“What can I do for you? I’m pretty busy.” I am a powerful lawyer. I will not be undermined by a tiny, unemployed literature major.
Arin goes on in that cutesy tone that makes me want to ask if her mommy is home. “I’m leaving on my mission trip with the dentists early, and I was hoping you’d be nice to Kevin on Sunday. He’s planning to come to church and he doesn’t get the chance to do it all that often. He’s very shy and uncomfortable in the church environment.”
“Be nice to Kevin, or keep him away from Seth?” Shame on me.
She giggles, like this is funny. “Ashley, you know I don’t mean that. Kevin can do whatever he likes. He’s leaving for some medical technology meeting in Taiwan anyway. But he’ll be there on Sunday before his flight.”
“Kevin is going to Taiwan?” My hands are shaking, but I don’t make mention of my trip. There is one flight to Taiwan on Sunday, which can only mean we’ll both be on it. Just let me have my wistful fantasies for the week. I’m swept away by a rogue handsome young doctor who has abandoned Arin because of her uselessness wrapped in a darling package.
Arin’s still rambling. “There’s a new machine they want to show the young doctors for use in surgery. He’s going over to watch it in production and write a report on it. You know, to see if it’s something Stanford should consider in the future.” Arin sounds highly annoyed, as if saving children from imminent death is in the way of her social plans. Still, there’s a lot to admire about her narcissistic behavior, like the fact that she gets away with it.
“No offense, Arin, but Kevin will be just fine without me. I have a business trip myself, so I don’t know if I’ll make it on Sunday.” The last thing I need to do is be fawning over another man who forgets my name when Arin dashes off her plane, skinnier than ever from eating Costa Rican grubs.
“I understand,” Arin says. “Ashley, I’m sorry if I did anything to upset you. Friends, right?”
I swallow a laugh at her use of such a teeny-bopper phrase. “Right.”
Then, I hear the light click of the phone.
I know why she’s asking me to watch over Kevin. I’m thirty-one. I’m ancient to her, kind of like her mother. I’m beyond the age Arin feels is any kind of threat to her. I can almost hear her call me Ma’am.
Oddly, I don’t blame Arin. She’s assessed the situation and put her resources where they should go. But I do wish she wouldn’t tease. If she wants Seth, take Seth. He’d be a solid, if not boring, husband. Those blue eyes on a child would be worth the sacrifice. Maybe.
If she wants Kevin, she should marry the guy. He’s a gorgeous doctor at Stanford, for crying out loud. But leaving both men dangling for a trip to the rain forest? Now that’s just plain irresponsible. Oh, to be twenty-four again. Doesn’t Arin know another size-two Anaconda could easily coil itself around her relationships, choking the life from them both? Before she knows it, she’s thirty-one and sitting amid the Reasons and her season is long gone.
Like clockwork, the mail guy is here. No, I haven’t done the wild thang this weekend. But he’s learning—he doesn’t ask. Surely, Seth and Kevin can master a thing or two, right? With all the degrees between them.
“Ashley, do you have any mail?” Jim asks like a robot.
“No, Jim. I don’t have any mail. How was your weekend?”
He nods. “It was good. Did a little fishing, drank with my buddies.” He nods his head. “Yeah, it was good. How about you?”
“I’ll have to get back to you on that one. I’m looking for my life’s purpose.”
He shakes his head. “You lawyers think too much. My purpose is easy, fishing and beer. What else is there? You get a little money, you buy beer. You get a bonus, you buy for your friends, too.”
What else is there, indeed? Maybe that’s my purpose, not having a purpose. Looking at the stacks of patents before me, my purpose on earth seems a bit more practical.
11
While most people sit jammed in Silicon Valley traffic, I am a world traveler. I look up at the gray sky and breathe deeply. I have a career that people only dream of having. While my brother drives the same bus route daily, I visit exotic foreign countries.
This is my mantra as I enter the plane for sixteen straight hours of world-class fun. No fresh air, no blondes, and no news-papers without foreign symbols—it’s like being abducted by aliens, experimenting to see what their food does to my system, and then plopping me back into my boring life in Palo Alto with the severest form of jet lag possible. Definitely out of the ordinary.
The highlight of my trip? I will get my choice of an American meal or a Chinese meal. Both of them still airline food: my choice of lunchmeat slapped on a hard roll or generic Top Ramen. I’m not complaining, however, because it’s considered basic training for the week. Boot camp to prepare me for whatever delicacy my Taiwanese counterpart is certain that I will love. Personal Fear Factor, if you will, all for the sake of tech’s future.
“Ashley, is that you?” Kevin’s deep voice breaks my reverie.
“Kevin?”
“It’s going to be a long flight. I heard you might be here. I’ve reserved my seat beside yours.”
“What will Arin think?” I ask innocently. Blinking my eyes as though I have no control over my own destiny. This must be destiny.
“Let her think as she likes,” he growls.
We stop the flow of traffic onto the plane as we kiss passionately amidst a sea of onlookers.
Immediate guilt. Women like me are not the Boyfriend Stealer type. For various reasons: common decency and lack of Arin’s halo effect. I slump into my airline seat ready to face my reality.
My dreams are shattered by a rough entry into the seat beside me. Hopes truly dashed. I’m sitting next to a Taiwanese businessman who has an easy smile, a friendly manner, and a wedding ring. One thing about Taiwanese engineers, they have personalities. Where do the Americans go wrong? And why do I live in the midst of their dysfunction?
As I wait for the rest of the passengers to board, my mind settles into an easy pace. I remember all I’ve neglected to do this week. I forgot to call Seth back, for one. I chalk it up to fate, but what if he was calling me to tell me everything had been a mistake? That he understood what I was trying to tell him that day in the parking lot? It wouldn’t have changed anything, but it would have felt really good. That’s a lie. It would have changed everything.
My week was an unmitigated blur without a lot to show for it accomplishment-wise: fruitless apartment search, endless patent briefs all in process, nothing neat and tidy. But I never thought to call Seth—that’s progress. I did not obsess!
I had more time to pray and less time to worry. The days are definitely looking brighter. Except, of course, for Seth and the fact that I’m double obsessing because I didn’t obsess in the first place. I wish I could just write him off, but heaven help me, I like the guy. He’s clueless but charming just the same. As a way of small protest, I skipped church today, just so I wouldn’t have to keep Arin’s gorgeous boyfriend away from the competition. I also didn’t have to field any Seth questions about Arin. Maybe avoidance is the key.
The pilot’s voice comes on the air. Oh, I hope he’s not a talker. “Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. I’m sorry to say that we’ve had a breach of airline security, and we need you to exit the plane for another thorough search. Please take all of your belongings with you.” Then they repeat the message in another language.
The whole plane is still sitting there, unable to believe the two hours we’ve just endured is not enough security. Eventually, one passenger stands and then exits, and soon we all follow. Out in the airport lobby they have brought special mobile units and we are all asked to put our carryons flat on a table and let them rifle at will. Once we are rechecked, they put us in a separate cordoned-off area and we wait as the plane gets its own thorough search.
Now I’m really praying and lamenting that I missed church. I’m not much of a flyer, and the idea that dogs are
searching my plane for possible terrorist activity is making me a little tense.
My face tightens and I can feel the lines etching deep into the tissue. The indentation between my brows is definitely getting deeper. My mind immediately goes to the possibility of Botox. Am I too young to use it? As I stand here feeling my wrinkle, I notice Kevin Novak finish up at the security table. My heart does a little flip and all my terrorist fears evaporate, knowing God wouldn’t let anything happen to Dr. Novak. He obviously has great work ahead of him. I hate that I’m attracted to him. It’s like being attracted to Matthew McConaughey. Good luck. And do you really want a guy prettier than you? Looking past all that, we have the unyielding knowledge of a girlfriend. Most tacky.
Kevin heads toward me and, if I didn’t know better, I’d swear I watch it in slow motion. Is there music playing? I see his angular face break into a wide grin and he is definitely starring in my own music video. It’s a power ballad. Something by Matchbox 20.
Kevin emits a presence that commands attention and my peripheral vision tells me that all eyes go to him. My own are riveted. His eyes are a deep shade of green, like something in a darkened forest. Mysterious and dramatic all at once. I look away as I realize he’s seen me, and I’m staring as though I’m invisible, but I’m more than obvious. I must consciously take control of my tongue, which might fall out of my mouth and drip drool like a bull mastiff.
I suck in my tummy and wave coquettishly. I am a world traveler. Confident member of the California bar. Just check out the expensive Kenneth Cole briefcase if you don’t believe me. Its soft, supple leather has Success written all over it. If I saw myself from afar, I wouldn’t even know I’d been dumped like last week’s trash for his very own girlfriend.
“Ashley!” He remembers my name. Remain calm, do not jump up and down. But it’s as good as Hugh Jackman himself remembering my name.
“Kevin, hi. I heard you might be on this flight.” I try to avoid the girlish thoughts, like that it’s fate he’s on this flight, that we had to empty the plane and meet, etc. One too many chick flicks in my mind, I tell myself. Business between Taiwan and Silicon Valley is constant, and there’s one plane out of SFO today. Total coincidence, nothing more.
“Let’s hope we’re all on this flight eventually.” He shakes his head, and these sexy lines around his eyes appear. Maybe he’s not as young as I thought. He’s even better this close up, like a Roman sculpture or other priceless work of art. God outdid Himself on Kevin. Right now I’m sure it was just to torture me.
I laugh at his little joke, and it doesn’t sound forced. The angels must be smiling upon me today. I am no longer a member of the band; right now I am head cheerleader.
“Did you get to say goodbye to Arin? I assume she’s off on her rain forest trip.” Ugh. Bringing up the girlfriend is not a great move. It will force his mind to her cute, non-existent waist. I am now Amazon woman once again. But at least I’m an honest, godly Amazon.
Kevin’s face clouds, and I feel hope fester in my stomach like a natural hot spring. “I’m afraid that Arin and I said goodbye permanently before her trip. That day I saw you in the Fountain Creamery, in fact.” Kevin looks around at the people in the waiting area. It gives me a chance to study his face, which is angular yet gentle. I wonder if his heart isn’t too trusting, too sweet to hold up under a woman like Arin. Together they emit far too much charm. It’s better to split up such energy. I think Einstein was working on that theory when he died.
“I’m sorry about you and Arin,” I say, thinking back to my schoolgirl fantasies about their breakup. Did my dark thoughts cause it? This is the part where he tells me he’s done with young airheads, and that this trip to Taiwan together is a sign, but I touch back down to reality quickly. “Arin is a free spirit,” I offer in hopes of lifting his mood.
“A free spirit? That’s a nice way of saying responsibility is not her strong suit.” Kevin crosses his arms. They aren’t brawny by any means, but they aren’t thin and gangly either. He’s got a good solid build on him, but his strong jaw line makes his whole look powerful and athletic. He’s definitely out of my league. I hate that. I also hate that balding engineer Seth is out of my league. Maybe I should be looking in Florida like my brother suggested. Maybe my league is the Sun City Retired Baseball team.
“Arin’s lucky in a way. I wish responsibility wasn’t my only strong suit.” My voice turns wistful. “I admire Arin for her ability to snub what we all think we should do to follow her heart. I wish I could do it just once.” I look at the plane out the window. “I wish I could do it right now.”
And then it dawns on me in all seriousness. I could do it right now. I could bail on this plane flight, spend the week at the beach and find myself an apartment. I start to psyche myself up, my heart is pounding, I’m breaking a sweat thinking about dissing the rules. Kevin is obviously concerned over my quiet roiling thoughts, and he lifts my furrowed face up with his thumb. My stomach bursts with fireworks and I can’t bear to tear my gaze from those evergreen eyes that draw me in like the warmth of a dewy morning in the redwoods. Everything in his expression says he’s going to kiss me. This is too weird. My heart is in my throat. I can feel him getting closer to me, and I feel tingly and fantastic, like I’m having the best spa massage of my life. But Kevin stops just inches from my face and whispers.
“Leaving the airport isn’t like you, Ashley. It’s like Arin.”
I swallow hard. Ouch. “And that’s not a good thing?”
“Not if you’re driven by more than what suits you for the present moment. You seem to want to satisfy a higher purpose than your own immediate desires.”
But currently, I’m only thinking about my immediate desires and how I want this man to kiss me and make me all tingly inside. It’s like the most luscious tiramisu and flourless chocolate cake all rolled into one great emotion. Kevin clears his throat and pulls back ever so slightly, but enough to know my hopes of PDA (public display of affection, not the personal data assistant) have evaporated like a cumulus cloud.
“What business do you have in Taiwan?” he asks.
I straighten my posture and wonder if I have just imagined the last few minutes. I would have bet my life that Dr. Kevin Novak felt something stirring within him. That we shared a moment. But then, I’ve been hanging out with engineers for ten years now. Kevin is probably only recovering from indigestion.
I clear my throat. “I’m serving papers on a company that’s stealing our product patent. But it’s really about negotiation and getting some cash for our patent.” I stop in the middle of my very businesslike tone, and stare out the window again toward the plane. “Kevin, wouldn’t it be great to just leave the airport and not fly to Taiwan?”
Kevin raises his eyebrows. “And do what?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “Tour San Francisco in a loud floral shirt, hop on a ferry and see the galleries in Sausalito, mountain bike in the Marin headlands, wear a Walkman and dance on a cable car, order a Diet Coke at the Top of the Mark.”
“So why don’t you do all those things if you would enjoy them?” Kevin asks me.
I sigh, a loud, troubled sort of sigh. “Because I’m the responsible one. If I suddenly act like my brother, or Arin, the world as we know it will cease to exist.”
“I know what you mean,” Kevin says, his green eyes losing their sparkle. “Let’s do it anyway. Take care of our responsibilities and then play. On Wednesday, I come back from Taiwan. What about you?” His voice is building with excitement, and suddenly I’m swept up in the moment, forgetting I have a horrible ride on an international flight with security issues.
“Thursday at 8:30 a.m.,” I announce.
“Thursday. I’ll meet you at the Top of the Mark at noon for drinks and lunch. It will help you get back on schedule sooner. We’ll take the cable car to the Wharf, hop a ferry, tour the galleries, and save the mountain biking for another day.”
I think about my apartment, or lack thereof, and the wedding
shower, and all the items on my to-do list. But I throw caution to the wind. Heck, I threw out the violet bra, that’s something I accomplished. And a gorgeous young doctor is asking me to step out of my box. It doesn’t get any plainer than this. If I’m ever going to have a season, the time is now.
Please just let me enjoy this moment, God. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Just let me pull myself out of this bog. I clasp my eyes shut, knowing I’m gambling with my feelings here. Kevin is not the kind of man you can casually meet. He is Colin Firth, Hugh Jackman, and Vin Diesel all wrapped into one magnificent package with an M.D. at the end.
“Let’s do it,” I say.
They’ve just announced our flight is ready to board again. Kevin is beside me, and he’s picked up my bag. As he smiles down at me, I feel that spark again. Sixteen hours is suddenly feeling like a brief blip in time. For once, my life is looking up.
12
My heart is still racing as I fasten my seatbelt and ignore the flight attendant’s droning instruction on performing this task. Does anybody truly not understand the concept of a seatbelt? Surely they can’t afford plane fare, can they?
Kevin is now sitting beside me; my first seatmate has traded seats with him. See? They get it in Taiwan. An American engineer would never notice I had a friend. The anxiety I feel over takeoff is drastically diminished by knowing that if I die, I go out in style beside a gorgeous doctor who might have shared a moment with me. Not a bad way to go, right? Besides, he’s a Christian. We could float up together. How romantic is that, like Somewhere in Time for believers. I smile at Kevin, wondering if he can read my thoughts. I’m not exactly the coy type. I’m about as transparent as Saran Wrap.
I grasp Kevin’s hand as the plane climbs into the air. I never did like this part. Kevin’s hands are smooth and masculine with long squared fingers. He has the hands of a surgeon, beautiful and incredibly skilled at the same time. While looking at them, I miss the parting view of San Francisco and its magnificent Golden Gate Bridge.
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