, and some of the residual feelings were there – he was still kind and generous, funny and gentlemanly – but they hadn’t been able to make it work before, and he’d said his job might only be temporary. He was still not ready to put down roots, and that was the one thing she’d always craved, needed and fought for. The one thing that had driven them apart all those years ago.
You couldn’t go back, surely? Too much time, and life, had filled the intervening gap.
‘Relax,’ he soothed, ‘don’t look so worried. It’s just that sports players have a reputation, don’t they? Travelling the world, bags of money, sponsorship deals, women throwing themselves at them…I wouldn’t want you to get hurt, that’s all.’
‘Oh. Right.’ Relief was the emotion bouncing through her. She was sure it was. Which was why it was weird that, instead of tugging her hand away as they walked onto the High Street and entered the infamous Dog and Fox pub with its tennis rackets on the walls, her fingers curled around his, heat sparking through them.
Adam pulled out his phone as it beeped and checked the screen. ‘Sorry, I know it’s really rude, but I need to get this. It’s an urgent work thing.’
‘Go for it,’ she said as she found a table outside and he moved to stand on the pavement to take the call.
Rayne was glad of the respite, sinking her head onto her hands. She just had to get through this lunch. They’d finish catching up, she’d apologise for her earlier bitchiness, thank him profusely for the generous favour he’d done her setting up today’s interviews and say goodbye. Then she could work on forgetting that she’d ever run into him again. What it had made her think. How it had made her feel. Simple.
After Adam returned to the table and their meals were served, they filled the spaces in between eating bites of food with idle chatter about other uni friends, their favourite places in London and some of the places he’d visited abroad.
When he was done, Adam pushed his plate away and stared at her meaningfully, pale eyes direct. ‘So.’
‘So?’ she put down her forkful of salad. It had always been the same; he would wolf his meal down and be finished when she was only halfway through her own.
‘We never had closure, did we Ray? It ended too abruptly.'
She stared at him, surprised he’d brought it up, but couldn’t deny what he said. He was right. 'I guess not,’ she agreed slowly. ‘But I thought you were okay about it all. Yesterday, you said that-’
‘I needed to spend more time with you to work out how I felt and to gauge how you feel.’ There was a watchful quality in the way he looked at her, but he stayed slouched in his seat, fingers idly playing with a serviette.
‘And how do you think I feel?’ she challenged as she picked up her drink, careful to keep her voice steady.
>
‘I think you feel the same as me. I think we need closure.’
‘Right.’ She raised an eyebrow. ‘And how do you suggest we get that, Adam?'
'Sex.'
'Sex.' She spluttered out some ginger beer, and made a hasty grab for some serviettes from the centre of the table, wiping her face and swiping at a few drops on the table. Smooth, Rayne. Very smooth. Looking up at his amused face. 'Oh, ha ha. Good one.'
'Who says I’m joking?' He straightened his face. 'Yeah, I think we should have sex. One night. A hot, sweaty way to wrap things up between us properly.'
'What? It's been years. We've not seen each other since the break-up.' No. Don't even think about it. And definitely DON'T imagine it. It's outrageous. Silly. And far too tempting. But above all really, really silly. 'I can't sleep with you just like that. Are you nuts?'
'No, and we wouldn't get much sleep.' His voice was deep and his expression made her rebellious hormones jump, hop and skip around in excitement. 'But seriously, why not? We're both single. You can't deny we had amazing sex, even if we were young and relatively inexperienced. And even if you thought I was boring.'
'I never said that! Where's this coming from? It's the second time you've mentioned it.'
'The way you used to look at me sometimes.' He ran a hand through his light brown hair, sitting up straight, his bunched arm muscles stretching his top. 'I also overheard you talking to Zoe on the phone once, when we lived together. Sometimes I wonder if he's too nice.'
'Too nice for me, I meant.' Sod it, as they were doing this, she might as well be honest. Sighing, ‘Translated as, too good for me.’
‘What?’ he looked stunned. ‘I didn’t know you felt that way, and I never thought that.’
‘We both know your mum did!’ It was funny how old wounds that you’d thought had long knitted over could still hurt. How clear the recollection of the way his mum Tamara used to look down her nose at her was. Because she was parentless and hadn’t come from a respectable family. Because she was planning to have a career rather than be satisfied with life as a society wife. Because she didn’t wear the same things or talk the same way as the girls in Tamara’s social circles did.
‘Mum’s a complete snob. No-one and nothing will ever be good enough for her. Although she has mellowed a bit while I’ve been away. But still,’ he grasped her fingers, ‘I’m sorry. I knew you never felt comfortable at the house, and obviously you and Mum didn’t get along, but I didn’t know it bothered you that much.’
She looked down at their linked hands, his palm hot and sending prickles of heat over her skin. ‘I guess she hit a nerve. You know I had an unconventional childhood and we didn’t have much money, but the latter was mostly because my parents didn’t set much stock in material things. But it still hurt that I wasn’t good enough for her.’ Tilting her face up to gaze at him squarely. ‘I suppose I always thought the fact I loved you and wanted the best for you should be enough.’
He nodded. ‘It should have been, but maybe Mum’s ideas of what was best for me, and your ideas were too different and she felt threatened. Then again, it’s always been about her, and what everyone else will think, rather than what will make her children happy. The only future she could contemplate was me finishing my degree, coming home and being MD of Parsons for the rest of my life.’
‘Which was the only future you couldn’t contemplate at the end. I know.’ She stroked his fingers reassuringly, trying not to let the sexual tension distract her. ‘I probably should have said something. I nearly did, so many times, but I didn’t want to put you under any pressure when your mum already was. I didn’t want you to feel like I was tugging you in the other direction.’
‘Asking me to choose between you and my family,’ he finished the thought.
‘Exactly.’ It was tragic; he’d always understood her so well. The only one who ever had.
Leaning over the table, he stroked her cheekbone, blue eyes capturing hers. ‘Thank you, Rayne. I appreciate the way you supported me.’
It got to her, him acknowledging what she’d tried to do, the way he touched her and used her full name. Something inside her started thawing; a tiny, tight, balled up knot of pain she hadn’t realised still remained. ‘Thank you.’
‘Do you feel better?’ he asked.
‘Yes,’ she replied on a shuddering breath, mixed emotions tumbling through her. Regret, sadness, hope, affection. Could things have been different if they’d talked more about the important things? But she’d made the decision she felt was right for her at the time, and although she’d lost him as a result, she still couldn’t help feeling that she would have been miserable if she’d chosen to do what he asked of her.
‘Me too,’ he stated, a sad smile curling his lips.
As cathartic as it was, she needed to back off, to process how she felt about their conversation. She was also still reeling from his outrageous let’s have sex as closure proposition and all the tingling but naughty possibilities it held.
‘I need to finish lunch,’ she cleared her throat. ‘We need to get back soon.’ Gently disentangling their fingers, she picked up her fork.
‘Fair enough. I’ll settle the bill.’
‘You don’t need to do that,’ she made a grab for her bag, ‘you’ve done enough. I was going to pay as a small thank you, though it’s nowhere near enough.’
‘I asked you to lunch, so it’s my treat.’
‘No, I really want to,’ she slid her purse out.
‘How long are you willing to keep arguing about this?’ Adam folded his arms over his chest.
‘As long as it takes for me to win, knowing I’ve got to be back for my next interview in twenty minutes, so it’ll probably be a lot less painful if you just give in,’ she eyeballed him.
Chuckling, he threw up his hands. ‘Fine, you stubborn woman, if it means that much to you.’
‘Thanks. Here’s the cash, you run in and sort it out while I finish eating,’ she replied cheekily.
Rolling his eyes he stood up. ‘Some things never change,’ drifted over his shoulder as he stepped inside the white and pale green frontage of the pub.
‘But a lot of things do,’ she muttered under her breath, swallowing the last few mouthfuls and standing up so she’d be ready when he came back.
'So, have you come up with a convincing reason yet?' Adam asked as they turned off the High Street and sauntered down a teeming Church Road on their way back to the Wimbledon complex.
'What for?'
'For you and me not to have sex.'
She gulped at the tremor that ran through her, at the thought of them getting naked and rolling around, but pulled a mildly offended expression. 'That's a bit arrogant isn't it? You think I've been sat around for the last few years waiting for you to look me up and make me that offer?'
'No.' He looked hurt, but annoyed too. 'Of course not.'
'Sorry. That was mean.' Sighing, she increased her pace. 'I just don't think it’s a good idea, Adam. You can't go back. We can't go back.'
'I'm not trying to. Sometimes sex is just sex. Remember what Lily said about sex with an ex? It's perfect. And don't forget about the closure.'
She bit her lip. God, it had been so long since she'd been with anyone, and the sex between them had been pretty incredible. All her good girl instincts screamed no. All her bad girl needs shouted yes. The good girl won out. He wasn't just any ex. He was the one she thought she'd spend her life with. 'I don't think so. But thanks anyway, and it has been nice to see you.'
He sucked on his top lip, then took a step back. 'Okay, whatever you say. No problem,’ he raised his hands in a casual, I give up pose. ‘Come on, let’s get you back to those interviews.’
As he loped ahead of her she stared at his back, unsure of whether to be relieved or annoyed that he’d let the idea of them having sex drop so easily.
‘Thank you for everything, Adam, I really appreciate it.’ Four hours later the interviews were all wrapped up and she had a h
ell of a lot of typing up to get home to. ‘I forgot to say at lunch that I’m sorry for being off with you earlier this morning.’
‘It’s been a pleasure, and don’t worry about it,’ Adam smiled, tucking his hands into his jeans pockets. How there was space for them she didn’t know. They were that tight.
‘I mean it though. Really, today has been fantastic,’ she patted her bag, which held her notes and the voice recorder. She squeezed her handbag strap. It was a weird feeling. One part of her wanted to run away as fast as she could, to put this behind her because it had brought up so many buried, conflicting feelings. That was her sensible side, her head. The other part was desperate not to say goodbye to him, faltering at the idea of letting him go, because she’d loved spending time with him and wanted it to carry on. That was her romantic side, her heart. She’d let her head rule what happened between them last time.
Sucking in a breath, she looked over his shoulder as Lily said goodbye to Flynn with a kiss on each cheek and started making her way over them. 'I think your intern is waiting for you.'
'Right. Yeah, I should go.’ Adam answered, a deep breath expanding his chest. ‘I think we're going to meet up with some people.'
'Have fun.' She bit her lip, gazing into his striking eyes. They were the bluest she'd ever seen outside of the movies. 'Take care of yourself, Adam. It really has been good to see you. You seem more relaxed than you used to be. You seem…happier. I’m glad.'
'Thanks. You too, you seem more settled. Which is what you always wanted.' He blew out a long, slow breath, a funny twist to his lips. 'Look Ray, you know I’m renting that place in Islington.' Yanking her close, he slowly tucked something into the back pocket of her shorts. For a trembling, breathtaking moment his hard, warm chest brushed against her boobs and the fresh scent of his aftershave filled her nose. 'My business card. My mobile number's on it. I'm back in the UK for at least a few months. Stay in touch, or if you change your mind about…us, call me. I promise I'd hold you afterwards.'
He let her go and spun away before she could reply, jogging over to his car without a backward glance as she stared after him, mouth hanging open.