by Anna Antonia
Get it together.
“Thank you for being early, Ms. Winters. Shall we begin?”
“Of course.”
So far, so good.
He was formal all right and got straight to the point. I wouldn’t make the mistake of assuming any familiarity with him unless he gave me leave to do so. I would also definitely not allow myself to acknowledge him as the exquisitely handsome man that he was.
The first would be easy. The second…not so much.
Gavin ushered me into his office and closed the door. It didn’t surprise me that he eschewed the current trend of open walls and had a private space to conduct his business.
The quiet intensity of his demeanor didn’t do well in a barrier-free environment filled with numerous conversations and the endless clacking of hundreds of keys being pressed from the start of business to the end of close.
Gavin’s demeanor wasn’t the only thing that was intense.
His hazel gaze was like a physical thing. It zeroed in on my face as soon as we sat down. I imagined the years of training I had in hiding my genuine emotions was the only thing that kept me from fidgeting or blushing. If I looked in a mirror, I knew I’d look serene and composed as if the growing silence wasn’t uncomfortable.
At least a minute passed.
I didn’t have to look at the neat folders on his desk or the clock on the wall to know that Gavin was a very busy man who truly didn’t have time to interview a candidate for a job, even one as important as his assistant.
So why was he staring at me like that?
Was it because he knew who I really was? Or were we testing each other at that very moment? I mentally scrambled to see if I was taking the wrong tact when Gavin finally spoke.
“Normally we would’ve used our temp agency, but plans changed.”
This was feeling more like fate. I’d only learned of it by accident in the ladies room at my old company. I overheard the HR Assistant Director fielding a call from one of her presumed contacts. I took a chance and dove right for it.
“You’re very qualified for this job, Ms. Winters. Perhaps overqualified. Tell me why you left your last position for a temporary one, especially one you haven’t even secured.”
I left my front-end development position because I got bored of pixel-perfect coding for the latest next-big-thing that was just yet another iteration of what I coded for another company last week. I was going to flip my desk if I had to do it one more time.
I’ve more than enough money to float me so I was leaving that job anyways, regardless of what happens here.
More importantly, I wanted to satisfy my curiosity about the big brother I could’ve had if Patrick and Melissa weren’t such an unstable, self-absorbed pair.
I couldn’t very well tell the truth, could I?
“I needed to push my limits, Mr. Hawthorne. Leaving my position was a decision I made independently of Axis 3. That being said, I believe Axis 3 is the perfect place to push and test myself.”
“In four weeks?”
“Yes.”
“And what will you do afterwards?”
Although Gavin’s voice remained as soft as ever, I could hear the subtle shift in pitch. He was impressing upon me that nothing I could do would alter his loyalty to his current PA. I just found another thing to admire about this remarkable man.
“Take what I learn here and apply it at my next position.”
“In programming?”
“Perhaps. I’d prefer to shift over to this side of the business.”
“Why?”
I answered him and then he asked me another question. This went on for a significant number of minutes. I could tell Gavin weighed all of my answers, pressing deeper on those that interested him most.
Soon I realized he didn’t doubt my capabilities or even my reasoning for taking what might be seen as a step down, but rather he seemed to be probing for clues behind my interview face.
I didn’t fight it or try to obfuscate. I let Gavin get as close as he wanted. I was committed to my role and confident it was flawless and could bear scrutiny.
Growing up as I did, I learned to practice hyperawareness in my interactions with others. I quickly saw that people generally wanted to see what they expected. It was the disappointment of failed expectations that caused the majority of ugliness during interactions.
I learned not to disappoint others.
I truly couldn’t remember a time I wasn’t like this. I also couldn’t remember a time in recent history that I so desperately wanted to get it right.
“I don’t have any complaint with a single one of your answers, Ms. Winters. Impressive.”
I beamed on the inside for a split-second. My instincts rarely failed me. Gavin had more to say and it wasn’t going to be quite as complimentary.
Therefore, the other shoe was still going to drop.
I squashed my disappointment. I knew getting hired was a long shot because my work history was programming and design versus administrative, but now that I’d made it this far, I really believed I could make a positive difference here.
“However...”
There it went. Shoe. Ground.
As disappointed as I felt, I couldn’t be disappointed in the short amount of time we’d spent. Gavin confirmed the majority, if not all, the beliefs I’d held about him. I could’ve picked many worse role models and relatively few better.
Coming here was worth it to me.
Gavin paused, observing my expression for something only he knew. I remained placid and waited.
It’s probably better this way.
“However, I’m not an easy man to work for, Ms. Winters. It’s not a question of workload per se. My temperament can be…difficult.”
It was clearly my turn to speak. I didn’t have to calculate what to say next.
“Difficult how, Mr. Hawthorne?”
“I can be moody to put it mildly. I’m the kind of boss that doesn’t follow the conventions of typical behavior. I have no use for small talk. I can spend hours in someone’s company and not have the slightest urge or interest in speaking. It doesn’t mean I’m perturbed with that person. I just don’t have any desire to talk.
“Many people find that...difficult...to deal with. It’s as exhausting for them as it would be for me to overcome their discomfort. I need to know if you see this as a potential problem. Be honest with yourself before you answer.”
Was it going to be a problem?
It sounded entirely too familiar except with the twist of Gavin not being irritated with the other party. My father was the kind of man who demanded constant attention, but could turn on a dime if he deemed it too much or too little. That kind of focus was exhausting.
This? Not even close.
Although I knew my answer within a split-second, I gave it several more seconds to satisfy Gavin’s request. As simple a command it may have been, his words were a command nonetheless.
I’d disobey them only if I didn’t want this job.
“Frankly, Mr. Hawthorne, I can be as quiet as you need me to be. I was a programmer, remember? We’re generally quiet by nature.”
“This is true.”
The corner of his full mouth turned upwards. It was ridiculously charming and kissable. I nearly lost my train of thought. I’d admired Gavin for too many years to admit to and always acknowledged he was handsome beyond compare, but I never seriously considered I’d be this drawn to him.
He was off-limits, wasn’t he?
Why? Besides the obvious of Patrick blowing every gasket possible? Gavin isn’t really your brother. There’s no blood between you. He didn’t grow up with you and you’ve never spoken to him until now. So why would it be wrong again?
I didn’t like the direction of my thoughts, but like the impulse that led me here, I couldn’t quite control the realization that I definitely was more than a little attracted to Gavin Hawthorne.
Shaken but still confident my scandalous thoughts were my own, I con
tinued smoothly, as if I wasn’t dying to know what it would be like to kiss him.
“I believe my job in this position would be for me to be as unobtrusive as possible. I can be as quiet as a mouse or a chattering monkey.”
“A monkey. That is quite the visual.”
Oops. I was supposed to encourage flattering thoughts of my temperament. Dammit! I blamed my inappropriate urges. They were tripping me up and I couldn’t have that.
Focus.
Gavin continued. “Say I’m in a foul mood, which happens weekly by the way, and I’m on the war path. What would you do?”
I wavered. I could give him the appropriate answer to ensure my employment or I could just accept the likelihood that my insane idea was lucky to get this far and just tell him what I’d like to think I’d do.
Being this close to the proverbial apple was an exercise in dysfunction and insanity—two things I made it a point not to practice.
“Are you being rude?”
“I don’t believe so.” He paused and then corrected himself. “Yes. I’ve been told that I glare and snap quite a bit. No profanity though and no personal attacks.”
I nodded and crossed my legs. There was no helping it.
“I would tell you off.”
“Really?” His thick brow went up. Gavin’s hooded gaze sharpened. “You would tell me off? Your boss? The man who you are entrusted with making life smoother? The very same man who signs your paycheck?”
“Absolutely on all counts. I give courtesy and respect to everyone I meet. I demand it in return. If you’re incapable of those two things then there would be no point in forging a professional relationship.”
It sounded good. Unfortunately, it was only half-true.
I was indeed courteous to a fault. I just didn’t always get it back in return and I rarely, if ever, snapped back. So why did I answer him like that?
Was I trying not to get hired?
Maybe. Maybe my feelings weren’t what I expected and I was busy trying to hit the “eject” button.
One thing I was absolutely sure of was I’d just lost my chance at Axis 3.
C’est la vie.
Still, that just didn’t sit well with me. To get this far, to have worked so hard in researching this company, assimilating myself to this role as Paige Winters PA Extraordinaire, and then getting sunk within sight of the ultimate goal?
That just rubbed me raw. Why, oh why, did I answer him like that?
No, it was for the better and you know it.
Besides, how would I be able to keep our personal connection a secret? I wouldn’t, not without lying to him day in and day out. It was for the better.
Right.
“Interesting. I asked the other three candidates the same question. They all answered within a few degrees of each other. You, on the other hand, answered 180 degrees on the spectrum.”
Gavin leveled me with what I’d now call his trademark stare. It scanned me thoroughly. I tried to guess at his thoughts but found myself too flustered. I wished so much that I would’ve answered differently because the longer he assessed me, the longer I wanted to stay under his regard.
What had started as a twist of fate was quickly becoming an imperative need.
I wanted to stay here with him.
I wanted to see him every day.
I wanted to know if it was just me or was Gavin feeling this too?
Why would he feel this for you? He doesn’t even know you! Crazy.
Yet, it felt like Gavin could almost see me.
Not the me encased in her expensive armor, but the me behind the placid mask. The me who liked wearing pajamas all day on the weekends and who was more likely to be found with her nose metaphorically buried in an e-book rather than a bejeweled compact so she could powder her pert little nose.
Things were spinning out of my control. I couldn’t let him or anyone see the real me. That was inviolate and non-negotiable.
I had to fail in order to save myself.
“When can you start, Ms. Winters?”
And just like that I’d won someone over once again. But this time it wasn’t just any someone, but the man I admired most in the world.
My smile was the same as when we first met in the waiting area. Not too wide, not too small.
Inside explosives were detonating in the form of emotional fireworks.
I did it! I won!
Not only was I able to hide my Brookstone identity, but I was going to be able to work with my hero. I’d get to see him again tomorrow and the day after that. I’d get to see him for twenty workdays. Twenty-one if I counted today.
“I can start now.”
Gavin nodded his head as if pleased by my answer.
“How does once you’re done with HR sound?”
“Perfect.”
My new boss stood up and walked around his desk. He extended a hand towards me.
“Welcome to Axis 3. I hope our time together is productive and satisfying. You’ll find me a tough but fair boss. Moody at times, but I’ll try to dial it back. Courtesy and respect will be there in abundance.”
There was nothing flirtatious in his words, but I couldn’t help the pleasure at thinking maybe he’d wanted to impress me a little too? I took his hand and shook it with equal pressure.
There it went again. The delightful electric feeling that had me lightheaded.
Pasting another perfect smile on my face, I said, “If you could just point me in the right direction, I’ll make my way over and be back before you know it.”
Gavin paused. A tiny frown dashed across his face, almost too quickly for me to track, before being followed up by “It’s downstairs. Take the stairs to your left. HR is the fourth door on your right. Maria will be ready for you by the time you get there.”
I wondered what I’d said to cause his frown. I hoped it wasn’t because I’d already committed a faux-pas.
Maybe Gavin wanted to take you down there himself? Maybe it’s not just you who’s feeling this spark?
I turned away from my arrogant thoughts. I didn’t imagine that frown but that didn’t mean it had anything to do with me.
“I’ll come straight back here when I’m finished, Mr. Hawthorne.”
“Until then, Ms. Winters. By the way, if you don’t mind, you can call me Gavin.”
“Of course, Gavin. Please call me Paige.”
“Delighted. Paige.”
I smiled and then turned away. Unable to help myself, I looked back over my shoulder. Gavin was already seated at his desk. His gaze focused on his computer screen, but not for a flicker of a moment.
I exited the room, but I knew what I saw. He’d given as brief a glance as possible, but I saw something wondrous in Gavin’s arresting hazel eyes.
Curiosity. Appreciation. Desire.
My heart thumped faster. A strange euphoria spread through me.
It wasn’t just me.
FOUR
My first days with Gavin were tiring and exhilarating.
The man just didn’t stop. He was in the office by 6:00am and didn’t leave for the day until after 9:00pm. I’d heard from others that they tried to keep up with him, but while Gavin expected everyone to pull their fair share, he didn’t expect or want them to stay much after 6:00pm.
Unless you were a coding monkey. They didn’t leave the office until around midnight but they also didn’t come into work until 3:00pm. I would’ve loved those hours at my last job.
“Go home, Paige. I’ll be fine.”
I heard those words as a challenge.
“I’ll stay here to work on some things if that’s all right with you, Gavin.”
He’d shake his head and then ignore me for the next two hours. I didn’t mind. I was used to occupying myself. I also liked the silence. It soothed me. It was a reminder of the things I didn’t have growing up.
Silence could actually be peaceful and not the calm before a storm.
Gavin didn’t expect me to dance on attendance to his wh
ims and moods. Although habit dictated I be very aware of him, I quickly learned that although he’d described himself as moody, Gavin was extremely thoughtful of how his mood affected others.
Unlike my father.
Patrick Brookstone couldn’t give two flying fucks about how he affected the people around him. In fact, he liked that he did. I didn’t know if it made him feel important or if he just liked to exercise his power over his kingdom of three by the sea, but being in his presence was like being drained by an emotional vampire.
This? This was easy. Being around Gavin was easy. Enlightening even.
As promised, we didn’t talk much. Especially about anything personal. But I picked up on other things.
Gavin didn’t drink coffee. Although he didn’t say anything I was sure he only tolerated the smell of it. Barely.
For another thing, he liked consistency. Gavin’s lunches consisted of chicken salad and lemon-lime soda. No deviation.
There was so much more.
He had a thing for peppermints. He never strolled anywhere. He always walked with purpose and determination. He frowned often, but usually because he was deep in thought. He spoke carefully and seemed to be content with listening first before adding his opinion on any subject.
He was also thoughtful. He ordered lunches and dinners for his people regularly. Even me.
“Get yourself something, Paige.”
“Oh no, Gavin. I’m good.”
“You’ve more than earned it.”
“It’s okay. I’ll pick something up later. Really.”
“Paige.”
Just one word. My name. It was enough to make me bite my cheek so as not to smile like a gawkish schoolgirl.
“All right.”
He wouldn’t say anything. He’d just let a tiny smile lift the corners of his mouth.
He knew everyone’s name. Even on the cleaning crew. Regardless of position, Gavin addressed everyone with the same respect. Very democratic and unlike what I’d seen so far in my life.
Gavin Hawthorne was as unique as I always suspected him to be.
I loved working for him and I loved my work. The position was challenging in a way that was different from programming. It was a hundred little things that cycled in and out of importance. It wasn’t hard in a way I knew, but it was challenging because it required me to constantly be in contact with people.