FIRST CLOWN Why, there thou say'st25: and the more pity that great folk should have countenance26 in this world to drown or hang themselves, more than their even Christian27. Come, my spade. There is no ancient gentlemen but gardeners, ditchers28
and grave-makers: they hold up Adam's profession29.
SECOND CLOWN Was he a gentleman?
FIRST CLOWN He was the first that ever bore arms31.
SECOND CLOWN Why, he had none.
FIRST CLOWN What, art a heathen? How dost thou understand the Scripture? The Scripture says 'Adam digged'. Could he
dig without arms? I'll put another question to thee: if thou
answerest me not to the purpose, confess thyself36--
SECOND CLOWN Go to.
FIRST CLOWN What is he that builds stronger than either the mason, the shipwright, or the carpenter?
SECOND CLOWN The gallows-maker, for that frame outlives a thousand tenants.
FIRST CLOWN I like thy wit well, in good faith: the gallows does42
well; but how does it well? It does well to those that do ill:
now thou dost ill to say the gallows is built stronger than the
church: argal, the gallows may do well to thee. To't again,
come.
SECOND CLOWN Who builds stronger than a mason, a
shipwright, or a carpenter?
FIRST CLOWN Ay, tell me that, and unyoke49.
SECOND CLOWN Marry, now I can tell.
FIRST CLOWN To't.
SECOND CLOWN Mass, I cannot tell.
Hamlet cloaked?
Enter Hamlet and Horatio afar off
FIRST CLOWN Cudgel thy brains no more about it, for your dull ass will not mend54 his pace with beating; and when you are asked this question next, say 'A grave-maker: the houses that he
makes lasts till doomsday.' Go, get thee to Yaughan56: fetch me a stoup57 of liquor.
[Exit Second Clown]
Sings
In youth, when I did love, did love58, Methought it was very sweet,
To contract-O-the time, for-a-my behove60, O, methought there was nothing meet61.
HAMLET Has this fellow no feeling of his business that he sings at grave-making?
HORATIO Custom hath made it in him a property of easiness64.
HAMLET 'Tis e'en so: the hand of little employment hath the65
daintier sense.
Sings
FIRST CLOWN But age with his stealing steps Hath caught me in his clutch,
And hath shipped me intil69 the land,
Throws up a skull
As if I had never been such70.
HAMLET That skull had a tongue in it and could sing once: how the knave jowls it to th'ground, as if it were Cain72's jaw-bone, that did the first murder. It might be the pate of a politician, which this ass o'er-offices74, one that could circumvent75 God, might it not?
HORATIO It might, my lord.
HAMLET Or of a courtier, which could say 'Good morrow, sweet lord! How dost thou, good lord?' This might be my lord
Such-a-one, that praised my lord Such-a-one's horse when
he meant to beg it, might it not?
HORATIO Ay, my lord.
HAMLET Why, e'en so, and now my lady Worm's, chapless82, and knocked about the mazzard83 with a sexton's spade: here's fine revolution, if we had the trick to see't. Did these bones84
cost no more the breeding, but to play at loggats85 with 'em?
Mine ache to think on't.
Sings
FIRST CLOWN A pickaxe and a spade, a spade,
For and a shrouding sheet88: O, a pit of clay for to be made
Throws up another skull
For such a guest is meet.
HAMLET There's another: why may not that be the skull of a lawyer? Where be his quiddities now, his quillets92, his cases, his tenures, and his tricks? Why does he suffer this rude93
knave now to knock him about the sconce94 with a dirty shovel, and will not tell him of his action of battery95? Hum. This fellow might be in's time a great buyer of land, with his statutes96, his recognizances, his fines, his double vouchers97, his recoveries: is this the fine of his fines98 and the recovery of his recoveries, to have his fine pate full of fine dirt? Will his vouch99ers vouch him no more of his purchases, and double ones too, than the100
length and breadth of a pair of indentures101? The very conveyances of his lands will hardly lie in this box102; and must the inheritor103 himself have no more, ha?
HORATIO Not a jot more, my lord.
HAMLET Is not parchment made of sheepskins?
HORATIO Ay, my lord, and of calf-skins too.
HAMLET They are sheep and calves that seek out assurance in107
that. I will speak to this fellow.-- Whose grave's this, sirrah108?
FIRST CLOWN Mine, sir.
Sings
O, a pit of clay for to be made
For such a guest is meet.
HAMLET I think it be thine, indeed, for thou liest in't.
FIRST CLOWN You lie out on't, sir, and therefore it is not yours. For my part, I do not lie114 in't, and yet it is mine.
HAMLET Thou dost lie in't, to be in't and say 'tis thine: 'tis for the dead, not for the quick116: therefore thou liest.
FIRST CLOWN 'Tis a quick lie, sir: 'twill away again, from me to you.
HAMLET What man dost thou dig it for?
FIRST CLOWN For no man, sir.
HAMLET What woman, then?
FIRST CLOWN For none, neither.
HAMLET Who is to be buried in't?
FIRST CLOWN One that was a woman, sir; but, rest her soul, she's dead.
HAMLET How absolute the knave is! We must speak by the126
card, or equivocation127 will undo us. By the Lord, Horatio, these three years I have taken note of it: the age is grown so
picked129 that the toe of the peasant comes so near the heels of our courtier, he galls his kibe130.-- How long hast thou been a grave-maker?
FIRST CLOWN Of all the days i'th'year, I came to't that day that our last king Hamlet o'ercame Fortinbras.
HAMLET How long is that since?
FIRST CLOWN Cannot you tell that? Every fool can tell that: it was the very day that young Hamlet was born -- he that was
mad and sent into England.
HAMLET Ay, marry, why was he sent into England?
FIRST CLOWN Why, because he was mad: he shall recover his wits there, or if he do not, it's no great matter there.
HAMLET Why?
FIRST CLOWN 'Twill not be seen in him: there the men are as mad as he.
HAMLET How came he mad?
FIRST CLOWN Very strangely, they say.
HAMLET How strangely?
FIRST CLOWN Faith, e'en with losing his wits.
HAMLET Upon what ground148?
FIRST CLOWN Why, here in Denmark: I have been sexton here, man and boy, thirty years.
HAMLET How long will a man lie i'th'earth ere he rot?
FIRST CLOWN I'faith, if he be not rotten before he die -- as we have many pocky corpses now-a-days, that will scarce hold the153
laying in -- he will last you some eight year or nine year: a
tanner155 will last you nine year.
HAMLET Why he more than another?
FIRST CLOWN Why, sir, his hide is so tanned with his trade that he will keep out water a great while, and your water is a sore
decayer of your whoreson dead body. Here's a skull159 now: this skull has lain in the earth three-and-twenty years.
HAMLET Whose was it?
FIRST CLOWN A whoreson mad fellow's it was: whose do you think it was?
HAMLET Nay, I know not.
FIRST CLOWN A165 pestilence on him for a mad rogue! A poured a flagon of Rhenish166 on my head once. This same skull, sir, this same skull, sir, was Yorick's skull, the king's jester.
HAMLET This?
FIRST CLOWN E'en that.
Takes the skull
HAMLET Let me see.--Alas, poor Yorick!
I
knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most
excellent fancy172. He hath borne me on his back a thousand times -- and how abhorred my imagination is! My gorge173
rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not
how oft.-- Where be your gibes now, your gambols, your
songs, your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the
table on a roar? No one now to mock your own jeering?177 Quite chop-fallen178? Now get you to my lady's chamber and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favour179 she must come.
Make her laugh at that.-- Prithee, Horatio, tell me one
thing.
HORATIO What's that, my lord?
HAMLET Dost thou think Alexander183 looked o'this fashion i'th'earth?
HORATIO E'en so.
Places the skull on the ground or throws it down
HAMLET And smelt so? Puh!
HORATIO E'en so, my lord.
HAMLET To what base uses we may return, Horatio! Why may not imagination trace the noble dust of Alexander till
he find it stopping a bung-hole190?
HORATIO 'Twere to consider too curiously191 to consider so.
HAMLET No, faith, not a jot, but to follow him thither with modesty193 enough, and likelihood to lead it, as thus: Alexander died, Alexander was buried, Alexander returneth
into dust; the dust is earth; of earth we make loam195, and why of that loam whereto he was converted might they not stop a
beer-barrel?
Imperial Caesar, dead and turned to clay,
Might stop a hole to keep the wind away.
O, that that earth, which kept the world in awe,
Should patch a wall t'expel the winter's flaw201!
But soft, but soft, aside: here comes the king.
Enter King, Queen, Laertes, [a Priest] and a coffin with Lords Attendant
The queen, the courtiers -- who is that they follow?
And with such maimed204 rites? This doth betoken The corpse they follow did with desperate205 hand Fordo it own life: 'twas of some estate206.
They hide
Couch207 we awhile and mark.
LAERTES What ceremony else?
Aside to Horatio
HAMLET That is Laertes, a very noble youth. Mark.
LAERTES What ceremony else?
PRIEST Her obsequies211 have been as far enlarged As we have warrantise: her death was doubtful212, And but that great command o'ersways213 the order She should in ground unsanctified214 have lodged Till the last trumpet. For215 charitable prayer, Shards216, flints and pebbles should be thrown on her.
Yet here she is allowed her virgin rites,
Her maiden strewments and the bringing home218
Of bell and burial.
LAERTES Must there no more be done?
PRIEST No more be done:
We should profane the service of the dead
To sing sage requiem and such rest223 to her As to peace-parted224 souls.
LAERTES Lay her i'th'earth:
And from her fair and unpolluted flesh
May violets227 spring! I tell thee, churlish priest, A minist'ring angel shall my sister be
When thou liest howling229.
Aside to Horatio
HAMLET What, the fair Ophelia!
Scatters flowers
GERTRUDE Sweets to the sweet. Farewell!
I hoped thou shouldst have been my Hamlet's wife:
I thought thy bride-bed to have decked, sweet maid,
And not t'have strewed thy grave.
LAERTES O, treble woe
Fall ten times treble on that cursed head
Whose wicked deed thy most ingenious sense237
Deprived thee of!-- Hold off the earth awhile,
Till I have caught her once more in mine arms:
Leaps in the grave
Now pile your dust upon the quick240 and dead, Till of this flat a mountain you have made,
To o'ertop old Pelion242 or the skyish head Of blue Olympus.
Comes forward
HAMLET What is he whose grief
Bears such an emphasis245? Whose phrase of sorrow Conjures the wand'ring stars246, and makes them stand
Removes cloak?
Like wonder-wounded hearers? This is I,
Leaps into the grave
Hamlet the Dane.
They fight
LAERTES The devil take thy soul!
HAMLET Thou pray'st not well.
I prithee take thy fingers from my throat,
Sir: though I am not splenitive252 and rash, Yet have I something in me dangerous,
Which let thy wiseness fear: away thy hand!
KING Pluck them asunder.
GERTRUDE Hamlet, Hamlet!
HORATIO Good my lord, be quiet257.
Attendants part them, and they come out of the grave
HAMLET Why I will fight with him upon this theme
Until my eyelids will no longer wag259.
GERTRUDE O my son, what theme?
HAMLET I loved Ophelia: forty thousand brothers
Could not -- with all their quantity of love --
Make up my sum. What wilt thou do for her?
KING O, he is mad, Laertes.
GERTRUDE For love of God, forbear him265.
HAMLET Come, show me what thou'lt do:
Woo't weep? Woo't fight? Woo't fast? Woo't tear267 thyself?
Woo't drink up eisel? Eat a crocodile268?
I'll do't. Dost thou come here to whine?
To outface270 me with leaping in her grave?
Be buried quick with her, and so will I:
And if thou prate of mountains, let them throw
Millions of acres on us, till our ground273, Singeing his pate against the burning zone274, Make Ossa like a wart! Nay, an thou'lt mouth275, I'll rant as well as thou.
KING This is mere277 madness, And thus awhile the fit will work on him:
Anon, as patient as the female dove
When that her golden couplets are disclosed280, His silence will sit drooping.
To Laertes
HAMLET Hear you, sir:
What is the reason that you use283 me thus?
I loved you ever: but it is no matter.
Let Hercules himself do what he may285, The cat will mew and dog will have his day.
Exit
KING I pray you, good Horatio, wait upon him.--
[Exit Horatio]
To Laertes
Strengthen your patience in288 our last night's speech: We'll put the matter to the present push289.--
Good Gertrude, set some watch over your son.--
This grave shall have a living291 monument: An hour of quiet shortly shall we see;
Till then, in patience our proceeding be.
Exeunt
[Act 5 Scene 2]
running scene 17
Enter Hamlet and Horatio
HAMLET So much for this, sir; now let me see the other1: You do remember all the circumstance2?
HORATIO Remember it, my lord?
HAMLET Sir, in my heart there was a kind of fighting That would not let me sleep: methought I lay
Worse than the mutines in the bilboes. Rashly6 --
And praise be rashness for it -- let us know7
Our indiscretion8 sometimes serves us well, When our dear plots do pall9, and that should teach us There's a divinity that shapes our ends,
Rough-hew11 them how we will--
HORATIO That is most certain.
HAMLET Up from my cabin,
My sea-gown scarfed14 about me, in the dark Groped I to find out them15, had my desire, Fingered their packet, and in fine16 withdrew To mine own room again, making so bold --
My fears forgetting manners -- to unseal
Their grand commission, where I found, Horatio --
O, royal knavery! -- an exact command,
Larded with many several21 sorts of reason Importing22 Denmark's health and England's too, With, ho, such bu
gs and goblins in my life23, That on the supervise, no leisure bated24, No, not to stay25 the grinding of the axe, My head should be struck off.
HORATIO Is't possible?
HAMLET Here's the commission: read it at more leisure.
Gives a paper
But wilt thou hear me how I did proceed?
HORATIO I beseech you.
HAMLET Being thus benetted round31 with villainies --
Ere I could make a prologue to my brains32, They had begun the play -- I sat me down,
Devised a new commission, wrote it fair34: I once did hold it, as our statists35 do, A baseness to write fair and laboured much
How to forget that learning, but, sir, now
It did me yeoman's38 service. Wilt thou know The effect39 of what I wrote?
HORATIO Ay, good my lord.
HAMLET An earnest conjuration41 from the king, As England was his faithful tributary42, As love between them as the palm should flourish,
As peace should still her wheaten garland44 wear And stand a comma 'tween their amities45, And many such-like 'As'es of great charge46, That on the view and know of these contents,
Without debatement further, more or less,
He should the bearers put to sudden death,
Not shriving-time50 allowed.
HORATIO How was this sealed?
HAMLET Why, even in that was heaven ordinant52.
I had my father's signet53 in my purse, Which was the model of that Danish seal54: Folded the writ55 up in form of the other, Subscribed it, gave't th'impression56, placed it safely, The changeling57 never known. Now, the next day Was our sea-fight, and what to this was sequent58
Thou know'st already.
HORATIO So Guildenstern and Rosencrantz go to't.
HAMLET Why, man, they did make love to61 this employment: They are not near my conscience; their defeat62
Doth by their own insinuation63 grow.
'Tis dangerous when the baser64 nature comes Between the pass and fell incensed points65
Of mighty opposites66.
HORATIO Why, what a king is this!
HAMLET Does it not, think'st thee, stand me now upon68 --
He that hath killed my king and whored my mother,
Popped in between th'election70 and my hopes, Thrown out his angle for my proper71 life, And with such cozenage72 -- is't not perfect conscience To quit73 him with this arm? And is't not to be damned, To let this canker of our nature come74
In further evil?
HORATIO It must be shortly known to him from England What is the issue77 of the business there.
HAMLET It will be short: the interim is mine, And a man's life's no more than to say 'one'79.
But I am very sorry, good Horatio,
That to Laertes I forgot myself;
For by the image of my cause I see82
The portraiture of his. I'll count his favours.
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