by Melanie Ting
“Tell me about the colours in it,” Leo said.
“Well, there’s a lot of black and white in his room, which you can see. And some turquoise and blue, here and here. But through the window you can still see the magnolia tree we planted when we moved in. I took a little artistic liberty and put it into bloom. It’s full of pretty pink petals.”
I looked down at the muscular chest I knew was under Leo’s dress shirt. “That colour on the edge is exactly the same colour as your tie.”
Leo started. “Wait. My tie is pink?”
I stared at him. “Yes, of course. You didn’t know?”
“That bastard Luczak. Last road trip, I spilled something on my tie at dinner and had to buy a new one before the game. He came along to help. Any colour but pink, I told him. I am so gonna get him back for this.”
I threw my head back and hooted. “I never thought of all the ways I can torture you because you’re colour blind. Do suits come in pink?”
He chuckled. “You wouldn’t do that to me. You’re too nice. Besides, I have so many ways to get you back.”
“Maybe that’s exactly what I want,” I retorted. Thinking about all the things we’d done in bed was making me feel even hotter inside.
“Stop teasing me,” Leo growled and looked at his watch. “Merde. I better get going now. Okay, I want to buy this painting.” He motioned towards the landscape with the ocean.
“You like that one?” My voice cracked a little. It was a thrill to me that he had chosen one himself.
“Yeah. I like it. It looks like Vancouver to me.”
“But where will you put it?” I wondered. Because there wasn’t really space for a big painting at his place.
“I have a new office. There are no windows so this will be like my window. I enjoy looking at nature.”
Again he had moved me so much. Apparently the way to my heart was through my art.
He looked at his watch. “Okay, do you think you can put a red dot on it for me? And I’ll come by your place later?”
I nodded. It was agonizing to not be able to finish this particular conversation, but we both had important things to do.
“I’ll see you after the game. Good luck.”
38
Jackie Blooms
Jackie
“Your paintings look wonderful,” my mother said. My whole family had shown up to the opening, driving all the way from Chilliwack just to be here.
My brother nodded vigorously. “No offence, Jackie, but I like these ones a lot better than your flower stuff.”
I laughed. At one time that remark would have hurt, but my new work was better. The painting had emotion because I had managed to convey my feelings about leaving the places I’d loved—no, actually, the life I’d loved but had to leave. Yet, the paintings weren’t unhappy, because there was a new life ahead of me. Maybe it wasn’t the life I’d imagined, but in many ways it was better. It was a life that I was in control of.
Darlene pulled me aside. “Jackie, this is one of the best openings we’ve had. People are very excited about the work. We sold that painting before the opening, another one to someone who was here for dinner, and there’s a hold for one couple who need to measure their living room wall first. Congratulations!”
I blinked in astonishment. “Strangers are buying my paintings?”
“Yes, I think so. They didn’t say they knew you.” She gave me a sly smile. “Other than the handsome gentleman you were with this afternoon.”
A flush came over my cheeks. “Well, selling anything is a huge thrill for me.”
Darlene looked over my shoulder. “Oh, there’s someone here from an arts website who wants to take a photo of you with one of your paintings.”
Glad that I had glammed up for the event, I posed in front of the ocean side painting that Leo had purchased. At precisely that moment, Brent walked in with the kids. He was shocked, probably because I looked like a celebrity.
“Mom, this is so cool,” Tristan said. “And the painting of my room got sold. Man, you’re making so much money.”
I laughed and hugged him. It was a lot of money to someone on an allowance. But if you took away the cost of the art supplies and divided the number of hours it took me to make the painting, it was less than minimum wage. Still, as Sharon would say, it was better than sweet fuck all.
Hannah gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Looks pretty sweet, Mom,”
“Thank you.”
“I’m very proud of you,” she declared in a role reversal. Then we both laughed. Brent had finished his walk around the room, and he added, “It looks great. Good for you. And I notice there are a few red dots too.”
“Thank you, Brent. Thanks for bringing the kids.”
“Margaret had to work late, but I would have come anyway,” he declared. “It’s nice to see the old place.”
It never occurred to me that Brent would miss our home, because he was the one who left. But there was no denying that we had had some good times there. The fun of doing the first painting and renovations before we moved in. When we brought Tristan home from the hospital and Brent’s parents held a little surprise celebration with Hannah. The big party we had for Brent’s fortieth. In fact, he probably had more good memories than I did, since I’d spent so many miserable nights there once he’d left.
I’d never fully understand why Brent had left us, but now there was enough distance that it didn’t matter anymore. I had moved on and had accomplishments of my own.
“How’s your home renovation business with Sharon going?” Brent asked.
“Good. We’ve found a property. We’re putting an offer in and if they accept our price, we’re in business.”
“I’m helping with the demo,” Hannah announced.
Brent looked alarmed. But everyone would have the proper safety equipment on since Sharon ran a tight ship.
“I hope you’re not taking a big chance here. What if the real estate market goes down?”
“If the market goes down significantly, the kids and I will move in there from our rental. Don’t worry, we’ve thought of all the possibilities.”
“You’ve changed so much, Jacks.” He motioned around the room. “This art show, your own business—to be honest, I didn’t think you had it in you.”
That was half compliment, half insult, but I went with the positive. “Thank you. Maybe I let you take care of things for too long. Now I have to look after myself.” I grinned. “And I like that.”
Brent smiled back at me. Maybe it was my new confidence or the passage of time, but he respected me more now. And it certainly helped that I didn’t yearn for his approval or attention anymore. I’d always care about him, but Brent was in my rear-view mirror now.
“Fuckity, fuck, fuck,” declared Sharon as she barged in and hugged me. “I could not get off the site at a decent hour today. I was afraid I was going to miss the whole opening. Your work looks fantastic in here. How’s it going?”
“It’s going great! I’ve sold three paintings.” Brent had slipped away, so I went on tiptoe and whispered in her ear. “Leo was here. He bought a painting, and he’s coming to see me tonight.”
Sharon’s eyes narrowed. “That fuckwad? Why are you so excited? You’re not going to let him waltz back in, are you?”
“He apologized,” I said. “And nothing’s happened yet. We’re going to talk tonight.”
Her expression took skeptical to new heights. Or depths. “Jackie, dial it back a notch. He was a huge jerk, and you are way too trusting.”
“Leo never lied to me,” I protested. “And I forgot to tell you, he came to Tristan’s hockey game a couple of weeks ago.”
“Which was around the time you broke up with Sid. It’s all making sense now.”
“You know, as my best friend and potential business partner, you’re going to have to be less effing protective. Let me make my own decisions when it comes to men.”
Sharon broke into a wide grin. “I’m going to have you swear
ing like me in no time. We will be a great partnership. And I’ll admit that I did like Leo—before he broke up with you.”
“I broke up with him,” I reminded her. She rolled her eyes at that, because yes, I had acted like a typical dumpee at the time.
“Okay, Jackie. Do what you want with the coach from hell. And I promise to be nice to whoever your boy-toy of the week is.”
“Boy-toy? He’s not that much younger than me,” I protested.
“You know, there will be some hot guys on our worksite,” Sharon said. “Maybe you can find a teenager there.”
“Oh stop it. Let’s get you a drink. Then we can walk around and admire my red dots.”
39
The Neutral Zone
Jackie
I went home feeling fantastic. Of course, the whole time I’d been aware that Leo was going to come over afterwards, but so many amazing things happened that I had no time to worry or wonder.
Brent had taken the kids home, but they were still awake when I got home. I stopped by both their rooms to kiss them good night. Tristan gave me a big hug and suggested that we all go out for a celebration dinner on the weekend.
“That’s a great idea,” I told him. “You can choose the restaurant.”
“We could do this whenever you sell a painting, Mom.”
I laughed. “Not every time, but whenever I have a show, for sure.”
He hugged me again. He was getting so strong now. I swallowed. I hated seeing the changes in my baby, even though I enjoyed what an interesting kid he was becoming.
“Love you, sweetie.” I tucked the covers around him.
“Love you too.” With his eyes closed, he looked like a younger Tristan. The one who hated going to bed because he feared he’d miss something, but then conked out almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.
Hannah was almost asleep. I kissed her forehead and told her I loved her too. Then I went to the kitchen to make myself some herbal tea. As I walked into the room, Leo was already there, getting a drink of water.
“Holy crap! What are you doing here already?”
“Sorry, Jackie. I kept knocking and nobody answered. I didn’t want to ring the doorbell in case the kids were asleep. So I tried the door, and it was open. Should you be leaving the door unlocked?”
“Probably not. But luckily, the way my heart is thumping now, I’ll be dead if it’s a burglar.”
“This is how we met,” he pointed out. “Except now it’s reversed. I scared you in your kitchen.”
“Yeah, and I’m not wearing a towel.” I was still dressed up in the sparkly outfit I had on for the opening, except I’d shed the high ankle boots.
His gaze raked over me. “I wish you were…”
I ignored his suggestive look and put the kettle on. For some reason, Leo being here in my home, my safe place, felt like an invasion. While I’d been shocked and then happy to see him at the show, now I felt cautious. How many nights had I spent in this very room, cradling my cup of tea and wishing that he were here. Yet now that he was, I didn’t feel like I could trust him. As Sharon said, he couldn’t waltz in and expect things to magically go back to the way they were. Ugh. Conflicted didn’t even begin to explain my feelings.
“I’m going to make some tea. Unless you want a beer?”
He shook his head. Once the tea was ready, we sat across from each other in the living room.
“How did the opening go?” Leo asked politely.
“Great! You started something, I sold five paintings altogether.” My mother ended up buying one. But best of all, three complete strangers bought paintings as well. To me, it was a huge thrill that someone bought a painting because they loved it and not because they liked me.
“Congratulations,” he said with a smile. Leo’s natural expression was stern and wary, but his smile transformed him. I resisted an urge to touch the angular planes of the face I’d missed so much. Despite all my efforts, I still cared a lot. It was too hard to forget everything that Leo had been to me.
“Alors, it’s late, and I don’t wanna keep you up.” That slight French-Canadian accent once more twigged something inside me. Right from the beginning, the differentness of Leo was so fascinating.
His whole body trembled, like he was shaking something off. “I can see that things are going great for you, and I just got some good news too.”
“What is it?”
“Sophie is transferring with her hotel to work here. She and Wes are going to move to Vancouver by the end of the year.”
“Oh my gosh, that’s fantastic. You’ll get to see Charlotte all the time.”
He nodded vigorously. “Yeah. I realized that if I wanted a true relationship with my daughter, I couldn’t keep seeing her only during the summers and holidays. You helped me to see that being a real parent means doing a lot of little things. You know, taking responsibility for the day-to-day stuff.”
“You can braid hair now,” I pointed out.
The smile faded from his face. He leaned forward and I tensed, wary of what he was going to say next. He was so persuasive, but I couldn’t let him back in unless I could truly trust him. Your Jedi mind tricks are not going to work on me, Coach.
“When Sophie called to tell me, I was happy. But not as happy as I should have been. You know, I asked her to move here the day after you left. I figured that at least if I had my family—like you do—I would feel better. I promised Sophie that I’d stay in Vancouver for at least three seasons if they moved here.”
“Really? That’s new for you.”
“What’s a season or two in a long-term career? Besides, I like Vancouver.”
“So, it sounds like things are good for you too.”
“They’re not.” His voice was deep and insistent. “That’s exactly what I thought too. Once the season starts, things will be fine. Once the team begins to gel, things will be fine. Once I find out that Charlotte is moving closer, things will be fine. Yet none of these things did it for me.”
He cracked his knuckles. I looked down at those long fingers and remembered the pleasure that his touch brought to me.
“Jackie, I’ve been seeing a therapist.”
“Really?” That was pretty shocking. Leo always seemed like a person who had everything together. No weaknesses.
“Yeah.” His mouth twisted into a half-smile. “Have you been before?”
“Yes. I went when Brent left.”
“Me too, when I split with Sophie. I went because I was having trouble working. I learned ways to cope that made me a better coach.” He gazed off into the distance. “This time, it was a new therapist, but I brought him the same problems. I’m having trouble sleeping and concentrating. Can you help me tune out the distractions and become a better coach?”
I waited. I had zero idea what was going to happen next.
“But instead of telling me how to focus better, he asks me, ‘Do you think perhaps your body is telling you something?’” Leo shook his head. “Typical Vancouver guy, right? Instead of practical advice, he wants to get into my head. So we talked about everything that’s been happening in my life.”
Leo glanced at me, and I had a feeling that I was something he’d discussed.
“How did that go?” I asked. Obviously we had different experiences in therapy. I’d loved being able to unload on Dr. Veol.
“Instead of helping me work harder, Edgar suggested that my priorities might be wrong. He talked about having balance in my life and how it could help my coaching by giving me perspective.” Leo’s eyes met mine. “You can say it now if you want.”
“Say what?”
“‘I told you so.’ You’re the one who said I needed to open myself up to a fuller life, to take the chance of getting hurt again so that I could experience the good parts of a relationship too. Turns out I could have saved a lot of time and energy if I had listened to you in the first place.”
I nodded. This was all so strange and unexpected. Again I got the feeling that my secret, un
imagined fantasy was for him to say all these things to me—all these very un-Leo words about caring and emotion. It was unreal.
He continued, “Yeah, you think I’m so smart, but I’m certainly a dummy about some things. You’re what’s missing in my life. Even if everything else is perfect, I can’t be really happy unless you come back. I’ve missed you so much.”
He moved onto the couch beside me, but I backed away. It could not be this easy. “How do I know I can trust you? I’ve been hurting ever since I left your place that night.”
“I was too, Jackie. So many times, I thought how easy it would be to call you and beg you to come back.”
That was ridiculous. What a waste of time and emotion. I stood up and walked to the window. Outside the wind was whipping leaves into a whirlwind in the streetlight.
“Why didn’t you then?” I spoke without even turning around. I’d survived without him, but I’d suffered. Was that all unnecessary?
Leo came up behind me but didn’t touch me. I could feel the heat from his body behind me. I longed to lean back into his muscular chest, but I refused to be that weak.
“Because I’m a stubborn guy. To get to this moment with you, I had to rethink everything I believed about myself: that I was this lone cowboy who rode into town and solved the hockey problems and then moved on. That I didn’t need people or roots because that was the way to the top.
“Jackie, I knew how much crap you’d been through already. I wasn’t going to ask you to come back until I was certain I could be the man that you needed. Someone you could rely on. Not just for a few months, but for real.”
I waited, not moving and barely breathing.
“Maybe it’s presumptuous of me to think that you would still want to get back together. But we were good together. We had something very special. You knew that before I did.”