by Lyn Cote
Through the haze, the Sundays she’d gone to church with Chloe and Nate flooded back clear in her mind. These memories eased her pounding heart, let her draw breath. Chloe had taught her that God was equal to any challenge. And Carly needed help, help no human could give her. Now.
Dear God, don’t let them see us. Hide us from their sight. I’m the navigator. I don’t think I read the map wrong, but I might have. Don’t let my friends suffer because I didn’t get them where we were supposed to go. Dear God, don’t let the Iraqis see or hear us. Dear God, I’m only seventeen. I don’t want to die out here in this desert.
Ivy Manor, December 27, 1990
Sitting on their colonial four-poster, Nate watched his wife pack to leave. She had to go back to New York for a few days, but he’d gotten the week off and was staying at Ivy Manor. They’d decided Chloe shouldn’t be alone after the first Christmas without Kitty. And Michael would enjoy special time alone with his great-grandmother.
But all this was secondary in Nate’s mind. I have to find a way to get through to you, Leigh. If he didn’t, soon the gap between them might widen so far, their marriage could be damaged beyond repair. I can’t let that happen. “Why did your mother go back to Arlington yesterday?”
Leigh was folding her clothing neatly into the dark bag lying open on the Wedding Ring quilt. She didn’t meet his eyes. “I don’t know. Perhaps she had social engagements.”
He never became inured to his wife’s fair beauty, a beauty she never used to manipulate him. His Leigh always came right at him, honest and outspoken. He loved that about her, yet it sometimes drove him crazy. “You mean you think she had a date with Dan?”
Leigh shrugged.
“What’s wrong with your mother dating someone?” he pressed her, watching emotions flit over her expressive face, her large blue eyes troubled. “I’ve been surprised she hasn’t dated before this,” he continued. “Your stepfather’s been gone almost twenty years.”
“If Mom wants to date,” Leigh snapped, “it’s none of my business.”
“You’re exactly right, but you know and I know you don’t mean that. You were icily polite to Dan all day yesterday.” He took a chance. “Did you do that just to get back at your mother for siding with Carly over enlisting?”
Leigh turned away and went to the armoire. She glanced inside as if making sure she hadn’t left anything there. Ignoring his question, she said, “I’ll be back before New Year’s Eve.”
“That’s good of you,” Nate murmured, letting irritation slip into his tone. He couldn’t let her get away with running this conversation. He had something to say, and he was going to say it his way.
“I have to get shots,” she retorted, “and the magazine is still working on my visa application.”
“What happens if it doesn’t come through in time?” He hoped that would happen. So much easier and not his fault.
“It will,” Leigh said with evident confidence and unconcern.
“I’ve been thinking,” he said, ready to broach his real concern. “I want to find a counselor and get some help for us, for our marriage.”
Leigh halted where she stood and turned to gawk at him. “Counseling? I can’t believe you want to go to a counselor. Don’t you want me just to go to one and get fixed?”
“Why do you have so little faith in me?” Nate asked, his patience holding. She looked so exquisite, so proud standing there in the winter light. His hand itched to brush her soft ivory cheek. “Why do you distrust my every word?”
Looking abashed, Leigh went over and sat down on the bed beside him, making the soft mattress dip. “Is that how you see me?”
He let the back of his hand sample the velvet of her cheek then. “Do you think I’m being disingenuous? I’m talking about us. I’m not going to bring up you and your mother or you and Carly. This is about us, just us.”
“How do you think a counselor could help us?” She glanced out the window, chin down. She looked like a lost little girl.
He ran his index finger around her delicate earlobe. “I think we need to come to terms about boundaries. Both of us have demanding careers. That’s good, but it’s not good if they cut into our time together too often.”
“You’re just saying the same old thing.” She looked into his eyes, defiant. “You think my career means more to me than my family.”
“I think that sometimes your actions make it appear that way,” he said very careful to keep his tone even. “But I am very sure that, however much you irritate me, you love me, Michael, and Carly.” He lifted the side of her shoulder-length hair. He ran his fingers through its silk. He never tired of touching it. “It’s just that you get distracted. A part of you is still driven to achieve. Again, that’s good, but it can take over a life and squeeze everything else out.”
She turned away from him, her head bent. “I do love you, Nate. But my career is at that stage where I’m getting to do things that I only dreamed of twenty, even ten years ago. It’s not that I want to be away from you.”
He put a tender hand on her shoulder and she fell silent. “Leigh, we need to do some work on our marriage. We’re a team and team members don’t make decisions—like this trip to Saudi—without discussing it first with the other team member.”
She turned back to him. “I want to do this assignment. And I don’t think you’re going to divorce me over it, are you?” She nailed him with her eyes, but guilt colored her face.
“No, but I think that you’re making a big mistake and that you should have discussed it with me first.” He bent close enough to smell her floral shampoo.
Looking away, Leigh stared at the portrait of Lily Leigh Carlyle, her great-grandmother, dressed as a Gibson girl in the 1890s. Had Lily ever had problems like these? “Why do you have to make so much good sense? It’s irritating.”
He half-grinned. “We’ve gotten in the bad habit of being angry and snapping at each other. I want to break it and do better.” He ran his hand up her arm, trying to remind her of the bonds between them, both physical and emotional. “What about it?”
She sat very still. “Okay. Shall I find a counselor or shall you?” She hazarded a glance at him.
Relief like warm honey flooded him, filling all the jagged cracks etched by their discord. “Why don’t we both look into it and come up with a few to try out? We may not find the one we want to work with right off the bat, and I don’t want to just pick a name out of the phone book.”
“Okay. When I get back from Saudi, we’ll set up some appointments.”
He nodded and braced himself to bring up one more point, one that could blow the lid off everything. “Now, one thing more. Have you thought of how your trip is going to affect Michael?”
“What do you mean?” She stood up, looking perplexed.
“He’s already really scared about his sister being in a war.”
She frowned. “How do you know that?”
“I was home when his teacher called last week. She says that he’s been acting out in school.”
“How?”
“Fighting. Since picking fights wasn’t usual behavior for Michael, she had the school counselor talk to him. The counselor dug out the fact that Michael is very worried about his older sister’s being killed or hurt in this war.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Leigh reached out to him.
Nate took her cold, slender hand. “I was hoping for a moment alone together and the holiday ate up all our time. But the counselor suggested you and I not discuss your going to Saudi in front of Michael. That’s why I’ve kept quiet. I didn’t want Michael to overhear any angry words or sense any more conflict between us.”
Sitting, Leigh said, “I didn’t realize.”
“He loves his sister and his mom, and he doesn’t want anything to happen to them.” Nate stroked her gleaming hair back from her face. “I love his mom.”
Leigh leaned forward and pressed her soft, urgent lips to his. “I love his dad.”
Nat
e drew out the kiss, feeling their long attraction flare to life again and wanting to prolong it, cherish it.
There came a sharp tap on the door. Rose didn’t wait for them to answer. She pushed the door open. “I’m sorry to bother you two, but you got to come. Miss Chloe is bad. I think she needs to go to the hospital.”
“What?” Parting, Nate and Leigh jumped up and followed Rose down the hall.
In the next bedroom, Chloe sat up in bed. Her face was very white. “I’m sorry,” she said and then coughed into a white tissue. “I think I may . . . be coming down with something.”
Leigh hurried to her side. “Did you have your flu shot this fall?”
“Yes, but I feel so weak and my chest hurts.”
“I think she may be getting pneumonia,” Rose interjected. “I’ve seen it start this way. I was coming along the hall and I heard that rattle deep in her throat. I heard that rattle before, and it always means pneumonia.”
Leigh pressed her hand to Chloe’s forehead. “She feels feverish. Let’s call the doctor and see if he can stop by.”
“I’ll do it.” Nate picked up the bedside phone. He watched Leigh stroke her grandmother’s cheek and speak soft words of love. His Leigh did have a full heart of love. She just didn’t always show it.
Saudi Arabia, December 27, 1990
It had been the longest night of Carly’s life—the most miserable, the coldest, the most frightening. She’d never felt more vulnerable. The fear that the tanks would return and find them had woven her stomach into an intricate rosary of knots. Breathing had become difficult. Now she gazed at the first pink of dawn glowing on the horizon and praised God with her whole heart.
The tanks had passed them by in the night. The berm and darkness had hidden them—or maybe it had been the hand of God. This feeling of connecting with God was so new. Maybe only such overwhelming fear drove a person this close to God. The scene of Kitty’s deathbed came up in her mind. Chloe, Minnie, and Kitty had held hands and prayed for God’s forgiveness, thanking him for his grace. Carly swallowed a sob and tried to clear her mind. Thank you, Father. You saved us. Thank you.
“Well, we made it through the night.” Joe voiced her sentiments. He sat beside her on the top of the berm, his knees bent and his elbows resting on them. “Now if we could just figure out where the heck we are, we could get this all over with and head back.”
“I’m sure we are on course,” Carly insisted. The tightness around her heart was still loosening. “If we just go da>, we should be okay.”
“You’re sure, Carly?” Joe asked.
She nodded. “I’m sorry, Joe. I’ve done the best I can with this lousy map.” She waved it at him. “I’m wondering if the Marines moved, or maybe the right coordinates weren’t given in the first place.”
Joe shrugged. “I believe you. You’re sharp and usually right on. We’ll go on a few more miles and hope that the shortwave will start working again. What a Godforsaken place.”
“Yeah, it really makes me want to go home and see green grass and blue rivers again.”
Bowie joined them, standing tall behind Carly. “I know what you mean. I been thinking about fields of ripe corn and the smell of red earth after a hard rain.”
Joe snorted. “Let’s not all start up. I don’t want us all humming ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’ Come on. We’ll eat some MREs and head out. Those Marines have to be somewhere around here.”
All ten gathered around the two trucks, swatting flies away from their “meals ready to eat,” MREs, and drinking lukewarm bottled water. Then they headed out. Carly sat quietly beside Bowie, feeling dirty and wrung out. “I keep wondering if the Marines’ OP moved or something.” If only they could find the Marines this morning, Carly could relax.
And then she saw it—a Humvee draped with netting. “That’s one of ours.” She pointed toward the windshield. “Honk or flash your lights.”
The Humvee headed right for them. Joe stopped his truck and Bowie followed suit. With weapons, everyone climbed out, keeping the trucks between them and the strangers.
The Humvee stopped about ten feet away. “Hey! You the bunch that was supposed to bring us supplies?” Two Marines climbed out and came forward, also armed.
Joe identified their squad and the Marines did the same. Then all of them lowered their weapons.
“What took you guys so long?” one Marine asked.
“This lousy map,” Carly replied and offered it to him. “Look at this and tell me how wrong it is.”
“Hey,” the Marine said, opening his eyes wide, “you got a woman with you.”
Carly chuckled, near weeping over their deliverance. “Glad your faculties are still working.” She waved the map in front of him, blinking away tears. “Where is your OP on here?”
They spread it out on the hood of the Humvee. “Well, from this, I’d say they got you close. But it’s good we came out looking for you. We’re about four miles south of where they told you we were.”
“Did you see any Iraqi tanks last night?” Joe asked.
“Tanks?” The Marine stared at him.
“Yeah,” Carly agreed, “we saw two Iraqi tanks back there.” She pointed to the spot on the map. “Last night just at dark. We think they might have been lost.”
“Did you radio it in?” the Marine asked.
“We tried,” Joe said. “Our shortwaves haven’t worked since yesterday afternoon.”
“Well, come on. Follow us. You can unload our supplies and we’ll try to raise our commander and alert him to tank activity in the area. It’s probably good your radios didn’t work. All messages need to be encoded.”
In a few short miles, Carly’s squad was unloading fresh water, food, and other supplies to the OP, which was occupied by five Marines. Their radio worked, and the Marines reported, in code, the tank sighting and the fact that the resupply trucks had arrived and would head back soon.
Watching the last of the supplies being set on the sand, Carly leaned against the side of the truck, still hollow with relief. She hadn’t led her squad astray.
“Hey, you’re a sight for sore eyes,” one of the Marines said, walking up to her. “We haven’t seen a woman in a few weeks.”
“Oh?” Carly grinned at him cautiously, hoping he wasn’t going to be a jerk.
“Yeah, have you been off base at all?”
“Once. I didn’t really care for it. I had to wear that black getup, and some Arab tried to pick me up and run off with me anyway. And their police came and told us not to cause trouble.”
He shrugged. “They got weird ideas. Where you from?”
“New York City.”
Bowie walked over. “Carly, Joe says come on. We’re heading back now.”
Carly moved to follow Bowie.
“Hey,” the Marine said, stopping her with a hand on her sleeve, “you dating anybody?”
Carly started to reply, but Bowie stopped her. “Yeah, she’s my girl—when we’re off duty.”
“The story of my life,” the Marine said with a shake of his head.
Carly chuckled and waved as she headed for the truck. Bowie’s possessive words had given her a thrill.
Joe and the other guys were waiting for her. “Well, it wasn’t you. It was the map. And now we just have to get back before nightfall.”
Carly suddenly felt lighter than air. “Right! And even Haskell will look good to me.”
All the guys laughed as if she’d really said something witty.
Bowie got in as she slammed her door. “That Marine come on to you?”
She smiled. “No, he just wanted to talk to a female for a few minutes.”
Bowie made a sound of disbelief. “Wanted to do more than talk to you.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean anything, right? You told him the truth.” A smile spread across her face.
Bowie nodded and turned the big truck around, heading them home, or at least to the post they called home. Carly looked out her window and smiled again. T
hanks, God. Just thanks.
Hospital in Croftown
An hour later, Leigh worried and walked beside her grandmother as Chloe’s squeaky gurney was being pushed back to the unevenly lit ER. Chloe’s doctor had told them to take her straight to the ER.
Chloe had just had a chest X-ray. Nate stood when he saw Leigh. The nurse pushed the gurney into the white-curtained area and told them the doctor would join them as soon as the X-ray had been developed and he’d had a chance to view it. Leigh let Nate make the polite responses while she took Chloe’s cool frail hand in hers. “Grandma, don’t worry. You’re going to be fine.”
“I love you, too, sweetheart.” Chloe’s voice was thin and quiet. “But I have been feeling rundown ever since Kitty’s funeral. Losing her has taken its toll on me.”
These words hit Leigh hard. The old saying about deaths coming in threes struck her again. She had not thought of the possibility of her grandmother dying. Chloe was indestructible.
“Even if it is pneumonia,” Nate said reassuringly, “it’s just started and they have good antibiotics now.”
“I think I’ll just rest for a few minutes.” Chloe squeezed Leigh’s hand. “I’m so very tired.” She closed her eyes.
Nate went to Leigh’s side and took her hands in his, silently giving her comfort.
Leigh needed that boost. Michael is worried about my going to Saudi Arabia—is worried about his sister’s safety. Why didn’t that occur to me? Have I really become so self-absorbed?
Right then Leigh was not sure of anything except that Chloe needed to get better, and that she wouldn’t leave until Chloe was home, breathing easy. She looked into Nate’s face. “I’m going to call Dorcas and tell her I won’t be coming to New York. I’ll just have to get the shots I need here and do what I can long-distance.”
“You should call your mother, too,” Nate pointed out.