by Gina Azzi
“Chloe? Help me out here…”
“Come with me to Sara’s wedding,” I blurt out.
“Of course I’m coming,” Austin responds automatically. “I’d never back out on our arrangement.”
I blow out a deep breath, steel my shoulders, and say what I really want. “Come with me as my date, a real date. Not because of our summer agreement. But because you—”
“I want to. I’d love to.”
I close my eyes, my hand nearly numb from clutching the phone so tightly against my ear.
Austin chuckles.
“What’s so funny?” I ask.
“I think you just asked me out, Sunshine.”
I grin. “I think so too.”
“Not gonna lie, I feel a little bit like a pussy right now.”
I burst out laughing. “You should.”
Austin laughs with me. “You were right. I need to man up.”
“Then do it,” I challenge him, liking this playful side of him.
“I’m taking you to your cousin’s wedding next weekend, Chloe.”
“Okay.”
“And we’re going to dance every—”
“Ed Sheeran song,” I interrupt.
“And eat all the—”
“Lobster,” I finish his sentence again.
“Fancy cocktails.”
“There’s a weekend itinerary.”
“Sign us up. One hotel room.”
I gasp, opening my mouth to remind him that my entire family will be present at this wedding and our mothers will be gossiping up a storm if we share a hotel room.
“One,” he repeats, knowing where my thoughts have turned. “I’m going to dazzle your family.”
“They already adore you.”
“And at the end of the night, when I kiss you, you’ll know just how much I mean it.”
I squirm under Mimi’s watchful gaze as Austin’s words register in my mind.
“Date me, Chlo.”
My mouth drops open.
“I found my balls,” he laughs and I snort. “So date me for real. And let’s see where this goes.”
“See where it goes,” I repeat, a little dazed at the sharp turn this conversation has taken.
“I can’t give you more than that. I won’t lie and say that hockey isn’t my priority. This season, coming off a Cup win, being captain…the Hawks are my life. I want you to be part of it but I can’t give all of it up either.”
“I’m not asking you to.” I frown. Doesn’t he realize it’s not all or nothing? It’s blending the two aspects of his life into one. It’s not making one thing his everything but making several things his all.
“I can’t stop thinking about you.”
I bite my bottom lip. I know Austin is being honest with me, completely straight up. Can I even ask for more than that right now? Indecision wreaks havoc on my nervous system. My body feels jittery, my heart thumping at an erratic pace. Every part of me wants to say yes, to give in. But am I giving in? Giving up? Settling for less, the same way I did with Steve?
Austin isn’t Steve. Anyone with a pulse knows that.
“One date, Chlo. And if you’re not feeling it, we’ll be friends no matter what.”
“Yes,” I say, meaning it with every fiber in my being.
“I’ll pick you up for the wedding on Friday. But on Saturday, it’s just me and you.”
“Okay,” I agree, a thrill shimmying down my spine.
Across from me, Mimi reenacts the wave.
When I hang up with Austin, I grin at Mimi. “I have a date.”
“You have much more than a date, Chloe Ann.”
“You’re dating your childhood bestie,” Abbi declares through the line later that evening.
“We’re not dating. We’re going on a date,” I clarify.
“With a professional hockey player.”
“Yes.”
“Who also happens to be one of the most celebrated athletes in the entire state of Massachusetts at the moment.”
I huff out a breath. “Yes.”
“And you want me to be chill about this?” Abbi exclaims.
I snort and kick my feet back up on my bedroom wall. I’m splayed across my bed, not hating the view of the ceiling as much as I did a few weeks ago. Who knew so much could change in such a short amount of time? Just last month, I was sobbing my eyes out into a watered-down margarita. And now, I’m going on a date with Austin.
“I can’t believe you’re already bringing him to a family event. A wedding is a serious thing,” Abbi continues.
“My family already loves him.”
“That will make it trickier if things don’t work out.”
I drop my feet and sit straight up. “Why do you say that?”
“Shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean, I don’t know, I—”
“Abbi Walsh.”
She sighs. “I just—promise you’ll be careful, Chloe?”
“You’re the one who kept saying the best way to get over Steve was to get under someone else,” I accuse.
“You’re going to have sex with him?” Her voice squeaks.
I swear and flop back down against my mattress. “I don’t know yet.”
Abbi’s silent for a long moment and I wait it out.
“I don’t want you to get hurt, Chlo. That’s all. Steve broke you. Austin’s been totally upfront with you from the start. But when you go in, you go all in, with all of your feelings. I just—I don’t want to see them get hurt again because you want more than what Austin can give right now.”
I don’t respond because that’s…annoyingly accurate.
“And yes, you should have fun, wild, hot sex,” she continues.
“Damn straight.”
“But I meant with a stranger. Not your childhood best friend who you have history with, whose sisters you adore, who you’re bringing to a family function as your date.”
I work a swallow, noting the truth in her words even if I don’t want to admit it. “You have a point,” I begrudgingly admit.
“Just…be careful. That’s all. Enjoy the moment and take things at face value without reading into them. Other than that, I’m really freaking happy for you!” She squees again and I grin at the excitement in her tone now that she got her warning over with. “Does he have any friends?”
I laugh now and tap my heels against the wall. “Claire, his sister, is dating his best friend, Easton, and Indy, Austin’s cousin, is dating Easton’s brother, Noah. They all play for the Hawks.”
“Jesus Christ,” Abbi guffaws. “That’s some incestuous shit right there.”
“Tell me about it,” I laugh. “But…there is one guy, Panda.”
“Panda?”
“The goalie.”
“Hang on, I’m Googling.”
I roll my eyes.
“Holy shit! He looks like Zeus had sex with a Victoria’s Secret angel.”
Huh? I frown, trying to follow her train of thought. “He’s good looking,” I agree.
She snorts, the sound derisive. “He is more than good looking, Chloe. He’s…an Adonis.”
Now I laugh. “You may change your tune when you meet him.”
“Am I meeting him?”
“Are you still coming to visit?”
“Be there tomorrow.”
I chuckle. “Simmer down. He’s not going anywhere. When you come, I’ll introduce you.”
“I’m holding you to it. The weekend of Marissa’s bachelorette. Why do you think I’d not be into him after meeting him?”
“He reminds me of Drew.”
At that, Abbi laughs. “I like Drew.”
I groan and her laughter grows louder. But after a moment, I join in. It feels good to laugh with my best friend again after so many nights of crying on her shoulder.
Suddenly, everything seems brighter, better. Hopeful.
14
Austin
“You look so handsome,” Mom gushes as I run through the front door.
“I just need—”
“Your black dress shoes.” She holds them out to me.
“How’d you know?” I stop short and take the shoes from Mom before kissing her hello.
She pats my cheek. “You left them here after one of your dinners for winning the Cup.”
“Thanks.” I tilt my head toward the front door. “Not to just barge in and leave but…”
Mom laughs and walks me back to the entrance. “But Chloe is waiting for you and you’re staying at the Fairmont Copley Plaza.”
“We are.” I glance at Mom, trying to read the twinkle in her eyes.
“One room,” she states, not bothering to even pose it as a question.
I snort and shake my head. “You and Diane are bad news.”
“Oh.” Mom swats my arm. “We’re the best. And don’t think Diane and Greg and Mimi aren’t going to be watching you closely tonight.”
I chuckle. “Mimi will just want to make sure she wins whatever wager she bet on Chloe and me.”
Mom laughs, knowing I’m right. She pulls open the front door. “All right, Austin.” She kisses my cheek. “Have fun this weekend.”
“I will, Mom.” I kiss her goodbye and bound back down the steps to my SUV.
When I first agreed to help Chloe out, my intentions were purely altruistic. I hated that Steve played her. I felt awful that one of her trusted friends would hurt her this way. But what bothered me the most was the way my friend, always so confident and sure of herself, seemed to falter. The way she dipped her head and tucked her chin and hid behind a curtain of hair when she used to hold eye contact and say whatever she was thinking.
I pull out of my parents’ driveway and head toward Chloe’s house.
But now, everything’s changed. I mean, I felt it from that first night, sitting in my parents’ backyard, playing drinking games, and later on, having her hand my ass to me in a game of Scrabble. The connection, the pull, the natural chemistry that you can’t fake or fabricate, even when you wish you could. It’s just there, like a flicker, begging to spark into a flame.
Being with Chloe in Martha’s Vineyard hit me like a slap shot. Fast, unexpected, and hard as fuck. The old memories I’d half forgotten about rose to the surface. The anxiety I’ve been struggling to control eased. And the string of women I’ve had in and out of my bed for the past few years stopped seeming so convenient and more than a little pathetic. Pitiful really.
Have I really gone this long without a meaningful romantic relationship in my life? I slide my palm along the steering wheel, my throat tightening as I remember that night. College. Carly Edwards with her pretty blonde hair and seductive blue eyes. The drinking and the partying and the kicking up trouble. Waking up in the wrong bed at the wrong time and showing up to our scrimmage too hungover to see straight. Coach had every right to bench me but we were scrimmaging against our fiercest competition of the season. The goal was to feel each other out and get our heads in the right space for the start of hockey, the one thing that would fuel all of us for the next seven months. But I fucked up.
I drank that extra shot. I joked around that extra hour. I followed Carly into her dorm room when I should have bounced and slept in my own bed. And the next day, I was benched and a freshman was put in my place. Coach wanted to teach me a lesson and he did. Because when Chris went down in the second period with a severe concussion and a spinal cord injury, I wished I was the lifeless body lying in a heap on the ice. He was carried off in a stretcher and the rink was so quiet I could hear Mike Rice breathing at the other end of the bench.
In that moment, my entire world shifted. I sobered up and felt the crushing weight of Chris’s injury land on my shoulders. If I wasn’t horsing around the night before, he never would have played in the scrimmage. If I hadn’t spent the night getting lost in Carly, the woman I was dating, I wouldn’t have needed to learn a lesson.
If I had just been the team leader I wanted to grow into, Chris wouldn’t have spent the next three years of his life in physical rehabilitation.
I turn on to Chloe’s street and feel some of the pressure in my chest settle. I flip on the radio just for some noise to clear my head. That scrimmage was years ago and still, the sound of Chris hitting the ice haunts me. After that day, I approached hockey, my team, my responsibilities, with a different outlook. I no longer broke rules; instead, I made them.
Until now, I’ve always stuck to them too.
But taking Chloe to a wedding, dating her, exploring if this thing between us is for real, that’s allowed, right? I’m not a college kid anymore. I’m not going to lose my head, get distracted, or hurt my team by being with a woman who makes me feel a thread of that reckless invincibility again, am I?
I stop in front of Chloe’s house and blow out an exhale.
It’s just a date. It’s just a wedding. It’s just exploring what comes next.
Squaring my shoulders, I exit my SUV and walk the steps to Chloe’s front door. I knock and a second later, the door swings wide open.
“How are ya, fucker?” Drew greets me like he used to, when he was seventeen and I was fifteen and I didn’t yet know the agony of causing someone life-changing heartache.
“Fuck, man, how are you?” I ask, smacking my hand in his.
He chuckles, the same shit-eating grin on his face. “Doing well. Can’t believe you’re coming to this wedding.”
I shrug. “And here I thought you were going to give me shit for dating your sister.”
Drew pauses and leans back to stare at me. “You and Chlo? For real?”
“I knew it!” Mimi calls out, stepping into the foyer. She’s already dressed in a cobalt blue pantsuit, her eyes shimmering and her hair coiffed.
“You look stunning, Mim.” I kiss her hello.
“Oh, my handsome boy.” She pats my cheeks with both of her palms.
“I’m still here, Mimi,” Drew reminds her. “I’m your grandson, remember?”
“I do but you didn’t lead Boston to a victory,” Mimi shoots back.
Drew laughs. “Welcome to the family, man.” He smacks me on the back and his words don’t frighten me as much as they should. “What’s the deal with you and Chloe?”
“She really didn’t tell you.” I glance at Mimi.
She shrugs. “I had my suspicions.”
“You’re playing it coy, aren’t you?” I joke.
Mimi’s eyes light up. “It’s my specialty.”
Drew and I laugh.
“Whatever dude, as long as my sister isn’t still wearing a ring by the douchebag, she can date whoever she wants.” He glances at me. “To be honest, I’d rather it be you than some fancy-ass suit from New York. At least I know you won’t hurt her.”
“Thanks,” I say, knowing he means it as a compliment. But coming off of my recent thoughts of Chris, his sentiments land differently. I won’t hurt her, right? I know she’s scared of being an afterthought but I can balance dating with hockey, can’t I? With being the leader the team needs me to be? With being the guy Chloe wants me to be?
“There you are,” Diane greets me hello. “Chloe and Greg will be down in a minute and then we can head to the hotel. We’re already checked in so we can dress and be ready for the wedding at six.”
“Sounds good, Diane. How’s work going, man?” I ask Drew, who’s stationed at Fort Hood in Texas.
“It’s okay. I’m gearing up for—”
But I stop listening to him because Chloe appears at the top of the stairs. Her brown hair is already curled and pinned back in the front. Her makeup is subtle but her green eyes pop. Her lips are mouthwatering and I have the sudden desire to taste them again. To kiss her, even though her entire family is looking on like tourists in Time Square.
She’s dressed simply, in a navy, linen sundress that ends just below her knees. A garment bag is draped over her arm and her rolling suitcase is next to her on the floor.
Drew moves to grab her suitcase but I beat him to it, practically scrambling up the stair
s. I hear Drew snicker behind me.
“Hey,” Chloe says as I reach down to grab her suitcase.
“Hey yourself, Sunshine.” I lift the suitcase and kiss her cheek. “You look gorgeous.”
She blushes but I can tell my words please her because she smiles and it’s soft and tender. Sweet.
“And so it begins,” Greg booms behind Chloe and we both jump.
When I look up, he’s smiling widely.
“The boy next door and—” Greg begins but Chloe groans.
“Dad, please. Don’t tell me you’ve been listening to Mom’s romance books again.”
Greg shrugs, not even bothering to look sheepish. “She listens to the audiobooks while she’s cooking. Those friends-to-lovers are my favorite. Oh, and the rom coms.” He brushes past us and bounds down the stairs. “Drew, want to help me load the cars?”
“Was that a real question?” Drew asks, picking up Mimi’s suitcase and garment bag.
“Nope, just thought it was polite to pose it as one,” Greg answers cheerily, pulling open the front door.
I chuckle.
Chloe rolls her eyes. “Honestly, it’s a relief you already know how insane my family is. Could you imagine trying to introduce a guy to this…circus.” She gestures to her family below us, all calling out last-minute reminders and instructions.
I wrap my arm around her waist and gesture for her to take the stairs. “Trust me, I can relate.”
“I know.” She glances at me over her shoulder. “You sure about this?”
“A hundred percent.”
Chloe smiles that tender smile again and it rolls over me, familiar and comforting.
“Besides,” I add, “I wouldn’t want Mimi to lose her bet.”
A handful of hours later, I stand by Chloe’s side as her cousin Sara walks down the aisle. The ceremony, taking place in the Fairmont Copley Plaza, is beautiful. Everything is white and gold and simultaneously ornate and personal.
Chloe draws in a sharp inhale next to me and I watch as wistfulness crosses her face. She’s beaming at her cousin and I can read the genuine happiness in her expression. But her eyes are still shadowed with memories of a previous life. With thoughts of a happily-ever-after that never happened.