by E. L. Todd
And she was crying.
She wasn’t sobbing. Only a few tears leaked from the corner of her eyes and dripped down her face. She concentrated on her breathing and kept herself calm. She was a bomb about to explode, and she was doing everything she could to remain steady. When she heard the door shut, she looked at my reflection in the mirror.
And her look changed to panic. “What the hell are you doing in here?”
Whatever rage I had was gone when I saw Rae cry. I’d hardly ever seen her shed a tear. Instead of giving in to her pain, she held her head high and remained strong. Whatever made her break down like this was huge. It had to be. “I wanted to see if you were okay…”
“I’m fine.” She snatched a paper towel from the dispenser and quickly dabbed the water that seeped under her eyes. “I have really bad allergies this time of year.”
It was bullshit and I knew it. She knew it too.
I came closer to her then leaned against the wall. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at her, not caring we were standing in the middle of the women’s restroom. Thankfully, no one else was inside. “Rae, what the hell is going on? First, you lie to me about being in New York for ten days, and now you’re an emotional wreck.”
Her eyes snapped open, and the look she gave me was full of utter fear. “What?”
“Yes, I know you weren’t really in New York. You lied to me—again. But I’m prepared to let that go if you give me a damn good reason why.”
It was clear I knew the truth so she didn’t try to lie her way out of it. “How did you know?”
“I went out with Tobias and saw you with Ryker.”
Her face turned pale.
“Please tell me you aren’t with him again.”
She stared at the drain again. “No.”
“Then what was that about?”
She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, gathering her answer. “He realized I was staying at the hotel across the street from COLLECT. So he followed me and asked me why I was living out of a suitcase. We got a drink and talked about it. That was it.”
At least she wasn’t seeing him again. That was something to be grateful for. “Why were you staying at a hotel to begin with?”
She closed her eyes like she didn’t want to answer me.
“Rae, you’re going to give me a sufficient answer. Otherwise, I’m going to make your life a living hell.”
She still wouldn’t answer me. “Rex, I understand you’re mad. But I’m not ready to talk about why I lied about New York. Please…just be patient with me.”
“No.” I’d never been a patient man. “And why are you crying right now? Why did you storm off into the bathroom? What did anyone say that would bother you so much—” I stopped in midsentence when the answer dawned on me. Right before Rae got up, Zeke kissed Rochelle. And before that, Rae and Jessie were being weird about Rochelle. Did I just figure it out? “Zeke.”
She straightened and let go of the sink.
“Holy fucking shit! You like Zeke!” I gripped my scalp because I couldn’t believe the truth I’d just uncovered. It was the only thing that made sense, as crazy as it sounded.
And she didn’t deny it. “Keep your voice down.”
“How?” I demanded. “When did this start?”
“I don’t know…a few weeks ago.”
My heart was beating harder than horse hooves against the earth. “I can’t believe this…but it doesn’t explain why you lied about New York.”
She dabbed her eyes again until they were dry. Then she tossed the towel in the trash. “Look, I just needed some space. Since you live with me, he always comes by. I needed some time to stop thinking about him. I wasn’t going to achieve that if he was always sitting on my couch. So…I tried to get away.”
“Why are you trying to get over him?”
“Because of Rochelle, you idiot.”
I ignored the unfair insult because she was just upset.
“She’s a really nice person, and Zeke is crazy about her. You think I don’t feel like shit for looking at him like this? He has a girlfriend. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. It’s wrong on so many levels. I refuse to be that kind of person. He belongs to Rochelle, and I’m a bitch for dreaming about him, for thinking about him all the time…”
“You dream about him?”
She didn’t elaborate on that part.
And I suspected why. A moment of awkwardness passed between us.
“I thought it was just a physical crush, and if I didn’t see him for a while, I would stop thinking about him.”
“And I guess that didn’t work?”
“No. Seeing him kiss Rochelle right now just made me…feel terrible.”
I never thought Rae would have feelings for Zeke, but here she was confessing her broken heart over a man she couldn’t have. “This is unbelievable. Did you feel this way after I told you how he used to feel?”
“No. I felt this way before. I’m not exactly sure why or when…but when you told me how he used to feel, it just made everything worse.”
This was juicy enough to be a soap opera. “So…are you in love with him?”
“I don’t know… That’s a strong thing to say. But these feelings are undeniable. And they’re killing me.”
If Zeke knew this, he would pass out. “You should tell him.”
She immediately turned vicious. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m serious, Rae. After the way he felt about you, he’d be over the moon about this.” He told me word-for-word he could see himself settling down with Rae. That wasn’t something you just said to anybody.
“Aren’t you forgetting someone?” She turned her hateful look on me. “Rochelle? The woman he loves?”
“Yeah, but—”
“But nothing. He’s moved on with someone else. And Rochelle is great. I missed my chance when I dated Ryker. That’s the end of the story.”
“Rochelle has nothing on you, Rae.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I know he felt differently with you than he does with her.”
Rae shook her head. “You can’t make an assumption like that. And even if you’re right, it doesn’t matter. That was in the past. Now we’re in the present, and in the present, he’s been dating Rochelle for six months.”
“He could date her for a lifetime and still not feel what he did with you.”
Her eyes softened for just an instant before they hardened again. “Rex, it doesn’t matter. I’m not telling him.”
“But—”
“I love him and would never do that to him. Do you have any idea what kind of position that would put him in? It would just confuse him. And if it didn’t confuse him because he’s in love with Rochelle, which he is, it would just strain our relationship. Rochelle wouldn’t like me anymore, not that I could blame her, and she wouldn’t want Zeke to be around me at all. It’s got disaster written all over it.”
She made up her mind and clearly wasn’t going to change it. And I wasn’t going to tell her about Zeke’s upcoming proposal. That would just make her feel worse. “Then what’s the alternative?”
“I’ll get over him.” She looked in the mirror like she was trying to convince herself of what she just said. “I’ll start dating again and try to find a good guy. Maybe I’ll find someone so great I’ll forget about Zeke altogether.”
I already knew that plan wouldn’t work. “I really think you should tell him.”
“Well, I don’t agree.”
“Let me ask you this.” I leaned against the wall again and watched her. “When you were starting to see Ryker, would you rather have known Zeke had feelings for you? Do you wish he would have told you?”
She looked into my eyes, the look expressionless.
“Do you?” I pressed.
“I don’t know…”
“Ryker ended up being a big, fat mistake. Maybe Zeke would have saved you time.”
“Rochelle isn’t an asshole
like Ryker is. And I had no idea what was going to happen with Ryker. There’s no way to predict what I would have done.”
“But you might have done something differently if you had all the facts up front.”
“Maybe…but I didn’t have feelings for him back then.”
“But if you’d known how he felt, you might have.”
She leaned against the opposite wall and crossed her arms over her chest. “We can play what-if all day long, but that’s not going to change anything. I’m not telling him, Rex. Rochelle is wonderful. I couldn’t call myself a friend if I did anything to jeopardize their relationship.”
If this were any other situation, I’d probably agree with her. But it wasn’t. Zeke and Rae were two people who were so much alike, it was freaky. Even I could picture them spending the rest of their lives together, being happy and nerdy every single day. And I definitely wasn’t the romantic type.
“You better not tell Zeke any of this.”
I held her gaze.
“I mean it, Rex. It’s not your place.”
All I could think about was how quickly Zeke rushed into this thing with Rochelle. He even admitted he didn’t start dating her for the right reasons. And I suspected he didn’t want to marry her for the right reasons either. Something felt off with her from the beginning. “Okay.”
“Thank you.” Rae leaned her head against the wall and looked up at the fluorescent lights. “I don’t want to go back out there. I don’t want to sit there and pretend I’m having a good time while he sticks his tongue down her throat.”
I didn’t want to go out there either. Kayden would still be hitting on that guy, and they’d have a few laughs as they downed their drinks. Or maybe they wouldn’t even be out there anymore. Maybe he already took her home.
What a shitty night.
***
I couldn’t decide what to do.
A part of me wanted to spill the beans to Zeke. He should know that he had a chance with Rae if he still wanted it. And it didn’t seem like Rae just liked him. It was a lot more than that. Strong enough to make her live in a hotel for ten days so she wouldn’t think about him.
But I also felt like a dick for saying anything. Rae asked me to keep it to myself, and Rochelle was the one about to get screwed over. She was a nice person who didn’t deserve to get her heart broken. But at the same time, that was just how life was. Sometimes you got hurt.
And then I might ruin something great for Zeke. His relationship with Rochelle would probably work out. He already bought the ring, asked her father for permission, and planned his proposal. If I told him the truth, it would just screw everything up.
And he and Rae might not last forever. It could be a short-term thing before they realized they were better off as friends.
Zeke might lose someone he was perfectly happy with.
I couldn’t decide.
Every time I made one decision, I switched back over. And just when I finalized my plans, a new thought popped into my mind to make me change direction.
I wished someone would just tell me what to do.
Rae parked her rear on the couch for the next week. She went to work, came home, and did absolutely nothing. She didn’t jog through the park with Safari or even take care of the apartment. She left her dirty dishes in the sink and only did laundry when she ran out of clothes to wear.
It was weird.
I didn’t like this side of Rae. This dirty and messy one. Now I understood why living with me was so insufferable.
“You doing okay?” I finally got to the point where I needed to ask her. She probably wanted the space, but since I lived there, it was impossible to give it to her.
“I’m fine.” She pulled a blanket over her lap and read on her Kindle.
“You don’t seem fine.”
“I’ve just been tired lately…”
“Well, there’re no groceries in the fridge, no clean dishes in the cabinets, and this place hasn’t been vacuumed in over a week.”
She didn’t have the energy to be a smartass. “Whatever.”
Damn, this was worse than I thought. “What was it like talking to Ryker?”
She shrugged. “He’s pretty depressed over his father. His playful personality is completely gone. I feel terrible for him…”
“Yeah, I do too.” I would always hate him for what he did to Rae, but I did pity him for losing a parent. When Rae and I lost our mom, we were devastated. And then our father left a long time ago, so his absence felt even more real.
“But in time, he’ll get better. We all fall down. It takes some time to get back up.”
“Yeah…”
Her hair was in a messy bun, and she wore the same pajamas she’d been wearing all week. Whenever Zeke wanted to hang out, I made sure we did stuff outside the apartment so she wouldn’t have to see him. But in the back of my mind, I couldn’t stop picturing a reality where they were dating. Zeke would be here all the time, and they would both be with people who were good enough for each other. They would be happy, and I wouldn’t have to see Rae depressed on the couch every single day.
But if I told Zeke the truth, would he pick Rochelle?
Or would he pick Rae?
***
“Everything alright?” Zeke sat across from me and dug into his hot wings. We just finished a game of basketball, which I lost horribly.
My mind wasn’t in the game. I kept thinking about the critical information that I held. Would I be a bad friend if I didn’t tell him? Or would I be a bad friend if I did tell him? Either way, I lost. “Just got a lot on my mind.”
“Like what?”
“Just work and stuff…”
“Is Rae doing better? She was really weird at the bar last week.”
“Yeah…it’s that time of the month.”
Zeke took my word for it and returned to eating his hot wings. His eyes moved to the TV screen in the corner.
“So…plans are still underway to propose?”
“Yeah. I can’t believe I’ll be engaged in a week. Pretty crazy, huh?”
“Yeah…” Zeke seemed happy when I asked him so it was probably best if I didn’t tell him. But if I changed my mind later, it would be worse. If I told him while he was engaged to Rochelle, then I really would be a bad friend. “It is crazy.” Especially since he’d only been seeing this woman for like six months.
Zeke detected my tone again. “I hate asking more than once, but it seems like something is up. You’ve been a grouch all week.”
“I’m not a grouch,” I snapped. I’d just had a lot on my mind. I kept wondering if Kayden went home with that guy. On top of that, I had this stupid romance situation with my sister to worry about. If I didn’t do something about it, nothing would ever happen.
“You’re definitely a grouch. You’ve been weird, Rae has been weird, Jessie has been weird…even Kayden has been weird. I get the impression you all know something I don’t.”
Maybe he was more observant than I gave him credit for.
“Are you going to leave me hanging or what?”
I thought it was ironic that we were going to have this conversation now, at the same joint where he told me he was going to ask Rae out. Actually, we were at the same table too, to top it off. “Alright, something is up…”
Zeke wiped the sauce off his fingers and gave me his full attention.
“It’s a big deal, and I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve debated telling you this all week. Either way, I’m a bad friend.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m a jackass for telling you this. But I’m also a jackass if I don’t.”
“Wow…this should be interesting.” He rested his elbows on the table. “Lay it on me.”
“Okay…” Here goes nothing. “When Rae stormed off last week, I followed her into the bathroom to check on her. And that’s when she told me what’s been up with her lately.”
Zeke didn’t blink as he stared me down.
“Basi
cally, she told me she has feelings for you. She didn’t actually go to New York. She stayed at a hotel near work just so she could have a break from you, to see if she could get over you. And when you and Rochelle were being lovey-dovey at the bar, she went into the bathroom and shed a few tears…”
Zeke didn’t react at all. Still as a statue, he took in the words without really processing them. He seemed to be in shock. After nearly a minute of silence, his lips finally moved. “I… What… I don’t understand.” His face finally slackened as all the emotions hit him at once. “Rae has feelings for me?”
I nodded.
“Me?” He pointed at his chest.
I nodded again.
His eyes widened incredulously. “She said those words?”
“Yes. She said she’s been dreaming about you and can’t stop thinking about you.”
“I…” He fell speechless all over again and leaned back in the chair. He ran his fingers through his hair, shocked. “When?”
I knew what he was really asking. “A few weeks ago. She says she doesn’t remember exactly when her feelings started. And then…Rochelle told her you used to have feelings for her.”
“She did what?” he snapped.
“And when Rae heard that…her feelings intensified. Now it’s hard for her to be around you guys…for obvious reasons. She feels guilty because you’re seeing Rochelle and she has no right to feel this way. She really likes Rochelle and wants things to work out between you.”
“She knows how I feel about her?”
I couldn’t ignore the tense he used. “Yeah. She came to me asking questions, and I basically told her everything.” I knew he wouldn’t get mad at me. I only did it because Rochelle spilled the beans first.
“I can’t believe this…” He ran his fingers through his hair again, unable to sit still for even a few seconds.
“I can’t believe it either.”
“Why didn’t she tell me herself? Rae isn’t shy.”
“Because you’re seeing Rochelle. She never wants to come between you two. She respects Rochelle.”
“So she has no idea you’re telling me this?”
I shook my head. “I wasn’t going to tell you because you’re proposing to Rochelle next week. But…I also thought it would be a mistake if I didn’t tell you. I know how you used to feel about Rae, and I thought you should have all the information up front before you do anything. I’m sorry if I’ve confused you or messed things up… I’m not good at this sort of thing.”