by April Karber
“Only fleeting and poorly written letters from which I can only gather that he is very happy,” he stepped closer to her, and she realized the fault in her subject choice, “and what of your sister?” he returned politely.
She needed to return to the parsonage as soon as possible.
“I find her letters much the same, but now I am reminded that I have not opened or responded to her latest one, and so I must return to the parsonage if I hope to have it finished and sent before we are to call at Rosings.”
Darcy looked disappointed but did nothing to stop her. As they made their way towards the parsonage, Elizabeth could only be certain of one thing: she would not be going to Rosings that night.
Chapter 21 That evening, Elizabeth excused herself from the party claiming a headache. She was sad that she would not be seeing the Colonel, but knew keeping Darcy at a distance was the best option. She took a short walk around their garden and rested on a bench opposite the house. She closed her eyes for a few moments but was startled when she heard footsteps approaching her.
“Miss Elizabeth,” breathed a rather haggard Darcy, “are you well?” The concern in his face was obvious and his gentle expression was almost too much for Elizabeth to bear. It was past nightfall and the moonlight cast a most remarkable shine on his eyes.
“Mr. Darcy! Surely you are missed, sir, I had only a slight headache and did not feel up to attending. Please do not worry on my account.”
“I am far too selfish not to worry about you, Miss Elizabeth,” he whispered, sitting down next to her.
“If you are here to escort me to Rosings, I must decline. And I must insist that you return alone immediately.”
! &*! “That is not my errand, Miss Elizabeth. And you must excuse me for coming upon you so suddenly, but I had to see you,” he fixed her with a dark expression and her stomach tensed, “I could not stay away.”
She fought the impulse to run away, but she could not find many reasons for staying still. Her breathing became heavy, her face hot, and she began to fear she would not be conscious for much longer.
“I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer,” suddenly burst from Darcy’s lips, “you must allow me to express how ardently I love you, how I have loved you. It has been so long now I can hardly remember when it first began, but my better judgment has kept me from approaching you. There are matters which should have us separated forever, Elizabeth. Your family, your want of connections, your lack of fortune, these are just some of the obstacles my affections have overcome…” he paused to look off into the distance. As his words sunk in, her awareness sharpened. She was no longer uneasy or lightheaded, she was absolutely infuriated. Surely no one could entertain the offer of becoming his mistress if they were to be slighted, humiliated, and insulted in such a way! At least she was certain that he had never made such an offer before. She thought back with sudden endearment to Mr. Collins’ proposal. At least his demeaning ramble ended with a proposal of marriage and not one of ruin!
“Please do not speak another word of our differences or my imperfections, Mr. Darcy. It is not lending towards your cause. You can have my answer now, as you could have had it months ago before we were ever introduced, I will not become your mistress.” She stood up forcefully and launched herself towards the house.
“What!” he screamed after her in bewilderment. It took him seconds to recover from the shock and follow after her. He grabbed her arm and she turned to him with a look that would melt a candle.
“Do not disparage me or condemn yourself further by touching me, Mr. Darcy.” He dropped his arm to his side but stepped in front of her to block her path. “Miss Elizabeth, what do you think I have asked you?” he demanded, his voice
shaking.
“I did not misunderstand you, Mr. Darcy. You were so carefully lining up before
you all the reasons I am not good enough to be your wife before offering me a place by
your side as your mistress. I have been warned of such a possibility and I should have
taken steps to avoid your company to see that it did not come this far.”
“Mistress? Miss Elizabeth, I was proposing that you become my wife, the
Mistress of Pemberley. Why would you think I would take you as my mistress? Why
would you think you would not be good enough for me? Who the hell warned you that
those were my intentions?” He became more erratic with every word. Elizabeth could not
believe that he intended to make her his wife, but neither could she denounce the fervor
of his expression that indicated that he spoke the truth.
“Wife?” she gasped.
“Yes, Miss Elizabeth. My wife.” He sighed. “Now please tell me the name of the
individual who so easily disparaged my character to you.”
“Mr. Wickham.”
“Wickham!” he spat, running his hands through his hair. “How could you believe
him? Why?” He accused her more than he asked.
! '+! “I might as well inquire why with so little civility you asked me to marry you? What was I to think, even without Mr. Wickham’s advice, when you proposed by first relating all the reasons I should not be your wife?”
“I only meant to illustrate the depth and strength of my feelings by telling you what they had to survive!”
“If your feelings for me were such an encumbrance, then giving this up will be that much easier for you.”
“You are refusing me?”
“I am merely delivering the answer you could expect from such a proposal. I have never been insulted so in my life.”
“I might say the same, seeing how quick you are to think the worst of me at the first word of another.”
“I have said that Wickham’s warning to me was nothing until your actions spoke to its truth.”
“And what do you know of Wickham’s actions, I wonder?” he asked darkly.
“Only that which he has related to me. An account of your disinheriting him is all that I have heard.”
“Perhaps a lengthier history will clear up any trust he has won from you, Miss Bennet. He was, as I’m sure he mentioned, the son of my father’s steward. When my father died, Wickham was left a living at the parsonage, much like the position Mr. Collins has been granted. Soon after my father’s death, however, Wickham announced he had no intention of going into the Church and so demanded the worth of the living in recompense, which he was given and which was gambled away in a matter of months. He had since, and up until last summer, been generously provided for by myself alone until his debts and gambling expenses escalated to the point that it threatened the state of Pemberley. When he was at last cut off, he made one final attempt to secure an allowance from me permanently. He set off after my sister, Georgiana, having a prior acquaintance with her companion. He courted her in secret and finally persuaded her to elope with him. I only just found them in time. Georgiana was fifteen years old. She knew nothing of his indiscretions nor my dealings with him and she was left heartbroken and used, knowing that he had ultimately abandoned the scheme when it was made clear that he would not get any part of her dowry.”
Tears streamed down Elizabeth’s face and she knew Darcy, too, was close to tears.
“That is why you were so weary of Bingley’s attachment to Jane,” she whispered.
“Yes. So you see, while my actions are not always clear and not always considerate, they are a habit of security. As for Wickham’s allusion to me, he no doubt meant to hurt me in one final way, and he has done so. I apologize for having appeared so abysmally that his words were taken to heart, and I apologize for insulting you in the confession of my attachment.”
“I am so sorry,” Elizabeth breathed through her tears, “I had no idea. I could not have known.”
“It is of no consequence any longer.” He bowed and left her in the dark.
Chapter 22
! '"! Elizabeth’s visit did not extend many days past her i
nterview with Mr. Darcy. They were not invited to Rosings again, for which she was very grateful. Jane had hinted that she would be most appreciative of Elizabeth’s opinions for her upcoming wedding, and she happily consented to going home early with the pretense of helping her family.
She was not received at home as she expected to be, however. Her mother insisted on accounting for everything that needed to be done, so as to save her the headache of accomplishing it as she wished the first time and to ensure that she could take all the credit if there was to be any success in it. Jane was pleased to see her, but most of her time was devoted to entertaining Mr. Bingley, who was returned to Netherfield permanently for the remainder of their engagement, having concluded all of his London business.
Jane noticed a great sadness in Elizabeth, but knew that her sister was never ready to share her feelings until she actually did. It was rare for Elizabeth to keep something to herself for so long, however, especially something that upset her so much. Jane could only think that it had been her visit to Charlotte’s that had put a dampening on her usual good spirits. Seeing any woman with Mr. Collins would be upsetting, but especially their childhood friend. Therefore, Jane acted quickly in securing her a place with her Aunt and Uncle Gardiner, who were traveling to see the lakes and returning in the days before the wedding. Aunt Gardiner was sufficiently warned of the status of her niece’s mood, and she was very happy to provide her with some diversion.
When the time came, it was hard for Elizabeth to leave Jane and attempted to argue that her going was to be of no use to anyone.
“Elizabeth, I am the one insisting!” Jane pleaded.
“Oh, very well then. But I will return at a moment’s notice if you need me.” They hugged and Elizabeth was whisked away, hoping that the journey would be just the distraction she needed.
In a matter of days the party neared the little village of Lambton, where Mrs. Gardiner grew up, and Elizabeth realized that she was in the greatest danger of happening upon Mr. Darcy, for situated mere miles from Lambton, was Pemberley.
“Oh, how I’d long to see it again,” her Aunt Gardiner cooed, “what a memory I have of it as a little girl, I wonder if it compares so many years later! Why, it was so grand, I cannot wish anything changed of it. What say you, Elizabeth? Would you mind stopping for a tour of Pemberley?”
“I can think of no objection but that of a certain uneasiness that comes with touring the home of someone with whom you are acquainted. I would feel as if I were trespassing, you see,” she could think of nothing more than trivial reasons to avoid it.
“Come now!” said her uncle, “I thought you barely knew the man.” “That is true…” Elizabeth decided that maintaining with her aunt and uncle that her acquaintance with Mr. Darcy was inconsequential and brief would be the safest route. If they found out differently, her attempts to avoid him would be found very suspicious.
“I doubt he will be at home anyway,” her aunt added, “these great men are never at home.” So it was decided, and so they set off to Pemberley.
! '#! Chapter 23 Elizabeth gasped when she first caught sight of the great home through the great expanse of trees. Darcy had not even been kind enough to his home in his passionate descriptions. But Elizabeth could not blame him, she was quite at a loss to describe the sight herself. All at once, her resolve melted away. She was dreading exiting the coach. How dare she step foot onto these grounds after what had transpired between her and its master? What if he was to see her? What if he were to find out later? She caught nothing of the conversation between her aunt and uncle. When they stopped in the drive, she approached the entrance as if approaching the guillotine.
The tour brought her back to her senses, the house was too wonderful to allow anything else occupy her mind. To her delight, the tour continued outside on a short, but beautiful, path. Elizabeth longed to spend all day exploring the grounds when she was nearly collided with someone around a corner. She gasped, steadied herself, and looked up, only to gasp again. It was the master himself!
She could form no words, and neither, it seemed, could he. The appearance of the housekeeper and the Gardiners stirred his memory, and he bowed.
“Miss Elizabeth, it is always a surprising pleasure to see you,” he looked to the Gardiners, awaiting an introduction.
“How kind of you to say, Mr. Darcy, especially when it is such a surprise. This is my Uncle and Aunt Gardiner.”
He bowed to them pleasantly and looked at his housekeeper.
“Mrs. Reynolds, if you do not mind, I would be honored to escort them the rest of the way.” Mrs. Reynolds bobbed a curtsy in obvious surprise, but said nothing. “Perhaps,” Darcy continued, “we might conclude the tour with some light refreshment?” He looked to the Gardiners when he asked, but his eyes rested on Elizabeth while he waited for an answer.
“Thank you, Mr. Darcy, that is very kind of you, but we are staying very close by in Lambton, so such things are not far away.”
“Might I insist?” he looked to the Gardiners for aid, afraid that Elizabeth would not budge, “Mrs. Reynolds was just chastising me for not entertaining often enough, and my sister, Georgiana would be very disappointed if she were to learn of your presence here without making your acquaintance.”
“Oh, Mr. Darcy!” broke in Mrs. Reynolds, “I would not chastise you!” she said, laughing. Elizabeth was surprised at their comfortable and teasing relationship. “However,” she continued, “had I known the young lady was acquainted with you, I might have suggested such a scheme myself. It would conclude the tour very nicely, I think.” Elizabeth silently congratulated Darcy on such an ally as the Gardiners voiced their agreement.
Mrs. Reynolds and the Gardiners fell into an easy conversation about their past in Lambton and Darcy took her arm politely to escort her ahead of them back towards the house.
“Mr. Darcy, I must apologize, if we would have had any idea we were intruding, if we had known you were here…we would not have come.”
! '$! “Am I so poor at conducting tours, Miss Elizabeth?” slight dimples appeared at the corners of his mouth and she was surprised at his determination to keep things light. “The truth is, Miss Elizabeth, is that if I would have known you were coming, I would have given you the entire tour myself, before which, you would have received an invitation to tea and supper and whatever else I would have had time to think of.”
She blushed furiously but was determined to reply as if it had not affected her, “I’m afraid then, Mr. Darcy, you would have put quite a kink in our travel arrangements. We are bound for the lakes and in a hurry to arrive back in time for Jane’s wedding, you would have quite put us off our schedule.”
“Can I do no right, Miss Elizabeth?” he raised an eyebrow at her and she flushed with guilt. “Still, no matter the length of your visit, I am grateful that I did catch you. I would have been very disappointed had I not.” He gazed at her determinedly but she was not required to make an answer. They had reached the doors by this time, and made their way, as a group, to a very pleasant and sun-filled sitting room. Darcy and Mrs. Reynolds excused themselves to see to the refreshments and locating Georgiana, and so, Elizabeth was left alone with her aunt and uncle.
“Lizzy!” her uncle playfully chastised her, “if Mr. Darcy was only your fleeting acquaintance, I’m interested in meeting someone who you would consider a stranger to you! What are we to make of this?”
“I suppose, I have seen quite a lot of Mr. Darcy, it is just that we were never familiar. I believe it must be the upcoming marriage which has thrown him into such a friendly spirit, Mr. Darcy is one of Bingley’s particular friends.” Elizabeth wanted to continue dispelling any thoughts her aunt and uncle might have concerning their relationship by any means necessary, but she was interrupted with the arrival of Mr. and Miss Darcy. It was obvious that Miss Darcy was nervous about receiving visitors, so Mr. Darcy handled most of the introductions and much of the conversation proceeding. It was humorous, now, for Elizabeth to recall the aloo
f and frowning man she had first met at the Meryton assembly, so different from the one she saw before her. After the small talk was exhausted, Mr. Darcy asked about Aunt Gardiner’s childhood in Lambton, which Elizabeth had to assume he learned from Mrs. Reynolds. She was caught off guard by his attentions towards them and she could see that both her aunt and uncle were very taken in by his manners. Georgiana risked this opportunity to seek conversation with Elizabeth.
“Miss Elizabeth, it gives me great pleasure to make your acquaintance,” her shy smile showed the utmost sincerity in what she said.
“The pleasure is all mine, Miss Darcy. I have heard so many wonderful things about you from your family and friends.”
“Surely they are too kind,” she blushed profusely, “but I have likewise heard a great many wonderful things about you.”
“It seems that we are meant to like each other a great deal then,” Elizabeth observed, “having approached one another so highly recommended.” Darcy turned in surprise to hear his sister laughing so openly and his eyes locked on Elizabeth’s.
“Surely my brother would agree,” responded Georgiana, seeing his attention turned in their direction, “seeing as he’s familiar with both parties in question.”
! '%! There was no doubt that the length of their stay exceeded everyone’s expectations, but that the visit was still shorter than any of the party would have wished. Just as they were saying their goodbyes, Darcy felt desperate to see more of Elizabeth.
“Miss Elizabeth has told me of your plans to see the lakes tomorrow, but if you are not otherwise engaged for supper this evening, Georgiana and I would like to extend an invitation to join us.” He looked embarrassed but hopeful.
“Please do,” chimed in Georgiana, “we could even arrange to have it a bit early just to ensure that you are not put out for an early morning’s departure.”
“Well then, how could we refuse?” said Mr. Gardiner, smiling widely.
The subject of that evening was only broached once during the carriage ride back to Lambton, and Elizabeth had a curious feeling her aunt and uncle were purposefully treading lightly on the subject so as to judge for themselves what to make of their niece and Mr. Darcy.