Dedication
For Lucienne and Joseph
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
After you read this book …
Thank you
Excerpt from Stay: The Last Dog in Antarctica
Excerpt from Paruku: The Desert Brumby
About the Author
Books by Jesse Blackadder
Copyright
Chapter 1
The puppy squirmed on Ashley’s lap, wriggling with delight as she scratched the soft, curly fur behind his ears. He flipped out a long, pink tongue and caught her on the tip of her nose. She laughed, and the puppy seemed to laugh back at her, his mouth wide open, his deep brown eyes fixed on her face.
Her foot slipped and the daydream vanished as she pressed her body into the cliff and clung with both hands so she didn’t fall.
‘Concentrate!’ the instructor called up. ‘Find that foothold again.’
Ashley forced herself to focus. Ten metres up a rock-climbing wall was no place to be daydreaming about puppies, but she was so scared of the drop below her that she’d tried to distract herself. Bad move.
She felt around cautiously with her foot, found an outcrop, tested it and put her weight down.
‘Look for another handhold.’
Ashley reached up, grasped the next outcrop and managed to pull and push herself higher. Her legs were starting to tremble from the strain. She wasn’t even halfway up the rock wall. Her best friend, Emma, was already much higher, moving as effortlessly as a spider up the wall. With her own muscles beginning to shake from exhaustion, Ashley wanted to give up.
She scanned the wall above. The next handhold was just out of reach. She took a deep breath, shifted her weight onto one foot and slid the other foot higher. Her supporting leg cramped: it was so painful that Ashley gasped out loud. Her fingers slipped. She scrabbled wildly, but it was too late. Her body tipped backwards and she fell.
A second later the harness brought her to a sudden halt, cutting into her legs and body. Even though she knew the instructor was belaying her in case of a fall, the drop was horrible. She hung, swaying, her face hot with shame, feeling like every single person in the rock-climbing centre was looking at her. She felt the instructor lower her until her feet touched the floor.
‘What happened?’ he asked.
‘Cramp.’ She kept her head low so her hair fell forwards and covered her face.
‘Want another try?’
Ashley shook her head. ‘No way.’ She was never going to rock climb again. Just because her friend Emma loved it, didn’t mean she had to. She’d been stupid to let Emma talk her into trying in the first place. She was much happier on the ground, thank you very much.
She unclipped the harness and her instructor coiled the rope. She heard a triumphant shout from above. Emma had reached the top of the wall. The instructor who was belaying her gave an encouraging whoop and began calling out directions for the abseil back down.
Even looking up to where Emma was hanging made Ashley feel a bit dizzy and she wanted to get out of there. She collected her backpack from the lockers and headed to the waiting area, where she pulled out her smartphone and started swiping through her photographs. There it was — the one she was looking for. Puppy. And he was about to be hers.
She hadn’t actually met him yet. He was still with his mother. But tomorrow Emma’s parents were taking them to collect two puppies from the same litter — a brother and sister. It was an hour and a half’s drive each way, as they had been born on a property in the Blue Mountains. Ashley and Emma had chosen the puppies over the internet weeks ago, and Ashley could hardly stand the last twenty-four hours of waiting.
‘What happened to you?’ Emma appeared, still a little pink in the face, looking pleased with herself.
Ashley wasn’t going to admit to being scared. ‘Stupid cramp. Anyway, I can’t concentrate on climbing. I’m too excited.’
Emma sat next to her. ‘Have you got a name for him yet?’
‘Nope!’ Ashley stared down at the picture of Puppy again. ‘I can’t name him from a photo.’
Emma pulled her own phone out of the pocket of her backpack and swiped to a photo. ‘I just knew she was “Bella” as soon as I saw her.’
Ashley looked over her shoulder. Emma’s puppy, Bella, was black with white under her muzzle and a splash of white on her chest. The puppy Ashley had chosen was a honey-coloured boy, also with a white chest. They both had soft, curly coats.
‘I won’t be able to sleep a wink tonight!’ Ashley said.
‘Me neither!’ Emma said. She looked at her watch. ‘We’d better go. Mum’ll be here in a sec.’
It was getting dark as they headed out the front door of the centre, and way off in the distance the full moon was rising, round and orange over the roofs of Sydney’s inner west. Ashley wanted to hug herself. By this time tomorrow, she and Emma would be the owners of their very own puppies.
It was thanks to Emma’s parents, really. They’d been the ones to suggest that the two girls choose puppies from the same litter, saying that now that Emma and Ashley were in their first year of high school, they were ready for the responsibility. The two of them were nearly as excited as the girls.
Ashley jiggled up and down. ‘I can’t wait! I can’t wait!’
Emma laughed. ‘I can’t believe it’s finally come. Only one more sleep, Ash! Our whole lives are going to be different once we have those puppies.’
Ashley found herself grinning. She’d been dreaming of a dog of her own for as long as she could remember. She’d never even had a guinea pig or a goldfish, and now at last she was about to get her first pet. It felt like she’d been waiting forever.
The leaves flicker and rustle, making silver moonlight patterns on the creamy trunk. The night is black and silver, rich with a sharp eucalyptus scent.
She nudges him. Go on, Youngster.
He hesitates. Alone?
She nudges him again, and unfolds an arm.
He climbs from her lap around to her back, grasping her fur in thick, solid handfuls. Now what?
Grip the branch, like you grip me.
He reaches out, wraps his claws around a branch just above his head. It’s rough against his skin and he feels a stab of fear. I can’t.
You can. She gives him a little push and he wobbles, recoils.
Don’t! I’ll fall!
Hold on. Claws.
He reaches his other paw, claws extended. As he grips the bark, his claws sink into it slightly and lodge there. He breathes out in surprise.
See? That’s what they’re for. Now pull yourself up.
He releases the first paw, stretches up, takes a grip higher up the branch. As his claws sink in, he pulls himself up and his body weight leaves the support of her back.
Grip with your back legs.
He does, and finds he is safely attached to the bark, pinioned by his claws.
Now climb. One paw at a time. Push as well as pull.
He tries it, releasing each paw separately and moving it higher, pulling and pushing his weig
ht. He’s getting the hang of it; he begins to move faster. He can see a new spray of young leaves glistening above his head on slender stalks, fresh growth that will be soft in his mouth.
He reaches the leaves and stops. Now what? He can sense his mother’s amusement below. He won’t ask her what to do! He thinks for a long moment. He’ll balance on three limbs, reach out a fourth and try to scoop the leaves into his mouth. He detaches a front paw and lunges. He misses the leaves and wobbles.
A rush of fear. He gathers himself to try again. This time he snags the branch and pulls it towards him. He pushes the leaves into his mouth and begins to chew. His mother’s milk is still his favourite, but there has been much less of it lately and he’s hungry.
A gust of wind whistles past, lifting his fur and rocking the tree from side to side. He hears his mother sniff the wind. He wonders if she can smell rain. He hates rain, hates the way it plasters his fur to his body and makes him shiver. His mother has taught him how to curl up so the droplets run down his back, but he hasn’t quite got the hang of it, and he often ends up wet down the front too.
Where are you, Youngster? I can’t see you.
He looks down. He’s not used to looking at her from above — he’s usually on her back, or on her lap. She is peering right up at him—how can she not see him? He notices that her eyes look different: they’re only slits, surrounded by puffy redness, and she winces as she blinks them.
Come down. The rain is coming.
He panics and swivels. How can he get back to her?
Backwards!
He hears her instruction but is too afraid to take it. His front claws slip and he scrabbles, swings, hangs upside down.
Grip the tree.
He manages to get his claws attached again, but he’s face down, looking at her. I can’t move.
She brushes her eyes irritably, rubbing her face against her arm. Yes, you can. One claw at a time.
He tries and then he is slithering, sliding, catching, bumping down the trunk until he lands on her head and tumbles back into her lap. He sinks his claws into her fur like he’ll never let go, trembling.
She drapes an arm around him. You did it. Next time will be easier.
Chapter 2
Ashley unlocked the front door and let herself inside. Both her parents’ cars were parked in the street, even though it was before seven pm. Perhaps her dad had remembered that tonight was the end of term three and the start of the school holidays.
He’d been working so late recently that sometimes she was in bed by the time he got home, and there were only a few minutes left for him to sit by her feet and ask her about her day. Then her mother would come to the door and tell them it was lights out, and he’d give Ashley a kiss, switch off the lamp and shut the door behind him. Sometimes he was gone again before she was even awake in the morning.
But tonight was the first night of the holidays, and they always did something special for that. And tomorrow — tomorrow! — she was getting Puppy at last. She had lots to do — making up his basket, laying out the toys she’d bought for him, triple checking that there was plenty of puppy food in the pantry.
‘Hello!’ she called out, dumping her backpack at the foot of the stairs. Their house was kind of old, but it was cosy and she liked it.
‘We’re in here.’ Her mother’s voice rang out of the kitchen.
Ashley broke into a run, skidding down the hallway and jumping down the step. ‘Hi!’ she cried.
Her mother and father turned and Ashley stopped dead. Something was wrong. Her mother’s face was serious and her father looked terrible.
‘What is it?’ she asked.
Her mother patted her father’s shoulder. ‘We’ve had a bit of bad news, Ash.’
Ashley’s heart started to pound. ‘What?’
Her mother looked at her father and he shrugged. ‘I’ve been retrenched.’
Ashley had no idea what he meant. She’d never even heard that word before.
‘Your father doesn’t have a job any more,’ her mother explained.
Ashley took a deep breath. That sounded serious. ‘But you can get another one, can’t you?’
‘It’s not that easy,’ he said, rubbing his head. ‘Lots of people are out of work in my industry. There aren’t enough jobs for them all.’
‘What will you do?’ Ashley asked.
There was silence for a moment. ‘I don’t know, just yet,’ her father said at last.
Ashley wondered if a change of subject would help. ‘Can we still have fish and chips in the park?’
Her parents glanced at each other. ‘Oh, why not?’ her father said wearily. ‘At least it’s cheap.’
An idea occurred to Ashley and she skipped over to her father and gave him a hug. ‘Well, there’s one good thing,’ she said, hoping she might cheer him up a little. ‘Once the school holidays are over, you can look after Puppy in the day. Then he won’t be so lonely when I’m at school.’
There was an even longer silence and Ashley looked up from her hug. Her dad did actually have tears in his eyes and it frightened her.
Her mother stepped closer so that the three of them were in one big hug. ‘Honey, the thing is — you won’t be able to have a puppy at the moment. We’ll have to wait until your dad finds another job.’
Ashley loosened her arms. ‘He’s already eight weeks old. How long do I have to wait?’
‘You won’t be able to have him, Ash,’ her father said. ‘Once I’ve got a job, we can find you another pup. But it could be months.’
Ashley pulled back out of his hug as the meaning of his words became clear. ‘But Puppy is mine! I chose him!’
‘I’m sorry,’ her mother said. ‘I’ve already called the breeder and said we can’t take him after all.’
Ashley couldn’t believe what they were saying. The look of pity on her parents’ faces convinced her that this wasn’t some awful joke. She felt her chin start to wobble and a huge lump rose in her throat. Her father tried to pull her back into a hug, but she pushed him away roughly. ‘It’s not fair!’
‘Ashley!’ her mother snapped. ‘Don’t make this worse! Can’t you see your father feels terrible?’
‘It’s only a job. He can get another one. But Puppy is already mine, Mum.’
‘We just said that getting another job isn’t easy. And you haven’t even met the dog!’ Her mother was clearly furious. ‘Don’t be so selfish.’
‘We’ll make it up to you, Ash,’ her father said. ‘I know you’re upset. We all are. Blow your nose and let’s go for fish and chips.’
‘I don’t want fish and chips! I don’t want anything!’
‘That’s enough,’ her mother said. ‘Go to your room until you can think of someone other than yourself.’
‘I’ll be in there forever!’ Ashley yelled, and stormed out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind her so hard that the crash echoed through the house. A sob burst out of Ashley’s throat as she grabbed her bag and ran up the stairs. She slammed her bedroom door behind her, threw herself on the bed and buried her head under the pillow.
‘Puppy,’ she whispered.
Someone came and knocked on her bedroom door once, but Ashley had snapped, ‘Go away!’ and the footsteps retreated. By the time she heard the beep of a text message arriving, she’d been crying for so long that her nose was completely blocked and her chest hurt from heaving. She wiped her eyes on her shirt, sniffed and picked up her phone.
i just heard, so so so unfair!
Ashley threw the phone down on the bed. Her parents must have called Emma’s. It was all right for Emma: she was getting her own puppy anyway. Tomorrow morning, her parents would take her out to the breeder to pick up Bella. Their plan of being best friends and having brother and sister puppies was ruined, but at least Emma would still have Bella.
How could they even stay best friends? Ashley couldn’t bear it. She’d have to visit Emma’s house and see Bella growing up, knowing that her own puppy would have been t
he same size and learning the same things. She’d have to see Emma owning her own dog, a dog who loved her and wanted to be with her. Bella would become Emma’s best friend, and Ashley would be left out, alone, with no puppy of her own. If she ever did get one, it wouldn’t be the same. It wouldn’t be from Bella’s litter. Ashley’s and Emma’s dogs would never be best friends.
Her phone beeped again. Ashley waited a minute. She didn’t want to talk to Emma. But when it beeped for a second time, she couldn’t resist and picked it up.
still want to come with us?
This time she threw the phone on the floor, where it bounced. How could Emma even ask such a question? Did she have any idea what it felt like?
Ashley rolled on her belly and looked out the window. The moonlight was gleaming on the roof next door, and her throat hurt from crying. She’d been so close to getting Puppy that she could almost feel him in her arms. If he was here now, he’d be licking the salty tears from her face and cuddling up to her. She wouldn’t be all alone in her room, desperately unhappy. He’d be here with her, and that would make everything all right.
The phone beeped again, but this time Ashley was determined not to look at the text. There was nothing Emma could say to make it better. She closed her eyes, and at once pictured the image that had been in her head for weeks: she was meeting Puppy for the first time. She was crouching down, and Puppy was running towards her. He just knew that he belonged to her — that they were meant to be together.
Surely there must be a way?
The wind blew through the tree outside her window, making the leaves shiver, and she wondered if it was going to rain. It was getting cold, and she pulled her quilt up around her and turned her pillow over so the side that was drenched with tears was facing down. She’d do anything to have Puppy. Anything.
The phone beeped yet again, and the screen flashed on, sending a glow of blue light through the room. Why wouldn’t Emma just leave her alone? She wouldn’t even know what it felt like. Her parents always gave her everything she wanted.
If she could go and live with Emma, that would solve the problem. She and Emma could both have their puppies and live in the same house. They could do everything together. It would be perfect.
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