by Sue Lawson
‘Oh, Darcy,’ said Batty, her voice shaky. Despite the sorrow filling her face, she smiled encouragement at me. That was all I needed.
‘Laura and her family helped me put together special things to represent Charlie—his life.’
Hal and Laura handed out the objects from the box, while I explained each one. I passed Batty a posy of pink rosebuds, rosemary and lavender. ‘I tried to find the same roses as the ones in your wedding bouquet, Batty.’
There were posies for Misery, Mum and Boof as well.
‘They’re perfect,’ said Batty, caressing the petals, a tear rolling down her face. ‘And the ribbon is the exact shade of green that Charlie loved.’
‘The rosemary’s for remembrance,’ I said. I decided against telling them I’d included the lavender to keep everyone calm. ‘Batty and I made the jam drops. Jam drops were Charlie’s favourite.’
‘He’d eat a whole batch while they were still warm,’ said Batty.
‘Boof can, too,’ said Mum, her voice trembling.
‘Oi,’ said Boof.
‘And Batty told me Charlie loved a beer after milking,’ I said, watching Hal pour beer into plastic cups. ‘The beer is to toast Charlie. It’s light beer. Didn’t want you getting drunk and falling over, Granny.’
Misery kind of chortled or choked. I wasn’t sure which.
‘Last of all,’ I reached into the box and lifted out photo frames. ‘Hal asked Hyland Photographics to do these for me. There’s one each.’
As I handed Misery the photo of Charlie adjusting Batty’s veil, her eyes filled with tears.
Mum smiled.
‘This is gorgeous, Darcy. All of it. But, how did you afford it?’
I shrugged. ‘Birthday money. Money I’d saved. Think of it as an early Christmas present.’
‘You’ve done well, mate,’ said Boof, juggling not only his photo, glass, biscuit and posy, but Misery’s, too. ‘So, do we toast Charlie now?’
‘This is where I’m kind of, well lost.’ I poked the sand with my toe. ‘I don’t know what to say or do now.’
Batty, her chin wobbling, squeezed my arm. ‘Darcy, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to say a few words.’ She stared out to sea for a moment. ‘Charlie was a charming, cheeky, handsome, hard-working and at times infuriating man. And I loved him so very much.’ Her voice cracked. She squeezed my arm tighter. ‘Even though my time with him was short, looking around me, I see what precious treasures he left me. I’m so lucky to have had those few years with him.’
Tears flowed down her face, onto the opal brooch she wore. The brooch she wore in the photo under the gum tree taken at Bonegilla.
I bit my lip, fighting my own tears.
‘Losing him in such a horrible…’ Batty bowed her head. ‘Well the pain was almost unbearable.’ She looked up at me. ‘But the pain of Charlie’s memory dying with me was even more unbearable. Darcy, thank you for letting me talk. And for all of this…’
Batty released my arm and tottered to the edge of the water. She spoke words I couldn’t hear into the breeze and tossed the posy onto the waves. She stood, alone and forlorn, head bowed.
Jaw clenched, Misery marched to Batty. She tossed her flowers into the ocean. They stood together in silence. It was tough to know how long to leave them. I looked at Mum for help. She nodded, so I joined them.
‘I wish I knew you, Charlie. Well, I guess I kind of do, now.’ I wiped the tears from my cheeks. ‘I’m sorry you suffered and I’m proud to be your great-grand daughter.’
I flung a jam drop and the posy into the waves. Then I took a yellow rosebud I’d picked from the garden before we left for the RSL from my pocket. The petals were covered in grey lines from where it had been squashed.
‘This one’s for you, Dad.’ I whispered dropping the rosebud into the surf. ‘I miss you, Dad,’
Mum threaded an arm through mine. She leant forward and placed her posy in the water so it bobbed on the waves next to my rosebud.
After everyone had tossed their bouquets into the sea, we walked back up the beach, leaving Misery and Batty with the waves lapping their toes.
‘Darce, you know, this was a great idea,’ said Boof.
‘You think?’
‘Definitely,’ said Mum, smiling.
I picked up a shell and tossed it from one hand to the other. ‘I didn’t know whether we should do it here, or go to this prisoner of war memorial in Ballarat. There’s a Montevideo Maru memorial thing there.’ I shrugged. ‘Here seemed easier.’
‘We’ll take Mum and Grandma to Ballarat another time,’ said Boof.
‘Darcy,’ said Mum. Her voice reminded me of cellophane. ‘We need to talk about—’
‘Dad.’ My smile felt open and warm, not forced like the smiles I’d been giving Mum lately.
‘There’s a letter.’ Mum’s breath in was long and deep. ‘A letter Sean sent before he … It’s at home. I think it’s time you read it.’
I reached for Mum’s hand. A lump bulged in my throat, making it hard to talk. ‘That’d be good.’
Batty and Misery wandered up the beach, arm in arm. Misery released Batty’s arm and turned towards Mum and me.
I let go of Mum’s hand and folded my arms. Considering that Misery hadn’t spoken to me since we arrived at the RSL, I braced myself for a major attack.
‘I um…’ Misery chewed her lip.
My palms went sweaty.
She lifted her chin and shoulders, to stand tall in front of me. ‘Darcy, your project…’ Her voice was thick. ‘Thank you.’
Then Misery reached out and hugged me, holding me as tight as the blankets had held me in Boof’s old bedroom.
June 30, 1995Dear Max,I’ll probably beat this letter home, but after tonight’s phone call, I wanted to spell out exactly how I feel. It’s tough to make myself heard. Max, first of all, you should know that I love you and Darcy more than life itself. You are my reason for being. I want the best for you—for us. You’re right, Max, I should have discussed the move with you before signing the contract. But I believe this is the right thing for us, especially for Darcy. It’s what we’ve talked about for so long. Since we lost the baby, I’ve just wanted to get out of the city. I’m tired of the traffic and the endless noise. This isn’t what life is about. I want to be with you and Darcy, not a group of builders. I want to work close enough to home that I can be there if you need me. I wasn’t there for you with the baby. I don’t know that I can ever forgive myself for that. You can finally teach me to surf and Darcy can join Nippers when she’s older. There are great blocks for sale on the edge of town. Deakin’s Inlet is only an hour and a half from Melbourne. You and Deb can still meet once a week. She can stay over—maybe I’ll build a flat out the back for when friends visit. And we’ll be closer to your family in Port Avenel. Maybe your mother could stay. (I can’t believe I suggested that!) Max I know this is right for us. I didn’t mean to sound uncaring when I said you could pick up a nursing job anywhere,. I know how much you love your work and how respected you are. You are a fantastic nurse and I’m so proud of you. I guess I meant any hospital would snap you up. Moving out of the city is what we’ve always dreamed of, Max. What we’ve talked about. I’ve done this for us. I want you and Darcy to have the best, and I know we need to leave the city to achieve that. Buying into this business will set us up for life. And what a life we will have. You are my sun, my stars and my moon, Max. We’ll be so happy here. I know it. Together, we can do anything. I love you. Sean x
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-one
Chapter Twenty-two
Chapter Twenty-three
Chapter Twenty-four
Chapter Twenty-five
Chapter Twenty-six
Chapter Twenty-seven
Chapter Twenty-eight
Chapter Twenty-nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-one
Chapter Thirty-two
Chapter Thirty-three
Chapter Thirty-four
Chapter Thirty-five
Chapter Thirty-six
Chapter Thirty-seven
Chapter Thirty-eight
Chapter Thirty-nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-one