by Lil Chase
‘Exactly!’ Mum’s even got stats to back it up. ‘And I don’t have time to make the wrong friends, lose them, and then make the right ones.’
Mum starts thinking. ‘Well, you’ll have to find a way to bond with these cool girls somehow. If you need to reinvent your look or take up things that they’re interested in, then do it.’
Now it’s my turn to start thinking. Hmmm, what are these girls interested in?
‘Anyway,’ Mum continues, and pats the bed, ‘you’ll be happy to know that Mum and I have made up and there will be no more shouting. Promise.’
‘Thanks, Mum.’ I pause then ask her, ‘So Gran didn’t persuade you to get back together with David then?’
She shakes her head seriously. ‘Not a chance!’
‘Good.’
‘Gran doesn’t need to know the details,’ Mum says, ‘but if Dave can’t trust me to tell the truth about something as serious as an engagement, then what’s the point of having him in our lives? Right?’
I look down at Mum’s round belly and say, ‘Thing is, he’ll always be in our lives now, won’t he? Because of the bumpling.’
‘We’ll see,’ she says. ‘Maybe he’ll be happy to run away from the responsibility.’
Now she’s talking about my dad, I know it. I’ve never met him. I don’t even know his name. I asked Mum about him once and she went all weird and muttery so I haven’t dared ask her again. Probably some guy at school that didn’t want anything to do with me. I’m better off not knowing him. At least, that’s what Mum said.
‘Anyway,’ she says, ‘I’ll go make you a cup of tea. Two sugars, right?’
‘Er, it’s no sugars now,’ I say. Has been for years.
‘Pregnancy brain!’ she says, and hits herself on the forehead. Then she leaves the room, shutting the door behind her.
I get up and walk over to the bin bag of secrets. We got through about forty or so last night so there are a lot left to do. I open the bag and pick up a handful from the top.
There’s no helping this person! Unless I get Zeba to teach them how to love talking as much as she does.
I move on to the next one.
Then he’s put his name!
I grab my phone and text Frankie and Zeba.
Zeba texts back.
I know them! Mark Nowicki sometimes does computer club with me. Amanda Curran’s in Year 10 and she does cello in the hall every day after school. Frankie texts: That secret should be priority numero uno. Don’t forget to log it on the spreadsheet! Zeba texts: This is serious business. Time for a plan.
Let’s hope by the end of the week we’ll have at least one tick in the solved list. And I’ll be the most popular girl in the school for all my good deeds.
Then maybe I’ll be able to find the person who passed the note about me being ‘tragically uncool’ and convince them otherwise. And then maybe the bully won’t target me.
Chapter 9
Making everyone think I’m not tragically uncool is going to be tricky. But getting Amanda Curran and Mark Nowicki together is something I can do.
We’re standing in the school corridor at break time, surveying the crowds of people until it’s safe to put our plan into action.
‘What does the note say?’ Frankie’s voice comes from the phone in my hand.
Zeba takes out the note from her pocket and cups it. There are people walking by everywhere, but the only good thing about being unpopular is that no one takes any notice of us.
Zeba starts whispering to Frankie. ‘We tried to copy Mark’s handwriting. We wrote:
I give Zeba a small round of applause. ‘Truly an Oscar-winning performance!’
Zeba takes a bow.
‘Beautiful and poetic writing with superb delivery, my darlings,’ says Frankie. Zeba and I nod at each other with pride. ‘But I’m afraid there might be a problem.’
‘What?’ we say together.
‘No one would believe a boy wrote that,’ she says.
‘Why not?’ I ask.
Frankie sighs. ‘I have three brothers and I have never heard them say more than five words at a time. If they string two sentences together, they’re having a chatty day.’
Zeba and I wince at each other. ‘She might have a point,’ says Zeba. ‘When my brother got married, his speech wasn’t as romantic as this.’
‘It’s got to be believable,’ says Frankie. ‘I bet you even spelled it correctly!’
‘The hearts on the i’s were probably overdoing it,’ I say with a giggle. ‘OK, we’ll rewrite.’
Zeba turns away and then looks back at me, panicked. ‘Quick, that’s Amanda coming down the hall now!’
In the distance I see the girl Zeba is pointing at. She’s tall and skinny with mousy hair cut in a bob. She’s holding a pile of books close to her chest and a heavy cello in her other hand. She’s struggling as she gets jostled by the people bumping past her. I reach into my bag and pull out a sheet of A4 paper (not the pink scented stuff we used before). I rip it in half, risk another look at Amanda, and see we have absolutely no time to do it.
Suddenly fortune steps in, and Amanda lurches forwards and drops all her books and her cello.
I start scrawling.
‘What are you writing?’ asks Frankie.
‘i fancie u,’ I say, forgetting to whisper.
‘Lezzer!’ someone shouts as they walk by. We ignore them.
‘That can’t be enough,’ says Zeba.
‘It’s perfect!’ Frankie yells through the phone.
Amanda has picked up her books and her cello and is red-faced as she makes her way down the hall again. I have just enough time to write ‘Luv Mark N x’ on the bottom of the note before I slip it in her locker.
Zeba and I stand back and pretend to be on the phone as Amanda approaches.
‘It’s so romantic,’ says Zeba. ‘She has absolutely no idea. It’s like the Valentine Death Pact song “You Don’t Know I Love You Coz I’m Dead”. There’s a line in it that goes …’
But I’m not listening to Zeba. I’m looking over her shoulder at Amanda. She looks really sad as she opens her locker. She’s about to stuff her books on the shelf when she notices the piece of paper. Her frown deepens as she balances all her books in one hand and picks it up. She reads it and all of a sudden a huge smile brushes across her face, making her look suddenly pretty.
‘Yes!’ I shout.
Amanda looks in my direction. I quickly turn to Zeba and say, ‘Double maths! My favourite!’
Amanda looks back at the note, then down the corridor left and right. She must be looking for Mark. Of course he’s not there. But she grins again, puts her books in her locker and skips down the hall hugging her cello.
‘Yes, yes, yes!’ Zeba and I do a high five.
‘Top work, troops,’ says Frankie down the phone. ‘I wish I was there to see it.’ We hear the bell in Frankie’s school. ‘You ladies go put stage two into action. I’ve got to go to geoggers.’
We hang up, promising to text her when the deed is done. Then we head downstairs to the lunch room to find Mark Nowicki.
In front of us I see Luke Marino. ‘There’s Luke,’ I whisper to Zeba. He’s towering over some other boy who has ginger hair and freckles. ‘He’s massive, isn’t he?’
‘That’s because he’s fifteen.’
‘Fifteen?’ I frown at her. ‘Then how come he’s in our year?’
‘Because when he was thrown out of his last school he had missed so much they put him back a year.’ She grabs my arm and drags me into the lunch room. ‘Look at the way he’s talking to Angus McAllister!’
I peer back round the corner and see that Luke has the freckly boy – Angus McAllister – by the collar. He is a bully. Which means I’m in deep trouble.
‘There he is,’ says Zeba. I think she means Luke, but when I look up she’s staring at another boy, who’s sitting at one of the tables.
‘Who?’ I ask.
‘Hi, Mark,’ she says, and she walks
towards his table. ‘Are you going to computer club tomorrow?’
I guess this is Mark Nowicki. He has short blond hair and he’s really tall. He’s eating sandwiches with a couple of his mates. He frowns at Zeba as if trying to remember who she is.
‘I’m Zeba,’ she speaks slowly. ‘This is Maya. You and I go to computer club.’
‘OK …’ he says.
‘Well, it’s not in the computer lab after school tomorrow. It’s been moved to the hall.’
‘Why would computer club be in the hall?’
Good point. There are no computers in the hall. But there has to be some way to get Mark to the hall after school so he can see Amanda when she’s practising her cello. ‘Er … someone important is giving a lecture,’ I say.
‘Why would I want to go to a lecture?’ he asks.
Another good point. ‘Because it’s Bill Gates,’ I reply. I’m quite impressed with that lie.
‘Yes,’ says Zeba, ‘and he’s giving out money.’
Mark’s eyes widen and he grins. ‘Cool! I’ll definitely be there. Thanks.’
Zeba and I hide our smiles until we get to the back of the lunch room near the French windows. But once we’re there we whoop and shout. ‘We did it! We did it!’ And we give each other a big hug.
‘I was Facebook chatting with Craig Baker for ages last night,’ says a voice next to us. It’s Karmella, her blonde hair straightened out today. ‘He’s so funny!’
Zeba and I hear the words Craig Baker and look at each other. Wasn’t there a secret mentioning him? What did it say again?
‘Cool,’ says Rochelle. ‘Do you think he’ll ask you …’ She trails off and looks up at us hovering over their table. ‘What do you two lesbians want?’ she asks.
‘Oh.’ Zeba laughs. ‘We’re not lesbians. Not that there’s anything wrong—’
‘Gary Cohen said he saw you declaring your undying love for each other,’ says Rochelle, picking up a cookie and taking a bite.
‘He was walking down the hall just now with Ben Sands and they heard you say you fancy her,’ Karmella says, pointing to me then Zeba.
Oh no! I can’t have Ben Sands thinking I’m a lesbian! Then he’ll never ask me out. ‘I’m not gay.’
‘Oh,’ says Karmella. ‘OK.’
‘I’m not! In fact, I … I … I have a boyfriend.’ I’m getting good at this lying business. I might take it up professionally.
‘Ooo,’ says Karmella, smiling at me now. ‘What’s he like?’
‘Well, his name is …’ I can’t think of any name except Ben Sands. ‘Hitachi.’
‘Hitachi?’ says Rochelle.
Karmella is looking me up and down, like she’s appraising me. I stand up straight and pout a bit. A fake boyfriend might be a way to bond with these cool girls; like Mum said, it’s something they are interested in. But Hitachi!? What was I thinking? Still, I have to go with it now. ‘Yeah, he’s Japanese. Hitachi is Japanese for … um … Henry.’ That sounds good. ‘And he’s the captain of the rugby team.’ Oh, my mouth is still moving. ‘And he’s in Year 12.’ Oh dear.
Zeba looks at me with her jaw hanging open. ‘You didn’t tell me you have a boyfriend. Did your grandpa name the box dog after him?’
‘Er … Yeah …’ I look from Zeba to the cool girls. ‘Hitachi went to my old school, and when I moved away it broke my heart.’ I look at the floor and give a sniff for dramatic effect. ‘It hurts too much to talk about.’
Zeba turns to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. ‘That’s really sad. I’m sorry.’
I am so sad.
‘Yeah, Maya,’ says Rochelle. ‘Me too.’
Zeba starts squirming and hopping up and down. ‘Look, sorry, ladies, but I’m absolutely desperate for a pee-pee,’ she says, and it’s a little more information than I needed. ‘I must have drunk four gallons before school this morning and I’ve been peeing like a fish without potty training.’
No, that was too much information. From the disgusted looks on Karmella and Rochelle’s faces, I see they feel the same way. We all watch Zeba leave as she tries to walk and cross her legs at the same time.
Rochelle shakes her head as if trying to shake the image of Zeba from her mind. ‘Sorry we ditched you on your first day,’ she says. ‘It was just a joke, you know?’
I beam, but then hide it as I remember what Luke said about not seeming too bothered about things.
‘You’re actually quite pretty,’ says Karmella.
‘Thanks!’ I say.
‘You could hang out with us, if you wanted,’ she says.
I can’t believe this is happening. I’ve got my wish and I’m going to be in the cool crowd. Mum is going to be so pleased. I’m not going to be bullied. Me and Zeba and Frankie are going to have such fun meeting boys and everything.
‘Oh wow, that would be—’ I start to say.
She cuts me off. ‘But not if you continue to hang out with that freaky goth.’
Oh. I like hanging out with Zeba. She’s weird, but she’s nice. ‘I’m not going to ditch Zeba just to be friends with you,’ I tell her.
Karmella shrugs. ‘OK. Your loss.’
I wonder if I’ll regret this.
Chapter 10
‘So tell me more about your boyfriend,’ says Zeba.
We’re hiding near the main corridor after school.
‘Not now,’ I tell her, trying to fob her off.
‘How did you get together? Does he have any friends who are into goth music?’
‘Zeba, I …’ If I tell Zeba the truth, will she tell anyone?
‘Shh!’ she whispers. Luckily I’m saved by some movement in the distance.
I peek round the corner like a wartime spy. A girl is hurrying back into school. Hurrying as fast as she can while carrying a giant cello case, holding it by the handle and using her other hand to support the neck. As she comes closer I see the mousy hair in a short bob: Amanda Curran.
I duck back and nod at Zeba.
Amanda walks past us and we giggle. Probably not like wartime spies, but this is fun.
‘I’ll see if I can use my phone to stream it over to Frankie,’ says Zeba.
‘Good thinking!’ I reply.
She gets her phone from her big backpack and I see some clothes and an enormous make-up bag in there. No wonder her backpack is always so big! But why carry so much stuff all the time?
Zeba whispers to me, ‘She must be on her way to the hall to practise.’
‘And fall in love with Mark Nowicki!’
We both giggle again and start creeping down the corridor after her.
‘Do you … ?’ Zeba asks me.
But she stops and I hear why. It’s the noise of loads of people talking.
Zeba and I break into a sprint. We run in the direction that Amanda went. As we catch up with her Amanda turns around.
‘Are you coming to see him too?’ she asks.
‘Him who?’ Zeba’s face is as scrunched up and confused as I’m sure mine is.
‘It’s going to be like Christmas in Mount Selwyn today!’ says Amanda excitedly. She pushes open the door to the hall and it’s packed with students all looking around eagerly.
‘So this is where everyone is hiding,’ I say.
They all stare at us when we walk in. Then they groan and go back to talking.
I see Karmella standing with Rochelle, and when she sees us she sighs. ‘It’s just Maya and the goth geek.’
‘What’s going on?’ asks Zeba.
‘Didn’t you know?’ says Amanda. ‘I was on my way here to practise cello anyway, but it turns out Bill Gates is visiting. He’s handing out free money!’
Oh no! Zeba looks at me and her face falls. I scan the room – there must be over two hundred students. Mark Nowicki is standing with his friends in the furthest corner. ‘Our plan has completely backfired,’ I whisper to Zeba.
Zeba buries her face in her hands. ‘The money was probably a step too far,’ she says.
I get out my phone
and text Frankie.
The good news: We got Amanda and Mark in the hall together. The bad news: We’re with about a million other people!
She replies. What happened?
I’m in the middle of texting her back when someone says to me, ‘Is he here yet?’
I look up. Am I dreaming it? I must be hallucinating because the amazingly gorgeous Ben Sands is actually talking to me. ‘What? Who? When?’ Oh no, I sound like a quiz-show host with a stutter. ‘Santa?’ I say.
What an idiot!
But Ben Sands’s face lights up and he starts laughing. ‘Good one,’ he says. ‘But Bill Gates is twenty times richer than Santa.’
‘Let’s hope he’s as generous,’ I reply, and Ben laughs some more.
‘What’s your name again?’ he asks.
‘Maya,’ I tell him. ‘And you’re Ben Sands.’ That was a little bit stalker-y. Luckily he doesn’t seem to have noticed.
‘I don’t buy that Bill Gates is coming to the school,’ he says.
‘Oh yeah?’ I give him a cheeky grin. ‘Why are you here then?’
‘I just came to watch the rest of you fools.’ He smiles and gently pushes my shoulder. ‘Nah, I don’t believe it. But how stupid would I feel if he did come and I was the only loser not to get a piece?’
‘Pretty stupid,’ I say. Wow, I’m talking to Ben Sands and it’s going OK. I can see Karmella and Rochelle looking at us. They wave and start walking over.
‘Do you know who told everyone he was coming?’ he asks.
Yes. Me.
‘No idea,’ I say.
‘I heard it was that goth from our class.’ He motions over to Zeba, who’s tapping something into her phone. ‘She’s such a lunatic that she probably thinks Bill Gates speaks to her in her mind.’
‘Zeba’s kind of … um … different,’ I say, starting phase one of the make-Zeba-cool plan. ‘But she’s my …’ I tail off mid-sentence as Zeba climbs the steps and on to the stage.
‘Hello!’ she shouts. ‘Hellooooo, Mount Selwyn, can I have your attention, please?’ The students all go quiet and stare at Zeba. ‘I’ve just had a call from Bill’s people.’