by Haywood, RR
‘By that argument then one pride of lions could be susceptible whereas another isn’t,’ Charlie said. (She’s a clever sod is our Charlie.)
‘Absolutely,’ Reginald said.
‘But lions are one species,’ I said.
‘One species, two sub-species,’ Carmen says. ‘Asiatic lion and the African lion.’
‘Humans are one species,’ Reginald says. ‘But we’re all genetically different. Maddox and Carmen are black. Charlie and Booker are mixed race. Mo and Bashir are Arabic. Clarence is nearly seven feet tall. Dave is autistic.’
‘Blowers is gay,’ Cookey says.
‘Not now, Alex!’ I snapped at him. (I love Cookey to bits, but those bloody jokes are too much sometimes.) ‘And stop it with the gay jokes. I’ve told you already.’
‘Sorry,’ Cookey said with a crestfallen look.
‘We should still check the lions though. What if they can be infected? We can’t risk that,’ I said.
‘But that means we’d have to kill them,’ Marcy said to me.
‘And if you do kill the lions then what next?’ Henry asked, as we all turned to look at him. ‘Are you going to test every other creature too?’
I could see him looking about with distaste at the violence surrounding us and the poor wolf still crying. ‘Perhaps we should focus on our mission instead of becoming side-tracked with minor issues. The sooner we accomplish what we need to do, the better for everyone. And our mission, as per our agreement, is to locate and examine the behaviours of the control point theory prior to going into London. Attacking lions only pulls us away from that. I suggest we keep moving.’
It’s not very nice to say it, but I could feel the shift in power from the way he spoke. The words he used and the way he projected his voice. Henry is very skilled at speaking. And add to that the fact he still looked fresh. He didn’t even have wet patches under his armpits.
And the raw truth is that he was right. We were getting bogged down discussing lions. In fact, if left unchecked, we probably would have wasted the day throwing infected meat at different animals and waiting to see if they turned. But that’s not the job now. The job is to let Henry study the enemy so we can get into London for the Panacea. I could see it. So could Marcy. But most importantly, so could H & C.
‘Okay,’ Clarence said, nodding at Howie.
‘What about them?’ Marcy asked. She meant the parrot and the wolf, but it was another point raised that stopped us moving and I could see the first real show of frustration on Henry’s face.
‘Just let the bird go,’ Carmen said and took the parrot from Nick and seemed to lose herself in staring at the bird with this look of absolute pleasure on her face until Henry called her name. But he didn’t say it nicely. It was too sharp, and I could see Carmen almost flinch at being spoken to like that. Anyway. Then she opened her hands and helped the bird get flying. Then she was off and walking back to Henry.
‘We can’t just leave it,’ Nick said as the rest of us hesitated. We all felt it and none of us wanted to leave the poor thing on his own. ‘Hey boy! You wanna come with us? Come on. Good boy!’ Nick clicked his tongue and patted his leg and tried urging it on. But it’s not a dog. It’s not a domestic creature like Meredith, and it didn’t even look at him.
‘How about the fort?’ Tappy asked. ‘Could they look after it?’
‘Chaps,’ Henry called. ‘I admire your concern, but you cannot place an unpredictable animal like a wolf within the fort. There are too many children. The best thing is to leave it here. Let it fend for itself.’
He was right again. When isn’t Henry right? And so, with an awful sinking feeling, we slowly went back to our vehicles. If the wolf noticed we were going, it didn’t show it. It just carried on howling over his dead pack.
God. Don’t. It’s making me cry again.
20
Diary of Dave
Today is Sunday. The time is 11:13hrs.
Paula said we should keep diaries so that people will know what we did. She said to write who you are and tell people your background.
My name is Dave. I do not like to be called David. Officers used to call me David in the army. The training corporal told me that officers can call you what they like.
I joined an infantry regiment in the army because I did not do very well on the entry tests. My score was high in maths and English, but not in reasoning. I did not know I was autistic then. Now, I do know because Mr Henry and Mr George had tests done on me. I have high functioning autism which means I can do some things very well, but there are some things I cannot do.
I liked the army. I liked making my bed and running. I liked eating at specific times. I liked that our uniforms looked the same. I liked being told what to do.
I left the infantry to work for Mr Henry, but Mr Henry and Mr George said I am not allowed to talk about that. I am allowed to say I trained with the SAS. But I did not pass the whole course. I excelled at fitness. Weapons handling and unarmed combat. But I failed interrogation and torture training and other reasoning skills. Not because I told them any secrets, but because I did not tell them anything at all.
They teach recruits to reveal secrets or false secrets at certain times, but I cannot read people or understand that they mean something different to what they say. For this reason, I could not understand what I was meant to do during those phases of training.
I was also not allowed to drive in the army. I am a danger to other road users because not all of the other drivers will follow the laws, and a safe driver needs to know when other drivers will break the laws. Or when they should break the laws.
Things like that confuse me.
I am not in the army now. I left the army to work for Tesco.
I do not work for Tesco now. Mr Howie said Tesco has gone. But I can still see the stores in the towns we visit. Marcy said Mr Howie means that Tesco are not operating as a business anymore because of the global pandemic.
Now, I work for Mr Howie. Although, he does not pay me, and I do not have a contract.
Mr Howie sometimes tells me I do not work for him, and I can stay or leave, or do what I want. It confuses me when Mr Howie says that. Marcy heard him say it, and she told me later that Mr Howie has to say that to everyone else, but he doesn’t mean me. Marcy said I do work for Mr Howie. She said I can stop when I want, but I should speak with her first.
I do not want to stop working for Mr Howie.
Paula said we should explain what we are doing in our diaries.
I am making a diary entry in my diary now.
She said we can be honest about everything and that our diaries are sacred, and we are not to touch each other’s diaries. Paula told the others I will be cross if anyone is caught touching anyone else’s diary.
I don’t know why I would be cross. I saw Alex drawing testicles in Simon’s diary. I told him to stop, but I was not cross.
Paula said we should explain about what we did just before the diary entry. Or if anything unusual happened, and what we feel about it.
Today is very hot, and something did just happen.
I don’t feel anything about it.
We have stopped now, and Paula told everyone to take a break and said we could write it down if we wanted.
We were in the Saxon. The others were all very quiet. Some of them were crying.
I think it was because we killed the tigers, or the tigers killed the wolves, and one wolf was left without his pack.
I heard Charlotte say, ‘That poor wolf.’
I heard Nicholas say, ‘Jesus. Those poor f*cking tigers.’
I heard Alan say, ‘I didn’t come back to gimpy a f*cking tiger to bits.’
I heard Alex say, ‘Did we make that happen? I mean. We let all the animals out.’
Then, I heard Marcy telling them all not to overthink it. She said what’s done is done, and Heather was just upset, and that the wolf would be fine. It went very silent, then Marcy said she meant it. ‘Seriously. Don’t let it take root.�
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I wondered what was taking root. I couldn’t see any roots.
Then, some minutes later, Mr Howie said, ‘Sh*t, look.’ And he pointed out the windscreen to a fence ahead of us, ‘That’s where she went over.’
Paula asked him who, and I saw Clarence smile and say, ‘Milly.’
Then, we stopped, and everyone in the back was trying to see out the front.
‘That’s where we climbed over. Clarence couldn’t cos he is too fat,’ Alex said that and some of the others smiled. They did not laugh as I think they were still sad. Clarence called him a cheeky sh*t.
Then, we stopped and got out, and Mr Howie asked me if I remembered this. He was pointing to the fence Milly climbed over to get into the safari park.
I said yes.
‘Little sod,’ Marcy said. She was smiling. ‘She’s from here then? I can imagine her running off and playing silly buggers.’
‘You have no idea,’ Alex said. He was smiling too. ‘How far did we run?’
‘F*cking miles,’ Simon said.
That is not a precise unit of measurement, but I know it is a slang expression used to say it was a long distance.
‘I’ve got polos!’ Mr Howie said. He was smiling at me. ‘That’s what Dave said when we were chasing her. I’VE GOT POLOS!’
I did not have polos when we were chasing Milly. I do not like polos. They have a hole in the middle. I don’t know why they have a hole. Other confectionary does not have a hole in the middle.
I had fruit pastilles when we were chasing Milly. I like fruit pastilles. They are made with real fruit. It says that on the packet. Fruit is good for you. But they also have lots of sugar. Sugar is bad for you.
I still like them.
I told Mr Howie I had fruit pastilles.
Nicholas asked me if I had any fruit pastilles now. I said no. Alex laughed and said he’d been Nicholas’d. The lads say that when I use their name sometimes.
Marcy then said, ‘Where’s her house then?’
I did not know what she meant because we were talking about fruit pastilles.
Mr Howie said he didn’t know. He said he thought we had come through a house over the street. But Clarence said it was another house further up.
‘No, it was the other side,’ Simon said. ‘That one.’
‘What difference does it make?’ Paula said. ‘It’s too hot to stand around in the sun.’
Marcy said it was because Milly was an orphan at the fort, and it would be nice to get some stuff for her. Then Mr Henry held his hands up and said, ‘Chaps?’
Marcy asked him, ‘What?’ Her voice was hard, and she lifted one eyebrow at him. ‘We’re not on your schedule, Henry.’
‘Ooh. Henry just got Marcy’d,’ Alex whispered as Henry looked at Marcy for a second, then got back into his car.
‘Right. Operation “Find Milly’s House”,’ Marcy said. ‘That’s our objective! And don’t panic, Henry. It’ll be like ten minutes. Right, Howie. Find it then.’
Mr Howie said, ‘What the f*ck. Erm. Lads? Any idea?’
‘We came through that one,’ Clarence said, but Alex said they didn’t go in any houses on this street and had run down the road while Simon pointed to a house over the road, and Mr Howie pulled lots of faces as he listened to them all.
‘That idea’s f*cked then,’ Marcy said. ‘Seriously? You can’t remember between you?’
‘It was two weeks ago!’ Mr Howie said. Then he asked me if I had any ideas.
I didn’t know what ideas I should be having. ‘About what, Mr Howie?’
‘About the price of fish. Milly’s house. Any ideas?’
I told him I did not know the price of fish.
Mr Howie then said, ‘F*ck’s sake.’ Ahe also looked up at the sky.
Then, Marcy told him to be quiet and said she speaks Dave.
‘When did you start speaking Dave?’ Mr Howie asked, but she hit his arm, and he stopped talking. Then, Marcy looked at me in my eyes and said. ‘Dave, can you retrace the route to where you saw Milly?’
I said yes.
She smiled at me and said, ‘Great! Lead the way.’ She nodded at the same time. I know that someone nodding and smiling is sometimes called a positive instruction. I started walking off. Paula asked how Marcy can speak Dave. I do not know what that means.
Dave is my name. Dave is not a language.
21
Diary of Carmen Eze.
Okay. So. I guess I’ll just jump in. My name is Carmen Eze. I am a sanctioned operative working under the umbrella of covert operations within the United Kingdom Security Services. That is a broad overtitle, but I am not actually sure what the hell I can put in this thing.
And get this. It took less than a minute from me starting to write in this thing to Frank asking, ‘what the bloody hell are you doing? Is that a diary?’
I said it was. He looked at me and just laughed.
I said Paula was right. And that maybe we should be keeping records of what we are doing.
‘We’re deniable ops you daft cow,’ Frank said. I told him he was old and stinks of piss and he couldn’t keep a diary because he can’t read without bifocals rammed up his backside. ‘We’re still accountable,’ I told them him.
‘To whom?’ Frank asked.
‘I don’t know! We just are,’ I said. ‘We kept records before.’
‘No. We maintained encrypted mission records held in a secure server,’ he said. ‘Which Henry vetted before they were submitted.’
That was also a good point. We did keep mission records, and they were very heavily redacted.
‘It’s fine. Just be careful what you put in it. And give me a code name,’ Frank said.
‘Double O Twat?’ I asked.
So yeah. We’d just been through that whole thing with the tigers and the wolves. Which was brutal and awful.
Then we set off and had only been driving for a few minutes when Howie stopped and got out. Then Marcy told Henry they were going to gather some belongings for a little orphan girl at the fort. I could see Henry was getting angry because when he got back in the car he asked if Howard ever mentioned if Howie was bipolar.
‘Not to me,’ I said. Frank said the same. ‘Why?’ I asked Henry.
Henry said it was because Howie looked ready to hang himself five minutes ago. Now he was laughing and collecting nightdresses.
I could kind of see what Henry meant because Howie had gone from near on suicidal to laughing while running after Dave.
‘They’re all bloody doing it,’ Frank said.
‘Then maybe they’re all bipolar because they can’t focus on anything for more than five minutes,’ Henry said.
I told Henry that a lack of focus didn’t have any connection to being bipolar. That’s ADD or ADHD.
‘4K 5G whatever then,’ Henry said. ‘Listen. I get it. He’s Howard’s lad, and he’s done well, but there’s a big difference between being brave and being capable. We might have to re-consider our agreement of working together.’
Henry then asked me that if I could cherry pick from Howie’s team who would I take?
I said there was no chance they would ever split up. But I guess from all of them, maybe Maddox and Roy would go with us.
‘Is Maddox any good?’ Henry asked me.
I said he was very good, but he had a chip the size of a planet on his shoulder.
‘Peer pressure is a powerful force,’ Henry said. ‘We shall see. In the meantime, we’ll bring Maddox over to our side. Carmen? Can I leave that with you?’
I knew what Henry was asking. I’m black. Maddox is black. I’m a woman. Maddox is a guy. The right operative for the right task.
‘I’ll do him,’ Frank said.
‘I don’t think he’ll respond to you as well as he would to Carmen,’ Henry said.
‘He will,’ Frank said with his big toothy grin. ‘I can be very persuasive.’
Henry then said Frank would work on Maddox and that at least we had a plan of sorts. H
e then asked Joan for her discretion in relation to our tactical discussion.
‘It’s fine, Henry. Just don’t ask me to seduce anyone for you either,’ she said. ‘Unless it’s Cary Grant. I always had a thing for Cary Grant. Damn fine specimen of a man.’
‘Understood,’ Henry said. ‘And agreed. Cary Grant was a damn fine specimen of a man.’
Frank raised a good point though. And it’s still in my mind now. Especially after the day we had and all the things we did.
Especially now when we’re all mangled and hurt I’m thinking back to it.
Who are we accountable to?
22
Diary of Dave
My name is Dave.
My last diary entry was detailing what happened in Stickleton. Marcy had asked me to retrace our steps to find the position we had first seen Milly.
I started crossing the road when Mr Howie asked me if I was sure this was the right way.
I said yes and walked through a broken front door.
‘How do you know which way?’ Mr Howie asked me. ‘It was two weeks ago.’
‘Blue kettle,’ I said, and I pointed at the blue kettle.
‘Eh? What’s that got to do with anything?’ Mr Howie asked.
‘Garden gnome,’ I said, and I pointed to the garden gnome urinating in the pond in the back garden. ‘Greenhouse. Third pane broken. Low wall. Red bricks.’ We went past the broken greenhouse and climbed over the low wall. ‘Brown fence. White front door. Dead body in the dining room with green socks.’
We all stopped to look at the dead man and his green socks.
‘How the sh*tting hell do you remember this stuff?’ Mr Howie asked, but Marcy told him to shut up and not break my focus.
We went through another house and out the front door, into the street, and past Mr Henry’s vehicle. ‘We won’t be long,’ Mr Howie said.
‘Wooden front door. Pictures of a fat man on the wall,’ I said. They all stopped to look at the pictures of the fat man.