by Haywood, RR
‘Concurred, Howie,’ I said. ‘Joan taking those shots were the best option.’
Howie nodded, appearing to accept our words before frowning. ‘If Carmen got over, why didn’t she go sooner?’
‘Howie,’ Paula said, her voice was soft but urging. ‘We just saved nearly seventy people.’
‘And Carmen did get two families out from that block,’ Roy said.
‘I’m sorry,’ Carmen said.
‘Do not apologise!’ Henry snapped.
‘No, he’s right,’ Carmen said. ‘I should have gone sooner. I didn’t think I could make the gap… I… I’m sorry, Howie.’
‘Carmen!’ Henry snapped, clearly furious at her apologising to Howie not for the act of it but because it meant she was starting to accept Howie’s leadership.
‘We have to be able to say these things,’ Howie said. ‘We did well. All of you did, especially you Tappy. But if we see a chance to help survivors then we take it. We are immune. We are armed, and we are capable. That means we have a responsibility. We have to do the right thing for the right reasons. Do you understand?’
‘Yes, boss,’ the words rolled around as they nodded while Henry looked ready to explode.
‘But it was good work. I’m proud of you,’ Howie added, nodding around at them, and again, I could see Henry struggling at how they said cheers and thanks, boss. Henry just couldn’t see what everyone else saw in Howie. Or he could see it but just simply refused to accept it.
‘Right. Well. We have saved a few dozen,’ I said before anything else could start between Howie and Henry. ‘Teamwork makes the dream work. Isn’t that what they say. Eh, Danny?’ I asked, giving him a wink as I started handing out the post battle bottles of Lucozade. ‘Marvellous stuff! I’d say this CP better watch out, eh? Nasty brute killing all those kiddies. We’re on it now though, lads. We’re chasing it down. What do you say, Nick?’
‘Evil cunt,’ Nick muttered before swigging from his own bottle of Lucozade.
‘My sentiments exactly,’ I said. ‘And the only thing needed for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing. And we’re not doing nothing! No sir! We’re running it down. They don’t like it up ‘em, do they?!’
A few grins. A few smiles.
‘They don’t like it up ‘em,’ Clarence said, one bottle already guzzled down.
‘We’ll push on then. We’re having this prick,’ Howie said to the lads murmuring in agreement. ‘Is everyone okay? Anyone hurt?’
‘I broke a nail,’ Marcy said, holding a finger up. ‘I chipped it while changing magazine.’
‘You need some tac gloves,’ Carmen said, holding her gloved hands up. ‘Protects your nails. And you look badass.’
‘I need those!’ Marcy said with a laugh as Henry tutted and shot Carmen a hard look.
‘Hang on’ Paula shouted as the lads start heading towards the Saxon. ‘You’re not getting in like that. We need to hose off and clean up.’
Maddox
We then walked back up to the High Street and waited while Tappy got on the gimpy to shoot a few more infected down.
Once that was done, we pulled a hose out from a garden and got to work cleaning up.
Jess and Meredith were washed and cooled off while Snack bars were scoffed.
I grabbed another Lucozade from Roy’s van and headed back to Booker. Got you another one, I said and chucked it over.
Cheers, Booker said, giving me a grin and a sudden laugh. That dude with the huge knob though. What the fuck!
I know! I said with a laugh.
Fucking thing, Booker said as the others looked over. It was like down here, he added, waving his arm in front of his groin. This old guy was like about 90 but with this massive schlong and it’s going like bang bang bang against his leg while he’s running at Mads, and then Mads is just staring it like what the fuck! Funniest thing I ever saw!
Was it bigger than Danny’s? Cookey asked.
Nah bro, don’t be stupid. He’d be tripping over it, I said as Booker burst out laughing and we got on with cleaning up. So where you from then anyway? I asked.
Who me? Booker asked. Bit of everything. Grandad was Nigerian. Mum was half Arabic. I think my other Grandad was Irish or something though.
Mongrel then yeah? I asked, giving him a wink as he threw the Lucozade at me with a laugh.
I’d stayed at his side the whole battle. It was cool actually. Like, we covered each other’s flanks and when we needed to change mag and stuff. He can fight too. Holy hell he can fight. And I could feel his distrust of me was easing off too.
Carmen
‘That’s nice to see,’ Paula said as we stood off to one side behind the van with Marcy and Charlie to scrub down and get changed. ‘It’s about time Mads made some friends.’
‘I’ll tell you what isn’t fun,’ Marcy said, holding her broken nail up. ‘And neither is listening to Howie and Henry going at each other.’
‘Got that right,’ I said quietly.
‘Yo, Carmen,’ Mo called with an excited wave. ‘We’s seen a bird innit.’
‘Is it a seagull?’ I asked.
‘The ones that eat the pigeons,’ Danny said.
‘Really?’ I asked and rushed off to join them further along the road. ‘Where? Oh wow. It is. That’s a sparrowhawk. Well done!’
‘Danny spotted it,’ Mo said, fist-bumping Danny.
‘What’s the Latin name?’ Danny asked.
‘Accipter nisus. You need to see the yellow eyes. Hang on, Joan. Can I borrow your rifle?’
‘You’s gonna shoot it?’ Mo asked.
‘No! For the scope,’ I said, running over to take Joan’s rifle to take sight on the bird of prey standing on top of chimney. ‘He’s so beautiful! And look at him just standing there in broad daylight. It’s amazing how quickly creatures adapt. We’re down here killing each other and he’s up there just living his life. Do you want to see?’
‘Please,’ Danny said as we used Mo’s shoulder to lean on and I showed him how to look through the scope.
‘Okay. I think we’re done,’ Howie called out, stubbing a smoke out as Paula waved at him to hold on for a second with a nod to me and the lads. Howie just looked over then up to the sparrowhawk and said take your time.
‘We ready?’ Henry called. I thought he was looking at maps with Reggie, but he dropped out of the van and clearly wanted to get on.
‘Yeah, just give them a minute, Henry,’ Paula said.
‘I’d rather we moved out,’ Henry said. ‘Carmen?’
‘Hang on, Mo hasn’t had a look,’ I said as the lads swapped over so we could use Danny’s shoulder to rest the rifle on.
‘We are moving out, Miss Eze!’ Henry said sharply. And Jesus Christ it brought a stink to my cheeks being spoken to like that.
‘And I said they could take a minute,’ Howie said from across the junction with everyone once more growing still at the next stand-off. ‘Mo, it’s cool. Take a look.’
I faltered for a second before thinking fuck it and handed the rifle to Mo for a look.
‘Oh man, the eyes! Yeah, yellow innit, and his feet things.’
‘Talons,’ I said, but inside I was growing bloody furious.
‘But there’s a pigeon!’ Mo said. ‘On that next chimney. Why isn’t the sparrowhawk taking it out? That’s his lunch right there!’
‘They don’t always recognise static birds as food,’ I said as everyone else listened in. ‘He hunts birds in flight. The pigeon isn’t flying.’
‘No way!’ Danny said. ‘So if the pigeon flies then the sparrowhawk might take it?’
‘Yep.’
‘Oh man, don’t fly now little pigeon,’ Mo said. ‘Dude no!’ he called as everyone looked up to the pigeon flapping his wings to take off from his perch and a second later the bird of prey took it out. Snagging it from above with the pigeon flapping like mad to get free. The two birds dropping fast and looking ready to fly into a building before the hawk gained height and took his prey off
. ‘Did you see that!’ Mo said.
‘That was nuts,’ Danny said
‘If we are finished now, Miss Eze?’ Henry said and fuck me. That was my limit right there. I took the rifle from Mo to give back to Joan then strode at Henry with a look of thunder on my face while Howie gave the order to load up.
‘Word please, Henry,’ I said.
‘We’ll speak in the car.’
‘In private,’ I said before striding off to one side. ‘I am not a teenage squaddie.’ I said when he came over. I kept my voice low, but there is no doubt he saw the anger in my eyes. ‘Do not Miss Eze me in front of people ever again, and do not order me like a soldier. I’m an operative, Henry. I ran my own missions for years.’
‘Carmen.’
‘No, Henry! Your issue with Howie is your issue. Do not take it out on us. We’re not being paid anymore, Henry. Your leadership is by consent.’
It was a harsh rebuke that showed in his features, but it needed to be said. I hadn’t finished there either. ‘And I asked you if this mission was revenge,’ I said.
‘And I answered you,’ he replied, we stayed staring at each other for a long second. There was a lot I could have said, but that was enough.
‘Do not call me out in front of people again,’ I said and started grabbing my kit and rifle.’
‘Where are you going?’ he asked as I walked off.
‘I’ll jump in with Reggie,’ I said over my shoulder. I think he called my name but I was still bloody angry with him, so I ignored it and smiled into the van and Reggie at his desk.
‘Room for another one?’ I asked.
‘Of course!’ Reginald said as I chucked my kit bag in then spotted Howie walking to the front of the Saxon to open the passenger door before stepping back sharply from the low growl sounding out inside.
‘Oh fuck off!’ he said at the dog wagging her tail while showing teeth while trying not to show teeth. ‘You were fine a minute ago. Whatever,’ he said, slamming the door closed and walking to the back with a glance at Henry. ‘I said the dog should stay in the front. It’s cooler.’
‘Of course you did,’ Henry muttered, giving me a last look before moving back to the SUV.
I got inside the van and slumped down on the cases and stretched my legs out.
Hot bodies in a hot tin can. Hot tempers in hot heads.
The engine fired up and a minute later we were pulling away as the only slightly cooler air started flowing.
A day of days already, and it wasn’t over. Not by a long shot. We’d won the Battle of Billingshurst, but we hadn’t found CP, and there was still a hell of a ride left ahead of us.
It was cool though. And in a way I felt better. I’d told Henry what needed to be said and I’d gained a sense freedom. That’s how it felt to me anyway. That I’d stepped away and gained a sense of privacy, or dignity. I don’t know. It just felt better. I love Henry. I adore Frank, but I’m not a kid squaddie. I don’t need ordering.
Besides. There might have been another reason lurking in the back of my mind for deciding to get out of the SUV for a while, and there he was, looking all dapper and lovely in his shirt and tie while surrounded by his books and maps.
Like I said. I was thirty years old, and I was definitely getting a crush on Reggie.
32
Diary of Reginald
With the Battle of Billingshurst over, we once more set off in our vehicles, or, as Charlie would say, hot bodies in hot tin cans, which was rather apt given the blistering heat.
Of course, the big difference this time was that Carmen was in the van with me and Roy. Which was fine. It just meant I had to be a bit more careful with my maps, so she didn’t see I already knew the route we needed, but then I am always very careful.
It was also interesting that she had stepped away from Henry – but again that was not a surprise. Not with Henry addressing her like she was a teenage recruit instead of an extremely capable operative working within the British Security Services.
Of course, that wasn’t the only factor, but I did wonder, now that Henry and his team were out on the road and no longer hunkering down, how long it would take for them to question his leadership and seek to understand his true motivations. To be blunt, they were no longer being paid, so staying the course with Henry meant they had to be absolutely committed to the cause, and I rather believe Howie hit the nail on the head when he told Henry this was revenge for him.
So, with all said and done, I felt it was a good thing for Carmen to get some distance from Henry. If nothing else than to make him check his abuse of authority and the assumption that he, because of his former role, should take overall charge.
‘I thought you’d have a hot water caddy in here,’ Carmen then said as I glanced back to see her looking around the inside of the van.
‘We keep meaning to get one,’ Roy said from the front. ‘Mind you, Howie does like regular breaks so it’s not too bad. Correction. Howie likes regular breaks when he’s not on a killing rampage, which he now is. So, we probably won’t get another break today unless Paula steps in.’
‘Reminds me of someone,’ she muttered. ‘Anyway. Where’s next?’ she asked while looking over my shoulder at the maps on my desk. ‘They’re still moving north east, aren’t they?’
‘Indeed. That is the question, but I rather thought we’d try Southwater,’ I said while tapping the map to keep her focussed on that spot. ‘But I say, is everything okay with you and Henry?’ I asked with a look of concern.
‘We’re fine. But thank you for asking.’
‘I wasn’t trying to pry.’
‘Two bloody great big egos. That’s what that is,’ Roy called from the front, making her smile and thankfully turn away from my desk as I quickly dragged some books over the other maps. ‘They’re both alpha types that need to be in charge,’ Roy said.
Carmen snorted a laugh then once more sat down, thereby showing that while she agreed, she was not going to be drawn into gossip or tittle-tattle.
We then drove on in relative silence while I resumed my discreet study. However, after a moment or two, I began to get that feeling of being watched. You know the feeling, and so I turned with a polite smile and observed her taking in my books and desk.
Carmen
Reginald then must have felt me staring at him because he turned and gave me a polite smile while I quickly looked from him to the books stacked up on his desk. More on the floor beneath it. More on a shelf above him. Sciences and medicine. Economics. Geography. History and more. Bookmarks poking out, indicating they’ve all been read. Maps spread on his desk and the monitor at his side showing the feeds from the cameras at the front and back. ‘You’ve read all of them?’ I asked.
‘Mostly,’ he said. ‘An eclectic mix, that’s for sure.’
I really liked his voice. It’s cultured and full of nuance and lilt and meaning, and it made me think of that morning when he was reading the diaries in the café.
It was bizarre though, because it both took me back to that time in the facility and transported me to another place where I wasn’t the person in the story.
I found myself lost in his voice. Like I was drinking coffee in a café, listening to an audio book and the world wasn’t over.
Then it got to the end and the bit about the sex and the blowjob, and I felt degraded and somewhat humiliated. That was weird, because I’d had never felt that way before. Not when I was an escort, and not since.
I’d killed many times over. Jesus. I’ve had knife fights with Taliban warriors and pressed the button to detonate explosives with the full knowledge that bystanders would be killed, and yeah, now and then, when it was needed, I used seduction to do what was needed. Not frequently, but only if I liked the man, and never with six-pack soldiers with bulging muscles and square jaws. They were ten-a-penny and held no attraction at all. They still don’t.
But it was strange, because right there, in that café, I didn’t want Reginald to think badly of me.
; ‘Everything okay?’ he asked with the enquiring smile of an educated man capable of using tone and facial expressions to convey meaning.
I nodded while leaning forward to call through the hatch. ‘Roy, would you mind giving me a five minute warning before we reach Southwater.’
‘I can do it. I’m monitoring our position,’ Reginald said. ‘You’ll have plenty of time to lick and lock or whatever you hardy robust people do.’
‘Lick and lock?’ I asked with a chuckle.
He shrugged with a comical expression and turned back to his desk as I spotted Neal’s diary open over the map and felt a pang inside at what he must have thought of me. ‘Neal was nice,’ I said before I could stop the words coming out.
‘Indeed. He was a very nice man,’ Reginald said.
‘I mean I didn’t use him,’ I added as he smiled politely. ‘Not like that anyway. You know. Like how it came across in the diaries. I mean I wasn’t in love with him. But… I don’t know. I don’t know what I mean.’
‘Sometimes things have no meaning,’ he said kindly.
‘Everything has a meaning,’ I replied as he slowly nodded and turned in his chair to face me.
‘Yes. You are right. Everything has a meaning. My point is that the meaning itself might not be worth examining.’
I frowned to show I didn’t understand.
‘May I offer my thoughts?’ he asked as I nodded while held rapt in his gaze and the van trundled on, and however strange it may sound, I became very aware of the sweat gliding down my face and felt an urge to wipe it away and check my reflection.
‘Perhaps you were attracted to Neal on a physical and emotional level,’ he said in that way of his. His voice so full of nuance and tilt and tone. ‘And perhaps his obvious intelligence coupled with his inability to protect himself compelled a protective nature within you, and so you decided, from all of those reasons, to form a physical connection with him. And yes. Perhaps you did manipulate him. But you did what you needed to do. What I am trying to say is this. You were, to a certain extent, driven by hormonal impulses of a physical nature, while also becoming emotionally attached, at the same time as doing your job with the knowledge that more than seven billion souls were at stake.’