by E. L. Todd
“Huh?” I flinched at his observation, not even knowing I was smiling.
He finished chewing his bite of food before he repeated the question. “You were grinning out of nowhere. Just curious as to why.”
“Oh…I remembered a joke I heard at work today.”
“I didn’t know Jenny was the joke-making type.”
“She has her moments…” I looked down at my food and threw a few fries into my mouth.
Zeke fell into silence as he ate, taking big bites and devouring his food like most men I knew. Somehow, he made the action sexy. He opened his wide jaw and chewed quickly, his eyes on his meal. When he got a little sauce in the corner, he wiped it away with his thumb before he sucked it off.
God, I couldn’t last thirty days.
I wanted to ask him out right then and there.
And if he said no, I’d probably still ask him if he wanted to hook up. After months with my dreams and my vibrator, I needed the real thing. “How’s work?” I blurted it out just so we had something boring and unsexual to talk about.
“It was good. I have a patient diagnosed with skin cancer. But we were able to remove the affected tissue, and he’s doing well. I think we stopped it before it spread.”
“That’s good to hear.” I loved hearing how involved Zeke was with his work. He really cared about his patients and doing the right thing for them. His paycheck seemed to be the last thing on his mind. He was booked months in advance because everyone knew he was the best dermatologist in the state. He wasn’t just knowledgeable, but he had the kind of compassion you didn’t see too often.
Why the hell didn’t I notice him before?
I could have asked him out when he had feelings for me.
We’d be fucking right now.
But I went out with Ryker instead…the guy who broke my heart.
Zeke would never do that to me.
The sadness hit me hard, and I was so depressed I thought I would never be happy again.
Zeke picked up on my mood, having a sixth sense. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah, of course. I just feel bad for your patient. Must have been scary.”
“Yeah, it can be traumatic. But at least he’ll be alright. How’s work for you?”
“It’s pretty good. About the same.”
He dunked his fries into his ketchup before he shoved them into his mouth. “So…have you been seeing anyone?”
“Of course not.” The words flew out of my mouth like word vomit. I regretted it the moment it happened and wished I could take it back. But now it was out there…in the air. “I just… No. I haven’t been seeing anyone.” There was only one guy I wanted in my bed. He just became available a week ago, but I had to keep my hands to myself. “You?”
Please say no.
Please say no.
Please say no.
“No,” he answered. “I’ve been spending a lot of time at the house, mainly playing video games.”
Oh, thank god. If he hooked up with a former lover for a rebound, I’d be sick to my stomach. “What game?”
“That race car game Rex and I play.”
“Cool.”
He paused before he spoke. “Rochelle came over to pick up her things yesterday…”
I immediately felt guilty for lusting after him when she was going through such a hard time. She just lost the greatest guy in the world. No one could swallow that well. “How is she?”
“The same. She asked if we could give the relationship another try.”
My heart stopped beating. “Oh…” Did he say yes?
“I said no. And that made her cry all over again.” He sighed before he kept eating. “I feel so fucking terrible for hurting her. She doesn’t deserve it. I wish…I wish I could make her forget me.”
“No…she would never want to do that.” Despite what Ryker did to me, I didn’t regret what we had. I really loved him, and even when he walked away from me, I still felt that way. It was a shame it didn’t lead to forever, but even a few months with him was better than no time at all. “She may feel terrible now, but it will pass. One day, she’ll remember you with joy. She just needs time to get there.”
“Is that how you think of Ryker?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Seeing him in agony over his father’s passing breaks my heart. And I know I feel that way because I loved him. Once you love someone once, you kinda always feel differently toward them than you do everyone else. I’ll always care about him and want the best for him. I don’t think about the way he hurt me anymore. I just…see him for who he is.”
“I understand what you mean.”
“She’ll get through it, Zeke. Don’t feel too bad.”
“I guess…” He took another bite of his burger.
“Unless you do want to be with her…”
“I don’t.” He said it before he even finished chewing. Once he swallowed, he continued on. “The past week and a half has only convinced me I made the right decision.” He held my gaze for a long moment before he finally blinked and looked away. “I just wish she hadn’t taken it so hard. I’ll always care about her and want the best for her too. But I can’t be with her anymore.”
He never told me the reason why he broke up with her. I just hoped he gave her a good enough explanation. “Did you just wake up one morning and think of her differently?”
“I guess.” He didn’t elaborate.
“Maybe that’s why she’s taking it so hard…because it’s not a concrete reason.”
“Maybe,” he said. “But I made it clear my heart isn’t in it anymore. I think I got her hopes up when I told her she was my longest and most serious relationship. I shouldn’t have moved so fast… I should have slowed down.”
“You did what felt right at the time. Shouldn’t regret that.”
“I suppose.” He finished his food then wiped his fingers with a napkin.
“Rochelle will find someone else. She’s a great woman.”
“I know she will,” he said with a sigh. “I just hope it happens sooner rather than later.”
I ate the last of my fries and fought the urge to make up an excuse to go to his place. With the trees surrounding the house and his dark furniture and art lights on the walls, it was a romantic place. Maybe he could see me as something other than a friend again. I wasn’t sure how to make that happen. I wasn’t even sure what attracted him to me in the first place. “Do you have any plans for the rest of the day?”
“Just playing a video game when I get home.”
“Well, the Mariners game is on. You wanna watch that?” I didn’t want to invite him to my apartment because my piece of shit brother didn’t understand the meaning of get out.
“Sounds like an excellent idea. Want to come to my place?”
Like we had the same mind, he did exactly what I wanted. “Sure. I’ll swing by my place and change.”
“Okay. But then Rex is going to want to join us.”
Did he want to be alone with me? “And what’s the problem with that?”
“Nothing. I just figured you’d want some space from him.”
“I do,” I blurted. “I really want some space from him.”
“Then you can shower at my place and wear some of my stuff.”
A fantasy come true—wearing his t-shirt around his house. “Okay…” I couldn’t keep the excitement from escaping my voice. Maybe I could even get a peek of him in the shower if I were sneaky enough.
“Besides, Safari loves my backyard.” He glanced at him through the window.
“He does.”
He piled our trash together. “Ready to go?”
“Absolutely.”
***
Zeke got into the shower first while I sat on the couch and watched the game.
I texted Jessie. Zeke and I played basketball today, and now I’m at his place…just the two of us.
The three dots popped up immediately. Jump. His. Bones.
I can’t. That’s why I’m texting yo
u. My hormones are all over the place right now. I need you to talk some sense into me.
Then you texted the wrong person, amiga.
Jessie!
Get that D, girl.
You’re so not helping right now.
I’m helping you get laid.
I locked my screen so I couldn’t see her messages anymore. That pep talk was completely counterproductive. Now I wanted to retire my vibrator and use Zeke full time. I looked out the window and saw Safari sitting in the grass, loving the outdoors. I knew we would both like to live there if we had the opportunity.
Now I was getting ahead of myself.
Zeke came out in his running shorts and a t-shirt. His hair was still damp from the shower, and he was clean and masculine. He set a towel and a stack of clothes on the couch. “Here you go. Need anything else?”
I was hoping he’d come down the hall with a towel around his waist. That’s how it happened in books, so why didn’t that happen to me right now? Not fair at all. “No, I’m good. Thank you.”
“Alright. I’ll be waiting.” He sat on the couch and picked up his beer.
I went into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I’d never showered in his house before. In fact, I’d never been there overnight. Even though my apartment was small and cramped, everyone came to hang out there.
I turned on the water and got underneath the faucet. The warm water blanketed me like a cocoon. I spotted his body wash on the rack, along with his shampoo. The place was touched by his presence, and I pictured him in the shower, the water falling against his hard chest.
I’d been hard up all day and nothing was chasing away my desperation. Maybe I could think clearly if I released the tension between my legs. Feeling dirty but also excited, I touched myself in his shower and pictured him in there with me.
After a few minutes, I released, thinking about him the entire time. I managed to stay quiet, and the water muffled the sounds I made. I’d never masturbated in someone else’s house, but the urge overtook me and I couldn’t fight it.
And I felt a lot better once I was finished.
After I dried off, I went back into the living room.
“Feel better?”
“What?” Fuck, did he know?
“You know, now that you’re clean. What did you think I meant?”
“I just…” My cheeks had turned beet red, and they were slowly fading back to their original color. “I really like your shampoo.”
“Head & Shoulders?”
“Yeah…I guess I have dandruff.” I sat on the opposite side of the couch and pulled my knees to my chest. “So, the Mariners are winning, huh?” I had to change the subject of that conversation—pronto.
“Yeah. Just scored another run.” He turned back to the TV and drank his beer.
Now that his attention was off me, I could finally breathe again.
Chapter Fourteen
Rex
I thought I would get better as time went by, but I seemed to be getting worse.
All I could think about was Kayden and who she was spending the night with. I ended our arrangement because Zeke told me I should so she wouldn’t get attached. But now I was wondering if I was the one who got attached.
Did I?
I hadn’t been with anyone else since Kayden, and a month had come and gone without any action. It was the longest dry spell I’d ever experienced, and the fact that it was voluntary made it more unusual.
So I decided to hit the bar scene and scoop up a date. Maybe I just needed to get back in the game, and I would stop thinking about Kayden. She clearly had already moved on, and I needed to do the same.
I sat at the bar and looked around, but I didn’t see anyone worth my interest. There was just a sea of legs and big hair. I stared down into my beer most of the time. After nearly half an hour of nothing, I paid my tab and prepared to leave.
And that’s when I saw her.
Kayden walked inside wearing a tight black dress. Her blonde hair was straight, and black diamond earrings were in her lobes. Like a vision, she made everything in the background look like an indistinct blur.
I couldn’t stop looking at her.
She scanned the bar like she was looking for someone. Then her eyes settled on me, full of surprise.
I stared back and didn’t know what else to do. I suddenly felt nervous and uneasy. We hadn’t had a real conversation since we broke up a month ago. My attempt to bring her soup backfired. I ended up talking to her through a tiny crack in the doorway before she dismissed me.
She regained her confidence and closed the gap between us. “Hi.”
“Hi.” She looked so pretty that I wanted to grip her by the shoulders and kiss her. But I chickened out and chose to stare at her instead. “You look beautiful tonight.”
Her cheeks immediately tinted. “Thank you…”
Could I ask her to fool around again? Or had I said goodbye to that possibility the second I ended things with her? “It’s nice to see you. I feel like we never talk anymore.”
“I know what you mean. I’ve just been busy.”
Dating every guy in the world. “Yeah…”
“What have you been up to?”
“You know, just work and stuff.” And playing a lot of video games and hanging out with Zeke.
“Cool.”
“How’s the library?”
“Good.”
Awkward silence fell.
I came out tonight to pick up someone and bring them back to my place. But now that I was looking at her, I realized I didn’t want to find anyone else. I wanted her on my bed with her legs wrapped around my waist. I wanted her to be the one to say my name when I made her come. “I know this is crazy but—”
“Hey, babe.” A good-looking guy in a collared shirt appeared out of nowhere and wrapped his arm around her waist. “You look fantastic tonight.”
“Oh, thanks.” She tucked her hair behind her ear. “You look nice too.”
Vomit formed in my stomach.
“Can I get you a drink?” Judging the way he pretended I didn’t exist, he considered me to be a threat. He probably saw me checking her out before he was able to claim her as his.
“Yeah, sure,” she said. “By the way, this is my friend Rex.”
Her friend Rex.
Just her friend.
Some guy who she didn’t think about anymore.
I forced myself to be polite. “Nice to meet you…”
He glared at me like I was scum. “Yeah, you too.”
“See you later, Rex.” Kayden drifted away with her date, hitting the bar for some booze and fun.
I stood there and watched them disappear, feeling out of place in the world. The last thing I should feel was jealousy or regret. I was the one who called it off before things could get serious. Kayden had every right to do what she was doing—living her life.
But I felt like shit anyway.
***
When I walked through the door, I tossed my keys on the counter. But I was so disturbed by the sight of Kayden with that guy that I missed the surface and tossed them on the floor. They fell with a distinct clank when they hit the tile.
Rae was sitting at the kitchen table on her computer, probably doing some work after hours. Once in a while, she brought her work home with her when she didn’t finish in the lab. It was usually calculations. “What’s up with you?”
I snatched the keys from the ground and tossed them on the counter. This time, I didn’t miss. “Nothing.”
“You’re home by nine.” She gave me that annoying know-it-all sister look. “Something must be up.”
“Nothing good out tonight.”
“Yeah, okay,” she said with a chuckle. “When I was out with Jessie the other night, I saw this woman who was so beautiful she made Jessie look like a troll. There’s a lot of talent out on the town. Did someone shoot you down?”
Pretty much. “Not really. I sat at the bar by myself for a few hours then came home.”
“Wow…that’s depressing.”
She didn’t know the half of it. “I saw Kayden…with some guy.” It hurt to say the words out loud. I could have been spending the night with her. But instead, I was going to bed alone and suffering through my nightmares.
Rae sighed like a speech was approaching. “I’m worried about her. Out with a different guy every night…it’s just not like her.”
A different guy every night? Now I really felt sick.
“I’ve never seen her date more than two guys a year. And now she’s probably seen twenty in the last month. She says everything is fine but it’s hard to believe. Right after she was done being sick, she went on this sexy rampage—”
“I’m going to bed.” I couldn’t hear any more of that. My heart was ripping in two, and I wanted to jump off a cliff. Just seeing her with some other guy was disgusting, but knowing there had been dozens after me was just cruel. “Good night.”
Chapter Fifteen
Rae
My phone lit up with a text message when I was at work. I was sitting at the desk against the wall, jotting down notes so I wouldn’t forget this information later. Zeke’s name popped up on the screen, and I almost jumped on the table and started dancing. Hungry?
He was asking me to lunch! Really? Do you even need to ask?
Forgot I was talking to a bottomless pit.
I sent an emoji of me giving him the bird.
He sent an emoji of a grinning face. Pizza?
I’m always down for pizza.
I finished up my project in the lab before I walked a few blocks over and met him at the pizza parlor we always went to. He was already sitting in the booth with the pizza in front of him—knowing what I would want without even asking.
“This looks bomb.” I sat across from him and immediately pulled a slice onto my plate.
“I almost got started without you but I’m too much of a gentleman.”
“You know I wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t wait for you.”
He chuckled, looking undeniably handsome with that smile. “You’re right.”
“So, how’s work?” I ate and looked at him across the table, feeling my thighs press together because he looked so sexy when he wore dark blue. He looked sexy in every color, but his scrubs had a sharp V-neck in the front, and I could see the line that separated the two pec muscles.