Darcy shook his head.“There is a mystery to all things in life that love has touched.You must at least take credit for showing me that.”
“Then in that I will oblige you if it makes you easier.”
Still walking about the room Darcy implored his wife. “Oh, Elizabeth, can you not see, how much I have learned? I, who fought initally to conquer my love for you—I had not the vaguest idea that such passion cannot be defeated.”
“But you confuse me, Fitzwilliam. Pray explain yourself.”
Darcy began, sometimes sitting by her, at other times walking the room, to tell her all that he had concealed for so long. “When first we consented to help Lydia and take her child I was confident but only so because of my detachment. I had not the advantage of feeling our child grow inside that you have had. Forgive me that I had the audacity and ignorance to make such decisions in so impulsive a manner. It was not long before I began, with growing uncertainty, to notice the change in you. I became increasingly aware of the realities of what I had decided but I could not reverse the situation.” He went over to the window. “Some may call it a softening of my character I suppose. I cannot explain it. When Wickham came here you detected it in me but I denied it to you and for that I am sorry.You were right, Elizabeth, that my approach to the man ended up kinder than your own. He has his respected and esteemed father to thank for that, you have heard him called an excellent man, he was my own father’s equal in many respects. I held on to the faint hope that if a small measure of his father’s character existed in Wickham I should have a chance to influence him, persuade him, if you like, to take the decent route in life.”
He went to her side again and took her hand in his own.“I do not wish to alarm you, but for a long time I meditated on the very great difference in my character the prospect of my heir induced. From these reflections I came upon the idea that if I could be so transformed who was I to deny another man the same chance of redemption.” Elizabeth went to speak but her husband silenced her and went on. “I began to feel as a thief might every time I considered taking his child and his chances. In vain I sought to conquer my feelings but could not let the matter rest.As the time drew near I could take no other action than to seek Wickham out. He was easily come by, I found him once more with Mrs.Younge in town.”
“So you had no business in London?” asked Elizabeth.
“You see my deception, Elizabeth, but I could not reveal my premeditation to you then. I have done the right thing, I assure you. I found Wickham in a poor state, sick and tortured by more than the liquor.A confrontation ensued, I will not offend you with all the details of it, only to say we drew swords. Events became unpleasant until he was made to see that I could overcome him. I discarded my defense for I knew that I had weapon enough to subdue him, that my words alone would overthrow him. I told Wickham that he was soon to be a father, as I was. In doing this I know I risked more than my own reputation. I allowed him to be shocked and accepted his anger, but once his violence was spent I had all the assurance I could have asked for.”
Elizabeth made no attempt to hide her shock. “In what way could he possibly assure you?You must know that he has the clever mastery to appear good when he is not. He is a man who gives that appearance easily.”
“I know of his playacting, my love, I know he has the happy ability to speak words of love when his heart is consumed with hate. I did not make my judgment with my eyes, for they are just as readily deceived as the next man’s.”
“Then how did you judge him?”
“In the only right way, Elizabeth, with my heart,” said Darcy.
When Elizabeth heard next of Wickham’s tears and of Darcy’s true conviction that they were shed in actual sorrow she did not know herself.To accept Wickham, forgive him even, in every way opposed her instincts. But how often had she misjudged others? That her convictions were always strong was unquestionable, but their strength did not ensure their accuracy. Oh, what to do? How to act? To know, if only by some small sign, which course would lead to the desired destination. Where was intuition now? All comprehension was lost to Elizabeth; trepidation marred her thoughts.“I confess I cannot easily think well of Wickham but my concerns, my fears are… oh, too many to mention, too serious to ignore. But what of Lydia? Pray tell me she does not know of this.” And then, incredulous at all that Darcy had been about, she probed, “You cannot mean to tell me you have persuaded him to make amends there?”
Darcy paused then went on. “Until this very last I had my doubts, but I could not let them stop me doing what is right.When I first saw my own child I knew I had done right by being the means to bring Wickham to his.”
“I cannot believe it.”
Darcy was determination itself, his voice, his expression, and his stance all showed his resolve. “What is it that sits outside your comprehension, my love, that Wickham can be reformed or that I could believe it feasible?”
“Both I suppose, I had not dreamed either possible.”
“You play with me, Elizabeth, you are more than capable of believing anything possible, you, a connoisseur of the human condition, will not recoil aghast, surely?”
“Fitzwilliam, pray allow me time for reflection, if I have the powers of observation you credit me with then you will afford me the time to use them wisely, I am inclined to keep away from rash decisions at present.” She then expressed her desire to know all that had taken place between her husband and Wickham, thinking all the time that if Darcy had found some gentle spot in his heart for his enemy, then she should endeavor to find a similarly tender place in hers, however impossible it seemed.
Darcy continued,“Wickham traveled back from town with me as far as Lambton. I set him up at the inn there promising to come here and make clear my intentions to you and to Lydia. Believe me, my love, you had not the advantage of them but those hours from London in the carriage finally helped to settle our personal misgivings. There is little capacity in a barouche for men to solve matters with swords. Even words must be used sparingly, you know how conversation suffers on the less well-laid roads, but in that forced halting of talk lay some benefit, that of quiet reflection.Although in reality I can speak only for myself I believe those long moments when we sat face to face have since proved as restorative to the situation as any lengthy debate or duel could have done.We were eye to eye at some points, I would not let my gaze falter as his was at first inclined to—I held him with it—commanded him by looking as far as I imagined I could into his soul. It was not so charred as you might think.”
Seeing Elizabeth taken aback, Darcy raised his hand at once to silence and reassure. “I know you, Elizabeth, you think I might be mistaken. Is it possible you intend to tell me I could not have looked deep enough? Pray do not. I have seen all I needed to. There is not a sight so naked as a man’s soul bared and one so scarred and bruised as Wickham’s I venture I will not see again, at least it is my hope that I shall not.You know the rest, my Elizabeth, upon arriving home I found that I was already a father and that he was soon to become one. In that instant I knew beyond any doubt that I must venture to restore faith and humility in Wickham. I went away directly, as you know, to Lambton, and have brought back my enemy in peace. He is in the drawing room. He awaits news of your acceptance before going to his wife and child. Will you let me tell him he has your blessing?”
Elizabeth was very aware that she was in no fit state to make rational choices. “It will be easy to give my blessing in words.Tell him to go to his wife and daughter, but afford me time to discipline myself. I must establish a means to re-educate myself to forgive him, to repel all thoughts of disdain and start anew.”
“You are not resentful by nature, my dearest Elizabeth, I have every faith that on seeing your sister happy again you will find it in your heart to forgive him.”
“She does still believe herself in love with him,” Elizabeth conceded.“I imagine she could persuade herself toward happiness, but what of his feelings for her?”
�
�They have the very best chance of becoming stronger, Elizabeth, he may have taken Lydia as a wife for all the wrong reasons, but I believe he wishes to keep her as his own for all the right ones,” said Darcy who watched as the great tears of relief, made all the more ready from abundant happiness, splashed onto Elizabeth’s cheeks.
CHAPTER 26
“Oh,” cried Elizabeth,“I am excessively diverted.”
September brought with it the arrangements for Mary’s wedding. Longbourn once again rang with the sounds of Mrs. Bennet’s cries, sometimes euphoric but often panic-stricken. She found, once more, that she had ple3 nty of reasons to be boastful. Lady Lucas was one of the first recipients of her bragging. “Elizabeth has borne a son, thank the good Lord I say, for I cannot imagine Mr. Darcy accepting a daughter first time, people of his sort virtually insist on a son and heir to start with. I am only glad Elizabeth had the good sense to oblige him! Lydia of course has surprised us all and had a daughter and her husband is no longer detained by business so he is returned. And Mary’s news you already know.”
“You have every reason to be very pleased, Mrs. Bennet,” said Lady Lucas.
“You are very good, Lady Lucas, very good indeed, I sincerely wish all your children equal felicity in marriage.”
“I thank you,” said Lady Lucas calmly,“and I accept your good wishes readily, for I recently have news of Maria, Colonel Fitzwilliam has asked Sir William for her hand, we are very pleased.”
Mrs. Bennet let out a cry. “Oh well, there we are then, Lady Lucas, that will lessen the blow of Charlotte’s departure for you.”
Lady Lucas hid her astonishment at Mrs. Bennet’s insolent manner. “Ah, but they are once again to be very well catered for at Hunsford, I console myself with that knowledge.”
Mrs. Bennet lowered her voice and looked about the room as if to ensure the absence of eavesdroppers.“But Lady Catherine is not to be trusted, Lady Lucas, she can take away as soon as give, it would be best to advise Mr. and Mrs. Collins to err on the side of wariness. She is the most two-faced woman I ever came across. She treated my Mary very ill indeed! But I am not the resentful sort you know, I think I may just as well forget all about it and get on with the more pleasant things in life. Oh Lady Lucas, you must come to me with any little queries you may have about Maria’s wedding arrangements. Heaven knows there is not a mother more acquainted with the matter than me. No indeed, when Mary is married I will have four daughters out of five settled within a year!”
“You are too kind, Mrs. Bennet, I shall not hesitate to seek your advice,” said Lady Lucas without commitment. She took her leave with the sincerest belief that she would not, if she could avoid it, have Mrs. Bennet involved in Maria’s arrangements.
Lady Metcalfe’s party, which included Georgiana, Maria, and Kitty, returned to Pemberley. The latter feeling somewhat exhausted by her companions’ affairs. It was the worst thing in the world, she thought, to spend so much time amongst lovers without having one of your own. Maria Lucas had annoyed her most definitely once the Colonel had applied to Sir William for her hand. Georgiana and Mr. Hanworth had made no such announcements but Kitty knew that it could not be long before they would. “Thank heaven I shall at least have Lydia for company,” she said aloud to herself.
Elizabeth, finally accepting Wickham’s return, agreed to her husband’s suggestion of allowing the small family to have one of the larger estate cottages on the outskirts of Pemberley’s grounds.
“I hope your sister will not think it insulting, it is certainly not meant that way.”
Far from being affronted, Lydia had received the news with gratitude. All of her fears had been allayed and once again all her dreams were coming true. That she had a handsome husband, a sweet daughter, and the address of Pemberley was enough for her.
“I shall write to all my friends as soon as possible,” cried she.
Wickham too was gratitude itself. Elizabeth noted that he did appear changed. She adopted a determination where he was concerned; that previous history would not color her present opinions, but it was difficult for her. She imagined that it was with some meditation that he came upon her in the breakfast room one morning. On entering the room he bowed to greet her.
“Mrs. Darcy, you are quite alone?” he asked.
Elizabeth looked about the room.“As you see.”
“Forgive this intrusion, madam, but I beg you, devote a few moments of your time to hear me.”
“Please Mr.Wickham, you need not be hesitant, I am not about to reprimand you.”
Wickham smiled. “I am glad of it Mrs. Darcy. We have always been friends, have we not?”
“I prefer to think we gave the convincing appearance of being so, the basis of our friendship, as you define it, was never very sound, indeed, how could it have been when it was built on the infirmity that is deception?” said Elizabeth coolly.
Wickham knelt to the floor near where she sat. “I understand your caution but let me say this, if our relationship was based on falsehood of any kind I must own that I am to blame.” He looked at her for a moment. “Let us begin our friendship from this moment and let its origin be genuine, Mrs. Darcy.”
“I generally prefer that type of friendship to any other, falsehood makes enemies, not friends, Mr.Wickham.”
“I sense your disapproval, I comprehend it absolutely and I pray we will not be enemies any longer.”
“I have never been your enemy, Mr. Wickham, but you have been mine. Forgive me that I have not my husband’s philanthropy. I cannot accept the idea of you being decent so easily as you might wish.There, it must be a cause of astonishment for you that I, the Elizabeth you once deemed so malleable, should prove harder to win than my husband. But,” she ventured thoughtfully,“I am wiser by a small degree than ever I was and admit I have been made ever more cautious by the insincerity I have occasioned to witness in others.You might say it has hardened me, Mr.Wickham.”
“Not too much I hope, Mrs. Darcy. Allow me the opportunity to beg you, do not lose your tenderness, it is this quality that so defines you.”
“And causes my vulnerability. Mr. Wickham, I hope I am to be understood, kindly end all thoughts of my tenderness; it is a feature of my personality that I reserve for my husband. Allow me, in my own way, to come to terms with your rebirth, your reform or however you best define it. I hope with all my heart that you will prove me wrong and show yourself, by the means of unfailing decency, to be a worthy recipient of my husband’s beneficence.”
“This, I detect, seems impossible to you?”
Elizabeth laughed. “If you only knew what I have seen in my life you would not think so. No, I do not believe anything impossible. That my husband could have held a sword at your throat and refrained from cutting it seems to me an impossibility, yet it is not. Here you stand, Mr. Wickham. I am sorry, have I shocked you with my vivid depiction?”
Wickham shook his head. “No, no, I am not shocked, I am as humbled by your honesty as I am by your husband’s integrity. I thank God that he was able to judge that the promise of life could overpower me far more completely than the threat of death.”
Elizabeth could contain her misgivings no longer.“And what of Lydia, your intentions where she is concerned are honorable I hope?”
“Never more so than now, Mrs. Darcy, you may rest assured that I shall spend the rest of my days pursuing your sister’s compensation. That she has deigned to forgive me fills my heart.”
Elizabeth smiled. “You are a lucky husband to have as uncomplicated a wife as my sister, Mr.Wickham, her memory is admirably short where trauma is concerned.”
“You are right, she is not resentful.”
“No she is not, her purpose in life is to spend as much of it as possible in pursuit of enjoyment. Being resentful would only serve to deprive her of her own happiness, she has sense enough to see that, Mr. Wickham and, I say this with some reluctance, she does love you, though how you or I measure or define love may be entirely different, but make of i
t what you will. You have Lydia’s regard and affection. I beg you do not abuse it further.”
“I assure you, madam, I will not.”
Elizabeth stood and went over to the window.“You came here for my forgiveness, I cannot give it easily in words. However I do not wish to cause you pain, I start with every intention of speaking of pardoning you.” She shook her head and sighed. “In words at least it seems my desire to attack you is stronger than my need to forgive you, but it is not so. I have accepted you here, acceptance, Mr. Wickham, will do in place of any true welcome until such time as my heart dictates.”
“Your acceptance, Mrs. Darcy, is as good as a hundred welcomes.”
Mr. Darcy's Decision: A Sequel to Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice Page 19