by April Karber
“She is not a fortune hunter, Darcy!”
“I did not mean to imply that.”
! %(! “Darcy, you worry to much for one man who has so much to his advantage. I trust my feelings and I have yet to find fault in my decisions. I know that if I am fortunate enough to have Jane accept me, I will be making up for those days that I abandoned her for London for the rest of my life.”
“Charles, I am sorry for suggesting that we remove ourselves to London. I am not one to give advice on matters of the heart.” Fearing that this sounded too bitter, he added, “I know you will find all the happiness you deserve, Bingley.”
Elizabeth continued to talk herself out of feeling guilty for enjoying Darcy’s company. As every word of Wickham’s crept into her mind, she found ways of discounting them. After all, Darcy moved in high circles of society, and therefore even minor indiscretions would be well known to society. She knew him to be very close to his sister and very protective of his sister as well, so pursuing a mistress would seem unlikely. That kiss, though perhaps meaningful to both of them at the time, could mean little to either of them at present. It was a moment of…infatuation. But still, she knew that he would not marry her.
She could not easily forget the look of displeasure he wore whenever her family was near. He would never allow himself or his sister to be aligned with such relatives. He was not completely what he was to her at Netherfield, either. Elizabeth could see that he was deeply affected by a matter of great importance and she was happy that she could temporarily distract him. But she knew he was never completely easy in her company, and this made it much easier for her to be around him. As their time in London went pleasantly by, Elizabeth slowly put her worries about Darcy aside.
A few weeks into their visit to London brought news of a disappointing nature. Elizabeth received word that Charlotte Lucas had accepted Mr. Collins and would be wed in a matter of days. If a letter from Charlotte had not been the source of the information, Elizabeth would not have believed it, she still didn’t want to. The end of the letter was particularly upsetting to her and she feared for their friendship.
Lizzy , Charlotte wrote, I know that this news may be a shock to you, but I hope you will come to accept it in time. I know you will disapprove, you yourself turned down the same offer from Mr. Collins, but I can no longer afford to be romantic. I will have a good home, an income, and a family of my own soon, and I desire to add your friendship to the list.
Her hands shook as she finished the letter, wishing it were only a bad dream. How could she maintain a friendship with someone willing to accept that man? Charlotte had known exactly what she would be thinking, and this somehow made her feel worse.
“Lizzy, it cannot be so bad,” soothed Jane. Right then, Mr. Bingley and Darcy were announced for their scheduled call. Jane patted Lizzy on the arm gently and awaited Mr. Bingley’s entrance. Elizabeth was in no mood for conversation, but neither, it seemed, was Mr. Darcy. For once she was very grateful for his intimidating scowl and his dark mood. He sat across from her, content to be distracted by his own thoughts, when he saw Elizabeth’s hands shaking as she gripped tightly to a letter. His worry outweighed his mood, and he took a moment to study her face for answers. She was terribly upset and her eyes, at any moment, could release a flood of tears.
! %)! “Miss Elizabeth, would you care to go for a walk?” Just as soon as he decided to slowly distance himself from her again, he found he could not.
Once they had distanced themselves considerably from Bingley and Jane, Darcy stopped and turned to her.
“May I be of any assistance?” She was surprised by his question, too enveloped in her own thoughts to think he had noticed anything was wrong.
“I have just received some disappointing news from home and I only need time to come to terms with it,” she answered.
“I hope your family is in good health,” he said, not knowing at all what the news could be.
They continued on towards a lonely wooded path in the park.
“Everyone is well, thank you. I am acting childish. I have received very good news, and I am selfish enough to be upset by it. My friend, Charlotte Lucas, is to marry Mr. Collins in a few days time.”
Darcy felt a mixture of emotion at the news. He was very glad that Mr. Collins would no longer be able to harass Elizabeth into matrimony, but he was very sorry that a sensible lady such as Charlotte would have to suffer.
“And you are disappointed at not making the ceremony?” he asked, thinking she wished to go home.
“Oh, no,” she laughed bitterly, “I have not yet considered going home for the wedding, it is that the marriage will take place at all that causes me such angst.”
“You do not approve of the couple? Miss Lucas has made a good match and will live on a comfortable income while Mr. Collins will benefit in having a very intelligent and sensible wife.” He noted the irony in arguing for a marriage of convenience when he had attempted to save Bingley from such a marriage days earlier.
“I wished more for my friend than comfort, Mr. Darcy. I had always sworn that I would only enter into a marriage formed by sincere attachment, which I know to be Jane’s opinion also, and I had always thought that Charlotte would do the same.”
Darcy felt very guilty at the mention of Jane’s opinion. Of course Elizabeth would know her sister’s feelings. So I almost separated true love, he realized.
He cleared his throat, “It is honorable to want more for a friend, Miss Elizabeth, but once they make their decision, is it not a friend’s duty to respect them more for it? Perhaps especially when it so decidedly different from what we would have chosen for them? It is a reminder of the beauty and uniqueness of friendship, that those who are so different, can still be so close.”
Elizabeth was touched by his sentiment and she was even more embarrassed by her feelings.
“Of course, you are right,” she said, and then smiling widely, she continued, “Perhaps I was shaken at the reminder of my upcoming spinsterhood.”
Darcy was shocked at her admission and was relieved to see she was only teasing him, attempting to return herself to her usual good mood.
“And so what will you do now?” He asked, fixing her with a serious expression. She stopped and paid particular attention to an old and knotted tree trunk by her side. They were far into the wooded path and there was no sign of her sister and Mr. Bingley.
“I will go home, ensure that my friendship was not harmed, and live out the rest of my days in spinsterhood, wondering which one of us had chosen the better path, both
! %*! without love.” She leaned against the tree for comfort and stability as the truth of her own words sank in.
Darcy studied his feet silently and then looked up at her. She would not meet his face, but she could guess the depth of his expression. She became aware that they were completely alone. Darcy slowly closed the distance between them and rested his arm on the tree above her head and leaned in towards her. She refused to look up, she was so distracted by the warmth of his body nearly pressed against her that she was afraid of fainting. Her face glowed red and she became aware that her breathing was heavy and audible, but so was his.
When he realized that she would not meet his gaze, he gently tipped her chin up with his hand. His face was inches away from hers and she became lost in his eyes, temporarily replaced by dark pools of passion. Her breath caught when she saw his eyes move from hers down to study her lips. He was completely lost, Darcy realized.
“Have you not found love, Elizabeth?” He could only manage a hoarse whisper. Her lips parted slightly in her effort to answer, but not a word came out. It was then that Darcy closed the remaining inches left between them, and pressed his lips very gently against her slightly open mouth. He stopped the kiss in seconds to view her reaction, and pleased with the expression of desire he saw in her eyes, he moved his hand gently down her chin to caress her soft neck and throat as he began moving his lips more assuredly against hers. Elizabeth was
completely bereft of reasoning. She clung to the tree behind her as Darcy moved his thumb across her jaw line, down her throat, and left to trace small circles across her chest. He moved to kiss her neck but was interrupted when she let out a passionate gasp of surprise at the feeling. This brought him back to his senses and he backed away slowly, leaving her still clinging against the tree. He collected himself, and turned to her.
“I cannot apologize, but I should,” he regretted it as soon as it came out of his mouth. It was what he was feeling, but it did not sound as well as it did in his head.
It was just as well, for Elizabeth seemed not to have heard him. He contemplated his next words when she surprised him by straightening herself, patting down her dress, and walking determinedly back down the path where they had come.
“We must go, Mr. Darcy. My sister will be missing us.”
He had no choice but to chase after her, pleading her to stop.
“Mr. Darcy, please?” she said, after he had taken her hand in his. He did not know what to make of her look or of her determination, but he would have sworn she looked sad.
“Anything you wish, Miss Elizabeth,” he reluctantly let go, and the two were silent the rest of the afternoon.
“I do not understand why he did not take the opportunity to propose!” Elizabeth sought to distract herself from the unnerving events of the day.
“Oh, Lizzy!” Jane blushed furiously.
“How did he use up his valuable time then?”
“We talked about Netherfield, and Charlotte, and his sisters, and…well, to tell you the truth, Lizzy, I was quite expecting him to propose as well. He covered every topic but that of our marriage, so perhaps he was readying himself for it.” Jane giggled and covered her mouth.
! &+! “You know that if I wasn’t so sure of your happiness here, I would not think of leaving you for home.”
“I know, Lizzy. I will miss you terribly, but you must go to Charlotte’s wedding. Do you think you will return to London?”
“I do not think that will be necessary, after Bingley proposes I am sure you will be on your way home after me to help Mama will all of the wedding preparations.”
“Oh, Lizzy, you are terrible!”
Chapter 18 Elizabeth purchased three new novels for the carriage ride home so that she would not allow herself a moment of time to dwell on recent events. Revisiting the kiss, or guessing the reasons for it, would undoubtedly bring her worry and pain.
Upon arriving home, she was happy that her report of Jane and Mr. Bingley’s rekindled acquaintance sent her mother into such wild hysterics that no other details were demanded of her. She attempted to fall back into her normal routine, devoting more time to Charlotte than ever in hopes that it would save their friendship. She was grateful that no one had noticed Mr. Darcy’s partiality for her, for then she would undoubtedly be bothered with many difficult and painful questions. As for her gloomy and reflective tendencies, it could be credited to the approaching loss of her best friend and the absence of her favorite sister.
Two weeks following Charlotte’s wedding and removal to Mr. Collins’ parsonage brought news that Jane would be returning home. There was no announcement of an engagement, but as her letter mentioned that Mr. Bingley was rumored to be returning to Netherfield in the days following, Elizabeth knew that such an announcement would be made after securing Mr. Bennet’s blessing.
To Mrs. Bennet’s great pleasure, Mr. Bingley, Miss Bingley, and Jane all arrived in Bingley’s carriage from London. The Bingley's only stopped in for a short while to see Jane settled at home, and at the urging of Caroline, Bingley left with the promise that he would return the next day, desiring an appointment to speak with Mr. Bennet.
“Oh, Lizzy!” Jane exclaimed once they were left alone. “If I could see you so happy! But of course I should not say, but I see you know already!” The sisters embraced warmly and Jane divulged all that occurred since Lizzy departed London.
“I had almost forgotten, Mr. Darcy wished for me to tell you that he was relieved to know you made it to Charlotte’s wedding. It was so very kind of him to express such a thought, he was not at all like he was when we were first introduced.”
Elizabeth could no longer make out what Jane was saying. Was Darcy happy that I have gone? No. She chased the thoughts away. She would not dwell on the past, nor would she try and make sense of what she could in no way understand. She refocused on Jane.
“And then Darcy himself left only a few days later, claiming a visit with his family, which meant that Miss Bingley accompanied Charl…Mr. Bingley on nearly every visit, which is why this homecoming took us two weeks, you see.” She blushed furiously at this revelation.
“Bravo, Jane! That is the most unforgiving speech I have ever heard from you.”
! &"! “And let us hope that it is the last I have occasion to give such a one, for we are to be her sisters soon.”
When the following day brought Mr. Bingley, Mrs. Bennet had worked herself into such a state that the visit went more smoothly than the girls ever thought possible. The engagement was announced and Mr. Bingley was allowed to leave with little harm to his person as a result of violent congratulations. Within seconds, Jane was claimed for the rest of her engagement in the tasks of wedding planning, and so Elizabeth stole away to write to Charlotte of the news.
The next days brought Elizabeth in frequent company with Mr. Wickham. Though this pleased her initially, she soon found his overfriendly attentions to be unnerving. Where at first she had found his attentions pleasing and flattering, she found his character and consideration lacking in comparison to another certain gentleman of her acquaintance. Being in such frequent company of one who was so familiar with the very gentleman she did not wish to think of was trying, made more so by Wickham’s frequent mentioning of him. Home held no comfort as Jane was either busy with her mother or detained by Mr. Bingley. Therefore, when she received an invitation to visit with Charlotte at her new home for a few weeks, she happily accepted. Wickham’s parting words again caused her anxiety for the coming trip, however, as he recalled the character of Lady Catherine de Bourgh.
“I must warn you, Miss Bennet. Lady Catherine has the usual Darcy charm. I would be hard pressed to say in whose company I am least happy. Her daughter Anne, I fear, has gone the same way. She and Darcy are betrothed, you know. They are destined to unite their two great estates.”
Betrothed! Elizabeth tried to slow the breaking of her heart by convincing herself she only felt anger.
Chapter 19 All the mystery that Mr. Collins’ descriptions of his parsonage, Rosings, Lady Catherine, and Miss Anne, dimmed in Elizabeth’s mind as she departed. Charlotte, she hoped, would raise her spirits.
“When will they be married?” asked Charlotte when they had retired to her private sitting room for tea.
“In two months time, which Mama still fears is not enough to coordinate the best wedding breakfast Meryton has ever seen,” Elizabeth laughed, feeling much revived by the apparent happiness of her friend.
“It’s best it is done as quickly as possible lest something else should stand in the way,” Charlotte mused matter-of-factly.
“I quite agree, it should have taken place months ago in any case. I still do not quite understand what all occurred, but surely Caroline Bingley had a hand in it.” Elizabeth raised one eyebrow to accentuate the accusation.
The following days were spent very pleasantly in Charlotte’s company even when Mr. Collins was around. Charlotte had a way of calming him, Elizabeth found, and was quite puzzled with their relationship, as it seemed to be getting along much better than
! &#! she would have guessed. On the fifth day, they were all invited to dine at Rosings which, she was convinced with a certain amount of effort by Mr. Collins, was one of the greatest honors one could hope for in a lifetime.
At the instruction of her cousin and Charlotte, Elizabeth took great pains with her appearance for that evening. Lady Catherine, Mr. Collins warned, was not
used to the truly humble, and therefore one must apply themselves to appear as good as their station would allow. Leaving the parsonage took more effort than preparing for Rosings as Collins had begun to think that his cousin Elizabeth might appear too well in her choice of dress and hairstyle. At the reminder of his wife that Lady Catherine would be disappointed if they were untimely, they immediately left the house and Collins was forced to worry in silence as they made their way across the park.
Elizabeth’s excitement for her introduction to Lady Catherine grew as they were taken through the over-decorated foyer. Elizabeth was pleased by what she first glimpsed of the parlor where Lady Catherine would be waiting to greet them for it did not disappoint her expectations in the least, appearing as ostentatious as the rest of the house. She shuffled in after her cousin and Charlotte making their respective bows and curtsies, but as her eyes lifted meet those of Mr. Collins’ esteemed patroness, she found herself being presented to four people, one of whom she was familiar with: Darcy. Her cheeks flushed scarlet with embarrassment, which at its height, evolved into a focused and unnerving fit of anger. Darcy was the only one in the room who could identify her reactions and he suddenly panicked. He was quite certain that she had never been this angry before in her life, and it is all directed at me! What would she do? What could I do? He felt utterly hopeless. Perhaps if she had not been so beautiful this evening, he could think straight. As it were, he had never seen her looking so well, nor with so much color in her face. No doubt the wedding planning at home must have forced her out of the house for extra walks around Meryton.
Lady Catherine cut into their musings. “Miss Elizabeth Bennet, I presume. Though I would have not recognized you by how you have been described.” She fixed Collins and Charlotte with a disapproving glare.
“I hope I am not a disappointment to you, Lady Catherine, but I hope that in being different than expected, I will be a more interesting guest.”