by Kat T. Masen
“I love it here,” I said. “When I first came to the city I would sit here for hours and just watch the people walk by. There was something calming about it.”
“I remember once, I think I was seven or something, Mom and Dad brought us here and we went ice skating. Adriana had the biggest fall, she needed stitches on her head—it was that bad. There was blood all over the ice. I can’t help but remember that every time I’m here.”
“How often do you come to New York?”
“At least once every three months. It depends on work of course. I’ve never actually been here for pleasure,” he said before laughing.
“I’d argue that,” I chuckled.
“Such a dirty mind, Miss Mason.”
“How are your mom and dad? Do they still live in Carmel?”
“They spend the summers there but most of the time they are on the road. Instead of settling down at the hospital, Dad travels all over the world, helping people who don’t have the means for medical treatment.”
“That could have been you, Lex. I don’t mean it harshly. I know you weren’t happy following his footsteps but what made you finally quit?”
He hesitated for a moment. Had I asked too many questions? But he wanted to talk and here I was attempting to get to know him again.
“It was after I found out about Samantha, the fact that she lied about the baby. I came back from looking for you. Everyone told me to leave you alone, let you live your life the way you deserved. I argued of course but in the end I listened, thinking they were right. I couldn’t help people, not in the frame of mind I was in. I confronted my grandfather first. Needless to say he was happy; finally he had someone to palm his company off to. I agreed to go back and study and initially I only took on a small part of his business. After I tripled our profits and the company grew, he was pleased and wanted to hand the rest over to me. I said no, I wanted to focus solely on the part that was mine. My father stopped talking to me then. It drove my mother to tears because we couldn’t be in the same room as each other. Eventually I was doing so well due to not having a life and working twenty-four seven. I grew accustomed to my wealth and it gave me a sense of power. I liked the control. My grandfather passed away a year later and it was then Dad and I buried the hatchet. The whole enterprise was left to me, and I was unstoppable. The money, the power, the control—I lived and breathed it. But there was no denying I was lonely.”
“But Lex, look at you. You could have any woman you want. Why didn’t you settle down and find someone?”
“That’s where you are wrong. I can’t have any woman I want. Otherwise we wouldn’t be sitting here as just friends.”
I remained silent. Pondering his last comment, trying to figure out a way to answer without pushing him away. “I just need time,” bowing my head as the words barely came out.
“I’m trying to understand, Charlotte. Believe me.”
“I know you are. And I thank you for giving me that.”
It was starting to get a little chilly; he put his arm around me to keep me warm but warned me in advance that a friend would do that and that he wasn’t making a move. I laughed at his pathetic excuse but allowed him to do it anyway. It felt nice.
“So, anything exciting this week?”
“Exciting, no. Busy, yes.” He hesitated with the next part, I wasn’t sure why. “I’m flying back to London on Monday. I’ll be there for two weeks then back here to officially open the new office.”
I understood now why he hesitated. The last time he told me he was going to London I acted like a spoiled brat and ran off on him.
“Are you angry with me?”
“No… I’m sorry I behaved like some petulant child. I completely understand your work commitments. There’s always email, texting, Facebook, Skype and tweeting. I’m sure we can find ways to talk to each other.”
He laughed. “I don’t have time for social media.”
“Well then we can stick to good old-fashioned emailing and texting.”
“Sounds good.” He grinned.
I didn’t want to end the night but it was late and I was exhausted after last night. The crowds slowly dispersed leaving Lex and me alone admiring the beautiful sight which was New York City. The skyscrapers lit up and I had never felt so much at home, here in this big city. But maybe it wasn’t the city. Maybe it was the person beside me.
“Where do you stay when you’re here?”
“The Waldorf. My home away from home. When the head chef knows exactly what you eat, you know you have it good.”
“Or a lot of money,” I quipped.
“Yes, that too. Are you free tomorrow for lunch?” he asked with hesitation.
I thought about my answer. This night was going so well and I didn’t want to ruin it. I could have lied but what kind of friendship was I trying to build based on lies and deceit?
“I don’t want to fight, Lex. But I have brunch with Samantha.”
“Samantha, right.” I knew by looking at his face that he was trying hard to keep his opinions to himself.
“How about dinner though?”
“It’s a date. No, sorry, that’s the wrong term to use. A friendly catch-up involving something delicious to eat,” I added.
He smirked, unable to disguise that mischievous grin that spread all over his beautiful face. I could tell he wanted to say something until it finally clicked and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“OK, I know. I walked right into that one. Nice to see I’m not the only one with the dirty mind, Mr. Edwards.”
We stood up and walked to the street which was lined with cabs. I didn’t want to say goodbye but I had to. I had to learn to restrain myself. If we were going to be friends I had to obey rule number one: avoid all physical contact.
“Thank you, Charlotte. For tonight.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek. Every part of me wanted to grab him, take him back to my place and make sweet sweet love to him.
“Till tomorrow night then.” I pulled away.
I laid there in bed that night frustrated as hell. I wanted to text him; I wanted him to say something to me. Who was I kidding? I needed dirty Lex at this moment. But instead I turned my cell off, something I never did, and went to town on myself.
The next day I sat opposite Samantha going through the contracts for the custody agreement that her lawyer drew up for her. As usual she looked stunning. Not a single hair out of place, dressed impeccably in her Gucci dress.
“This custody battle has really taken its toll on me.”
“Try to stay positive, Samantha. Don’t show any sign of weakness, that’s what he wants to see.”
“Right, OK, remain positive.”
“So has Lex calmed down yet?” she asked, taking a sip of her latte.
“Lex and the word calm don’t belong in the same sentence,” I retorted.
“That’s true. He is very demanding, always was and always will be… I don’t want to sour the mood but for a while I looked back and wondered why I never saw what was going on between you two. I eventually found out when I hacked his emails but the signs were all there.”
“Samantha… I… It wasn’t fair to you. He was your husband. I can’t believe how crazy I was back then.”
“No, he was never mine. And these things in life happen for a reason. Don’t look back and regret, move forward and appreciate what you have now. You are beautiful, successful and have one hot man dying to be yours.”
“Maybe, but we are just friends. We never had the chance to be just that so here we are seven years later working our way backwards.”
“Charlie, you guys are meant to be. The sooner you see that, the quicker you can live your life…with him,” she held onto my hand as she said it.
“Samantha, I need time to process everything. It’s been seven years since he was last in my life and a lot has happened since then. We need to get to know each other again. We aren’t the same people we were back then.”
“I understand. But you know you
got yourself a good man. Don’t forget that.”
We chatted a little while longer before saying goodbye. I decided to spend the afternoon shopping alone, quality time with myself. I was in Bloomingdales with an armful of dresses when my cell beeped.
I’ve got somewhere special I’d like to take you for dinner tonight.
I felt like an overexcited school girl reading the text. The butterflies came out, ready to attack every part of my body.
Sounds lovely… dress code?
He responded almost immediately, making me burst out into giggles and causing the surrounding people to turn and look at me. Embarrassed, I headed to the change room.
If we weren’t just friends I would say nothing BUT I am a firm believer of sticking to the rules so I would say something dressy perhaps. I’ll pick you up at seven.
I tried to think of something witty to say but everything I had in mind was dirty and that only leads to one thing so I responded nice and simple telling him I was looking forward to it.
I smiled as I sent the last text. There was no doubt I would wear the red dress. It was a V-neck dress that flared out just below my waist. It came with a thin black belt. It was perfect. I decided to wear it with my patent leather Louboutin peep-toe heels. I tried my best to keep the girls in place; I mean seriously, they were out for show. Since when did they get so damn big? Obviously the hidden stash of candy in my desk was not helping.
I rushed home and decided to call Eric. I needed a final opinion and there was no one better than Mr. Fashionista himself.
“Hey Charlie, what’s up in ya hood?”
“Are we back to talking gangsta again?”
“I just watched a documentary on Tupac and how they think he is still alive so to answer your question, yes, for tonight.”
“I’ve kinda got a dinner thing tonight. Need your opinion on my outfit.”
“Be there in ten,” he hung up without saying goodbye.
Exactly ten minutes later: “Charlie, you are one hot chica. If I wasn’t gay I would do a number on that lady garden of yours.”
“Um thank you… I guess. Have you ever even been with a girl?”
“Once, in high school. It was my denial stage. I kept telling everyone I was saving myself for Madonna and there was this one chick at school who kept teasing me so to shut her up I told her I wasn’t and to prove it I would fuck her. She was the town bike; everyone had a ride. We were in her bed kissing and shit which I could handle because I could just imagine Johnny Depp, but then I went straight for her cooch. I mean what the hell did I know about foreplay with a woman? Anyway, as soon as I put my hand there and felt her flaps, I screamed like a girl and got the hell out of there.”
“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be laughing… but the flaps… oh dear God, Eric.” I held onto my stomach because I couldn’t breathe from the laughing fit and I’m sure I leaked a little pee.
“Well I had to come out then and THANK GOD! Cuz wet folds make the snakey say bye bye.”
“OMG Eric. Wet folds? Please stop.”
“So tell me: Lex or Julian?”
My breath evened out as he asked the question. Should I lie? No, he was one of my best friends so there was no point hiding it. “Lex. We have decided to be friends.”
“Uh huh, so that’s why the ladies are out for show?”
“They wouldn’t stay in!”
“Sure. So what’s happening with Julian? He looked pretty pissed the other night.”
“I need time to think about him. Look, for now Lex and I are just friends so I’m not cheating on Julian. He said he would give me time.”
“Yeah but in the mean time you’re going out on dates with Lex. Charlie, just break it off with him.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Yes it is. You are just being greedy and want to hog all the hot guys for yourself.”
“I am not!” I whined.
“WANG HOGGER!”
“Don’t you dare call me that on Facebook.”
“I wouldn’t dare…” He smirked.
Eric left, leaving me feeling a little nervous. I sat there watching the clock. It was seven on the dot when I raced downstairs nearly tripping into the elevator. The sleek black Mercedes sat there in front of the building. The door opened and out walked Lex. He wore a black suit with a black shirt. His eyes shone so bright, he didn’t need to say anything, his face said it all and then suddenly I felt it. It caught me by surprise. My heart fluttered, my breaths became uneven and I stood there like I was frozen. I knew that flutter, and I couldn’t help but smile remembering he was the first person who ever made me feel like that…
June 2005
It had been a month since that night of the concert or to be exact the night Alex and I finally had sex. In the space of that month we fucked God knows how many times in different places and in as many positions that would warrant a Karma Sutra sequel. He was insatiable and every part of me was desperate for more. A few times I was worried we would be caught but somehow we came up with an alibi until the principal contacted my dad about my three absences in two weeks and wanted to make sure I was OK.
“Charlie, can you please explain this?” He slid the note across the table. It was a letter addressed to him requesting him to authorize my absence at school.
“Look Charlie, what’s going on? You’re a straight-A student. Is Adriana making you skip school?”
I hesitated, looking for a valid excuse. “It’s stupid and I’m sorry, Dad. There is this guy at school. I liked him and he kinda said some not-so-nice stuff so I’ve been avoiding him,” I lied.
“Charlie, since when does a boy do this to you? I’ve raised you better than this. I see how you are with Logan, no one gives you shit.”
“I know, Dad. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again. You’re right. I need to find my balls again.”
He rubbed his beard and gazed at me before leaning down to sign the letter. “I trust you Charlie, this better not happen again. You understand me?”
“Yes, Dad. I’m sorry.”
After lunch was finished and the dishes were done I told my dad I would be up in my room studying. I had to admit the constant lying was tiresome and often met myself coming back with lies but I had no intention of being caught or giving Alex up. I needed to get in contact with him; just a text would be enough. I used our code in case he was with her.
Hi Lex, did Adriana ask you for the notes I needed for my paper on that history assignment?
I waited impatiently for him to respond. I couldn’t concentrate on studying. I needed him just for a moment and then I would finish my history paper.
Hi baby, I’m off in an hour. Any chance of meeting up? I miss you.
I couldn’t stop smiling because that’s how he made me feel, happy. I had no idea how I could get out now with it being a Saturday afternoon and with my dad off for the night.
Meet me at the back of the library.
Quickly grabbing my books and my backpack, I attempted to walk like a normal human being and not in a rush to meet my married boyfriend. The stairs proved tricky as I nearly fell down the last few steps because my laces were untied.
“Dad, I’m off to the library for an hour before it closes. I’ll pick something up for dinner if you like?” I yelled from the front door.
He walked into the living room, awkwardly shuffling his feet. He opened his mouth to say something and then shut it.
“Yes? No?” I asked, trying to rush.
“I uh… kinda…uh…have dinner plans tonight,” he mumbled.
“Oh I see.” I giggled because it was so unlike my dad to be shy. “Okay. Have fun on your date, Dad.”
It was a little over an hour when we met behind the library but instead he wanted to take me somewhere. We hiked about fifteen minutes up a trail until it unfolded before me, this beautiful cliff top. It was flat but covered in orchids, blooming all around us. The sun shone perfectly on it, and butterflies flew in the air. It looked like heaven, it was s
urreal.
“Lex, it’s beautiful,” I gasped.
“Just like you.” He stood behind me trailing kisses down my neck. I closed my eyes feeling his warm breath against my skin with the scent of the orchids fresh in the air. He took me by the hand and laid his jacket on the ground. As we both sat down he held onto me, humming a tune in my ear. “Baby?” he murmured into my ear.
“Yes,” I whispered. He didn’t realize that simple gestures like calling me baby awoke things deep inside, things I had never felt before. Like he was reaching that part of my soul that I was desperately trying to hold onto, that part that I knew if I let go of, it would be with him forever and no one else.
“Turn around, look at me,” he begged.
I shifted so that my eyes met his. A part of me was terrified he was going to tell me what I dreaded all along, that we needed to stop. His eyes shone bright, that beautiful emerald that mesmerized me every time, pulling me into a trance that nothing I felt or said could pull me away. It felt like minutes passed as his eyes gazed into mine, like playing a game of who will blink first but there was this eerie calm and neither of us would back down.
“Te amo mi nina,” he said.
With his eyes still fixated on me, my heart stopped. Because he’d said those words. Those words that no other person had ever said to me, those words that changed everything about us and who we were and what we were doing. I held my breath unaware I was doing so.
“I love you, my girl. I have ever since we ran into each other that night I came back. It’s you, it’s always been you.” He stopped, waiting for me to say something. “You don’t need to say anything. I just needed to tell you. I couldn’t hold it in anymore.”
“I love you too, Alex.”
“You do?”
“I can’t deny it anymore. I love you so much that it hurts. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, and I can’t be this normal human being. It’s like it’s consumed all of me.”
He kissed my knuckles with his overbearing grin still evident. He continued to sing, the same song he sung to me that day at the piano. I ignored the painful memories attached to it, the day I thought my heart officially stopped beating. Instead I allowed the warmth to rush through me as he sang those words, and I couldn’t help but sing in return. The melody only added to this enchanted moment when nothing else mattered in the world, nothing but Alex and I. It was there in the middle of the meadow with the sun shining upon us, that the man who I loved and loved me in return, made sweet passionate love to me.