“Allegra, go with Nanny and gather your things together.”
“Sure, Papa.” She leaned over to give him a big kiss on the cheek but for once she wasn’t the focus of Papa’s attention and he turned late and gave her an abstracted smile.
As the door closed he leaned over and took Isabella’s hand but she pulled it away and looked at the ring that now seemed to represent all that was wrong with their relationship, a parody of what should have been. She pulled it off and tossed it at him. He caught it with one hand, held it tight in his fist.
“Isabella. Speak to me.”
“And what would you like me to speak of? Hey? Perhaps trust? You told me you wanted me to trust you. That’s laughable. How long did you wait after leaving my bed to have unprotected sex with Allegra’s mother? Would you like me to ask you that?”
“It was weeks only. You know that. No doubt you’ve done the math.”
To hear it from his own mouth made her gasp with the pain that refused to be kept at bay any longer. She shook her head, willing the tears not to appear. “How could you, Luca?”
“Don’t—”
“Papa!” Luca turned to his daughter, the exasperated look giving way as he forced a smile to greet her.
“Excuse me.” Isabella rose and went to the bathroom and sat, head in hands, wondering what the hell she was doing there and how the hell she was going to get out. Because get out she would. Luca had forced her to believe in him again: had made her vulnerable, had made her trust him when all the time he’d been creating a big bald lie about himself. He’d betrayed her.
She splashed water onto her face and looked up into the mirror. Her face was white, her hands shaking. How could she trust him again?
They were waiting by the open door: Allegra filling the silence with her chatter while Luca stared at Isabella, willing her to look at him, willing her to understand the incomprehensible. She shook her head, as if to herself, but knowing that he would realize the message was for him. There was no getting around this.
How could she trust in someone when the proof of his infidelity was holding Luca’s hand tight: happy and enchanting and blissfully unaware of the maelstrom she’d unwittingly created?
With nowhere else to go, somehow Isabella had managed to remain calm and controlled for Allegra’s sake. But, as they reached the castello, the control began to crack. But there was no retreating with a child around. Once outside in the ancient cobbled courtyard, Allegra grabbed Isabella’s hand on one side and Luca’s on the other and demanded a swing as they walked to the double doors of the castello.
“It’s soooo cooool, Papa. It’s like something out of the history books. It doesn’t seem real.”
Luca cleared his throat as if trying to focus on her words. “In Australia maybe, but not here. Here, such places are very real—they’re everywhere.”
The flatness of Luca’s tone revealed his true thoughts. He was trying hard to be normal and responsive to Allegra. After all, none of this was her fault. And she was the daughter he’d always wanted and would never get from Isabella.
Allegra jumped up and down. “And I’m going to live here too.” Then she remembered her manners and turned to Isabella. “And you have always lived here, contessa?”
“Yes. I was born here and lived here all my life.”
“Then you would have enjoyed continuing to live here with us.”
Isabella bit the inside of her lip, willing her mouth not to tremble. “It’s time to move on.” She sucked in a deep breath before she squeezed Allegra’s hand. “Let’s go inside and I’ll show you around.”
A wall, as solid as those now newly gleaming and repaired, had risen around Isabella’s thoughts. They’d frozen as they’d sprung up in response to the realization that Luca had been unfaithful to her all those years ago. And she was grateful. It allowed her to talk about the castello, to act as the remote tour guide she’d become. It allowed her to function. She’d think and feel later.
At last they arrived outside the turret room. “Here, this is your room, Allegra. Your Papa insisted. He thought it would be perfect for you.” She looked around at the room that had been refurbished according to his specifications in their absence. It looked beautiful. “It has always been a favorite of mine. I hope you enjoy it.”
“This isn’t like castles I read about in Australia.”
“It’s not?” Luca frowned.
“No, it’s like a home.”
Isabella turned quickly to walk away but hadn’t anticipated Allegra would fling her arms around her legs. Isabella closed her eyes and gently brought her arm around the girl’s shoulder for a moment before her hand fell away.
“Thank you, Isabella, for giving me your favorite room. I’ll look after it for you.”
Isabella nodded and smiled tightly, willing the tears to remain unshed as she walked slowly out of the room and down the stone steps.
Allegra’s voice drifted down to her from above. “Did I say something wrong Papa?”
“No, Allegra, you said something right.”
Isabella stood on the balcony, looking across the dark valley down to the lights of the village. It was late and she couldn’t sleep. The air shifted as her door opened and closed but she didn’t turn around. She knew he’d come.
“You have a wonderful daughter, Luca.”
“She’s the best.” His voice came to her from the dark room, disembodied. “I’d hoped you’d grow to love her.”
“I’m sure I would have done. But we both know that’s not going to happen now.”
“I know nothing of the sort.”
She turned round to see him emerge onto the balcony, so compelling, so much of what she wanted, and yet, now, so out of reach. The anger jumped up inside her and she shot out her hand and tried to slap him around the face. But his hand came up and caught hers before it made contact.
“Don’t you dare blame me, Isabella. Don’t you dare.”
It was all she needed to let the wall crumble and release the pent-up emotions of frustration, of longing and of utter fury. He’d robbed her of her happiness with one stupid act.
“I dare.” She pushed past him into the room. “I dare all right. Seven years ago, I lay in my room, dreaming of the time when we could be together. Discovering with joy that I was pregnant, while you,” the tears had begun to stream down her face now, “while you, were busy making another woman pregnant within weeks.” Her voice cracked at the word “weeks” and she turned away so he couldn’t see her. A cry wrung its way from the depth of her body and she slammed the flat of her palm against the window, furious at this final betrayal. But he grabbed her shoulders and forced her to turn and look at him.
“All I knew was that you didn’t want me. What the hell was I meant to do?”
“Of course, what am I thinking? It was the obvious reaction, go and make someone else pregnant.”
“Your father told me to get out, you didn’t want me, you made no attempt to respond to my calls.”
“You knew how much I loved you. You knew.”
“No. No, I didn’t. Do you think telling me to go, then not speaking to me, not having anything to do with me was a sign of love. Hey? God damn it, Isabella, look at me. Stop retreating. You’re slipping away from me again.”
“No. I’ve slipped away. I’ve gone.” She pulled away from him. “I trusted you, Luca, like I’d never trusted anyone else.”
“Not enough to tell me about what really happened to our child. Not enough to tell me about your father.”
“That wasn’t about trust. That was about grief and guilt.”
Suddenly his hands were on her shoulders. “I’m sorry, Isabella. But you need to understand—”
She slapped his hands away, turning to face him. “I understand perfectly. Within weeks of leaving my bed you were having sex with someone—anyone it sounds like. You cheated on me, Luca. You cheated on me…”
Her voice faded as she tried to turn away again.
“Come on
, you weren’t there. You stood by and watched your father threaten me, you stood by and accepted his ruling that I should leave. You watched me go. What should I think? You even told me to go, to leave you.”
“It was only going to be for a while, until he’d calmed down. I was scared…”
“I wasn’t into compromises then and I’m not now.”
“Then tell me how it was.”
“Why? Would it make any difference? Would it change things if I said I’d known my ex wife in Rome when I was at University? Would it change things if I said she couldn’t get enough of me and I couldn’t get enough of being wanted? God knows I’d had little enough of it growing up.”
“And is that still what you want? Attention? Like some attention-seeking child?”
He turned away. “Of course not. I want you, you know that. I have my daughter and I want you. Is that too much to ask?”
She swallowed. “Yes, it is. I’ll finish my work and leave.”
“No. This time I’m not letting you go so easily. This time I’m going to see this out. And you will, too.”
“Don’t you understand Luca? What’s to stop you doing it again if I do or say the wrong thing? I couldn’t have entertained the possibility of making love with anyone other than you. Not at any time over the last seven years: especially not immediately after we parted. How could you?”
“We’re different, you and I. You retreat into yourself when things aren’t going well. But I don’t like what I see in myself and I advance, toward others. I need them, I need their approval in a way you’ll never understand. It’s a weakness, I know. But it was there, for many years.” He caught her hand firmly in his once more. “But that’s gone now. Having Allegra taught me a lot about love. There’s nothing I need from love, nothing I seek to gain from loving. Nothing I have to run away from any more. It won’t happen again.” He pulled her to him tightly and kissed the top of her head, pressing his cheek to her head, holding her more tightly as she tried to wriggle away from him. “I promise, it won’t happen again. Ever. Don’t do this Isabella. I need you.”
She stopped still then and an uneasy calm fell over them both. “You don’t need me. Don’t kid yourself you do.” But she continued to look at him, shaking her head in confusion, as she slipped her hand out of his. He let it fall. There was nothing more he could say.
“I’ll leave.”
“You’ve not finished your work.”
“Surely you don’t expect me to continue under such circumstances.”
“The circumstances make it even more necessary for you to continue. You are to complete your work as planned. If you don’t I’ll sue you for breach of contract.”
“You know I can’t afford a legal fight.”
“Of course I know. You will stay. You will not run away again.”
“I’ll do what’s required of me, but no more.”
She turned back to the window and it was only when the air shifted once more that she knew he’d left the room as quietly as he’d entered.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Luca leaned back against the castello wall and watched Allegra jump into the pool, closely followed by half a dozen of the village children who’d arrived to help her celebrate her birthday. He wiped the splashed water from his face.
“Papa! The water pistols!”
He lobbed the pistols into the water and they were immediately pounced upon by the children. “No shooting water outside the pool!” He knew his words wouldn’t be heeded and he didn’t care. He could watch Allegra all day. Somehow, within the space of a few short weeks, she’d managed to become part of an inseparable gang of village kids and he’d never seen her so happy, nor so well. She was thriving. He sighed and leaned back against the wall once more. He wished he could say the same for himself.
He’d not sought out Isabella since their return from the US. What was the point? There was nothing he could say that hadn’t already been said. He’d been stupid and he was paying the price. She had to realize he’d changed and he couldn’t help her with that. It had to come from her. But time had just run out. She’d left word she’d be leaving today and there was nothing he could do to stop her.
At a shout from Allegra, he looked up to see Isabella step out of the castello into the bright sunshine. He frowned as he noticed the flat shoes, the wide-cut white trousers and the form-hugging strappy top. They were light years away from her usual tight skirts and high heels, but still incredibly stylish. He exhaled a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. The change in style didn’t mean a thing. He was grasping at straws. She hadn’t changed and she wasn’t going to. She’d made that quite clear.
“Look Papa! Isabella has a present for me!”
He watched as Isabella struggled to contain an unwieldy looking present before placing it on the ground. It was immediately surrounded by a group of dripping children. Allegra dropped to her haunches and began untying the pink ribbons that festooned the box. She stopped suddenly. “What’s that?” She bent her ear to the box where there were a series of holes and listened and then jumped up and down excitedly. “It was a bark, I’m sure it was a bark!”
Luca laughed and Isabella looked up and caught his eye. Her direct gaze held his and he saw something he’d never before seen in her eyes: something direct and strong. Then she turned away. No, he must be imagining it. He couldn’t put himself on the line any more just to be knocked back again. It was an unguarded glance—that was all. He fisted his hands in his pockets—trying to control the instinctive need to move close to her—and stayed where he was.
Allegra opened the box and a chocolate brown labrador puppy jumped out yapping furiously. Allegra chased it, picked it up and gave it a big hug.
“Thank you, Isabella. Thank you. I love her. It is a ‘her’, isn’t it?” Allegra held up the puppy with an appraising eye as she checked it out and then turned back to Isabella with a cheeky grin. “Yeah, it is.” She ran off with the labrador firmly clasped to her body, with the other children in hot pursuit.
Isabella was left alone: her white trousers sprayed with pool water from the kids and covered in dog hair from where the puppy had tried to climb her legs. But she didn’t appear to have noticed; she watched Allegra with a smile that Luca couldn’t take his eyes off. He recognized it. He pulled the small, dog-eared photograph from his pocket. It was of Isabella, aged ten, with the smile that he’d never seen—until now. He unclenched his fist and pushed himself from the wall and into the sunlight.
Isabella turned round to find Luca standing in front of her. A frisson of excitement sent her heart into overdrive. His expression was still cool, as it had been since their return to the US, but there was a wary interest in his eyes that was new.
She nodded. “Luca.”
“You chose your present well.”
She swallowed. “I thought she’d like her.” A hundred thoughts ran through her mind and a hundred thoughts were dismissed. She had so many things to say to him: about her feelings and fears and she didn’t know where to start, or even if he wanted her to. “The puppy’s had her vaccinations so she’s safe to run around.”
“Looks like she was running around your trousers before you gave her to Allegra.”
Absently, Isabella looked down and swiped at the brown hairs that clung to her white linen trousers. It had no effect. “Yes, she’s hard to resist.”
“You’ve never had any problems resisting the irresistible before.”
She smiled. “And what exactly are you referring to?”
“People, maybe.”
“You, maybe?”
He shrugged. “Now, Isabella, I would never admit to being so vain as to believe I’m irresistible.”
“Then you’ve changed.”
The small smile that quirked at the corner of his lips faded into a seriousness that was reflected in his eyes. “Yes, I have. And I can’t seem to make you understand how much.”
“I… I understand more than you realize.”
“An
d is that enough?”
“For what?”
“To trust in me again?”
“Luca, I…” Her voice trailed off. How could she begin to explain the tide of feelings that had started as a slow trickle and that had become a torrent that threatened to overwhelm her fast-held beliefs. “You’re the same man now, as you were seven years ago. I feel the same for you, I trust you the same.”
Luca frowned and sighed. “Which means you don’t trust me at all.”
“No, I don’t mean—”
Her words were interrupted by the loud toot of a car horn. Luca looked round and his eyes alighted on her packed suitcase in the doorway. He turned swiftly to her, his frown lowered over hurt eyes. “You’re leaving.”
She winced at the sudden coolness of his tone and looked down. “I’ve done my work here, you’ve kept your promise to Nonna. Time to move on.” She looked up at him when he didn’t reply. “Isn’t it?”
“Yes, of course. You knew I wouldn’t sue you. You’ve done a great job here. Everything is as it should be.”
She nodded. How unemotional he sounded now. How resigned. Was it hurt or simply relief she was going away at last? She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry it’s ended like this.”
He shrugged. “It’s probably for the best.”
She frowned and the words she’d been framing, rehearsing, faded on her lips. “Luca, I—”
He held up his hand to stop her. “Let’s leave it. I can’t stand going over old ground any more.”
“But—”
“No. You’ve made things very clear and I’ve come to terms with that. There’s nothing more to be said.” She ached to reach out to him but he obviously didn’t feel the same.
The car tooted once more. “I’d better go.”
He nodded without moving. “I’ll explain to Allegra.”
“She knows I’m leaving. I’ve already told her.” She turned away and began walking to the taxi. Suddenly Allegra and her gang barreled around the corner and bumped into her. Allegra thrust the puppy into her arms. It was wriggling and she had no choice but to accept it. The puppy lifted its head to hers and licked her face. Allegra laughed loudly, as did Isabella, shocked out of the grief that filled her.
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