“Some people may disagree with me, but as far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing wrong with being attracted to who you’re attracted to. Girl or boy, both or neither. People like who they like, and love should never be put in a box.” She separated us and pecked my cheek sweetly. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Riley.”
My eyes burned, but I refused to cry again. It was a silly thing to cry over, but her unconditional acceptance smoothed over years of insecurity and self-loathing like a soothing balm. Bethany knew I was… that maybe I was…
Okay, I wasn’t ready to admit to anything yet. I was still unsure, still searching. But I didn’t feel like I was losing my mind. That was a step in the right direction.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, you silly boy.” We laughed as I mopped at the remaining tears clogging my lashes. Bethany prodded my half-full water bottle in silent command to drink. “Do you want to unwind and watch a movie? Distract you for a bit?”
I slumped into the beanbag couch. “More than anything.”
Within five minutes, we were settled on the beanbag with a blanket over both our laps. The laptop played an animated film about an old man who made his house fly with balloons—I liked it very much—and we gorged ourselves on chips and chocolate candies with the promise of ice cream when Sharon returned.
Every so often, my mind would spin with worries and questions, and when it did, Bethany would remind me to breathe. She told me it was okay to question and not know the answers. I still wasn’t sure about everything we’d talked about, but Bethany encouraged me not to stress. There was no reason to label anything unless I wanted to, she said.
She never pressured me to come to some sort of life-altering decision or expected me to understand all I was feeling. I was allowed to feel however I wanted to feel, according to her, and it was extremely freeing. I’d never been allowed before, but now, I reveled in the liberation.
We watched movies the rest of the afternoon. Sharon arrived in the evening, bearing gifts of pizza and ice cream, and I ate Rocky Road until I was sick. We played cards and drank soda, and at one point, I laughed so hard the fizzy liquid squirted out of my nose. Instead of dying from humiliation, I laughed along with Sharon and Bethany.
By the time I headed back to my room, I was feeling better, but without Bethany’s well-meaning distractions, it was impossible not to think about my angels. I missed them terribly, but their lies still hurt. Taking Bethany’s advice, I allowed myself to feel the hurt and anger. I would want to talk to them again, if they let me. But not yet. I needed to work through my own feelings before I confronted them.
When I wasn’t mourning the loss of my Guardians, my brain stressed over the epiphany of my possible attraction to boys, or at least, certain boys. I was an absolute mess, and though it wasn’t late enough to warrant sleep, I gathered my toiletries to prepare for bed. Mentally and emotionally, I was exhausted and wanted to put this day to rest.
Out of habit, I checked my phone, wincing at the missed calls from Ms. Janet. My feelings about my foster mother were even more jumbled now. I didn’t know what to believe about her theology and punishments. All I knew for certain was I hadn’t liked the ice baths or being locked away in the dark. And I didn’t want to talk to her.
For the first time ever, I didn’t feel an ounce of guilt as I turned my phone off and dropped it into the drawer without calling her back.
I brushed my teeth, then showered. I fought the voice in the back of my head, telling me to turn the water cold, but I lost the battle. As much as I hated the icy water, there was a certain amount of comfort in the punishment. After a day like today, it settled me, even though I hated every second of the stinging spray.
Dressed for bed, I entered my room ten minutes later only to falter at the threshold. Brian lay on his bed, eyes glued to his phone. Obnoxious moaning blared from his phone’s speakers, and his jeans were unbuttoned, an icky bulge forming in his pants.
It took an extra second for me to understand what he was planning to do, but then it clicked. I gagged. This wouldn’t be the first time I’d caught him watching pornography, but it was the first time he was this far along in his self-satisfaction process.
“Fuck!” He dropped his phone and hurriedly buttoned his pants as the woman in the porn film screamed in pleasure. “What the hell, Queerbie? Get the fuck out!”
Normally, I would have obeyed instantly. I would have sat in the hallway until he was done or sought Bethany out as a refuge until it was safe to return. If today hadn’t been the worst, most confusing day of my life, I would have done just that.
But it had been a trying day, and I was out patience.
“I’m going to bed now.” I tucked my shower caddy under my bed, then pointed at his phone. “Can you turn that off, please?”
“How about you fuck off! I’m in the middle of something, and I don’t want you panting after my dick while I do it.” He retrieved his phone and purposefully turned the volume louder.
Wow, the woman was either having the best time of her life, or she was very dedicated to her job as an actress. Either way, it made me nauseous.
“This is my room, too. I’m tired. I’m going to bed,” I bit out, and Brian grinned, clearly overjoyed at my poor temper.
“Jesus, Queerball, what crawled up your ass and died? Did you break up with your boyfriends or something?”
I stiffened, the dig grating on my already frayed nerves. “They’re not my boyfriends. Now, turn that off. I don’t want to hear it.”
“Boo-fucking-hoo. Get out, and you won’t hear it anymore.” He waved his hand at the door. “Some girl was being a cocktease and left me hanging. Now, I need to rub one out.”
I shuddered. Gross.
Gathering my measly courage, I straightened my spine and clenched my trembling hands. “I’m not going anywhere. Please, turn that off.”
“No.” He shoved his phone in my face, the screen full of skin and breasts, and I staggered back.
“Stop!”
Something popped, and Brian yelped, dropping his phone on the ground like he’d been electrocuted. “Shit. What was that?”
He eyed me distrustfully as he rubbed his hand, then he snatched his phone from the carpet. The screen was black, and the revolting moans had finally stopped. As he tried to bring his phone back to life, I clicked off my lamp and pulled back my covers.
“Dude, you just broke my phone!” With a glare in my direction, he smashed his phone against his palm a few times, like violence was the cure for technical problems.
“I didn’t even touch it.”
Tossing his phone on the bed, he shoved my shoulder hard. “You owe me a new phone, you little faggot.”
The insult hit me like a punch in the stomach, and anger bubbled to life in my veins. “Don’t call me that.”
His frustration morphed into entertainment at my indignation. “What would you prefer? Queer? Twink? Fairy?”
The flames roared hotter, turning to an inferno beneath my skin, and I swore I saw red. “Shut up.”
Immune to the raging fireball in my chest, Brian sneered, looming over me in a show of intimidation. “Better watch that mouth, Queerbie. Or it’ll get you into trouble.”
As my fury grew, my fear melted away. He was bigger than me, bulkier, taller. Heck, he could punch my lights out with one hit. Yet the wrath in my bones brought a strange sense of power. In this moment, I didn’t feel weak. Somehow, I knew I could hurt him. I wanted to hurt him.
“Shut up!”
“Make me” —He enunciated his words so I wouldn’t miss a syllable— “cocksucker.”
For the minutest of moments, everything fell silent except for an odd buzzing in my ears. Then, my uncontrollable rage erupted. “Shut up!”
A blinding light flashed through the room, and a powerful shock wave fueled by my wrath exploded from my body. Brian flew back like some unseen force had hit him. He toppled over his bed, his head meeting the drywall with an audible
crack! Then his eyes rolled back into his head, and he slumped onto the mattress in an unconscious heap.
Frozen in shock, I gaped at Brian then my hands. They were glowing. A white mist hovered above my skin, flickering with flashes of red. I was glowing. How was I glowing?
Brian groaned, and relief swamped me. He was still alive! I hadn’t killed him.
As the glow receded, I backed out of the room in a daze. My brain cramped, and I took refuge in the bathroom. I hunched over the sink as my stomach threatened to empty Rocky Road ice cream everywhere. I’d just attacked someone. I hadn’t touched him, hadn’t laid one finger on him, but he’d crumpled like a puppet. I was so going to jail!
Where were my Guardians when I needed them? They would know what happened, wouldn’t they? Because I certainly didn’t.
Like I was a soda bottle shaken too hard, all it took was one twist of the cap for everything to gush out of me. The energy burst was similar to what I witnessed from my angels when they battled the demon on Halloween. Had I somehow borrowed their angel powers? Was that something a ward could do?
It was the only thing that made sense. That, or I’d imagined the whole thing. Maybe I’d hallucinated again. I was due for a psychotic break, after all, especially given the day I’d had. Oh God, I was losing my mind again, wasn’t I?
I splashed my face with cold water, the droplets running off my nose before disappearing down the drain. Half-convinced I’d hallucinated the entire encounter, I rushed back to my room to check on Brian. Except, he wasn’t there. His broken phone lay on his rumpled bed, but he was gone. The room was empty.
Oh God, oh God, oh God. I was losing it. Like, for real, this time!
I couldn’t go back to the hospital. They’d give me antipsychotics again, and they’d numb my brain. They would poke and prod and tell me I was crazy. I didn’t want to go back. I couldn’t go back.
Crawling into my bed, I brought my covers up to my chin and stared at the ceiling. I lay awake for hours, trembling like a leaf, dreading the moment Brian returned to the room. But he never did.
Sometime around midnight, I closed my eyes and burrowed under my blankets to hide from my insanity. But it wasn’t something I could run from. Like a virus, it lived inside me, spreading through my veins, infecting me. It raised its head and sniffed at the air as it woke from a deep sleep. Then it opened its red eyes and smiled.
Chapter Twenty-One
Hands grabbed at me, pulling me from my bed. Foreign fingers shoved a thick wool sock into my mouth, and my eyes flew open. I couldn’t see anything, blinded by dark fabric smelling like Brian’s aftershave. A pillowcase.
At first, I thought I was dreaming, but cold reality sank in quickly. This was real. Panic bloomed inside my chest, and instinct kicked in. I struggled against the painfully tight grips circling my arms and ankles. I screamed into the sock, but only a muffled squeak drifted into the air.
“Come on. Let’s go before we get caught,” someone said as I was manhandled by several people.
They carried me at an angle—the staircase—and a few minutes later, I heard a door open. The cold night air hit my exposed arms, and goose bumps pebbled my skin.
A new voice grunted when my foot connected with a thick shoulder. “He’s a fighter.”
I didn’t recognize the voices until a third said, “Just shut up and get him in the car.”
Brian?
With a heave, they tossed me into what I assumed was the trunk of a car. They yanked my arms behind my back and tied my hands, then my feet. My shoulders screamed in protest to the angle, but my agonized moans went ignored as the trunk slammed above my head.
Whimpering against the makeshift gag, I rolled around in the cramped space, tugging at the bonds on my wrists and ankles. They were too tight; I wasn’t strong enough to break them. Hot tears trickled down my cheeks as the musty sock tickled the back of my throat.
My sensitive gag reflex threatened to engage, but I held it back. If I threw up now, I’d asphyxiate on my own vomit. I panted through my nose as my compromised vision spotted. I couldn’t breathe!
As we drove, I closed my eyes and focused on taking deep breaths. It was difficult to do as my hysteria suffocated me, but I managed to not pass out. I wasn’t in any true danger. This was Brian. He was a bully, but he wasn’t going fatally harm me. He would teach me a lesson, probably beat me up. But he wouldn’t actually kill me.
The trunk smelled like moldy cheese and stale sweat, and I begged them to stop soon. I was going to puke if I stayed here much longer. Thankfully, they didn’t drive far. The brakes squealed as the car lurched to a stop, and I moaned as my shoulder slammed into something hard.
Positioning myself as best I could in the dark, I curled up my legs in preparation as car doors thudded closed. I waited, listening to the muted voices. I couldn’t discern their words, but their volume grew as they approached the trunk.
The lid clicked open, and I thrust my feet out with all my strength. I connected with a body, and they oomphed from the impact. A fist smashed into my stomach, and I shrieked into the gag. Pain crackled through my torso, and my stomach heaved. I swallowed bile.
Don’t throw up!
As they hauled me out of the trunk, I flailed valiantly, but it wasn’t enough. I’d never been a violent person, but like everyone else, I possessed a healthy survival instinct. I used it now, fighting against three assailants as best I could with my limbs bound.
“This kid weighs a hundred pounds sopping wet. How did he punch you out?” the guy holding my feet asked.
“He got the drop on me, all right?” Brian puffed as he tried to control my wriggling body. “Now, shut up. We’re gonna teach him a lesson he won’t forget.”
“Dude, he’s like a midget.” The third buffoon sounded unsure. “We can’t beat the shit out of some kid.”
“Brian, please!” My plea was nothing but a garbled cry.
They lost their grip on me, and I fell. I hit the ground hard, jarring my bones loose. My nose filled with the scent of earth and decaying leaves. Sticks and rocks poked into my spine as I rolled over in an attempt to loosen the tangled knots around my wrists. Unfortunately, I merely tightened the knots more.
“He’s not some kid. He’s a freak!”
“Dude, let’s just go. If we fuck him up too much and he goes to the cops—”
“He won’t go to the cops. Right, Queerbie?” Brian nudged the back of my head too hard with his foot. When I only sobbed in reply, he chuckled. “See? Now, help me strip him.”
My blood turned to ice in my veins as an argument broke out above me. Strip me? Were they… No, they wouldn’t!
Terror overrode every emotion as hands tugged my pajama pants down my legs—the same way my foster brother tried to do years ago. Transported back in time, I was five years old again, clutching my teddy bear as the older boy yanked on my dinosaur jammies.
“We’ll just touch,” he’d said. “It’ll be our secret.”
“No!”
With renewed vigor, I fought tooth and nail against the fingers tearing my clothes from my body. My foster brother never touched me—Gideon made sure of that—and I wouldn’t let Brian touch me, either. It was my last shred of innocence remaining, and I clung to it desperately.
“Is your roommate epileptic? He’s having a fucking seizure!”
Shaking on the ground in nothing but my boxer briefs, I curled into a ball and wept. They’d freed my hands and feet when removing my clothes, but I hardly noticed. I just wanted them to leave me alone. I didn’t want them to touch me.
“Brian, man, I think that’s enough. You wanted to scare him, and he’s scared. Let’s just go.”
There was a sound of a scuffle, and then leaves crunched underfoot as Brian mumbled obscenities under his breath. Brian pulled the pillowcase tight over my nose, smothering me as he hissed in my ear. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re playing at, you little freak, but if you come at me again, I will fuck you up.” He released me, and I
flopped on the ground like a rag doll.
Sticks snapped and brush crinkled, and then silence descended.
With trembling fingers, I slipped the pillowcase from my head and removed the sock from my mouth. I gulped in air and tried to orient myself, but I had no idea where I was. Trees surrounded me, their leafy canopy blotting out of the moonlight. It was dark and cold. And I was alone.
“Brian?” I called into the night but received no reply. “Brian, I’m sorry. Please, don’t leave me here.”
But he already had.
The trees towered over me, their shadows long and ominous. Little paws scurried through brush, and an owl hooted above my head. As the temperature continued to drop, I quivered from cold and fear. Hugging my knees to my chest, I bit my quivering lip until I tasted blood.
I was alone and naked in the middle of the woods. No one knew I was here, not even my guardian angels. I told them to leave me alone, and they had.
“Gideon? Jai? Noel?” I cried into the night. “Help me!”
Once again, I received no answer.
Okay, Riley, think!
We hadn’t driven long, and they hadn’t carried me very far into the woods. I couldn’t be too far from civilization. In fact, I could hear the distant rumble of cars driving over asphalt. I smelled earth and wild things, but the faintest whiff of fried food drifted on the breeze. Fast food, maybe?
Brian wanted to scare me, not kill me. It was cruel, taking my clothes and abandoning me in the woods. But it wasn’t like I was lost in the barren wilderness. I could find my way back. There was no other option, really. It was up to me to get myself out of this mess. I could do this.
With renewed resolve, I climbed to my feet and wiped my face, streaking mud across my cheeks in the process. Dirt and debris clung to my butt and legs, and my palms bore scratches from the rocks on the ground. But overall, I was unharmed. I would focus on the positive.
I started my trek home, following the light sound of traffic. The ever-present darkness was disorienting, and the creak of trees and scurrying of animals heightened the fear licking at my brain stem. But I pushed onward. The forest couldn’t last forever. I prayed I was going in the right direction.
Revelations: Fire & Brimstone Scroll 1 Page 23