by Kim Wilkins
“‘We know nothing about the Son!’ a voice called. ‘How can we let him rule us?’
“That should have been the moment where Lucifer urged caution, reminded everyone about the loyalty we still owed to Father Infinite. Perhaps he could have brought us under control then, but it was all too clear that Lucifer agreed with the sentiment. He hesitated, and in the space of his hesitation a Principality of our tribe, an angel named Abdiel, began to shout, ‘Listen to you all. Rebels! Traitors! Have you forgotten where your true allegiance lies? It is not a matter of whether Lucifer has an argument with the other archangels. It is whether we trust Father Infinite and his decisions. And you do not. Lucifer, for shame. He loves you so dearly and you repay him with such treachery.’
“‘If he loves me so dearly, why does he advance his son over me?’ Lucifer cried. I heard real pain in his voice. I believe in that moment all was lost, for he sounded so sorrowful, so betrayed, that we all became firm to our purpose. And that purpose became revolution.” He looked up, fixed Deborah with a keen gaze. “Do you see now how it was? How our intentions were formed through opportunity and love? Not malice, not pride and vanity and evil design as your mortal race has been told.”
Deborah nodded once. “I would like to hear the whole story. What happened next?”
Lazodeus pressed his hands together between his knees. “Violent debate began between Abdiel and Lucifer, between Abdiel and the crowd, and he was driven out. We did not harm him, but he must have felt unsafe as such a barrage of abuse was rained upon him. He returned immediately to Father Infinite while we withdrew to the North, towards our homes. The huge distance between the Palace of Lucifer and Father Infinite’s throne began to be a serious disadvantage. We could not get home in time.
“Dark clouds began to gather in the east. Angels do not war, so our tribe did not have weaponry. Yet all the while the other angels were arming themselves. It is true. Father Infinite in his fury gave thunder swords to Raphael and Gabriel and their tribes, and sent them after us.
“They arrived unexpectedly, a huge array of armed angels. We barely had time to assemble, and could only use our angelic powers as defence. Powers which they too possessed, of course. Lucifer took a few close advisers and went out to meet with the archangels. But before a single word could leave his mouth, Abdiel — that filthy traitor — broke from the legion behind Gabriel with a thunder sword, and ran Lucifer through.”
“A mortal wound?” Anne asked.
“No, for we are not mortal. But thunder can scar.” He touched the white ridge on his own lip. “And it is painful. Very painful. Lucifer fell to the ground in agony. Chaos broke out. I was one of the angels who rushed towards Lucifer, who brought him back to camp and tended to his wound. Outside, the rebel angels — unarmed — attempted to fight the attacking angels. They threw thunderbolts, they created a whirlwind, they raised a howling storm and caused the earth to shake … but their foe knew the same magic, and deflected it all harmlessly.
“The united angels advanced towards us, lashing out with their thunder swords. Not one of us escaped that long day of battle without a scar, and that is how you can distinguish between fallen angels and angels still loved by God. We are scarred upon our ethereal bodies — the wounds show up as dark patches in the light or, when we take mortal form as now, they show up as discoloured ridges on our skin. The luckiest of us took scars to our bodies, but most of us were attacked in the face and hands. There is no doubt that they unleashed their resentment towards Lucifer’s beauty in this way.” His voice dropped almost to a whisper. “Two Thrones, friends of mine, named Achramelech and Asmadai, were so mangled as to be unrecognisable afterwards. As soon as Lucifer could stand again, we began to retreat.
“When night fell, Father Infinite’s legion backed off and camped. Lucifer sent spies to their camp and in the early hours of the morning we heard the awful news. Father Infinite had armed Michael with the Sword of Annihilation.”
“What’s that?” Deborah asked.
“The one thing that can destroy us. The one thing that Father Infinite promised he would never raise against his own angels. Only then did we realise the full extent of his anger. He wanted to destroy us. You cannot imagine the icy paralysis of terror which gripped us all. Michael would only have to walk among us and wield the sword in an arc, and anyone it touched would cease to exist. As mortals, you are perhaps reconciled to your eventual death. We are not. We recognise it as the most unnatural and horrifying concept upon which we could ponder. None of us wanted to die. Not for Lucifer, not for Father Infinite, not for anything did we want to die.
“This changed everything. Everything. Our cause, I knew, was not worth annihilation. Lucifer arranged a hasty gathering of trusted angels and told us he would fall upon the Father’s mercy. Nobody argued. I just wanted to go home. I wanted so badly to return to the vast northern plains, the sheer cliffs and foaming falls, the great still lakes and the tall, tall firs. I went back to my camp and, regretfully, but with relief, dozed a few hours away.
“The sun was just making its way over the vast horizon when, in the distance, a rushing sound, like a killing wind, became audible. I shook myself awake and looked up to the east where the dark storm clouds had been gathered since our accidental rebellion. A glimmer against the black, the sound growing more keen, a wind picking up. Then I saw it: the great chariot of the Father, silvered and adorned in a thousand eyes, led by Cherubim. And Michael sat in it, holding high the Sword of Annihilation.
“Screams and shouts broke out around me, and before I knew what I was doing, I was running; we were all running, scattering away from our camp and racing, desperately, towards the north, towards home. We ran and ran as fast as we could. Michael knew we would head in that direction, and he rounded on us, drove us out further and further to the west. Lucifer urged us on, told us to preserve ourselves. One unfortunate angel turned and stood his ground, begged Michael for mercy and was cut down, the blazing light of his existence extinguished in a single stroke. I knew then that there would be no mercy for us, no reasoning or apology would alter our fate. Michael drove us in front of him, throwing thunderbolts and cutting the air with the Sword, so we could hear the deadly whish-whish of its curve and were in no doubt that he intended our obliteration.
“I knew the chase could not last much longer, because we were approaching the crystal Wall of Heaven, the vast, glittering limit of our world. I was in such fear and panic that I hadn’t considered what might happen when I arrived there. Michael drove us mercilessly to it and, as I drew close, I could see an opening out into the void; a black eye of nothing gazing back at me impassively. The angels began to pull up, to disarray in confusion. Some turned back, some tried to escape to the north and south, some kept running, and Michael picked a few of us off to remind us what a dire position we were in.
“I kept moving towards the Wall of Heaven. I was terrified of the void, of course. We all were. But at least it was not annihilation. It was an awful nothing, but it wasn’t the final nothing. For most of us there was no choice. Lucifer reached the Wall first and the black eye opened and rolled inward, growing until it was an enormous gulf in front of us. Michael had drawn back, hovered above us and waited. Lucifer hesitated.
“‘Father Infinite in his mercy has created a new world for you in the caverns down there,’ Michael said. His tone of voice made it clear how vexed he was by that mercy. He should have liked to see all of us consigned to the void. ‘If you leave now, I shall withdraw and no angel will be annihilated.’
“Of course, it was the best offer we could expect. But to leave Heaven … to leave the gentle hills and wild plains, to leave the sweet music of the seasons, to leave the dazzling intensity of the dawn and the soft balm of the twilight … how could I leave? How could I ever be happy if I were separated from Heaven and from Father Infinite? Even Lucifer, brave Lucifer, trembled on the edge of the void, the great cloudy nothingness rolling beside him, the crystal wall of Heaven glittering above.
“‘Michael, can we not speak with the Father? Can we not throw ourselves upon his mercy?’
“Michael’s answer was to raise the sword. ‘Lucifer, your name shall no longer be spoken in Heaven. You shall be known as our great adversary, Satan. And I, for one, shall not miss you.’
“Lucifer drew himself up proud. ‘If this is true, if I am to be your great adversary, then let it be so. But you, and the other archangels and the Father, shall regret it, for I shall prove to be the most formidable adversary imaginable.’ He turned to us. ‘Come, my angels. To stay in Heaven is annihilation, but in the cavernous below we shall live and we shall thrive.’ With that, he hurled himself into the void.
“I wish I could say that I was as brave, but I, like most of the others, had to be driven through the gap by Michael, bullied and threatened. Still, a few lost their lives, too afraid to move. I took that giant step and I fell, the awful rolling, sick sensation of nothingness spinning through me. I fell and fell, and I began to think that Michael had lied, that no caverns existed and that I would fall eternally. My screams were useless and pitiful in the void. It was too dark to see others and a tremendous loneliness seized me. But soon, my wails grew less because my fall continued and I was hoarse and bewildered. Nine days I fell, in terror and in the agony of uncertainty. But then, finally, voices from below told me I had found the bottom.” He crossed his hands over his chest and winced, as though remembering a terrible pain. “The impact of the fall had not the power to kill me, but I lay for a very long time on the cold ground — among the other dazed angels — in shame and in agony, scarred and driven out of my true home.
“When I began to rouse from my daze, and rolled over to look up, the sky had been closed out by the vaulting black walls of a cave.” Here, Lazodeus pressed his palms to his face and had to choke back a sob. “Such a despair, such a vast despair which still weighs upon my heart, extinguished all that was light and joy in me. This was to be our prison.”
He removed his hands and composed himself. “Every one of us submitted to our misery. We wept and we moaned. The cold was biting and we were sore and scarred. I know not how long we spent in that mad despair, but at length great Lucifer stood — a diagonal scar from his forehead to his chin had not obliterated his great beauty — and said that we must arise, that we must return to our feet, that despair was not our lot; rather, we must proclaim the great cavern our new kingdom.
“When Alathor wailed that our lost kingdom was far greater, Lucifer told him that he would rather be the king of the abyss than a lowly toad in Heaven, answering to the new Son as if he had reason and right to rule us.” Lazodeus smiled, a bitter smile. “Of course, once the Son came, we understood that Father Infinite had been right all along. Heaven’s King is, indeed, the Son.”
“It seems so strange to hear a devil say that,” Deborah remarked.
“I’m not a devil, Deborah. As I have told you so often, I am still an angel.”
“But did all this — your exclusion from Heaven, your casting down into the abyss — did it not make Lucifer, did it not make all of you hungry for revenge?”
He shook his head. “If you had seen Heaven but once you would know why all we want is to return. But to return for any of us is to be annihilated.”
“I thought Hell was supposed to be full of fire,” Anne said.
“It is, for it is so very cold at the farther reaches of the void. Immediately, Lucifer used his great skill with fire to create an immense burning lake at the very centre of the cave, and it has burned there ever since. And we have fires burning in every corner, and in every street of Pandemonium, which is our great city there.”
“But Pandemonium translates to ‘place of all demons,’” Deborah said. “I thought you were angels.”
Lazodeus laughed. “Deborah, are you trying to prove me a liar?”
“I simply want to know the truth.”
“It is called Pandemonium because it was built for us by demons, and demons live there with us.”
“So what are demons?” Mary asked.
“Spirits with one purpose each — elementals who may be commanded by angels. Or even mortals.” With this, Mary noticed he turned his gaze upon Deborah and watched her for a moment. Deborah’s face was impassive; she merely met Lazodeus’s gaze and waited for him to continue. Mary felt the itchings of jealousy. Why was he staring at her so closely?
“Go on,” Deborah said.
“We commanded the demons to build us our towers and rooms of state. First a grand palace where Lucifer rules, and then a massive city with tangled roads and tall buildings. But the sun neither rises nor sets on Pandemonium. It is in blackness all the time. And so it was, for a very, very long time, that we heard nothing of Heaven and became resigned to our lot. For centuries I dreamed of the open spaces and sweet music, but soon those dreams faded and I accepted my new home.
“Everything changed when, after long millennia, we heard that Father Infinite was to create a new race, and a new world for them to live in. Again, he did it because he wanted more beings to love. His love is infinite, and insatiable. The wonderful benefit for us was that the new world, the mortal world, was accessible to us. We could travel between it and the cavern, and we saw for the first time in what had seemed forever the rhythms of stars and moons, the blue sky and the open fields — a pale shadow of Heaven’s beauty, but such a glorious change from the dark, firelit streets of Pandemonium.”
“We know the story now,” Mary said, growing bored with this history and wanting to devise a plan to get Lazodeus alone. “Adam, Eve — she ate the apple, now we all get to die. Father’s been writing about it and boring us all to death with it of late.”
“It was so much more subtle and complex,” Lazodeus said, “but I see you tire of my story so I shall draw it to a close. The most important thing you should know is that the moment we saw the mortals for the first time, we fell in love. And no surprise, for they were created for angels to adore and we do adore you, all of you. There is no hatred borne by the inhabitants of Pandemonium towards mortals. We want you all to proceed to Heaven and know its glories too. Your souls are in no danger, from me or from any of us.” He directed this at Deborah.
“And Father Infinite sent us his Son.”
“Yes, because the mortals were uncontrollable.” He chuckled. “Which is something which makes us love them even more fiercely. The Father needed a presence in the mortal world to inspire them. And it is through mortals and the mortal world that we fallen angels hope eventually to be reunited with the rest of our race, and with our homeland. It is a common ground which we share, where we can communicate with angels and prove ourselves to them, by giving mortals pleasure and helping them in times of need. You, all of you, are stepping stones on my pathway back to the echoing northern plains of Heaven. Deborah, if you are looking for a less-than-selfless motive from me, that is all it is.” He sagged forward. “I am very tired. I would like to go now.”
“Don’t go,” Mary wailed.
“Of course he shall go, Mary,” Anne said, then turned to Lazodeus. “But you will be nearby?”
“Yes, just call my name, as before. But remember, since you have dismissed me as your guardian I cannot be as reliable in my attendance. Deborah, have I satisfied you with my tale?”
“Thank you, Lazodeus.”
“Perhaps when I return you could tell me about this work your father is writing?”
“Perhaps,” Deborah said, a frown crossing her face for the first time this evening.
“Oh, ’Tis as dull as a muddy puddle,” Mary said dismissively.
Lazodeus smiled. Mary could not stop looking at the scar on his top lip. Thunder-scarred, driven out of Heaven. It all seemed so distant and unreal. And she cared, of course she did, but she cared more for the feel of those lips on her body.
“Farewell for now, sisters,” he said, standing. “I shall be nearby, and I will try to come promptly when you call.” With a shivery glimmer of light, he dis
appeared.
13
The Majesty of Darkness
Even though his light was subtle and diffuse, the room seemed suddenly darker now Lazodeus had gone. Deborah rose and lit a candle, thinking about his story.
“I can’t believe he left!” Mary stamped her foot and her dark curls shook.
“You’re mightily upset for someone who told me recently she didn’t care if she saw him again or not,” Anne said, her head tilted curiously.
“Oh, go to, Anne. I liked you better when you stammered.”
Deborah weighed in. “Sisters, are we to begin our sniping and fighting again? Are our bonds of love so sorely tested by this creature?”
“I notice you are very calm,” Mary said. “You got what you wanted. You used up all our time together having him repeat that stupid story. Always trying to prove he’s a liar.”
Deborah stood back. “Mary, what interest do you have in Lazodeus? Both of you. Why is it that we cannot mention him without quarrelling?”
Mary seemed to get her feelings under control. She lifted her shoulders casually. “I have no more interest than either of you. I just don’t like it when you dominate our meetings with him.”
Deborah shook her head. Mary and Anne were both in love with him. It was plain to see, but impossible to believe. “I am tired. My bed awaits. Try to be loving to one another. We are sisters, not rivals.” She went to her closet and closed the door behind her. The bed was too short but she was grateful for her private space. She placed the light on the rickety table next to her bed and sat cross-legged on the covers, chin in hand, thinking.
Lazodeus’s story was plausible. It was certainly compelling, and easy to imagine how a series of bad decisions and misunderstandings could lead to such a serious breach. But wasn’t God supposed to be merciful?