by Marten, Mimi
Simona patiently stood there until they all had their turn, except for Andre.
“I’m very sorry. I fucked up. I should have left a note. I’m really sorry I had you all worried. I take full responsibility if you are upset or mad. I didn’t realize you would beat us home. How was your trip?”
“It was beyond! Crazy! Da bomb! Philippe, it was nuts. Thank you,” Cori and Arye were talking over each other.
“You are all welcome. I’m glad everyone had a good time. Arye, I’m expecting to be invited to your soccer match at one of these stadiums soon.”
“Deal. You got a ticket on me.”
Philippe put the bassinet down onto the stroller and went over to say good bye.
“Wait. You are leaving tonight?” Cori asked.
“I’m afraid so. And I better go before Raphael falls asleep.”
Andre and Philippe shook hands without words. It was hard to read either of them. Simona was waiting to walk him back to the car as the driver pulled away from the entrance.
“You look amazing tonight. And I love your dress.”
“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to say at the beginning of a date?”
“Only when you’re working on getting ‘lucky’. I got way more. Hours of pure pleasure...”
Simona hugged him, standing up on her toes. She was tall enough with her heels but she wanted to wrap her arms around his shoulders. Philippe was facing the hotel, feeling all their eyes on them despite the distance and the dark. He hugged her back. Neither wanted to let go. Simona came back down from her toes, looked in his eyes, smiled, and kissed him. He caressed her hair, touched her face and got into the car without a word.
He later wrote down - ’It was better than any love making’.
❖ ❖ ❖
Simona walked back and saw that Andre was gone with Francois. The boys were smiling, and Patrick was shaking his head.
“Is it time to go to sleep? Or to have a drink?” Simona was smiling at her boys, but looking at Patrick.
“Mom, you are in deep shit. Andre is really mad.”
“Language! I know he has every right to be. I messed up. He was worried and that’s the worst. I understand that better than anyone.”
“Not just worried. He was freaking out!” Cori was sympathizing with Andre.
“He was freaking out because he was jealous,” Arye had to add.
“Oh my God, you two. Teenager’s imagination.”
“Mom, you are downplaying it. You know I’m right. Dad, tell her,” Cori looked at Patrick, seeking his approval.
“I don’t need to tell her, she knows,” Patrick concluded.
“You two better go to sleep. I want to hear all about your trip tomorrow.”
The boys said good night to their parents and left to their room. Patrick was staring at Simona. “You are playing with fire.”
“No, these are hearts I have no intention of playing with. That would be cruel and I’m not going to inflict such pain on anyone.”
“Someone is going to get hurt. Including you. We both have been there...”
“Yes, we have. Are you buying me a drink or are we going to just stand here?”
Patrick made a polite gesture of grabbing her back to let her walk first. He was taken aback, touching her bare skin, and for the first time he noticed her naked back. It was a multicolor dress, with different shades of red and orange. It had a straight front and a neckline across the shoulders with fluffy sleeves. The dress was short in the front and long on the sides. It created an illusion of wings sleeves. The sleeves and the sides were in a the form of a pointy V shape, and so was the opening on her back. The V was coming down from her shoulders, all the way to her waist.
“Do you have a bra?” Patrick asked.
“An invisible one?”
“How are your boobs holding up?”
“Duct tape.”
“Shut up.”
“Honest to God.”
“I was thinking to ask the same question,” Andre came out of nowhere. Patrick politely smiled and said good night.
“I hate you right now,” Andre continued.
“I’m sorry. I know how you feel and I hate that I caused it. It wasn’t intentional. Please forgive me.”
“I’m going to bed, and I suggest you do the same.”
Andre left her standing there and walked away. Simona didn’t blame him for being upset, even angry. But she couldn’t quite figure out how she felt about him walking away. She walked to the front desk and asked the clerk for a key for ‘Bouchard’.
“The room has been vacated, Señora.”
“The room has been paid for tonight, correct?”
“Yes, Señora Andree.”
She handed him twenty Euros and he handed her the key, wishing her sweet dreams.
“Señora. You forgot your toothbrush.”
Simona smiled, thanked him for the one time use package, and went upstairs. She took her makeup off with the bathroom hotel lotion, showered, and went to sleep. Before shutting her phone off, she texted Jada, ”SOS. Need to talk tomorrow.”
Then she texted Philippe, ”Thank you for trusting me. You dared greatly. I admire your courage. You coming here meant the world to me. Merci, Philippe.”
She didn’t expect an immediate reply…
“Thank you for holding my hand. You make me strive to be a better human. Merci, cherie.”
Simona wrote back, “Please text me when you land. Good night, Philippe… I miss you already.”
Philippe’s text came in the early hours. Simona registered the beep, and subconsciously felt relief. She worried about all the people in her life. Nothing anyone could do about that. It was leftovers from her childhood that even years of therapy didn’t fix. That is why she felt so awful that she inflicted that panic of fear onto Andre last night.
Her biological clock woke her up. She found a bathrobe to put on, and went to get Francois. He was already awake and smiling. When he saw Simona, he stood up as if he couldn’t wait to get out of the white hotel crib. Simona felt so happy to see him that her milk started to come out. She picked him up and looked at the bed. Andre was asleep, face down across the bed in his boxers. That was weird because he only slept naked. She tiptoed outside and went back to Philippe’s room to nurse him. She knew that these were her last precious moments of this bonding experience and she was enjoying it fully.
Simona had a huge amount of milk with all her kids. Her boob size somehow tripled in the months she was nursing. Francois was happily fed and jumping, a sign of being ready to go out into the world. Simona laughed out loud and told him that she only had a bathrobe and hotel slippers…
“Ok then. Let’s go, pajama boy. We are going to be a perfect couple, morning hairdos and all.”
She remembered she wanted to catch the night front desk clerk before his shift was over.
“Good morning.”
“Buenos días, señora. It seems that you are in trouble.”
“What happened?”
“Your amigo was here twice last night.”
“Oh shit!”
“Si. Very worried. I felt bad. But you needed the sleep.”
Simona handed him a hundred Euro bill. He jumped at the sight of it. “No, no, señora. Discretion is a must! No need.”
“Look. I came down to give you this, without knowing your story from the night. I wanted to give it to you for your kindness. You were kind to me last night. You went out of your way. Kindness is golden. Kindness is more than just right.”
“Muchas gracias, señora.”
“Ets benvingut!”
“Bravo, señora. Catalan!”
“What’s your name?”
“Xavi...”
“Thank you again, Xavi. Sweet dreams.”
“And you, señora. Deu et bles. God bless you.”
Simona smiled and waved back with Francois, sending him kisses. She walked into the garden and watched the waitstaff set up the patio for breakfast. It was a beauti
ful morning; only seven in the morning and still very early for Catalans. The beach was deserted, with seabirds flying around. Simona forgot to take the diaper bag with her. She couldn’t change Francois, so she decided to take his diaper off.
“I’m sure you are going to pee on me, you stinker.”
Francois clapped his hands and giggled as if he understood and agreed. He was happily crawling naked on the sand. Their hotel was on the outskirt of the city in a small bay. The famous La Barceloneta beach and the colorful city stood in the background. It was incredibly peaceful with a light breeze and the calm waters of the Mediterranean Sea. Simona didn’t even finish her thought when a storm arrived.
“Where the hell have you been?”
“Good morning to you, too.”
“Nothing good about it. I had no sleep. I was looking for you all night.”
“Can we please not do this here with Francois?”
Andre was fuming. He picked up Francois, walked right by Simona and left. Simona was staring at his back, with Francois smiling over his shoulders back at her. Somehow, it was a strange feeling. Sitting back down and looking at the sea, she pulled her phone out of the bathrobe pocket.
“What the hell is going on? I can’t fucking concentrate on anything since your text.”
“Where is your next sight inspection? Can we meet?”
“Are you going to tell me anything?”
“Are you ever going to pick up a phone and say just HI?”
“Ok, bitch, fair enough. What do you need? A city, going out, dancing? Or peace of mind in the middle of nowhere?”
“What the hell does that matter? We need to go where you are going.”
“Fuck the sight inspections. I’ll take 3 days off!”
“What? You know this is not my funeral, right? I don’t expect ‘you’ to take 3 days off for me until I drop dead.”
“Fuck you. Where are we going?”
“I feel better already. I’m stuck. I need to process, and I need some of your nonsensical logic. I need me some Jada serum.”
“I got it. Las Vegas.”
“What? Are you nuts? I don’t need cheering up. I need fixing.”
“Precisely. Some shopping therapy, dinners, spa, and shows. I’ll even take you to the desert if you want to shoot or scream.”
“Haha. How soon can you come?”
“It’s Sunday. The soonest would be Thursday. How about we arrive Friday night and leave Tuesday?”
“Done. I’ll get your ticket. You get the hotel.”
“I get my own ticket.”
“Ok. Then I get the hotel. But prepare yourself to sleep in hotel Flamingo.”
“Fuck you. Get me the ticket.”
“Thank God for your intelligence.”
“Wait. Is Francois off the boob?”
“No. But they have enough frozen bags or simply shock therapy.”
“Listen. Do I need to bring some prozac, too?”
“Just the one that you carry 24 hours with you.”
“See you on Friday.”
Why is it so easy with Jada? Because we don’t bullshit. Because we don’t cry wolf? When shit happens, neither needs to ask why? It’s simply shit happened, gotta go. Everyone should have a friend like that. But it takes being one to have one! I’m extremely grateful. Thank you, Jesus. God bless her.
Simona walked back to her room. Francois was in the bathtub having a good time with Andre. She didn’t want to change the energy, so she just took her clothes and went to Philippe’s room to shower. When she came down to have breakfast, the boys and Patrick were already at the table. She sat down, and they started talking about their trip from the day before. The atmosphere was great, and she totally forgot about Andre. She was laughing at some story Cori was telling from the night before when Andre showed up with Francois. He was all cleaned up, dressed, and excited to see everyone. Patrick grabbed him first. Francois was jumping, making happy faces at his brothers.
“Hey, did you guys sleep in?” It was an innocent question from Arye, but it brought Andre back to his fury.
“I had no sleep. And I have no appetite either.”
The air and everyone around the table suddenly froze from his energy and tone. Simona was ignoring it, eating her toast, sipping her coffee. That irritated Andre even more, and the storm was inevitable.
“Are you planning on playing this game all day? Is ignoring me your new tactic? Are you not going to talk to me? I asked you some questions. I want answers!”
“Andre, calm down. Everyone is staring at us,” Patrick said, looking around the restaurant anxiously.
“I don’t give a shit, Patrick. Where the hell have you been, Simo?”
Simona was concentrating on her breathing, scanning the table for reactions. Her primary focus and concern was Francois who didn’t notice anything thanks to Cori’s entertainment. Arye was in full alert, and Partrick was looking around as usual, worried about how they looked in public.
“I’m done. I’m sick of being treated this way. I made miracles happen, but I’m not going to beg or play a fool. Are you going to say anything at all?”
“Are you finished? I wasn’t going to interrupt you.”
“No, I’m not finished. But go ahead!”
“Do the two of you want to take it somewhere else?”
“Patrick, we are really different than you. We really don’t care what people think or say. If you are not comfortable with that, you are welcome to leave. And as far as you go, Andre, I’m willing to listen, hear you out, even take your anger. You know we can debate or argue our points for hours. But I’m not going to be yelled at, cursed at, or be belittled! I maxed out that tank with Patrick.”
Simona turned towards her ex-husband with a smile, “No offense, all forgiven.”
“None taken,” Patrick smiled, knowing he deserved that one.
“I swore that as God is my witness, I will never allow anyone to do that to me again. So, if you need to cool off, go for a swim. And if you’re ready to talk without yelling and shouting, let’s go talk.”
Andre stood there, looking at his son, Patrick, and the boys with overwhelming calm.
“Please excuse us.”
Arye looked at his mother with admiration. Cori held Francois who was bouncing on his legs, trying to peek out at his mom.
“Thanks, boys, for watching him. Don’t let him get dirty. He needs to take a nap soon. Take the stroller. Here’s the key.”
Simona was walking up the stairs when Andre stopped at their floor.
“Where are you going?”
“Philippe’s room. It’s bigger. With no interruptions.”
Andre followed Simona into the suite. When the door closed, he shocked her and himself, too. He grabbed Simona and hugged her.
“I was so scared. I have never been this scared.”
“I’m really sorry. I hate myself for your despair.”
“I couldn’t tell who I was scared for more. I can’t imagine anything happening to you or Francois.”
“Andre, I’m completely at fault for this. I hope you believe that I would never intentionally put you through this.”
“I believe you...”
“Why were you back so early? You didn’t want to go for a drink or see Madrid at night? ”
“No. I was so obsessed with going back that I may have ruined it for them.”
“No. They had a great time. They are still beaming about it.”
Andre let go of Simona and walked away, pacing around nervously.
“Is this where you slept?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“You walked away from me. I’m not a Japanese or Arabic wife to follow a man. You walk away, I’ll walk the other way!”
“Are you nuts? I was pissed off. I tortured myself with jealousy. Yes, I admit it. I can’t take it!”
“I know. I get that. But you walking away with your back towards me and expecting me to follow you is never going to happen. You
did it again on the beach, taking my child on top of it.”
“He is mine, too. And you took him from me first.”
“And why? Why did I take him from you? Because you walked away. Every time it gets tough, hard, or simply confusing for you, you find yourself a muse and walk away. What did you call it? ‘A clean slate?’”
“What the hell are you talking about? Are we back to the past? The past that I apologized for? The past you forgave me for?”
“No, we are simply following your pattern. Before, you would find a new muse, new excitement, instead of working and putting energy into fixing or cherishing what you already had. Now, you said you were a changed man. Your maturity is telling you that replacing doesn’t fix anything, doesn’t give you the satisfaction you are craving. It’s simply an illusion, continuing the chase where there will never be the sweet prize of happiness or contentment.”
“Twisted, but somehow a compliment for my growth I suppose. What am I doing wrong now?”
“When it gets hard, you simply run for the exit. Same pattern, different version.”
“I’m human, you know? I have feelings, I was angry doesn’t even do it justice. I was furious!”
“And I told you I deserved your anger. Even your jealousy. But shutting me out or walking away is not going to fix any of it.”
“I just needed time and space.”
“I understand. But you need to be able to say it and make it clear that you need time or space, that you will be back. I gave you time and space.”
“No, you put me in the recurring nightmare of losing you and Francois this morning.”
“I’m sorry. I needed to nurse him, and you were lying across the whole bed.”
“You nursed him?”
Simona’s light bulb went off. Her knees buckled. She sat down. Andre realized that she was feeling remorse so he tried to control his anger.
“How much did you drink?”
“Two glasses. Oh my God!”
“Listen. You had enough food. You digested most of it...”
“I’m really sorry. I have never made this mistake.”
Andre was still mad, but looking at Simona’s anguish and self torture, he didn’t have the heart to add anything. He sat down next to her and grabbed her chin. “He is fine. It’s fine.”