Samuel’s nostrils flared and his face crinkled, changing to one of pure anger. “Wait just a God damn minute Len. Did Weston tell you that? I never put a cont…”
I cut him off. “And then you play these games. Sending me gifts to get under Clint’s skin, turning up at the Gala like that, and then my birthday. Sending me that truth card with the contract that Clint signed against you. ON MY BIRTHDAY! Who the fuck does all this? Did you think I would jump into your arms for all that!”
Samuel looked at his fists, his breathing getting faster. He looked side to side and then behind him. He then walked to the wall at the back of the room and punched it, very hard, causing the plaster to crack and his knuckles to get torn up, blood quickly spilling over his hand.
What the fuck is happening? This was crazy! How could Samuel be so angry right now? Why was he acting like this was brand new information?
When he pulled his fist from the wall, and I saw it was covered in blood, I had to admit, I felt sorry for him. Why he felt the need to do that, I don’t know. My anger subsided and I looked at my hurt ex-fiancé with compassion. “You need to wrap that up,” I said, looking at the blood now dripping onto the floor.
Why was I so soft sometimes?
I walked over to him, placing my hand on his shoulder very gently. “Take off your shirt and I’ll wrap it up.” He didn’t move, and I knew I would have to do it for him.
Samuel was still breathing raggedly as he let me lift his shirt up and over his head. My eyes swept over his tanned and muscular physique, reminding me of all the times I had my hands all over him in the most intimate places. But this was no time for reminiscing. This was the time for truth.
I folded up the T-shirt and placed his bloody hand inside it. Samuel winced as I folded the T-shirt over his injury. There was something nice that passed between us then. Our silent touch. So many memories of late night touches in the middle of the night. I knew why I had fallen in love with Samuel. We always felt familiar, like we fit, like we breathed the same, felt the same; like we were each other’s missing puzzle piece. But even if a part of me wanted to go back to him, I couldn’t, I wouldn’t; not after all this.
After I finished tending to his injury, I stepped back from him. He met my eyes, trying hard to see into them and to what was deep inside me, like Samuel always would. “Did Weston tell you that? Did he tell you I put a contract on him first?”
His question threw me off. Why was Samuel asking me this when he already knew the answer?
“Of course he did. He told me he only put a contract on you because you put one on him.”
Samuel looked at me seriously. “He is lying to you Len. I never put a contract on Clint. He made that up.”
I did not expect this. Did Clint lie to me about Samuel? Did he do it so I would be more understanding about what he did? I knew when Samuel lied and right now, I couldn’t hear any lies in his voice, not one hint of a change in tone. Nothing. Why hadn’t I picked up on that earlier? I was now extremely confused. Who was lying to me - Samuel or Clint? I couldn’t pick it.
I searched my heart for what I believed, and what I trusted with my own two eyes. I thought about Clint and his desperation in the car, the way his eyes pleaded and begged for me. Would Clint have really jeopardized our relationship with this contract if he thought he had no other choice?
Then I looked at Samuel. Would he really put a contract on Clint, knowing how I would react? He took a beating for me and put his fist through a wall, all because this was all news to him, and when I asked him, I could tell he wasn’t lying.
Who the hell was lying! Clint or Samuel?
Samuel watched me debate the information in my head. He knew I was conflicted about who to believe.
“Weston lied. I never put a hit on him, and he must have set that birthday thing up to make me look like a terrible person. Probably because he had to come clean with you, and that’s the fucked-up way he chose to do it. I didn’t do any of that. You have to believe me. Yes, I sent you the gifts because I wanted to ruffle some feathers. The bastard had put a hit on me. I wanted to get under his skin. That’s why I turned up the gala too. But I also sent you the gifts and went to the gala because of you. I wanted you to see I can fight for you. I would never do those other things you are accusing me of.”
I turned my head away from Samuel, and he grabbed onto my chin, turning me back to face him, making sure he had my attention. “I stopped everything when this deal started to be put into motion because I knew I wouldn’t have to go behind anyone’s back to see you. When your Dad invited me here and I asked him about you, he told me you weren’t with Weston any more. I assumed Clint came clean with you about what he did to me, and you finally knew what kind of guy he was. I had no idea about anything else. Oh Len, you must be thinking...”
I pushed Samuel’s hand off my chin and shook my head. I know what I saw in Clint’s face when I found out. At the truth and dare party, the way his lips hit mine in such fear, his pleas in the car. No, Samuel was lying. We had spent a long time apart, and by now, he would have become good at it. I had to trust what I saw in Clint and in his words. Clint lost me because of what he did. I believed he would have never done that without the same threat first. My mind was made up.
“You don’t believe me, do you Len?” Samuel was desperately searching my face for something, anything that may have looked like belief, but he found nothing.
I went over and held his free hand with both of mine. My head was where it should be and now, and it was time for me to say good-bye.
“Samuel, you will always hold a place in my heart as my first love, but I don’t love you any more. You are my friend, and that is all you are ever going to be. I could never love someone who acts like my father, putting hits out on people I care about, causing me to hurt like this. I really thought you knew me better, but clearly you don’t. And neither does Clint.”
I moved back but he held me, not accepting this good-bye.
“Len, I’m not lying to you, I’ve never lied to you.”
I wanted to believe him, I really did, but it wasn’t true. He had lied before.
“Really Samuel, you’ve never lied to me? Well, let me ask you this. Did you know who I was when we first met?”
Samuel’s eyes expanded, a sign I knew as shock. He didn’t expect me to ask that.
“Really... Never?” I questioned him.
He looked stunned.
“Fuuuuuuuuck! You knew I knew you? Shit Len, it was one lie. I was going to tell you eventually. It never had anything to do with how I feel. I never lied to you after that, I...” But Samuel saw my disbelief, he saw I no longer trusted him. “It doesn’t matter if Weston lied does it? You don’t believe me now do you?”
I just shook my head at him. “Good-bye Samuel,” I said and I leaned over to him to give him a peck on the cheek as a final farewell, but he turned to capture my mouth with his, dipping me and giving me one more long deep kiss.
When we finished, he lifted me back up. I think he knew I couldn’t forgive him now because I didn’t believe him. I was grateful for that kiss. It felt like he accepted my good-bye and he understood why. I gave Samuel one final look, out of respect for the love we once shared, and left the room, not stopping to look back.
My Dad was milling near a filing cabinet as I came through the door and closed it behind me. He looked me over and then asked, “You done in there?”
I smiled and nodded back. “Yeah Dad. I’m done.” I sighed deeply and walked over to my Dad, throwing my arms around him for a hug. He seemed surprised and flinched before embracing me back. “You knew it would always be Josh didn’t you?” I whispered into his ear.
We stopped hugging and my Dad tried not to look choked up, stepping back and looking serious once again. “I knew you two would eventually figure it out, when you were old enough to do so, of course.” I half laughed at his over-protective side showing again.
“I need to...” I tried to tell him, but it felt odd
opening up to my Dad like this. We loved each other but it was more unspoken love, and not so laid out and open.
“Go,” he said, smiling and shaking his head, “And take the spare cell on my desk. You might need it.” I grabbed the cell and took off out of the room to go and try to recapture my future.
Chapter 25
The Past
~ ~ ~
Dear Josh,
So my Dad is sending me to Morewell. I think he is worried I’m going to try and find Samuel myself, even though I haven’t heard from him in months. I haven’t seen him since that night I told you about, when my Dad busted in on us. It still burns me so bad Josh. Samuel just stood there and did nothing while we were pulled apart. I understand it was because of our safety, and he was worried about what my Dad would do, but he did nothing. And since then, not a word, no contact, nothing! Who does that? Who asks a girl to get married and then doesn’t fight for it? He told me to wait for him, but I don’t even know where he is or what he is doing. It’s been a total blackout and I feel completely fucked-up.
You know, I thought he was perfect for me. He made me smile and laugh and everything we talked about just felt right, but now, I don’t even know if anything we shared was real. Why hasn’t he picked up the phone? A note, a text, something! But no, nothing...just silence. Just this massive engagement ring that will have me forever wondering what could have been. I don’t know if I should feel sad or angry. I don’t know if something has happened to him or if he just gave up. I don’t know anything and I kind of hate him for it. Wait, I don’t hate him...I...I am still so worried and confused.
Maybe Samuel didn’t love me the way I thought he did. A small part of me did see us as Romeo and Juliet and I know that’s a silly notion, but I believed it, and because I believed it, I was devastated when he didn’t fight for us to be together.
Oh Josh.
I wanted him to be ruthless,
I wanted him to be fearless,
I wanted him to take the biggest risk possible for me and be a hero.
I would have run away with him, had he only asked.
But it’s been months and it’s nothing but silence. The guy I want to marry, would have done all that and more, and maybe that is selfish of me to say, but it’s how I feel right now. He could have been under handed and manipulative and I would have forgiven him for it if it meant we could be together. I can admit that to you without judgment.
You know, deep down I really believed if my Dad saw how happy Samuel made me and how much we loved each other, he would eventually accept it. I know my Dad loves me and wants me to be happy, and I really think if push came to shove, he’d let me have Samuel. Am I naive to think that? Do you really think my Dad would have hurt him?
Oh and to top off this crap-tastic time in my life, I’ve lost my favorite charcoal drawing of my mum. I went looking for it the other day. I needed her around me, and I always liked that drawing, but I couldn’t find it. I swear I must be losing my mind if I can’t even remember where I put the things I love the most.
Thank goodness I can pour out all my emotions onto paper and know that you will listen to me. I’m so lucky to have you Josh, you’ve always been different. You always know what to say. I’m happy that we’ll finally be reunited. I’ve missed seeing you every day, and how close we used to be. It will be nice to have your warm comforting arms around me again. It’s the only thing I’m looking forward to when I move.
So tell me more about McLaren University. What are the people like? How is the tequila there? Free flowing I hope. You know I’m destined for a few messy nights when I arrive.
Anyway, I’ll be speaking to you before you get this letter I’m sure.
Thanks so much for letting me vent.
See you soon.
Yours,
Norah.
Chapter 26
Lost
~ ~ ~
When I couldn’t find Josh at his loft, I headed to his place of work, Errol Investment Brokerage that was in a building uptown. I stood at the bottom of the huge skyscraper, wondering what I would say if I found him. How would I even begin to say I’m sorry. Would he really give me another chance? What if he shot me down? The possibilities pounded my brain, causing my hands to shake. I now understood the phrase, ‘you don’t know what you’ve lost until it’s gone,’ because all I felt was emptiness and decay inside from a death like loss that I had from running away from Josh. I had taken my light and pushed it into darkness, all because I didn’t believe in him, all because I didn’t give him a minute to explain.
I deserved this heartache. My poor choices had finally come full circle and I now had to deal with their consequences. I stared up into the sky at the enormous building, getting my courage together, preparing myself to go inside. I then saw a familiar face exiting the building and heading towards me.
And just like that, the Lappell is here to kick me when I’m down.
It almost felt too coincidental to see his face at this moment.
“Miss Rossi, what a pleasure to see you again.” Kyser Harkin came walking up to where I stood. He was the last person I wanted to see. His very presence irritated me and made my skin crawl. I was hoping I could brush him off quickly. I was on a mission to find Josh to spill out my soul in the hope he would give me another chance.
Kyser looked at me staring up at the building. “Are you looking for something?”
“Someone,” I corrected. “Josh. Do you know if he is at work today?” Hopefully I’d get some useful information from this unpleasant meeting. I could hope for at least that.
He watched me as I continued to gaze up at the building, avoiding his eyes.
“He isn’t in the office today. Why are you looking for him?”
Damn he was nosy too. “I just need to speak with him alright. It’s important.” Kyser watched me as I dug into my bag and retrieved a cell. My father had given me a spare one when I left his office, along with Josh’s number, but as much as I tried calling it, he didn’t pick up. I tried to call Josh again in front of the building, but with no luck.
Kyser snickered and then mumbled, “Impressive.”
“What?” I spat at him. Polite Norah was not present today. He was acting smug and I wasn’t about to play nice.
“You must want him pretty bad,” he said as I hit call yet again on my cell. My head swung to face Kyser. The way he said that told me he was trying to mess with my head. He knew something, if not everything about what was going on. A creepy grin formed on his mouth.
I tried to remind myself he had just helped me out, and that maybe I should be less abrasive towards him.
“I suppose I should be thanking you,” I said without a hint of thanks.
“For what?” he questioned.
“Getting that hit called off against Samuel Voltaggio.” I was trying hard to be nice, but the way he was looking at me made it hard to sound sincere.
“Oh, not necessary.”
What did he mean by that?
“What isn’t necessary, calling off that hit?” That’s what he sounded like he was saying, but I wasn’t sure why.
“No, thanking me. Not necessary.” His lips turned up again in a smug smile. He was trying to mess with me and I was letting him. I should have just left, walked off, and gone to find Josh, but I wanted to see if I could fight the fight. There was also a competitive side of me wanting to bust out. I had had enough of all things Lappell.
“Do you like playing games Mr. Harkin?” I asked with clear hostility in my voice. I wanted so badly to smack that stupid grin off his face.
“Only if they are worth playing Ms. Rossi. Although sometimes I think it’s more fun to watch.”
Oh, that was it for me. I decided enough was enough and tried to ignore his presence altogether. Talking to Kyser Harkin was a complete waste of my time, and you can’t play against someone who doesn’t fight fair. He was a player who just loved to use underhanded tactics to win. I looked off down the street, now thinking abo
ut where I should go next to try and find Josh.
“You don’t like me or the Lappell much do you Lenorah?” Kyser was trying to get my attention. I didn’t understand why our conversation was so stimulating.
My eyes squinted at him as he waited for me to respond. “I just don’t like what the Lappell do. I don’t like any of it.”
He raised his eyebrows. “And you know exactly what we do?”
I stared at him blankly, not knowing what to say. I didn’t like the way he spoke to me and the many implications he constantly made, but I couldn’t define an all-rounded Lappell activity that was accurate enough for a correct response. They threw lavish parties and had their hands in many businesses, but I knew they did a lot more than just that. I just couldn’t put the disturbing nature of them into the right words that would accurately describe it.
Kyser saw I couldn’t give him a answer, and took it upon himself to play some more. I felt like I was his favorite toy, a constant source of entertainment for his sick and twisted mind.
“Let me tell you about what the Lappell do.” He stood behind my back. It was a weird feeling of cold intimidation, yet he was trying to be soft as well. He was moving around me, like he was going to draw me in and whisper in my ears. He moved so his mouth was near my shoulder, his body almost hunched over me. I swallowed, unable to move. I was oddly captivated wanting to listen and terrified to run away at the same time.
“The Lappell...” he began, “are the shadows behind you. We are the whispers in your ears... and we are the dreams you have while you are still awake.” His voice was hypnotic, and I stood frozen, hanging on every eerie word. I was sucked in by what he was saying. It was like he was going to give me their deepest darkest secrets, even though he had revealed nothing at all. Was this the allure of the Lappell? He made them sound like spirits who could crawl under your skin and make you do anything they commanded. The way he spoke made me think that they were in every powerful corner of life, and maybe they were?
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