by Lil Chase
Mum looks like she’s in a nightmare she can’t get out of. I know how she feels. She clutches her belly and gets up. Then she waddles out of the hall, her mouth grimacing in pain and tears running down her face.
When we were living in Denham, Mum took off her engagement ring and left it by the sink. I found it. Then something came over me. I didn’t want Mum to marry Dave. Mum, Dave and the new baby would be a real family, and where would I be? I would be the odd one out. So I ran to the local park and I chucked the ring in the river.
‘Mum!’ I call after her, but she doesn’t look back.
‘Maya,’ Gran shouts, ‘how could you?!’
But I can’t deal with Gran right now. I can’t deal with Mr Holt and the audience. And I definitely can’t deal with Todd Swift, who looks as if he’s been placed in a busy airport on a snowy day and told to sort everyone out.
I turn and run down the stairs. I have to find Mum and explain everything.
Trouble is, I don’t know where to start.
Chapter 34
Mum’s not answering her mobile.
I run out of the hall, not caring what anyone is saying about me or whether anyone is following. I have to find Mum and apologize for letting her take the blame about the engagement ring and ruining her life. Again.
I start running down the corridors, wondering where my mum would have gone after hearing the news that her daughter, her sweet dream, is a lying, deceitful cow. First I run to locker 62. It doesn’t make sense, but I hoped she might have come to the place where all the secrets come out. But of course she doesn’t know it’s mine, and she’s not here.
I bang my head against the stupid thing. It’s not my fault that I got given locker 62, but everything else is my fault. I feel terrible about what I’ve done: about Frankie and Zeba, about Dave and the ring, about everything. But then I think back to Hillary Randle, the person who started this whole thing. She made mistakes and she ran away from them. I’m not going to run away from mine. I’m going to be brave like my mum.
Suddenly I know where she is: the place where every girl goes when she needs to cry. I start with the toilets by the gym and I can hear her as soon as I push the door.
She’s crying, but she’s also moaning too.
‘Mum!’ I shout.
‘Argh!’ she screams.
I round the corner and see her crouched over in a shower cubicle. She’s clutching her stomach and her face is screwed up in agony.
‘Mum! Are you OK? Is the baby coming?’
But Mum says nothing. Nothing intelligible anyway. It sounds like, ‘This is where it should happen …’ She’s spouting complete drivel: ‘It makes sense now … I’m here … and Hillary Randle …’
Did she just say Hillary Randle? How does Mum know Hillary Randle? I run and sit beside her on the damp shower floor, not caring that it’s soaking through my skirt. I take her hand. ‘Are you OK, Mum?’
She looks in my eyes and says, ‘This is where we first met.’
Mum’s face is like Grandpa’s on his worst days. On the days when he’s forgotten who he is and he’s scared of us and his surroundings. Mum yells as another contraction comes.
‘Mum!’ I shout, and her eyes roll back in her head.
I’m so scared. I can’t look after Mum. Not when she’s like this. I dial 999.
‘Which service do you require?’ asks the woman on the phone.
‘My mum’s having a baby! We’re at Mount Selwyn High School!’
‘All right, love. It’s OK,’ says the woman on the phone. ‘I’m sending an ambulance to you now. Are you on your own?’
I nod and start to cry as I realize I am completely on my own.
‘Is there anyone you can call?’
I think about Gran, but she doesn’t have a mobile, and besides, I don’t think she likes me very much right now. There is someone I can call. He said he would always be there for me if I needed him and I know he would make me feel safe.
I hang up on the 999 woman and find his number in my phone.
‘Maya?’ he says. ‘Are you OK?’
I feel relieved at just the sound of his voice. ‘No, I’m not. Mum’s gone into labour and I’m all by myself with her,’ I say, sucking in my breath through the sobs.
‘Where are you?’ he asks.
‘At school,’ I say. ‘In the girls’ showers.’
‘OK, don’t worry. I’m coming now.’
I breathe a sigh of relief. ‘Thanks, Dave.’
And suddenly I don’t feel alone any more.
Chapter 35
Dave and I stand round Mum’s hospital bed, each holding one hand as she rests her eyes. We’ve been here for sixteen hours; all night. The doctors said that the baby wouldn’t be coming for a while and they have given her something to help her sleep.
Dave reaches over and strokes my head. ‘You did great.’
‘Dave, I’m so sorry about the ring,’ I tell him. ‘I didn’t want you to marry Mum. I didn’t think you were good enough for her. But now …’
He smiles at me. ‘What do you think now?’
‘I think you’re OK,’ I say.
‘Thanks,’ he says.
‘And you’re just the sort of man my mum needs. Sensible. You’ll look after her.’
‘I will,’ he says.
We both look at Mum for a bit. She looks peaceful.
‘I better call your gran and grandpa,’ he says.
He’s been calling them every half-hour with updates. It was the only way to get them to stay away. But as Dave goes to leave, a doctor comes in.
‘Good morning,’ he says. ‘We need to wake her up now. I think it’s time to try pushing.’
The doctor gently puts a hand on Mum’s shoulder and wakes her. Dave looks nervous, but also excited. Like he can’t wait to meet his new son. As soon as Mum’s eyes open she looks terrified.
‘I think you’d better leave the room for this bit,’ the doctor says to me.
I nod and swallow past the lump in my throat as I run to give Mum a kiss. ‘Good luck, Mum,’ I say. ‘You’ll do great.’ Repeating what Dave said to me.
She still looks bewildered. As if she has no idea what is happening to her, or why. ‘I can’t do this,’ she says. She looks first at me, standing next to her, then at the doctor.
Dave rushes to her side. ‘It’s natural to feel scared, Leanne,’ he says. ‘But it’s going to be fine.’
‘Yes,’ says the doctor in a chirpy way. ‘Besides, it’s always easier the second time round.’
‘I’ve never done this before,’ Mum says in a daze.
The drugs must be hitting her harder than we thought.
Dave turns to the doctor and tries to whisper, ‘She’s been like this for a while. Confused, like she’s a little delirious. Is that normal?’
The doctor’s frown shows he’s taking this seriously, but he doesn’t look panicked. ‘It can happen,’ he says. ‘Shock affects people in different ways. We’ll keep a good eye on her.’
‘I’ve never given birth before,’ Mum blurts out. ‘Tell me what to do!’
Why is Mum saying this? I suppose she’s gone into shock, like the doctor said, but she doesn’t look as crazy as she did before.
‘It was a long time ago that you had Maya,’ says Dave, ‘but your body remembers, even if you don’t—’
‘But I didn’t give birth to Maya!’
She looks scared. She looks worried. She looks terribly, terribly sorry as she catches my eye. But she doesn’t look like she’s lying.
‘I found her,’ she says. ‘In the showers at school. At first I thought she was a dream, my sweet, sweet dream.’
I can’t move as the words sink in.
‘I told everyone I hid the pregnancy, but really I was never pregnant.’
My mum is not my mum. She wasn’t pregnant when she was thirteen. She wasn’t pregnant at all.
The doctor looks at me. Dave looks at me. I think I might collapse.
But inst
ead I turn and run.
Chapter 36
I’m running through the long white corridors with tears streaming down my face. Everyone’s looking at me but no one stops me. In hospital, I guess people cry all the time. But they don’t know what’s just happened – no one could ever guess. My mum is not my real mum. She found me and passed me off as her own. She lied to everyone and she lied to me.
I’ve always wondered about my real dad because I’ve never met him. It turns out I’ve never met my real mum either.
I turn corners as I run. My heart is beating so fast that I have to speed up to keep up with its rhythm.
Finally I see the big double doors of the exit and I head for them. I have no idea where I’m going and I don’t really care.
I am not Maya Andrews. So who am I?
‘No running in the hospital!’ yells a woman at reception.
That doesn’t make me stop though. The automatic doors open for me as I sprint out into the car park. But my vision’s blurry – partly from the tears and partly from the shock.
‘Maya!’ Someone calls my name as I race past the parked ambulances.
But I don’t want to speak to anyone. I hear footsteps running up behind me.
‘Maya,’ the voice says again. This time he grabs my shoulders. I try to shake him off but he’s too strong for me. I’m hit by the smell of washing powder.
‘Let me go!’ I shout.
But he doesn’t. I stop. I’m panting so hard that it’s difficult to breathe.
‘Maya, what’s the matter?’ Luke asks. ‘Are you OK? Why are you at the hospital?’
My mouth flaps but nothing comes out. ‘I … I … I …’
He wraps his arms round me and holds me tight.
‘You’re shaking,’ he says, and he sounds worried. ‘Do you need a doctor?’
‘No!’ I say. ‘I can’t go back in there. My mum’s in there.’ There’s a huge pull on my heart when I say the word mum, because she’s not my mum at all.
He hugs me again.
‘Luke,’ says a woman’s gentle voice, ‘is everything OK?’
I look up from Luke’s chest and see a woman that I sort of recognize. She looks really tired, deep circles under her eyes. But she looks sweet and kind too. Now I remember; she’s Luke’s mum.
‘Are you OK, love?’ she asks me.
I have no words to describe what I am, so we’re left in silence for a second. Luke’s mum is holding Raphael’s hand. Raphael smiles at me, and weirdly I find myself smiling back.
‘Mum,’ says Luke, ‘can you tell them I’ll be in in a minute?’
Luke’s mum considers this and obviously decides that I need Luke more than she does right now.
‘OK,’ she says. ‘But we can’t keep Dr Hayward waiting.’
She leads Raphael into the hospital.
Luke takes me by the arm and we walk over to a patch of grass and a few trees across from the car park. He sits me down on a bench and puts his arm round me.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ he asks.
‘I don’t know.’
I say nothing for a moment.
‘I just found out that my mum isn’t who she said she is,’ I say slowly. ‘She’s been lying to me my whole life.’
Luke looks thoughtful. He sighs before he says, ‘Thing is, with adults, they’re just like us: they don’t know what they’re doing most of the time either.’
I play with my hands as I try to understand his words.
‘Is your mum a good mum?’ he asks.
‘Yes.’
‘Has she always loved you?’
I nod, and well up with tears again.
‘Well, then. I guess what I’m saying is that whatever she did, she did it for a reason. She might not be right, but you know that she’d never hurt you on purpose.’
I do know my mum loves me. And with all the awful stuff I’ve done over the last month I can understand people doing bad things for their own warped reasons. ‘Don’t take her side,’ I say. But I’m only joking, and he knows it. ‘Do you have to go now?’ I ask.
He winces and nods. ‘We have an appointment,’ he says.
‘For Raphael?’
‘No, actually,’ he says. ‘For me.’
‘Oh,’ I say. I’m not brave enough to ask more. I know so much about Luke, about Raphael, and about the pills he takes. I don’t want to lie and pretend I don’t.
‘Sorry I’ve been such a freak,’ he says. ‘The thing is, I didn’t want anyone to find out the truth.’
‘The truth?’ I say, in a way that means he only has to tell me if he wants to.
‘You know the rumour about me?’ he asks.
‘Which one? I’ve heard loads.’
This makes him laugh. ‘You must have heard about how I bullied some kid at my old school. Beat him up so badly that I put him in hospital for six months. That I was kicked out and sent to Mount Selwyn.’
‘Errr …’ I’m not sure whether I should admit it or not.
‘I know you know that rumour, because I spread it myself,’ he says. ‘But it’s not true.’
‘It’s not?’
I didn’t do what they think I did …
‘I was the boy that was in hospital for six months.’
‘Oh.’
‘There were these kids a few years above teasing Raphael and pushing him around. They thought they were cool – people like Karmella and Rochelle and Ben Sands and Gary Cohen – but they were the most uncool freaks.’
Starting with the freaks who are completely uncool.
‘I tried to step in and protect him, but I wasn’t as strong as I am now.’ He’s clearly reliving the moment in his head. ‘Raphael got away with a black eye, but they pushed me to the floor and started kicking me. I ended up with five broken bones, one of them my femur – my thigh bone. I was in hospital for six months and I still have to take painkillers.’
‘Oh.’ His pills are for his leg, not to stop him from going insane. But one thing doesn’t make sense. ‘So why do you want people to think you’re like them?’
‘If everyone thinks I’m hard and mean they won’t start on my brother,’ he says. ‘It’s a bit rubbish to have everyone think I’m a bully –’ he throws a glance back in the direction his mum and brother went – ‘but Raphael deserves it.’
Luke’s secret is falling into place and I realize that I was right not to be afraid of him.
‘Maya, are you OK?’ he asks, looking at his watch. ‘Only my mum will kill me if I’m late.’
‘You go,’ I say.
‘Not until we’ve called someone,’ he says. ‘Where’s your phone? Let’s call your best friend and see if she can come and get you.’
My phone has seven missed calls from Dave but I ignore that, think about it for a second, and start writing a text:
I know I have been horrible and I’m so sorry, Frankie.
But I’m having such a terrible time. You are my best
friend and I really, really need you right now.
I press send and sigh, knowing I’ve lost her and it’s useless.
But two seconds later my phone rings.
‘Hiya, Maya,’ says Frankie, sounding so sweet and worried about me. ‘Are you OK?’
‘No,’ I howl.
‘Where are you?’ she says. ‘I’m coming to get you.’
I feel so relieved. I breathe out one long, big breath. ‘Frankie, thank you.’
Frankie sighs. ‘What do you think forever means?’ she says. ‘I am your best friend forever. We might fall out from time to time, but nothing’s going to change that.’
And I’m so glad it’s true.
I tell her I’m at the hospital and she manages to restrain herself and not ask what’s going on.
‘I’ll call Zeba too,’ she says. ‘It sounds like you need your two best friends.’
I am so lucky to have two best friends.
Luke gets up. ‘I really have to go now, Maya,’ he says. ‘Call me later and let
me know that you’re OK, yeah?’
Maybe, after this is all done, I might even end up with three best friends.
Chapter 37
I have never eaten Persian food before, but it’s really good. Partly because I haven’t eaten in over twenty-four hours. We’re all sat round Zeba’s kitchen table – Zeba, Frankie, me, and Zeba’s mum, dad, older brother and his wife – eating a banquet. This is the first time I have been round to Zeba’s house and it’s really nice; we’re at a long dining table in a conservatory, where the hot food has made condensation on the cold glass.
‘Thanks for having me, Mrs Khan,’ I say.
‘You’re welcome, Maya,’ she says. She smiles at me, but there is pity in her eyes.
‘Congratulations,’ says Mr Khan, coming in from the hallway where he just answered the phone. ‘Your mother’s had a healthy baby boy.’ He says it in a way that no one has ever said congratulations before. Like he’s not sure. ‘Mother and baby are both doing well.’
I raise my water glass and everyone raises theirs too.
‘Cheers,’ I say.
‘Cheers!’ says Zeba, and the rest of her family join in.
I’ve asked if I can stay with Zeba. Mr and Mrs Khan have spoken to Gran, and everyone’s agreed it’s a good idea, until the dust settles and we’re ready to talk about everything.
It’s a bit awkward round the table because such a massive thing has happened. And not just for me, but for Zeba too. Zeba’s wearing goth make-up and clothes in front of her parents for the first time. She’s decided not to lie any more.
‘Maya,’ says Mr Khan, trying to get back to safer ground, ‘it was very good of you to arrange that poetry competition.’
‘Zeba and Frankie did it with me,’ I say.
‘It was my pleasure,’ says Frankie.
‘Sorry that you were misled in thinking that Zeba was going to win,’ I say.
‘We’re glad we came,’ says Mrs Kahn. ‘At least now we know why Zeba takes such a big bag to school every day.’
Zeba cringes. ‘You don’t mind, do you, Mum?’