by Solly, Clare
“You have to put that one in prominent spot,” Joe said when Dottie was bending down to put an angel ornament around the side of the tree. She had a chip out of her wing, and her face had rubbed off. And there were a few feathers left making it look like it was molting.
“Why?” Dottie judged scrunching her nose.
“It was my mom’s favorite. She got it when she did her first Christmas pageant when she was a girl. She was an angel.”
“Oh, well then,” Dottie stepped to her left looking at the tree. She thought Joe had moved to get another ornament, but she ended up stepping right into him. Stepping away to avoid stepping on his toes, she lost her balance. She twisted, trying to catch herself and she fell onto Joe, her hands on his chest. His arms wrapped in a bear hug around her as he caught her. Dottie froze. For the second time this week she found herself in his arms. And she couldn’t lie to herself, it felt nice. She took in his fresh spicy scent, his warm arms and felt a glow rush her through entire body.
“Thank you,” Dottie sputtered as she self-consciously pushed her way out of his arms.
“Sure, no… problem.”
They both laughed nervously.
“I’ll… just… put the ornament—” Dottie stammered as she kept his eye, but then quickly looked away.
“Here,” Joe said pointing to a place in the middle of the tree, and right at eye level. “See, that’s perfect. Now we can see her. Imperfections and all.”
“Oh, speaking of which,” Dottie bit her lip, “bringing you this tree was sort of a bribe?”
“I knew you had to have ulterior motives,” he accused her with delight.
“I couldn’t ever keep anything from you for long.” Dottie blushed and tried to hide it by hanging another ornament. “As you know the museum is having problems.”
“Yes…”
“Well, it was suggested by the board, and Hetty mentioned that you would likely that you would be willing to help out because you’re a nice person.” Dottie started to pace. She hated buttering people up, thinking they always saw right through her. “Even though I said that you were only here to fix your family’s house and didn’t want to be bothered. And really, we’ve, well I’ve bothered you enough already and—”
Joe laughed. “Dottie, spit it out. It’s just me.”
“Oh, it’s not because you’re famous. Well actually it is because you’re famous—”
“Dottie,” Joe stood in front of her and held her by the arms. “Really, I’m still your friend. The one who rode bikes with you. The one who would hide out with you in the woods when times were rough. The one who used to beat you badly at Monopoly.”
Her breath catching, Dottie covered with a smile as his never-failing habit to comfort her kicked in.
“Ok. Well, it would really be great, well more than great. It would be really helpful,” she looked at her feet, “That’s only if you won’t mind—”
His finger lifted her chin. Their eyes locked. She took another deep breath.
“Would you come to the museum and allow us to post on social media that you’ve been seen there? And then maybe come back every so often just to prove the rumors?” She spoke quickly.
A confused look crossed his face. Then it seemed to turn to anger. Joe dropped his arms and turned away from Dottie and rubbed his neck.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked,” she rambled again. Dottie picked up the last of the ornaments and put them on the tree. “It was a silly idea, I tried to tell them that—”
“Yes,” he said, his back still turned.
“Right? I mean you have so many things to do while you’re in town. And you said you’re trying to keep a low profile and—”
He turned and cut her off, “No, Dottie. Yes.”
“I know. I didn’t mean to—”
“Yes,” he said raising his volume so she would hear him over her rant. “Yes, Dottie, I’ll do it.”
She hung the last ornament and then ran over to him and threw her arms around him. She was overjoyed and felt like in this moment all would work out. She felt a little overzealous in hugging him and pulled back only to have him hold her for an extra moment and she had to gently wiggle away. Her awkward smile met a familiar smile of his, one that had a secret. Although she was curious, she turned back to the subject of saving the museum.
“Thank you so much! I’m sure it won’t fix everything, but maybe it will give the place a little boost and we can get more traffic. Maybe I can get people to rent out the space for events, that always makes us more money.”
“Do you always ramble this much?” he smiled.
“No, I… no.” She blushed.
“Good. Because you know what time it is?” he asked with something clearly on his mind.
“No. I have no idea,” she answered hesitantly.
He walked over to the tree and looked at her. “It’s time for the grand finale,” he winked at her and lowered himself to kneeling below the tree. He dove under the bottom branches as she turned away.
“Oh right, the star!” she said, grabbing the remaining box that sat on the sofa. “Here, you do the honors.”
“Yes! I forgot about the topper. Hold on to it for a moment,” he said from under the tree.
“What are you doing down there, Joe Thomas?”
“A secret my dad taught me, and I always like to do. Making the lights flash,” he said.
“How do you do that? These are just regular lights,” she reminded him.
“Yes, but they all come with a flasher bulb. The red tipped one, if you replace one of the bulbs with it, they will flash,” he said with a grunt of exertion.
He then stood up. “Ok, star first then the grand finale.” He smiled at her, and she handed him the star and smiled back. Dottie liked him like this. She put her hand on his back to steady him while he reached up and put the star on the tree. When he was finished, excitedly he dove down under the tree.
“Drum roll please!” he shouted.
Patting her legs quickly to sound like a drum, Dottie encouraged him. And then, suddenly the tree twinkled.
She took a couple of steps back to take in the tree. Mesmerized, she didn’t realize he had joined her and stood to her side.
“Wow! This looks amazing,” she said.
“We did a great job.” he said.
“The flashing lights make it really festive,” she said.
Minutes passed as they both took in the magnificence of the tree. It was one of those moments when the only thing that mattered was just to be.
Joe turned to her and said, “Thank you. I needed this.”
“Oh, it was nothing,” she waved her hand to brush away the thanks. Then she turned to him. “It’s really me that should be thanking you. What you’re doing for the museum, no for me, is amazing.”
“Don’t you know I’d do anything for you Dottie?” he said quietly and vulnerably. She couldn’t believe all of the honesty coming from him and wondered if he meant to be this open with her. He shook his head and rubbed his neck, “I think I care for you more than you care for me.”
Dottie laughed, thinking he was making a joke. She looked up to see him intensely focused on adjusting a Santa ornament.
“Oh, Joe I—” she started to apologize. But then the question that had been burning inside of her for over a decade just slipped out. “What happened all those years ago?” Dottie asked.
“What do you mean?” Joe replied, knowing exactly what she meant but played dumb.
“We used to be great friends. All three of us,” Dottie said sadly. “Then one day, junior year, you just stopped talking to me.”
“Well you know how kids are, and baseball—” he deflected and started to walk away.
“No!” she chased after him and stood in the doorway blocking him from leaving the room. “Joseph Thomas you know exactly what I mean. It might have been years since I’ve seen you, but I know you much better than you think.” Dottie surged on. “You stopped talking to me. It was
right around the time—”
“Harold asked you out.” he finished for her and sighed with defeat.
“Wait, what?”
Joe turned away from her and walked back to the large picture window in the room and looked out at the falling snow. He sighed deeply before offering his confession, “The day you said yes when Harold asked you to the dance was the day I felt like I had no business talking to you anymore.”
A stunned silence hung between them. The lights from the Christmas tree glinted as if they had secrets that they afraid to let go of as well. She took a couple of steps into the room, more to regain her balance as the floor didn’t seem as steady as it was moments ago when she started this conversation.
“But… but, why?” Dottie finally stuttered.
Turning back to face her, his confession poured out of him. “I thought that if you wanted him, you wouldn’t want me. He and I are so different. And I just couldn’t take that,” he paused to rub his neck. “You see, I have loved you from the moment I met you Dorothy,” he said using her given name adding weight to his admission. He lightly stroked her cheek with the back of her hand as he looked deeply into her eyes. “You and your mother knocked on our door and had cookies just like the ones you brought me. Your hair was in pigtails, and freckles dotted your face.” Joe blushed. “When I met you, I thought you were named for your freckles,” he smiled and met her eyes. Her knees started to give, and she started to walk to the sofa. Joe leapt to her, putting his arms around her just in time. Joe caught her as she started to collapse and he lowered both of them to sit on the sofa. As if she were on fire, he jumped back up again going back to the safety of the picture window.
“Wow the snow is really coming down out there,” he commented.
“Don’t change the subject,” she said weakly trying to use a little bit of humor. “Why did you…”
“Why did I stop talking to you?” He said looking back at her and then rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “Because the day before he asked you out, I told Harold how I felt.”
Chapter Fourteen
Silence filled the room as he tried not to give away more of the story that might rip apart her future and soil her happiness. Dottie tried to put the puzzle together, but couldn’t she asked, “Why would that make any difference?”
“The day before he asked you out, I told him how I really felt about you.”
“What?” she was still confused.
Joe’s lungs ached. He wished she just knew the rest of the story and he didn’t have to speak it. Many years of holding it in made his heart pound and his head ache. He could feel the knot in his stomach getting tighter with every moment that passed. Well, he finally thought to himself, looking out at the snow, I haven’t spoken to her in over twelve years. If tonight she never talks to me again after finally hearing the truth, maybe it’s for the best. Joe had been harboring a broken heart too long.
His voice came out in almost a whisper. “After practice, it was a Tuesday. You were helping with the quilting ladies and didn’t need a ride home. I was sitting in the bullpen by myself. Harold had showered and came out to find me.”
“You look down. What’s up chum?” Harold had asked.
“Ah, nothing.” Joe said as he just sat there.
“I know that look. Its either baseball or a girl,” Harold guessed.
Joe’s head snapped up to look at his friend and squinted as he scanned Harold’s face. He wondered; did Harold know? Joe got up and started collecting his things.
“Nah, it’s nothing.” Joe said hoping Harold would take the hint and walk away. Slowly and deliberately he took off all of his pads and packed everything away in his oversized duffel bag to carry them to the locker room. Joe turned around to find Harold standing in the doorway of the chain link fence that led from the bullpen to the field.
“Let me out, man,” Joe said with an edge of pleading. He really didn’t want to confess how he felt to Harold of all people.
“Tell. Me. What’s. Going. On.” Harold replied brightly like a kindergarten teacher.
Throwing his bag to the ground, Joe sat back down on the bench and crossed his arms over his chest. “Nope.”
Trying a different tactic, Harold sat down a foot away from him and crossed his arms as well. “Come on man. Your game is off. Has been for a few weeks now. Is it because those scouts seem to be coming back more regularly?”
Joe said nothing but took a deep breath in and out. Harold’s freshly showered scent made Joe long for a shower. His muscles were so sore and tense.
“Okay,” Harold continued his inquiry. “So, it's not the scouts. Then it’s a girl.”
Joe had one tell about his feelings. Hetty was too close to the whole situation, being friends with Dottie, too. Joe didn’t dare talk to her. It was a weird feeling to not share his feelings with Hetty or Dottie, the two people he always confided in.
When thinking, Joe rubbed the back of his neck. No movement so Harold deduced he was on the right track.
“Well then,” he said intrigued and turned toward Joe with his arms still crossed. “Hmm… is it Samantha?”
Joe thought of Samantha, the cute girl who was at every game. She was a year behind them, and quite obviously had a crush on him. That wasn’t who he was attracted to, though.
“Not Samantha, huh?” Seeing no movement from Joe to indicate anything, Harold got up and paced a few steps.
“April?”
Joe chuckled. Harold was way off base. The girl who sat by Joe in biology was not even close to his type. She was a really nice person, but Joe was pretty sure she wasn’t interested in him either.
“Hetty?”
His beauty queen best friend should be the obvious choice for Joe, but she was not the girl of his dreams. Harold was getting too close to the truth now, making Joe fidget in the smallest way. Harold, a pitcher trained to home in on the smallest of his catcher’s movements saw it.
“Not Hetty then. But I’m getting close!” Harold paced away a few steps, then quickly turned around. He knew. Joe tried to make himself stay as still as possible. He would not give his biggest secret away. Joe hadn’t had time to weigh the options and outcomes. How could he possibly talk about this to Harold before he knew what he would do himself.
Harold sat down leaning into Joe. Harold stared at Joe for an interminably long time. Not being able to stand it anymore, Joe slowly started to turn his head toward Harold. Taking it as his cue, Harold whispered, “Dottie.”
With a double blink of both eyes, Joe gave away everything.
“You have feelings for Dottie?!?” Harold laughed. Joe couldn’t be sure if Harold laughed because he was so delighted that he had figured it out or because Joe had revealed he had feelings for Dottie of all the girls in the school.
To hide his embarrassment, Joe stood up and grabbed his bag, only to find the resistance of Harold holding on to the strap as well.
“She's… Dottie’s beautiful, Joe.” Harold confessed. “Why haven’t you told her yet?”
Joe rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “I don’t know,” he said looking out at the field. “We’ve been friends for so long, I didn’t want to complicate it. And now with these scouts every game…”
“So… are you going to ask her out,” Harold prodded.
Joe looked back at his friend who seemed genuine. “I don’t know. Do you think I should?”
“Why not? I don’t know how she feels. She certainly doesn’t look at you with goo-goo eyes, like the other girls do. But maybe that's a good thing.”
“Yeah,” Joe said looking off into distance. “Or maybe it means we’re just friends.”
“Big dance is coming up. Ask her and see what she says,” Harold suggested and dropped the strap of the bag.
“I don’t know,” Joe said as he yanked the bag toward him and in one practiced move swung it over his shoulder and pulled the strap over his head. He walked out of the bullpen and onto the field toward the locker room.
> “Just ask her,” Harold yelled after him. Joe rubbed his neck all the way to the showers. “If you don’t, I will,” Harold shouted as he was almost in the locker room. Those words echoed through Joe’s mind for almost two decades.
Joe shook off the memory as he shook his head.
“And so,” Joe said after he retold Dottie the entire story, “I had made up my mind to ask you that next day. Harold was talking to you at your locker. Then Hetty came over to me and broke the news that Harold had asked you to the dance. And you accepted.” Joe sighed before he continued. “You smiled and started to laugh at something he said to you at your locker. You were so happy, and I didn’t want to take that from you. The dance came and went, and it seemed like every time I went to talk to you, there was Harold by your side.”
Dottie didn’t know what to say. She thought she should return his confession with her own truth and feelings, but when she finally found words, all of the wrong things tumbled out. “So, when you saw that Harold made me laugh, you just decided to stop talking to me? You decided to throw away years of friendship because I said yes to one dance? To the first boy, in fact, who had ever taken the time to ask me out. Because no one would ask me out because you were always around.” The gaping wound she had ignored for years finally opened up and gushed feelings. She was standing now, flung all of these feelings at him. Why couldn’t she say something that was helpful? Why couldn’t she tell him how she really felt about him? It was almost like she wasn’t herself, and someone else had inhibited her body. Someone with years of rage and anger and passion who needed to let it all out. “How dare you, Joseph Thomas, to decide for the both of us all of those years ago.”
Dottie whipped around and stormed out of the house grabbing her coat.
Conflicted, he stood at the window watching her leave. He wanted to run after her because he loved her. The snow was coming down really hard and she might get stuck. But he knew her well enough to know that she needed time. Also, if her reaction was to scream at him when he told her his feelings, well that made his choice many years ago just that much more right. He needed to finish what he came to do and get out of this town, once and for all.