by Haywood, RR
‘Who ye calling a fucking weirdo?’ Mary said.
‘Fuck me. Okay. Stop,’ Howie said. ‘This heat. We’re all going nuts. We’re looking for a control point to-.’
‘I’d rather you did not explain our mission objectives, Mr Howie,’ Henry said.
‘What difference does it make? What’s she going to do? Run and find one and get them ready? We don’t even know where they are.’
‘You’re looking for a control point, I assume,’ Lilly asked.
‘See!’ Howie said. ‘She’s a dick, but she’s switched on. Yes, Lilly. That’s what we’re looking for. Which we’d better do before Henry has more kittens.’
‘Has Henry got more kittens?’ Molly asked. ‘I like kittens. Do you like kittens?’
‘We have lots of kittens at the fort,’ Mary said. ‘Seeing as somebody let the cats all free.’
‘Anyway. We should return,’ Lilly said. ‘Tensions are high at the moment. But perhaps what you are looking for is no longer here.’
‘Eh?’ Howie asked. ‘Speak English, Lilly. I’m not as smart as you.’
‘You are, Mr Howie. You’re one of the smartest men I have ever met,’ (what did I say!? Fucking psychotic. And she was holding his eye contact when she said it.) ‘But I meant it’s very likely there aren’t any hordes left around here. I’d suggest you try a new area.’
You could see it on Howie’s face that he was struggling with Lilly’s change of behaviour. Then a second later he must have realised. ‘Oh, fuck off,’ he said with a groan. ‘Not doing it, Lilly.’
‘What?’ Paula asked.
‘What?’ Lilly asked.
‘You bloody know what. Pack it in,’ Howie said, pointing a finger at her. ‘Jesus Christ. She’ll run the world one day. I’m telling you. Lilly will run this sodding world. Hopefully not with me in it though. Right, let’s bug out.’
‘Good seeing you again, Mr Howie. I’m at the end of the radio if you ever need assistance.’
Then Howie stopped and for a second I thought he was going to start frothing at the mouth again, but he just snorted a laugh and shook his head at her. ‘You’re a dick. Whatever. Bye, Lilly.’
‘What’s going on?’ Paula asked.
‘Yeah. What the fuck?’ Marcy asked.
‘Bye then!’ Lilly said before she walked off with Mary and Molly. (It was well-played though. Seriously well-played)
‘Honestly. Fucking world’s gone mad. Where’s Nick?’ Howie said as Nick threw the packet of cigarettes over. (I can’t work out if it’s the same packet or if Nick has lots of packets that all look exactly the same.)
‘Er, can someone explain what just happened please,’ Marcy asked. ‘Why was she being so nice? She just switched like that. Talk about bipolar.’
‘I don’t think she’s the only one,’ Henry said. ‘And the enemy of my enemy is my friend.’
‘That’s why,’ Howie said nodding at Henry.
Then Paula was like, ‘oh Wow. She saw the shit between you and Henry and tried to play you off… What a crafty little bitch.’
‘Oh, thank god for that,’ Marcy said. ‘I thought she was flirting. I was about to poke her eyes out.’
‘Get off. She’s sixteen,’ Howie said.
‘So? That young lady has no moral compass whatsoever,’ Marcy said before kissing Reggie on the side of his head.
‘Good grief. What’s that for?’
‘For being so good with Molly you weird little nerd. Oh god, he’s coming back,’ she said as Henry walked over holding a map.
‘Howie, do you think there’s any validity in what Lilly said?’ Henry asked.
‘Yeah, probably. It does make sense.’
‘Aye. It does,’ Clarence said. (He looked seriously undermined too. Like the pair of them were getting slowly worn down.)
‘I rather fear it was my responsibility to work that out,’ Reginald said. ‘My apologies. I have been somewhat pre-occupied, but yes, I would say there is validity in her suggestion.’
‘Good. That at least gives us a clear way forward,’ Henry said as he tapped the closed map book against his thigh. ‘Right. Well, there’s a café. We’ll set up for a strategy meeting. Troops! Take ten. Nick, Tappy? Can you rig the power supply up please? Sergeant Blowers, I’d suggest you keep your team in the shade wherever possible. That okay with you, Howie?’
It was another step on Howie’s toes, but what could Howie do? He’d have looked petty as hell if he’d argued that point.
‘And shall I make the coffee again?’ Henry asked with a wink at Howie. ‘Yours didn’t quite turn out so good did it.’
‘Sure,’ Howie said.
‘I’d better get Jess out,’ Charlie said into the awkward air.
‘Or, perhaps leave her in the air-conditioned trailer,’ Henry ‘suggested’ in that way of his. ‘I’d rather like to drink my coffee without getting covered in chocolate powder. If that’s okay, of course,’ he added with a smile. He’s good at it too and Charlie couldn’t help but smile back.
She still glanced to Howie. But he just nodded and sagged like he knew he was being outplayed and outclassed. I mean. He could laugh at Lilly, but from Henry it was different.
Seriously. The tension was horrible. I mean it was nasty, and it really did feel like everything was becoming tactical and weird, and unpleasant, and I didn’t know how it would end. One thing was very clear though – Howie hated any form of manipulation.
And, like I said, while ALL of that shit was going on, I was starting to get a crush.
I couldn’t help it. There was just something about him.
Damn!
26
Reginald’s diary
Now I am sure that if you are reading all these accounts from some comfortable position in the future, you will no doubt be also reading the diary entries from some of the others in our team. I have most definitely seen Maddox, Carmen, Charlie and Paula all scribbling away. And, most surprisingly, Dave too. A few more will, I am sure, write their views and accounts out now the day is over, but that will be when they recover. Which may take some time after what we have been through.
The point I am making is thus: as a diary purist, the challenge is to present the events that took place without biased inflection. A diarist can of course, make comment, but the events themselves, the things that happen, they should be accurate and not warped through the lens of the viewer.
That is important to note because as our day wore on the events we experienced became increasingly drastic, and one could be given to think embellishment, or indeed, exaggeration is taking place.
Let me assure that no amount of exaggeration would even begin to describe what we went through. Even if you read the diary entries from the others and think, because of the language, that surely this is made up, I promise you it was not.
But that will be covered in due course. At that stage we still hadn’t gained any real traction on the day at all. And by then we were still in Stickleton town centre about to have another coffee. Molly had just been handed over to Lilly and Mary, and Henry was increasing his application of pressure on Howie by the second.
And don’t forget, this was still morning. By which time, of course, we’d already travelled through several villages, killed only four infected but also dealt with some truly awful situations. Viz; infected tigers, the poor wolf, then of course the incident in the house with Molly.
Howie was just outside the front door puffing on another cigarette while Clarence was sprawled out on a bench nearby, and both of them looked as miserable as the other. Which was very understandable because by then Henry was giving orders to Howie’s team and tasking them with jobs, and they, in turn, were responding to him because Henry is a natural leader.
That being the problem.
Because so is Howie.
It was inevitable that any suggestion of us working together would cause this exact situation to take place, and that Henry and Howie would butt heads and feel threatened by the other while se
eking to take lead.
To put it crudely, a pack can only be led by one wolf – and they are both alpha males.
However, what I didn’t bloody well account for was the compression of time and how everything was happening that much faster.
I figured those problems would show out over a period of days, or perhaps weeks, but that bizarre time effect of this new world accelerated and magnified the causal issues to propel the always inevitable confrontation to a head within a matter of hours.
And let me be clear – Henry was winning. Howie could feel it. So could Clarence. As could Paula and I and everyone else.
But also let me be clear that by and large, most of the others were simply not too bothered by the Howie / Henry issue. They figured things would settle down and besides, everyone else really liked both of them.
As I said. By then Howie was outside. Clarence was sweating profusely on a bench, and Henry was in the cafe charming the metaphorical pants off Nick and Tappy by thanking them for getting power into the coffee machine.
‘Go and get some fresh air,’ Henry told them. ‘I’ll call you when your drinks are ready, but great work.’
‘Cheers, boss!’ Nick said while turning away and spotting Howie by the door with a guilty start. ‘I meant Henry,’ Nick added quickly.
‘Awkward,’ Tappy murmured, leading Nick across the street to the lads sheltering from the sun and chatting quietly. Shooting the proverbial shit. Chewing the fat. Netflix and chill without the Netflix, or the chill.
Howie stayed where he was. Clarence too. Henry made the drinks. His team sat waiting and Marcy and Paula came out of the toilet. Both with freshly washed faces.
‘Need a hand?’ Paula asked Henry.
‘Tell you what, Paula. Keep an eye on that dial and tell me when she’s up to pressure,’ Henry said while unfolding the mapbook across a table. ‘Howie? Want to take a look?’
‘Sure,’ Howie said and headed inside with a gentle kick to Clarence’s feet.
‘Okay, have a look and get your bearings,’ Henry said. ‘I’ll make the coffees then we’ll go over where you’ve been, and where we should try next.’
Henry then walked back to the counter to make more of his perfectly delicious coffee. But that’s the kind of man Henry is. A perfectionist. A gifted leader and tactician. An expert in arms. In warfare. In espionage. In law. In many things.
‘Do you know where we are by the way?’ Henry called over. ‘On the map I mean.’
‘We know where we are, Henry,’ Howie said while most likely without any clue as to where we were. I discreetly tapped our location as Clarence slumped down on a cushioned bench with a long blast of air.
A moment or two later and Henry had the first round made with the lads all bundling inside on being called. Their energy was high too, like I said, they just weren’t getting drawn into the Henry / Howie situation. Well, not yet anyway.
‘Should have seen her face though,’ Cookey said. ‘When that music started, and they were both walking. Fucking classic!’
‘Totally worth it if I get brew duty,’ Tappy said.
‘You were very naughty, Natasha,’ Henry said, giving her a mock stern look with a quick wink, and again, the skill was effortless as he made the lads all laugh while Tappy blushed lightly from the gently charming rebuke. Even that was awkward though because he’d stepped in and dealt with it like he was their CO, when Tappy wasn’t in his team. That was for Paula and Howie to deal with, or Clarence.
But again. What could Howie do? He was being outplayed all along and the more Henry did it, the worse it got.
‘Right, my lot. Outside,’ Sergeant Blowers ordered.
The second lot of drinks were made and ferried over to the map table. White ceramic mugs topped with thick frothy long-life milk and gently covered with chocolate powder.
But the lack of horse dung on the floor was also noticeable. As was the lack of penises dusted in chocolate powder on the coffees. There was no squabbling or bickering or milk being sprayed all over the show. We’d suddenly gained structure and order – which, perversely, is something I had always wished we’d had, but then when we had it, I found myself missing the chaos of our former ways.
‘Right. Where are we then?’ Henry asked. He formed it like a question, but again, the implied suggestion was also one of a test.
‘We’re here,’ I said as a big dollop of sweat dripped from Howie’s nose.
‘Sorry,’ he said while smearing it over the map.
Paula passed him a napkin and asked, ‘So what do you reckon, Howie?’
‘About what?’ he asked.
‘About what the princess said,’ Paula said. ‘I mean, it’s possible. We have been active in one area for nearly a month.’
‘Which area is that specifically?’ Henry asked.
‘I don’t know. I can’t read a map,’ Howie said.
I know Howie meant it as a quip, but it fell flat. It was too hot, and the energy was weird and wrong.
‘Didn’t you get the map reading badge at scouts, nipper?’ Frank asked into the awkward silence.
‘I didn’t go to scouts. I worked at Tesco,’ Howie said.
‘I’ve been keeping track,’ I said quickly.
‘Do you know what?’ Marcy said, standing up from the table. ‘This is all very exciting but I’m going.’
‘Going where?’ Paula asked.
‘To loot the posh department store over the road and avoid whatever weird shit this is turning into,’ Marcy replied, waving a hand at Henry and Howie.
I’ve said it before, but while I detest many of Marcy’s qualities, she is also highly complex. Defined as it were by her beauty and in a way accepting that’s what people see when they look at her, and not her often profound intelligence. Marcy is also a highly accurate barometer for social situations and reading people. An empath if you like, but also very direct, and I admire her bravery and being strong enough to openly confront the issues, while also tapping into the mood of the day and what most of the others were feeling – that this was a Howie and Henry thing. Not a group thing. I’m stressing that point because of what came shortly after.
‘Paula? You coming?’ Marcy asked.
‘No, you carry on. I’ll sort this out with Howie.’
‘Fair enough. Carmen? Fancy it?’ Marcy asked.
‘Me?’ Carmen asked. ‘Er, I guess,’ she said, getting a nod from Henry.
‘Joanie?’ Marcy asked.
‘No, thank you. I’m quite content in here.’
‘I’ll head out for some air too,’ Frank said, following the others towards the door.
Diary of Maddox Doku
Man. It was hot. I am talking hot. I was outside on a bench drinking water while the others were all drinking the strong coffees Henry made. Having a coffee first thing is great. It gets you going. But after that, and in this heat, I’m all about the water. Trust me. I drink bottles of the stuff. Dave is right. Hydration is essential.
Yeah. So we’re all outside avoiding the Howie / Henry vibe going on, which was getting awkward AF, when Marcy comes out with Carmen.
They finished already? Blowers asked her.
God no. They haven’t even started yet, Marcy says.
Where you going then? Cookey asked.
To loot that, Marcy said, pointing at the department store. Coming ladies?
That’s sexist, Cookey said as Charlie and Tappy rushed after Marcy and Carmen.
Yep, Marcy said.
But then Booker was like, I might go and have a mooch actually, and he sets off after them and I’m watching him go by thinking there is something seriously off with this guy. I can just feel it. So then I’m all casual and acting like I need to get out of the sun.
I need some shade, I said to the lads. They just grunted and sipped hot coffee on a hot day. Whatever. I followed Booker in and clocked Frank coming out of the café minding his own business.
Which is because Frank is trained to follow people, and I wasn’t.
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br /> Reginald’s Diary
In fairness, it was blisteringly hot in that damned café so you can’t blame poor Howie, but he was dripping sweat all over the map, which was only making him more embarrassed as he tried to clean it up.
I carried on showing Henry the geographical boundaries of where we had been focussing thus far. ‘So I would say this area within the south east has been our predominant area of operations, Henry.’
‘Understood,’ Henry said. ‘Have you been as far east as Crawley?’
I said we had not, and we were not a big enough team to take on towns of that size. That said, I explained I was confident that the sheer volume of numbers we had faced meant a large number of hosts must have been drawn from those cities.
‘But without checking we cannot be sure on that. So let’s stick to what we know for fact,’ Henry said – his tone had changed by then. Only subtly. But the charm had gone because the lads were all outside and so he felt safe in starting to push buttons again. ‘In summary then. This rural, unpopulated area has been mostly cleared to the best of your knowledge. However, some pockets may remain, and we cannot be sure the enemy hasn’t back-flooded once you’ve moved on.’
‘There would be no reason for it do so,’ I said. ‘This isn’t an invading army. They’re driven to seek more hosts, not to take ground.’
‘I understand that, Reginald. But only fools make assumptions in warfare.’
‘Reggie isn’t a fool,’ Howie said.
‘I never said he was, Howie. Don’t bridle so easily. I didn’t think you were this sensitive.’
‘I’m not fucking sensitive!’
‘Guys,’ Paula said, exhaling a blast of air. ‘Please. It’s getting draining.’
‘Of course, Paula. My apologies. I shall monitor my tone around Howie for fear of upsetting him.’
‘Fuck you!’ Howie said.
‘Howie!’ Paula said.
‘He’s doing it on fucking purpose,’ Howie said. ‘Fine. Okay. Whatever. Let’s just look at the map. And yes, we’ve cleared most of that area I’d say. Clarence?’