“You’re working for my father!” It was all I could say, and I still couldn’t believe I was saying it. My whole body trembled from the words that shook my core.
Josh tried to take a step forward but I took two steps back. There were so many emotions plastered on his face and I couldn’t decipher any of them through this massive bomb drop.
“Norah. Give me the cell. It’s not what you think.” He sounded like he was trying to calm a wild animal.
I could hear what Josh was saying, but my mind processed it as, “Lie, lie, lie, lie, fucking lie.”
“You’re working for him. Doing jobs.” I was shaking so bad. I was trying to tell my mind to move, to make my legs run, to never look back.
“Norah, stop. You don’t understand.”
Something snapped inside when Josh said that.
“UNDERSTAND! What makes you think I would not understand? I asked you to do one thing for me when you moved to New York. One thing! I asked you specifically not to get mixed up in my Dad’s work, and now I see you don’t care about me at all. Understand Josh - I understand you only care about yourself and getting ahead in the worst possible way. You know what I’ve been through and what I’ve seen. You know if you worked for my Dad, what it would do to me!”
“Nor, it’s not...” He kept trying to make an excuse, but I had seen the texts. Seen the words. It was black and white now. No excuses. They would all be lies. He was a liar. He wasn’t any better than Clint or Samuel.
“You know, the idea of the Lappell hurting you back in Morewell almost killed me, but this...this Josh; you’ve broken my heart.” My voice croaked as I tried desperately not to cry.
“No, wait Norah.” He tried to jump forward, to grab hold of me.
“No you wait!” I threw the cell at his body and he moved to avoid being hit, running across to the other side of the room. I took that as my moment to flee his apartment. I took off out of the bedroom, through the loft, towards the door, running as fast as I could down the hall and to the elevator.
Why am I constantly running towards fucking elevators!
I made it to the elevator before Josh made it out of the apartment. As the elevator doors closed and I managed to clumsily do up a few buttons, I saw Josh running down the hall towards me. His face looked so pained and upset, but I couldn’t trust it. I couldn’t believe anyone anymore.
As I exited the building, I ran out to the street, looking both ways, trying to decide very quickly my next course of action. I looked down at my feet, which again felt like lead. I needed to turn and start running anywhere but where I was. A black car pulled in front of me at the same time I saw Josh about to leave the building. The car windows were tinted black and I knew it must be my Dad’s men, who had been keeping tabs on me. They must have seen me flee the building and knew I needed help. My Dad knew I was at Josh’s place. I looked back at Josh, who was getting closer. My only thought was about getting away from Josh and making an escape, so I jumped into the car, slamming the door behind me.
Chapter 22
Losing Control
~ ~ ~
The car sped off. I tried to catch my breath before turning to thank the driver, who I assumed was my one of my father’s men. I pulled back into my seat as I turned around, suddenly cowering as I realized I was wrong, very wrong.
“I knew it!” Clint’s eyes bore into me as I sat, twisted up in the passenger’s seat. “I knew if I sat outside his apartment long enough, you would come out!”
What the hell did I just jump into? This was not good. I couldn’t speak. I could barely breathe. I had gone from one bad situation to the next. Out of the flames and into the fire.
Clint looked at the oversized business shirt I was wearing. It hung loosely over my jeans and was barely buttoned up. He then looked at my severe case of bed hair and my lips, which I’m sure looked redder than normal and swollen from being with Josh. I knew how it looked and what must be going through Clint’s head. I didn’t have to wonder long about what Clint was thinking, because he had no problem saying it.
“You fucked him didn’t you?”
His accusation cut straight into my heart.
I was too scared to do anything. Clint’s eyes washed over me again, waiting for me to deny it, waiting for me to make up some kind of excuse as to why I looked like this. But I didn’t. “No Norah. No, no, no!” His hands began to furiously hit the steering wheel as he unloaded what looked like rage, pain and sorrow all at once.
This was bad. I had to try and settle him down. I had to be very calm in my approach. I was unsure if I could predict his movements right now, given what he just realized and what I failed to deny. I should have told him that he was wrong, but I think deep down, I wanted to hurt him too.
His head went from the road to me, over and over again, trying to look at me as if what he said wasn’t true. This was the first time I had seen Clint with such a crazy expression on his face, and I wasn’t sure what he was going to do next.
He must have been staking out Josh’s apartment for two days. As I stared at him, I noticed that he hadn’t shaved because he had a three-day hair growth on his face. There were dark black circles under his eyes and his hair was disheveled. The way he gripped the steering wheel told me he was holding in a lot of that crazy emotion from erupting even more. He looked tense, wild-eyed and out of control, and he was driving very fast. I heard the screeching from another car behind us, and I instantly knew my Dad’s men were following us and trying to keep pace. This was not good. If they thought Clint was out to hurt me, this could get very ugly and violent and I wouldn’t be able to stop them.
I should have realized Clint would be out in his car driving. He used it as a way to cope with pressure and stress and emotional pain, but even knowing how skilled he was behind the wheel, I still couldn’t predict if I was safe. He looked like he had nothing to lose and when you have nothing to lose, there is no such thing as going too far. I wasn’t sure what Clint’s plans were right now, but I knew I had to get him to calm down. “Clint, you need to stop the car and let me out.” My voice tried to remain steady as I spoke. Clint’s eyes flashed to mine. They were bloodshot.
“No, Norah. No, this isn’t ending. You forgave me once, you can forgive me again.” I heard the desperation of his plea, and my heart broke from his pain. I didn’t want to see him like this, even if I didn’t want to be with him anymore.
“It’s different this time Clint. I can’t forgive what you did. I won’t ever get over it. The person I’m meant to be with would never do something like that. They would never hire someone with the intention of,” I swallowed, “hurting my friend.”
Clint released the steering wheel, his hands flying up and then back down, hitting the wheel hard.
“I did it to protect me, and you, Norah. I only did what Samuel did to me first.” He was trying to make a case for his actions but nothing would excuse it in my head.
“You are talking about death Clint. Hiring someone to kill my friend. What you chose to do...”
I trailed off. I hadn’t given too much thought as to why Clint chose to do what he did. How could he possibly believe that was the best course of action? How did he think I would act when I found out? Then it hit me. I was never supposed to find out. I would have never been told. It was probably going to be made to look like an accident like so many of those pre-determined deaths were. I looked at Clint again, now fully realizing his capabilities and how far he was willing to go. How he was exactly like the one man who filled me with all the horrific and gruesome images that haunted me to this very day.
He was just like my Dad.
“Stop the car Clint.” I tried to be forceful but my voice sounded weak and frightened. The car following us started to beep its horn, trying to get us to pull over, but Clint only continued to accelerate with even more ferocious speed. This was getting out of control, and the longer Clint continued to drive like this, the greater the threat to his life.
“No, I won’t
stop. I won’t stop until you agree to give me another chance. I don’t care about Hollows.” I saw how red his hands were getting from the blood trying to flow through them as they stayed glued to the wheel. The honking behind us increased and from the view from the car’s side door mirror, I could see my Dad’s men try and pull into the next lane so they could get side by side to Clint’s car.
“Norah, I know you slept with Josh. I know he finally got you into bed. I can tell, I see it,” he paused and looked towards my barely buttoned up business shirt that was Josh’s. “I see him all over you.” His voice cracked, and he blinked hard, trying to stop the tears that were welling in his eyes. “But I don’t care. I don’t care. I still want you. I will always want you, and I know you want me too. We just made mistakes. We can get past this and be together,” he breathed heavily, “forever.”
I didn’t know whether to slap him for the pain he caused me or try and comfort his wounded heart. I was so conflicted with how to treat him. I didn’t want to be with him, but I didn’t want to be cruel either. This was not a time for my anger, but a time for me to be compassionate.
“Clint,” I said, and rested my hand on his shoulder. A whimper escaped his mouth as I showed him a sign of affection, saying his name softly. “What you did was wrong, and what I did, I did for, for...” I couldn’t finish. My time with Josh was just thrown into the same pit as Clint. Josh was in the same arena now. He was working for my Dad, probably doing the same things my Dad did. They were both like him. That reality was going to hit me hard later, but I wasn’t going to let it right now. No, now I had to deal with my very unstable and unpredictable ex-boyfriend, who not only was driving like a mad man, but had my Dad’s men chasing us with the intention of probably taking Clint out.
“Clint you need to pull over. That car that is behind us, is my father’s men. If they find out you are trying to hurt me, they will do everything possible to take you out. You need to stop the car. Please.” My breathing was ragged as my nerves started to unravel. Cars we sped past beeped at us to slow down, and other cars screeched to a standstill as they avoided us. I needed to get my seat belt on and fast. I slid across the seat and frantically reached up and across to pull on my seat belt. Clint looked at me horrified as I buckled myself in.
“You think I’m trying to hurt you? I would never hurt you. You are my everything Norah. You are my wind, my rain, my sunshine and my heaven. You are my future wife, the mother of my children, my one and only.” Clint was again desperately pleading with his heart. “I don’t think you grasp what I would do for you.”
I stupidly muttered under my breath, “Oh I know what you would do to keep me.” I couldn’t help the bitterness that came out about the contract Clint put on Samuel. The fact he didn’t understand how that action would hurt me, filled me with anger I couldn’t control. It only reassured me that my decision was final, that our break-up was final.
Clint heard the way I uttered those words and then jerked his hands so the car swerved hard to one side. I heard more horns blaring as cars missed us. My compassion was now taking a back-seat to my safety.
“STOP THE CAR CLINT!” I yelled at him. He kept driving but turned his head to me, not paying attention to the road.
“What I did, I did for love Norah. I did it for us. I didn’t want anyone else to get in the way.” His eyes were pools of tears, and the moment he blinked at me, they fell to his cheeks. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to punch him. I wanted him to understand this was good-bye. I wanted him to stop the car.
I saw a clear street up ahead with no cars, and knew I had to end this madness. “Clint, I’m truly sorry for what I’m about to do to you right now, but if you want to live, you need to follow my lead and do exactly what I say.”
I took a deep breath and I reached across to his lap, and hit him hard in the groin. He let go of the steering wheel as he moaned and in the same moment, I pulled up the hand brake and took control of the wheel. The car screeched badly and spun a few times before coming to a complete stop. I heard another car pull up next to us and voices run toward Clint’s car. Clint tried to catch his breath, and I tried to get my story together.
“Don’t say anything. Just nod and let me do all the talking,” I said sternly to Clint.
Breathe Norah. Time to put on your game face.
Pounding erupted on the window near my head, which startled me and Clint. As if snapping out of whatever state of mind Clint had been in since he picked me up, he looked at me like a scared little boy. He finally knew he was in a very dangerous situation. I nodded to Clint, who could only nod back at me. This was my time to perform.
I turned to the window where I saw two very large and angry Italian men staring back at me. They were Dino and Robert, two of my Dad’s closest associates. I pressed the button to allow the window to electronically roll down.
“Fuck Lenorah. Are you OK? What did this guy do to you? We are going to beat this fucker within an inch of his...”
I began laughing, very hard and loudly. Everyone stopped and stared at me like I was crazy, even Clint. My Dad’s men backed off the car as I continued to laugh and sound convincing doing it.
“What’s so funny?” Dino snapped, when I finally went from laughing heartily to giggles.
“The look on your faces. Oh guys, I’m sorry I scared you. I convinced Clint to go joy-riding. I thought it would be fun to try and lose you.”
I turned to look at Clint whose mouth was agape. I shifted my eyes so Clint could see that he needed to agree with everything I was saying. I nudged Clint playfully in the shoulder. “Isn’t that right Clint? We were just having fun in your new car. Right?”
I began nodding, my eyes going back and forth, helping Clint to understand what I needed him to do in that moment.
Clint slowly began to nod too. “Uh, uh yeah. Norah kept telling me to go faster and she thought it would be fun to try and lose you guys. It was all her idea.”
I turned back round to Dino and Robert. “That’s right. All my idea. I wanted to do something a bit crazy and fun. C’mon guys, you were young once weren’t you?”
They studied my face and looked at Clint, who remained frozen in his seat, petrified.
“It didn’t look like fun Lenorah. It looked awfully dangerous to us.” They could smell a lie; it’s what they were trained to do, amongst other things.
“Well, that’s my type of fun fellas. I thought you knew me better by now.” I should have won an award. I was becoming pretty good at this ‘lying’ thing.
They both looked at one another, still not convinced. “Well, when your Dad finds out about this...”
I cut in, “He is not going to find out about this, because if he does, I’ll tell him how you almost ran us off the road by assuming the worst.”
They both looked at each other, trying to ascertain whether or not to believe me. “You wouldn’t,” they both said in unison. Dino sighed, “Yeah she would. Alright, alright then. Fine. But you still have to come with us. Your Dad needs to talk to you about something else. It’s pretty important Lenorah. OK.”
I nodded. “OK, guys. Just give me a minute. I just need to say good-bye to Clint first.”
They walked back to their car to wait. I took a deep breath and turned back to Clint. He looked so sad as he watched me. I didn’t know how to start this conversation, how to say a final good-bye. The last time I said good-bye to someone I loved, it was forced. Now I had a moment to try and do it properly, but I was lost for words.
It was Clint who found his voice first. “You are not going to be the girl I’m going to marry are you? You are going to be the girl that got away.” He hung his head low as the realization hit him hard.
I moved closer to him and put my arm around his shoulders. “Clint, you should know that I knew about the ring. I knew you were going to propose.”
“You did?”
“Yes. I found the ring in your sock drawer. I knew, well, I had an idea of when...”
“Would you
have said yes?” His eyes were looking for some kind of hope.
“Clint...” I began.
“If I had never done what I did, would you have said yes?”
Would I have said yes? The question repeated itself in my head. My past with Clint, those feelings and emotions. The love we shared. Those massive highs and lows. I thought about what I knew then and what I knew now. The answer wasn’t clear. I don’t think I’d ever know.
“I’m sorry Clint, I can’t answer that. But this it, this is good-bye.”
He lifted his head and I met him with my gaze.
Blue eyes meeting brown eyes one more time.
“It doesn’t have to be good-bye Norah. My Norah.”
I kissed him on the forehead. My lips tasting his soft skin, my nose inhaling his personal scent, storing it in my memory for when I would remember the times he made me smile and laugh and my heart sing.
“But it is our good-bye Clint.” As I removed my lips from his forehead, I let them find his lips. It was just for a second, but would always remain in my heart as a sweet and tender moment, and part of our good-bye.
Clint kept his eyes closed as I slid back to my seat. I smiled once more at his face, and then got out of the car.
Chapter 23
Deals
~ ~ ~
My father’s men drove me to a building downtown. It wasn’t much to look at from the outside, but I knew the inside was fitted with very modern office fittings. It was one of many buildings my father owned where he conducted meetings and other kinds of business.
“What’s this all about guys?” I said to Dino and Robert, who were sitting silently in the front of the car. My father’s men were always polite and pleasant with me, but today they seemed moody and focused. Something was going on. It felt like it was one of two things. A big deal being made or a big deal gone wrong. I had seen the signs of both those situations too many times to count, but today, I couldn’t pick which one it was, and I needed to be told something about it.
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