by Haywood, RR
‘Okay. Well, while you hid, we were out here gripping it and getting experience.’
‘Gripping what? What exactly have you gripped?’
‘IT!’
‘You fought back and killed a few. Well done, but that’s it. That is the sum total of your achievement. And forgive me saying it but you also failed to run the fort and left it to a sixteen year old girl.’
‘It wasn’t like that,’ Howie said through gritted teeth.
‘I’m sorry, Howie. But the only reason you are alive is because Howard told Dave to keep an eye on you. Which has enabled you to get out of control-.’
‘We are not out of control!’
‘You, Howie. Not your team. There is a distinction. You are out of control and if you keep leading these people you will get them killed.’
The strangest thing is that Reginald wasn’t getting involved. He was being all passive, whereas before whenever Henry got pushy Reggie wiped the floor with him. Except he wasn’t doing it – but then I figured it was the heat. I can’t begin to describe what heat like that does to someone.
Then Reggie was pulling back from the table with an apologetic wince like it was all too much for him. ‘Would you excuse me, chaps. I might step outside for a few moments. Getting a bit warm.’
And he toddled off, but then a second later I was back to watching H & H tearing chunks out of each other.
Diary of Carmen Eze
By then we’d found our way into the perfume store area because they wanted to find the aftershave Henry uses. Marcy kept asking me, but I said I don’t know. I said Henry was a very private man and we just don’t ever talk about things like that.
Anyway. So then we get inside with Marcy grabbing at some bottles to spray about with Charlie, Tappy and I all sniffing the air trying to see if it’s Henry’s. But we all got carried away and we’re all spraying aftershaves all over the place. On our wrists. In the air. Over each other. It sounds childish and stupid now, but it was funny. Tappy’s got an infectious laugh. Marcy’s just a hoot and has zero fear. Charlie was very quiet, but she started to giggle along. It was just nice. And it stands out in my mind - especially with what came after.
The thing that really got us laughing though was how we all started sneezing, but we just carried on spraying bottles to sniff and sneeze and the more we did it the more we laughed and got carried away.
Diary of Maddox Doku
So Frank just walks off, which is a good thing because there was like a cloud of perfumed gas rolling out of the fragrance section. I did take a quick peek as I went after Frank and saw Charlie, Marcy, Tappy and Carmen all pissing themselves with laughter. Spraying aftershaves or whatever on each other’s heads while sneezing and rubbing at their eyes.
Then I’m running after Frank asking what he meant by that as he reaches the bench outside and sits down to stare up at the sun like all chilled and calm.
You said the first one was for free. What did that mean? I asked him.
You’re blocking the sun, he said. Just sit down and relax.
I sat down. But only because I wanted to. Not because he told me.
You’ve got to learn to let it go, nipper.
Let what go?
It.
Then I was sucking air in and biting down the urge to tell Frank to stop fucking about. It was so hot too.
A good agent needs to know when to relax, Frank said a moment later. You can’t do what we do and get tense about it. You’ll blow your own brains out. Or someone else’s.
What does that mean? ‘Do what we do.’ Are you offering me a job?
Henry said you’d be a fast learner, Frank said. I wasn’t so sure. I thought you’d be a cocky cunt. Arrogant too. You’re a big lad and probably used to getting your own way. And winning too probably. Apart from the almighty fuck ups with your crews that got killed. And picking a fight with Howie and his lot that is. How did that work out for you by the way?
I thought about what he said and rule #1 which was to deny everything. Then I’m figuring maybe I could break that rule. Badly, I said.
Why?
I looked at him while thinking about rule 1 again. That I fucked up.
We all fuck up, lad. I’ll tell you about Mogadishu one day. The point is a good agent learns from those mistakes, which means you need humility. And I’m not sure you have any.
I told him humility is a weakness where I’m from.
And teatime is dinner time where I’m from. We’re all from somewhere, nipper.
Then I’m trying to extrapolate the situation and think what it all means, then I’m thinking I should show humility with words. But then I’m thinking maybe I should shut the fuck up and say nothing at all. Which I think was the right thing to do as Frank just gave me this nod – but then Reggie was running out of the café looking all flappy.
Good gosh. Oh my, oh my, he said. They’re at it again, lads. Having a right old barney as Marcy would say.
Yeah, Blowers said while staring over to the cafe. Reggie, I’m not speaking out of turn, but is this a good idea us all working together?
Nobody could ever accuse you of speaking out of turn, Simon, Reginald said, booting his desk monitor up. Nick, grab the drone, would you. And in answer to your question, sergeant. Yes. It is a good idea us working together.
Launching in three, two…. One, Nick said as Booker came out from the department store sneezing hard and wafting the air under his nose.
Fuck me. It’s like mustard gas in there. It’s worse than your arse, Cookey.
So then I’m thinking about what Frank said about being nice and I’m like, Hey bro! to Booker and giving him a smile. But he just gives me this look. What’s up with you? He asked.
Nothing. Just saying hello. They still spraying perfumes then..
Yes. Anyway. I’m going over there, Booker said before walking off.
Smooth as silk, Frank said quietly. Just get on your knees next time and offer him a blowjob.
I can’t stand not getting things right and so I was smarting a bit and feeling stupid.
Don’t beat yourself up, Frank said. Just go over and join them but be you.
It’ll be awkward, I told him.
Only if you make it awkward. It’s about energy, nipper. People give off an energy when they want something. Go over but get it in your head that you don’t want anything from them. You’re just hanging out. That’s it.
Why you telling me this? You offering me a job?
Haven’t you heard? It’s the end of the world. Money is worthless and there are no jobs.
I’m not spying on Howie for you.
Good for you. Now piss off because I need to fart, Frank said before lifting an arse cheek and farting noisily as the lads turned to look. Now you’ve got an excuse, he whispered.
Fuck me! I said and I was up and moving off with a look of distaste.
Has he shit himself? Cookey called over. You followed through, Frank?
I might have done, nipper.
I need some refuge, I said and walked over into the middle of the lads and did what Frank said. I changed my energy so I didn’t want anything. It worked too. I just stood there and none of them even looked twice at me. Not even Booker - but that also might be because the shouting in the café got worse
Diary of Paula
And it just kept getting worse. The pair of them were really going for it with an escalation that was only going up. The weird thing is that we’ve all seen Howie get angry. Jesus. His rage pretty much drives us on, and he was angry then, but it wasn’t the rage he has inside to kill the infected. This was like a normal anger. It probably doesn’t make sense, but it wasn’t the violent Howie shouting. It was an infuriated pissed off hot Howie. And there’s a big difference, because if Howie had detonated properly then I wouldn’t be writing this now.
We’d all be dead.
But my worry right then was that it was heading towards that level of escalation, and I had no idea what to do. I was as drained as Cl
arence. Exhausted with sweat pouring my face.
‘You do not have the experience, training, or understanding of what you are doing,’ Henry said while bracing his hands and leaning over the table. ‘That is painfully obvious just from today.’
‘You can fuck right off,’ Howie said. He told me later he was just as furious at himself for not being able to formulate better responses and sound eloquent like Henry.
‘The only reason you are still alive is because of that man,’ Henry said, pointing at Dave. ‘Make no mistake about it, and you need to seriously consider continually leading your people into harm with no viable exit strategy.’
‘What fucking exit strategy? It’s not politics, Henry. We’re killing the zombies so they don’t get smart and kill everyone else.’
‘Just calling them zombies makes you an imbecile!’
‘Don’t even think about picking me up on my choice of words you racist throwback fuck!’
Diary of Reginald
Nick then launched the drone, by which time Maddox had come over to escape the foul gases emitted by Frank. Although I will say at this point that Maddox had been acting strangely all day. I did wonder if Henry was trying to get him on his side. (It’s what I would do.) Maddox isn’t one of our direct team. He’s not one of Howie’s so to speak.
However, I didn’t have time to deal with that as my concern was focussed on the increasing volume of Howie and Henry inside the café. Not just the loudness but the rising anger within their tones. There were by now exchanging open accusations.
Whatever the causal reasons, the situation was upon us, and, as I mentioned, I was taking control before either Henry or anyone else could stop me doing what we needed to do.
‘We’re up, Reggie,’ Nick said to me, and I could see on the monitor that the drone was already rising. ‘Which way?’ Nick asked.
That was the pickle for me. Because I knew which way to go. But I also knew that once we started on that route there would be no turning back – and I wasn’t entirely sure we were ready for it.
But I had to make a decision, and judging by the voices from the café, we weren’t that far from reaching the point of detonation. And if left unchecked it would force everyone else to take sides. That’s where the danger lies, because they’re all armed and ready to fight. Idealistic people are always like that. They like drawing a line in the sand and puffing their chests out.
That’s how wars start, and if that war started then the game would finish right there.
‘YOU KNOW WHAT, HENRY. THIS WAS A FUCKING MISTAKE,’ Howie’s voice sailed out as I looked down at my map, trying to determine if this was really what I wanted to do.
‘I couldn’t agree more!’ Henry shouted back.
‘WE’LL FIND IT ON OUR OWN,’ Howie yelled.
‘We blasted well won’t, Howie,’ I said to myself.
‘Which way, Reggie?’ Nick asked as the shouting went up a notch in the café.
‘Jesus, they’re gonna start brawling in a minute,’ Blowers said.
The other thing of course, and the reason I didn’t give an instant direction, is that I needed it to look like I was choosing it right then, because Frank was watching me closely.
And so I nodded, pursed my lips, exhaled a few times and finally looked up. ‘Go east. And Nick? Give it some welly would you, there’s a good chap.’
Diary of Carmen Eze
I felt so bad about it. I still do. But we just got carried away.
‘One more!’ Marcy said with tears streaming down her cheeks as she sprayed from another bottle.
We were all laughing and crying and sneezing at the same time. It was so stupid, but in our defence, it was just meant to be innocent fun.
‘Don’t spray another one, Marcy,’ Tappy said as Marcy tried another one.
‘That’s it!’ Marcy said. ‘That’s the one. Just sniff it. Come on, just sniff it. Here, I’ll spray it on you.’
‘Get off!’ Charlie said when Marcy started spraying her. ‘Oh god that’s so strong. I can’t stop sneezing.’
‘I can’t even see,’ I said. That’s when we heard it. A voice at the door saying, ‘er, excuse me.’
But it was nerdy and male, and we tried to turn and look, but we just set off laughing again because we knew it was one of the lads being stupid – but we couldn’t actually see anything because of the amount of perfume in the air.
Diary of Maddox Doku
Then Howie was like, YOU CAN FUCK OFF! And he was getting seriously pissed.
We’ll have to get Marcy to calm him down, Blowers said. Danny, run and grab and her. Tell her the boss is about to kick off.
Which would be a very silly thing to do, Frank said from the bench, making them all look over to see him staring back as calm as ever, but with his rifle resting across his knees.
Diary of Carmen Eze,
We were laughing too much, and because of the aftershaves we couldn’t see clearly, and so Tappy said, ‘Don’t come in!’ to whoever was at the door. But she meant it funny. As in it stinks in here.
‘Yeah, sorry. I er, I thought you might be soldiers,’ the voice said, which is when we all realised it wasn’t one of the lads and there was a middle aged man standing in the doorway looking nervous as anything.
‘Oh shit,’ Marcy said. ‘Where did you come from?’ she asked as the rest of us commenced another fit of sneezing.
‘I er, I worked here,’ the man said. ‘I’ve been staying out the back…’ he trailed off, staring at our guns and looking worried at us all sneezing and laughing.
‘God, I’m so sorry. Hang on. Let us get out. Where’s my radio? I can’t even see my radio,’ I said in a way that set the other three off laughing again. ‘My bloody eyes. Whose idea was this?’
‘Marcy’s,’ Tappy and Charlie said together.
‘Snitches get stitches,’ Marcy said, before sneezing and laughing again. ‘Sorry, we were looking for some aftershave,’ she said as we walked out.
‘Sure,’ the man said as Danny ran in through the main door.
‘Marcy! Blowers said the boss is kicking off with Henry.’
‘That’s nothing new, Danny.’
‘No, but Henry’s telling the boss he has to quit and stand down and Reggie’s got the drone up and Frank said-.’
‘Danny. Slow down. Howie’s not the type to start brawling,’ Marcy said as she turned back to the man. ‘You just hang on here for a sec… Oh god… Oh god…’ then she lets rip with this huge sneeze, but she turned away and covered her mouth. I saw it. ‘Way too many perfumes,’ she told the guy. ‘Anyway. Well done ladies! Be right back.’
But then I don’t know. I’m guessing the air displaced when Danny pushed the door open caused a draft that swept through and caught the moisture particles expunged from Marcy. I mean – it couldn’t have been anything more than a quick soft breeze, but it was enough to get a few of those droplets directly into the face of the man standing well over two metres away from her.
I’m guessing he didn’t even feel it, because he didn’t wipe his mouth or face, and the only thing we knew was when he takes a sudden lurch back.
‘Hey, you okay?’ Tappy asked him as he slumped back again with a grunt of pain. ‘Oh shit, is he having a heart attack?’
‘Eh?’ Marcy said, spinning back around as the guy dropped to the floor.
‘Get Roy!’ Tappy shouted, trying to tug at her radio.
‘Oh god no,’ Marcy said, and she was already running back to the man. ‘Please no… He’s turning.’
‘Is he bit?’ I asked, drawing my pistol because I hadn’t connected the dots right then.
‘No! I sneezed.’
‘What!?’
‘I sneezed on him. Oh god. Oh shit. Howie’s gonna go mental,’ Marcy said as the guy starting writhing in agony. ‘Er, hi, listen, I am so sorry,’ she yelled at him, looking all panicked and worried. Then she grabbed her radio. ‘Howie! I need you here!’
Diary of Paula
Then right
when they were almost chest to chest, Marcy’s screaming through the radio that she needs Howie.
We’re all up and running and out of the café into the street to see Blowers and the rest already sprinting across the road into the department store. Even Nick shoved his beloved drone controller at Reggie and started running – because honestly, none of us have ever heard Marcy sound so panicked.
We get inside the department store, and it took a second or two to adjust from the sunlight outside to the darkness inside, but we’re all running up the corridor to see Carmen, Tappy, Charlie and Marcy all gathered about a man clutching his stomach in way we all knew.
‘Who bit him?’ Howie demanded. ‘Where are they? Everyone spread out. Eyes up. Dave, take point. Get into the store,’ he ordered while drawing his pistol as Marcy rushed to block him. ‘What the hell are you doing? Move out the way, Marcy! They must be in here.’
‘Howie, listen. He didn’t get bit. I sneezed.’
‘What!?’
‘I sneezed on him.’
‘What the shit,’ Howie said, blinking as the others stopped running past.
‘Jesus, Marcy,’ I said.
‘We were spraying perfumes and I sneezed on him,’ Marcy says with tears running down her cheeks.
‘Fucking hell,’ Howie said dropping to the guy’s side.
‘Hurts,’ the guy said.
‘It’s okay. You’re going to be okay,’ Howie said, taking his hand. ‘Listen to me. It’s going to be fine. Roy! Do something.’
‘Like what?’ Roy asked. ‘Take his bloody temperature?’
‘Give him morphine or something.’
‘Might be a bit late for that,’ Roy said as the man gave one final grunt then fell still.
‘Fuck me,’ Howie groaned, leaning over him. ‘Are you sure, Marcy?’