by Marten, Mimi
The father goes ‘Now son, that is a real boat. I would park her in my harbor any time.’ The son declares ‘I think I’m in love.’ And I’m thinking to myself, what the hell is it about her that she can produce this kind of energy? So I asked them.
‘She is not young enough to be your wife or old enough to be yours. So what is it that you both admire about this woman?’
‘She is ravishing. She has a halo and genuine happiness around her. That usually translates into kindness and honesty,’ said the father.
‘No father,’ the son continues. ‘You are missing her biggest asset. This woman is so sure of herself, in a good way, that she would build you up. All she wants in return is great sex.’
I had an urge to punch them both, but I kept my line of questioning. ‘Do you think she is pregnant?’
‘What? Why would you say that?’ The son seemed shocked.
‘Well, all the halo and happiness. Isn’t that what pregnant women generate?’
‘Philippe, clearly, you have never been around pregnant women.’
‘Yeah Philippe, let us give you some pointers. Between my father and I, we had four, is it?, pregnant women to deal with.’
‘Pregnant is tired, bloated, bitchy, complaining…’
‘You forgot the swollen feet and definitely no sex.’
‘Yeah. And definitely no ten inch heels when pregnant either.’
‘Ok, ok. I may not have been around pregnant women, but I have published many books about this subject. So where did the ‘blissfully happy’ come from then?’ I kept pressing.
‘It came from someone’s imagination!’ The father finally exclaimed.
‘Or maybe when they are eight months pregnant, talking to the baby, imagining how she or he is going to look like,’ The son added.
‘Since when did people like you two in the publishing business become this cynical?”
‘Philippe this is a whole new side of you. I didn’t know you could still be an innocent virgin at anything.’
‘Funny. How about you? Do you have an opinion on this subject?’
The fourth person at the table was their Jewish lawyer who rarely spoke or had an opinion about anything else other than the law business, contracts and finances.
‘Don’t even ask him. Elazar is afraid of his wife, no matter what state she is in.’
‘Can we please stop talking about this nonsense and focus on why we came here?’ Elazar said.
‘Thank you, Elazar. Enough distractions. Why did you call me here, gentlemen?’ I asked.
‘Well, we heard you were in town.’
‘Let’s cut the bullshit. You know very well I went to Murdoch’s party last night.’
‘Yes. Apparently you have some big fish to fry.’
‘Hm. I think the hype is bigger than the coming storm.’
‘And I think you are downplaying it. We know there is a bidding war going on.’
‘Well, then you know more than I do. The meeting didn’t happen yet.’
‘We would like a piece of the pie.’
‘I got that picture. But it’s not my pie to cut.’
The minute I finished that sentence, I had Simona in full view. She smiled and nodded. The father got up, leaned over to me and said, ‘Not your Honey Jar either. I guess we all have our wishful thinking. Keep us posted.’ And that was that,” Philippe concluded.
“Philippe is right. I didn’t meet Simona until the end of the summer. Maybe even fall. She was visibly pregnant by then, but she was…hmm, incredibly sexy,” Jacques said.
“Yes, I have to give her that. She was at her most sexy when pregnant!”
“Manon, how many drinks did you have?”
“I’m pregnant. Pregnant women can’t drink.” Manon was showing her rare funny side, and everyone was laughing.
“Even Olivier wanted to sleep with her.”
“It’s true. She almost made me switch camps. It was a close call.”
Andre was getting uncomfortable with all this familiarity about his woman from total strangers.
“Forget Oli. Maurice was in a torture chamber around her. I have never seen Maurice smiling so much.”
“You are all assholes. But I’m going to give you that she was radiant and sexy,” Maurice confirmed.
“Let me settle it for all you chauvinistic pigs. She had happiness pouring out of her and her sexuality came from a deep sensuality of her soul. She was inspirational. Hervé composed the best work in a long time, Pascal wrote two scripts, I changed characters and the ending to my book. She brought the best out of all of us. It was like an endless summer.”
“Wow, Noemi, spoken like a true artist.”
“Jacques, I love you. But that woman is way out of your league.”
“I love you, too, and you are right. But that doesn’t mean I don’t get the sunshine.”
“Holy crap, people. Stop talking. How is it 3:30 PM already?”
Olivier took care of the check. The rest were rushing out to the valet.
“How much trouble are we in, you think?” Andre was shocked by everyone’s rushing.
“Well, considering we have another 35 min drive, I’m feeling punishment.”
Andre wanted to drive. Philippe was glad and happily sat on the passenger side with Olivier and Rene in the back. Oli reached over and touched Andre for attention. “I hope all this talk doesn’t make you feel strange, but rather secure around us.”
“Thank you, Olivier. It’s a little strange, I have to admit.”
“You have to understand that we love her so much. We hope you deserve her and also know how lucky you are.”
“I think I took that for granted because she made me so secure and sure of her love.”
“Well, don’t screw it up.”
“I’ll try...”
“And Andre, I’m sorry you missed her pregnancy. They really didn’t exaggerate.”
“I’m sorry, too...”
7
"WE PLAY IN DIFFERENT LEAGUES, AND I DON'T KISS AND TELL."
“IT’S FOUR O’CLOCK. Time to get out of the house,”
“You know they will be here any minute, right?” Herve looked at Simona with inquiring look.
“But we won’t be here like the Stepford wives waiting for them with dinner. Let’s move it.”
“You really want to do the hike?”
“Absolutely.”
“Wait. Are we taking Francois? You realize it’s quite steep, right?”
“Ok Pascal, you can give me the topography lesson while I drive. Move!”
Hervé was laughing while Simona was strapping Francois in his car seat. He was quietly happy, having just finished his long nap. He was fed and ready to go for an adventure.
“Are you nervous about Philippe and Andre?”
“Ha! I thought you were going to give me a topography lesson, Pascal. No, I’m not nervous. I trust Philippe. If anything, he would torture him for his own selfish pleasure.”
“What does that mean? You trust Philippe more than Andre?”
“Hervé, Philippe and I built trust on such a foundation that I can’t ever imagine losing or destroying it. We both feel very strong about loyalty, honesty, and trust.”
“And Andre?”
“Andre needs to earn my trust. A romantic partnership is always more complicated.”
“Sounds a little twisted. You trust another man more than your own, but given the circumstances, I think you are right.”
“Of course I’m right. Philippe has been there for me through thick and thin, and I’m not talking only professionally. That’s a whole other story. He earned it. Andre messed up, and not just once. Trust has been broken. This is the fixing, earning time. I feel like he is the real thing, but I’m not an idiot. Let’s just leave it at that.” Both men were intrigued by Simona’s openness. She was always an honest straight shooter, but when it came to her personal life, she was guarded. Simona put Francois into the baby carrier backpack, making sure the canopy was cov
ering him well. He had sun protection on, and a cute hat.
“Pascal, can you come help me put this on, please?”
“Forget it. You are not carrying him. One of us will.”
“If you think that I’m letting either of you Clumsies take my child, you are gravely mistaken.”
“We are not clumsy. What are you talking about?”
“Well ok then, professor, let’s see what shape you are in on this small hill.”
“Poetic, but she is right. We are out of shape, and we should start moving soon,” Herve said.
❖ ❖ ❖
“Madame Bonnet. Where is the welcoming committee?” Philippe shouted from the main entrance.
“They decided to walk to the ruins.”
“When did they leave? Do they have Francois?”
“Yes. They left maybe 20 min ago.”
“Alright, Andre, no shower for us. Change into some hiking stuff. Running shoes will do.”
Andre was feeling more like a shower and a siesta, but followed Philippe’s instructions, wondering where he gets his energy from. Philippe was driving. It was just the two of them again. Andre knew it may be their last chance alone, last chance to ask…
“Philippe, are you in love with her?”
“I love her.”
“Why did you help me then?”
“Because she loves you. You have a son together, and it was the right thing to do.”
“Do you always do the right thing?”
“I try. But with her, there is no other way. She holds herself to such a high standard that you really have no other choice but to measure up.”
“You mean man up?”
“Haha, I guess that, too. Maybe that’s the secret. Maybe that’s what men feel around her, to step up to their best potential, higher than they believed before. I never thought of it that way. You are onto something, Andre.”
“Did it ever happen?”
“The deal? Yes, the deal happened, and I was officially told she was pregnant.”
“That’s not what I was asking, but ok. Were you furious with her?”
“Surprisingly, not at all. I had a full report about her the night of the Four Seasons already. I knew everything about her, except the pregnancy wasn’t in the file. And neither were you.”
“So, she told you at that meeting?”
“Yes, we were discussing schedule and book tours, and she announced with her typical nonchalant attitude that she may not be available in those months due to her due date. Everyone was checking her out, until she finally stood up and opened her jacket to reveal a little bump on her otherwise perfectly curved, tight dress.”
“Did she apologize to you?”
“No, but I did ask for an apology. She said she already apologized with a hug and a kiss. I said, no, no, no, and she got me again. She asked, ‘What was the feeling you were getting when I hugged you?’, and I said, ‘Hm, I’m sorry’. She just smiled. It was pointless. I felt like I couldn’t stand to be checkmated twice, so I continued, ‘You have absolutely no remorse for your shameless trick?’
She said, ’Now, you are just being stubborn, asking for more. You are like a kid, throwing a tantrum. You hate that you were outsmarted, humiliated, and left speechless. Defeat is not easy, but I had you for a very smart man, and smart men know when to close the deal.’
Andre started laughing, “So, you were outplayed three times then?”
“Yes, my friend. And good for her. She was right. I was asking for it. I got checkmated for the third time.”
“Well, it sounds like perfect foreplay to me.”
“It was. I was hooked! And she never let up. She has been driving me crazy ever since.”
“So, back to my original question. Did you?”
“We all went to dinner after that. Our eyes were constantly on each other. Finally we ended up on the terrace for a moment alone. She said, ‘You are a player. Do you want to play?’
‘So are you. What are we playing, Mrs. Andree?’
‘I will play. But I have to warn you, I’ll never cross the line.’
‘Never? You never crossed the line before?’
‘Never.’
‘I don’t believe you. You like the play too much.’
‘You should. It will never happen.’
“Then she smiled, kissed me again, thanked me for the deal, and walked away. She has always been very professional on all our business ventures, even now she still calls me Mr. Bouchard. But I came to know the other side of her, and I love that side even more. Soon, I started making excuses to spend more time with her, until one day she finally said, ‘Philippe, I’m here of my free will. There is no other place I’d rather be than with you. Can we cut the bullshit?’
It also became clear that the only position available was ‘friend.’ And I was trilled because that was something new to me, and she was really good at it. On my own, I assumed the role of a ‘protector’, not only in business, but in general. That one drove everyone nuts. Her, me, all our friends, her men…"
“About that… I get the whole radiating sex you all talk about, but from a male point of view, who wants to sleep with a pregnant woman when she is carrying someone else’s child?”
“Look, before Simona, I would have had the same reaction. It was not only a turn off, it was completely off limits, almost gross. The discomfort of the physical part, and also the psychological, like you say, someone else’s territory.”
“So, what was different with her?”
“It’s hard to describe. She was Sunshine in heels; sexy shorts; sexy, tight dresses; bright colors; summer chiffon flowing; bikini; lingerie walking around the house; easy breezy, I LOVE HOW I LOOK, AND I CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF IT.”
“I missed all that, and I will never get that back.”
Philippe noticed that he went a little over the edge with Andre, but maybe he needed to hear it, to realize what he missed and learn the lesson.
“Well, with all that, I called my obstetrician friend who has a great private practice, and asked him his opinion. He told me to come over to see him. He said I either need a shrink, or he could fix me.”
“What the hell did he do to you?”
“Well, you don’t understand. I slept with models, had two at the same time, even went for an erotic massage. It was all nice, but all I was dreaming about was Simona and her pregnant belly. I thought it was the sexiest thing ever. I was worried I was developing some weird fetish. So, Lucas thought that sitting for a few hours in his waiting room would make me or break me.”
“Well, did it? Did you want to sleep with all the belly women?”
“That’s just it. Not at all. But I was hooked. I started talking to them. They were so open, sharing information, showing me dark lines, stretch marks, swollen ankles, telling me about cravings, no sex, or horny.”
“Who did you say you were?”
“A researcher. And I wasn’t even lying. You would be surprised what women are willing to share, from breaking the silence, to finally killing the perfect picture from all the commercials about pregnancies and everyone pretending how it’s all one blissful experience. I also got the other side of the story from some of the husbands.”
“How long did you stay?”
“That is the funny part. Every time the nurse opened the door, she had a different expression on. It went from ‘okaaaay crazy, to just a smile, to holy shit, he is really nuts, to are you fucking kidding me, dude?’”
“That is brave, my friend.”
“Finally Lucas came out and asked me if he should call the ambulance, or if I was ok to drive.”
Andre started laughing, “So did you become an expert?”
“Not only that. It was the best thing I have ever done. For too many different reasons to mention them all, but first I had a whooooole new appreciation for pregnant women in general. A huge and a very different outlook on how Simona made it look easy. How she deserves so much more attention, to so many things she doesn’t ask
for, and I also gained a new idea for a business which is going to benefit many and make money.”
“It’s hard to follow all that, with your speed. Why are we rushing up the hill like this?”
“Because we need to catch our hikers at the top.”
“Why? I thought we are here just for the moral support, ‘honey, I’m home.’”
“No, Simona is carrying Francois in a backpack carrier, and if you don’t want her to either slip on the descent or kill her back, then we need to catch them.”
“What? How do you know that? Maybe Hervé or Pascal is carrying him.”
“Simona wouldn’t trust either of them. They are too clumsy and out of shape for her precious cargo.”
“Shit. Ok then. Philippe, you are impressively fit.”
“Thank you, but she still beats me up the hill.”
“Let’s finish the story. So, you got all that appreciation from sitting in a waiting room full of pregnant women?”
“Well, for what they go through and how we take it for granted, yes. But I also realized, thank God, that I had no interest, or some weird fetish, about pregnant women. In that sense, it was a very fast cure. Almost the kind of ‘holy shit, what was I thinking?’ They really scared me shitless for the most part. I came home, took a shower, and called Simona to be ready in 30 min for a pick up. Then I drove her here. It was during the week, so it was unusual. I ran a hot tub for her, fixed dinner, and asked her how she does it and why she never complains, or asks for anything. First she didn’t know where I was going with it, so I told her where I went. We talked for hours. I massaged her feet almost the whole time. She massaged mine at the same time, that’s how I was getting it right. I told her about my business idea, and she loved it. We put together a business plan the next day, figured out what other experts or motivated people we would need. The whole process was just very exciting. That was the moment when we became, hmm, honest, raw, Simona and Philippe.”