by Hope Collier
“Why did you laugh?” he asked, his eyes narrowed.
“No reason.” I sighed and pulled the blanket to my chin. “You’re welcome to share the bed. It’s plenty big enough for you to have your own side.”
Gabe lowered himself on top of the sheet, pinning me beneath it, and settled along the far edge of the mattress. His tense posture and the rapid rise and fall of his chest told me he wasn’t trying to sleep, despite his closed eyes.
I lay on my side, content to watch him breathe. There was more to Gabe than just a pretty face or beautiful body — though they were perfect. My feelings for him ran deeper than attraction. It didn’t matter that we’d only known each other a short time or his life was little more than a question mark to me. The connection we shared was unlike anything I’d ever felt, and I knew with every part of me, he was meant to be in my life.
“What are you staring at?” He cracked one eye and looked down at me.
“You.” I snuggled into his side, burying my face under his neck. “I love you,” I whispered, my heart pounding in my chest.
The seconds ticked by in silence, and fear drummed inside me. You shouldn’t have said that, Ashton. That was stupid!
My breathing stopped. I peeked up, terrified why he didn’t respond. I didn’t worry long as he seized my face in his hands, sustaining my gaze for only a second, before his mouth covered mine. His intensity was nearly alarming, but the pounding in my ears made thinking all but possible. Gabe held me close, his fingers twisting in my hair, and I gasped. His lips trailed from mine, blazing a path of fire as they slid along my jaw to trace the ridge of my neck to my collarbone. I buried my face in his hair, inhaling his intoxicating scent. My head spun — a combination of his overwhelming aroma that seemed to sit aching in my chest, and the lack of oxygen that was slowly catching up through my breathlessness.
“Ashton,” he murmured, his voice husky.
“Mmmm?” I moaned breathless.
“Wait.” Gabe grabbed my wrist, his eyes hesitant. “I-I need to tell you something…”
My heart fell.
“What is it?” I whispered.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Whose Funeral?
“Sleep well,” he murmured as he drew away.
“What?” I huffed, pulling myself into a sitting position. “What do you mean ‘sleep well?’ Where are you going?”
“Perhaps I should sleep on the sofa tonight,” he said breathlessly.
“The sofa? I just told you that I loved you. And then we were … and now you’re just going to—”I sputtered then scoffed, trying to maintain my broken dignity. “Yeah, sure. Sleep on the sofa. That’s just great.”
I snagged two down pillows from the bed along with the duvet and dragged them into the living room.
“Here you go. Goodnight.” I turned and sulked back to bed. Alone.
Gabe hesitated in the doorway. “I enjoyed being with you today, Gracie — perhaps too much.” He laughed once. “Goodnight.”
The door closed, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Why did I have to go and tell him I loved him? How could I be so stupid? Gabe probably thought I was either insane or so flighty he’d never want to be with someone like me.
I tossed and turned the rest of the night, praying I hadn’t shot myself in the foot, until I finally fell asleep.
***
Sunlight poured through the front window. We dressed with exaggerated slowness as we prepared for our trip to Kentucky. Gabe watched me closely as I moved around the room, gathering our things. His constant contact was reassuring though, as he brushed his fingers across my face or squeezed my hand each time I neared him. Maybe I hadn’t completely terrified him after all.
I paused in front of the mirror and studied the reflection. There was now a glow about me now. My skin looked light and smooth, even the old wakeboarding scar had faded. The image of my mother flickered in front of me, and I smiled, admiring the likeness we shared. Then thoughts of the life I’d never know filled my mind, and my expression fell as I bit back tears.
Gabe moved behind me, his arms snaking around my waist. He kissed my temple and rested his head on my shoulder. “You take my breath away, Gracie. I would be content to hold you this way forever, seeing a smile on your lips, enraptured by the way you look at me,” he whispered in my ear, his gaze meeting mine in the mirror.
My lip trembled, and I pulled his arms tighter. His smile faltered.
“You’re stronger than you know, Ashton. Remember that every time you see your reflection.” Gabe brushed my hair away. “You won’t be sad forever. I promise.”
“Thank you.”
“Ashton, before we go, I need you to know something,” Gabe began and turned me to face him.
My shoulders fell as dread washed over me. “Yeah?”
“I adore you,” he breathed, his eyes shining like the sun. “I didn’t say anything last night for several reasons. One of which revolves around what might have happened had I stayed.” He laughed once before his tone turned serious. “But more importantly, I would never want you to believe I said so simply out of obligation. I love you, Gracie,” Gabe said, his lips brushing against mine. Our current hummed to life. My fears and hesitations melted away as warmth seeped through me.
I reveled in the silky-soft feel of his mouth before backing away. “I love you, too.”
We packed the car, and Gabe offered to man the wheel again. My thoughts were running a thousand miles an hour; there was zero desire for my vehicle to follow that pattern.
The unexpected turn my life had taken over the past few days left me dumbfounded. The search for my identity, my desire to be a better person, and all the things I longed to find or become had begun falling into place. Regret settled in my stomach when I realized my father, and even my mother in a sense, would never know Gabe like this. They would never get to see our happiness together. But I had Harry. He’d always been an essential part of our family. The thought of the hurt he must be suffering wrenched my insides into knots.
“Is something wrong?” Gabe asked when my breath hitched.
“No, I’m just thinking about Harry.”
“What about him?” he asked.
“This must be so hard,” I said. “As far as I know, he’s known Charlie since before I was born. They were like brothers. I can’t imagine what this must be like for him, being alone right now.”
Gabe nodded, his eyes flitting to me and back to the road. “Why do you call your father Charlie?”
“Because that’s his name,” I answered dryly.
Gabe’s expression fell in apology.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be rude. The fact is, Charlie never felt like a dad to me as much as he did a benefactor. It was my way of keeping him where he belonged in my life — just another name.” I stared at my hands, ashamed of my behavior.
Gabe let it go. “Tell me about Harry.”
“He’s clearly aged well.” I laughed softly, thinking of the obvious signs I’d missed over the years. “Harry’s wise, kind, and sympathetic. He’s always been there for me.”
“It seems like you’re lucky to have such a great man around.” Gabe’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. I noticed the subtle change in the way he sat a little straighter, his body no longer relaxed but angular and tense.
“What?” My head fell to one side.
“What does Harry look like anyway?”
I gauged the look on Gabe’s face. Skepticism tight in his eyes, a crooked set to his mouth. I fought to hide the amused grin that tugged at my lips.
“Gabe, be serious,” I began, trying to keep a straight-face. “Harry? Eeeyuw.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” His tone turned defensive.
I swept my fingers the length of his jaw.
Gabe shivered and glanced out of the corner of his eye. “You didn’t answer my question.”
He couldn’t be serious. Of all people to get jealous over, he chooses Harry. True, Harry was exceptionally
attractive. He had thick blonde hair and eyes the color of faded denim; his smile was to die for, and all of my girlfriends had crushes on him at one time or another, but that wasn’t anything I wanted to share with Gabe. Likewise, my father was handsome as well. That had zero affect on the creepy factor.
“Aside from the fact that thought is way beyond disturbing, Harry is literally like family. Besides that, no one has ever made me feel the way you do.” I blushed and looked down.
“Fair enough.” He smiled.
“On another matter, I’ve been thinking,” I began. “If Naiads are water beings, what is your deal with the Willows? They’re trees.”
“Yes, but they’re one of the few trees that Dryads can’t use. In fact, they’re toxic to them,” Gabe explained. “Willows need moist soil to thrive, and their bark contains salicin, better known as salicylic acid.”
“That’s the stuff in face cleanser, right?”
“Among other things, yes. While it’s beneficial for our kind, it’s quite harmful to them. So Willows are an inside joke for my family.”
“Makes sense, I guess,” I said. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there seemed to be more to the story.
A sharp curve in the highway set my attention on the double yellow lines. I stayed quiet for the remainder of the trip. The winding roads in conjunction with the escalating stress did unpleasant things to my stomach.
Gray-green clouds layered the sky. The wind whipped through the trees as we climbed a steep hill to the cemetery. Goosebumps raised the fine hair on my arms, and I swallowed against the rising panic, forcing a calming breath through my mouth.
The cemetery sat along a ridge of the mountain. Trees surrounded the perimeter, casting the outer edge in shadows. Stone grave-markers dotted the thick grass, some recent, but most so aged the dates were indiscernible. It bared a striking resemblance to the cemetery in my dream.
Gabe pulled the car beneath a ceiling of low hanging branches. I climbed out wobbly-legged and gasped at the sea of people in attendance. Parents carried children in their arms, many wearing badges on their shirts that read, ‘Charlie Blake saved my life.’ I couldn’t even begin to imagine what those meant.
Prominent individuals and officials were in attendance, as well as the everyday locals. Harry stood in their midst, speaking with a solemn-looking man with white hair and a navy suit. Harry’s shoulders slumped, his hands in his pockets. Dark circles stained the skin beneath his eyes, and his cheeks sank in. Charlie’s death had affected him more than I’d realized.
I chafed my hands against my arms as a breeze licked at the exposed flesh. Gabe’s anxious gaze fixed on me as we cut through the crowd toward Harry.
“Hey, kid,” he greeted, his voice breaking. “I’m relieved to find you made it safely.”
Harry pulled me into a too tight hug. My heart began to ache for our loss as the embrace lingered in an almost desperate way. I should’ve already been here for him. While I had Gabe behind me, Harry’d lost his best friend and suffered it alone. Guilt weighed heavy on my conscience. I swallowed against the tears and pulled away, shivering at the emptiness.
Harry sat next to me in the front row of the crowd. He shrugged out of his jacket and placed it around my shoulders. I nodded in appreciation but avoided meeting his eyes. Gabe stood behind me, one hand resting at the base of my neck. He shifted restlessly from foot to foot. I stared at the ring on my finger, trying to concentrate on the distinct color, but it was lost to the chaos that warred within.
I ignored the minister’s delivery. What did he know about my father? Certain it was just a generic spiel about his life and success, I trained my eyes on the swaying trees in the background. Gabe’s grip suddenly tightened when Harry released my hand and stood up. Harry stooped down and whispered something about trying to speak to me sooner, adding an apology, and told me not to take off.
I frowned as he strode forward to take the minister’s place beside the ominous wooden box. He stepped up to the makeshift podium and began to speak about someone I’d never known.
“Charlie Blake was a man you all knew,” he began. “That’s why you’re here today, to show your love and support for Ashton and your respect and admiration for such a wonderful man.
“Some of you grew up with Charlie, you helped raise him yourselves.” Harry smiled. “He loved this place. It hurt him to have to be away, but Charlie left to make something of himself, to leave his mark on the world. He had plans to retire here someday, but first he had to meet that special somebody and start his family. And let’s face it, we’re all related to each other around here anyway, right?” Harry teased lightly, inciting a soft chuckle from his audience.
I shook my head trying to reason out what I was hearing. This was my father’s hometown? He grew up here? Why didn’t I know this?
“Charlie worked hard for the tri-city area, determined to bring it back to its former glory and beyond. He didn’t want later generations to have to leave for work and college. He wanted them to have a hope of staying without sacrificing their futures or having limited options.
“Charlie founded Families of Miners to assist families who had lost their income due to the death or disability of their loved ones resulting from coal mining accidents. He funded the new expansion in the Appalachian Regional Hospital, as well as offered the backing needed to attract new and promising doctors to the area. His college scholarship is offered throughout the country to children of small towns so they might have an opportunity to further themselves…”
Harry’s voice faded into the background. I never knew the man he spoke of. A man who was selfless, generous, and kind.
My breakfast threatened to come back up, but the lump in my throat kept it at bay. I tugged Harry’s jacket off and slipped out from under Gabe’s hand. A few curious bystanders eyed me understandingly as I squeezed through them, making my way to the back of the crowd.
I didn’t know where to go, but I had to get away from the absurdity Harry offered the masses. A ribbon of trail wound up a hill between the trees. My escape. I pushed my legs as hard and as fast as they would go, trying to outrun the anger and grief. I didn’t hear anyone on the path behind me, but by the time I stopped, Gabe was there pulling me into him. He said nothing as we stood in the woods, my sobbing the only sound.
“Nothing in my life makes sense,” I said, choking back more tears.
“I know, love. This has all been so confusing. I wish I could say something that would make it all better. I would give anything I had to fix it.” Gabe swept his fingers beneath my eyes, wiping away the tears. His love and support meant more to me than I could say.
“I guess we need to get back.” I sighed as he held my face in his hands.
“It can wait. You don’t have to placate anyone.”
“I know, but they came to pay their respects.” I sniffled. “They’ve lost someone too. I should go meet them.” My voice sounded stronger as I thought of all of the people that came to show their love and gratitude.
In the cemetery, Harry shook hands and offered condolences. Gabe and I made our way through a sea of support. The two men locked eyes as Gabe led me to take my position beside Harry. I dutifully received hugs and well wishes for the next hour before the last mourner retreated.
Thankfully, I missed the eulogy and dismissal. I didn’t want to say my goodbyes in front of an audience. My eyes shifted to the shadowed opening where the casket had been lowered, and Gabe sighed. Entwining our fingers, I pulled him behind me as I inched forward to stand in front of the large marble headstone that marked my father’s permanent dwelling. For a passing moment, I wondered where my mother was buried. Couples tended to be laid to rest in the same place, but her marker was nowhere to be seen.
Gabe stood quietly behind me with his hands on my shoulders. There was no emotion left inside of me. My eyes drifted over the inscription chiseled across the glossy black stone.
Charlie Winton Blake
June 8th 1961 — July 1st 2011
“There’s more to life than meets the eye.”
I lifted a single white calla lily out of my bag and dropped it onto the casket covered with various flowers, not the least of which, plum-colored tulips. An utter barrenness filled my chest as everything closed in on me. Maybe my tears were gone. Maybe the revelation of my life — the troubling past, the strange present, and the unsettling future — overwhelmed any other emotion. But I could do no more than stare at the emptiness in front of me while I pondered the emptiness inside.
Gabe’s arms wrapped around the tops of my shoulders, and he kissed the back of my hair. “Little mourned I for the parted gladness, for the vacant nest and silent song – Hope was there, and laughed me out of sadness; Whispering, ‘Winter will not linger long.’”
“Emily Brontë.” I sighed, not wanting to stay there with the nothingness, but struggled to remove myself from the fleeting presence that lingered with my father’s remains. Gabe laced his fingers through mine once more as I drew a deep breath and walked away.
We stopped in front of Harry. I turned toward Gabe and stood still in his arms, pressing my cheek against his chest. Harry eyed our embrace in speculation.
“Harry,” I began, peering around the grounds, “this is Gabe Willoughby. Gabe, this is my father’s attorney and our dearest friend, Harry Waterford.”
“Mr. Waterford.” Gabe emphasized Harry’s last name and extended his hand.
Harry grasped Gabe’s hand and shook it firmly, offering an inflection of his own as he lifted a dark-blonde eyebrow. I wondered if he suspected that Gabe shared more with him than unusually youthful looking skin.
“It’s a pleasure, Gabe.” Harry smiled. “How do you know our sweet Ashton?”
Yep. He knew. I bit back the urge to grimace, and sighed.
“Ashton and I go a long way back,” Gabe responded. An odd notion when I thought about it.
“Do you now? That is interesting,” Harry spoke with disbelief.
He started to continue but Gabe interrupted him. “Mr. Waterford—”