by Susan Stoker
I’m going to get an abortion, and then I’m leaving you. I’ll send someone for my things. Thanks for ruining my life.
Carly.
Pain unlike anything he’d ever known brought Dallas to his knees. His baby’s death was his fault. He’d killed it as surely as if he’d wielded the knife. “I’m never going to get over this,” he whispered as he cried bleak and lonely tears. Never again would he have the audacity to fall in love. He knew now that his gravest mistake was not telling Carly the truth from the beginning. And no one could ever love him if they knew the truth.
*
Lennon Learns A Lesson
Lennon was so excited she couldn’t be still. School was starting back tomorrow and tonight was the end of summer dance. “Do I look okay?” she asked Flora Martin, her neighbor and honorary grandmother. “I can’t believe this is happening to me!”
“You look beautiful, sweetie.” Flora stepped back to get the full effect. “I told you we could alter your mother’s dress to fit you. Law–that woman would be so proud of you. She loved you so much.”
“I loved her too. I miss her every day.” Not wanting to be sad, she pushed all the precious memories to the back of her mind. Lennon practiced walking back and forth across the floor in her new shoes. “Daddy said I could stay out till midnight. He wasn’t too keen on me driving myself to the dance. He thinks Colin should’ve come to the ranch to pick me up.”
Flora fanned herself and sat down heavily on the bed. “Well, I think men should be gentleman. So, I have to agree with your daddy.” She laughed. “I can’t say that very often. Your father is one stubborn man. The way he expects you to learn and do everything on this ranch makes me pretty mad.”
“Don’t be angry. Dad wanted a boy. He needed a son.” Lennon sighed. “I do the best I can not to disappoint him.” Lennon glanced at Flora. “Do you feel okay? You’re very pale.”
Flora waved her hand. “I feel fine. George is the one who’s not doing well. He’s got rheumatoid arthritis, you know. He worries that he won’t always be able to get around and I’ll put him in the nursing home.” She wiped her brow and sighed. “I promised him I’d never do that; it would kill him to sit in a little room all day. He has to be outside to breathe, he says.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t ever let that happen.” Lennon promised. “I’ll take care of you both, it will be my pleasure.” She picked up the simple corsage Colin had urged her to buy and penned it on. “Is this straight?”
Flora motioned her to come closer. “Here, let me give it a quick fix, you’ve got it a mite crooked.” She reached down in Lennon’s neckline to refasten the pin. “Oh, baby, thank you for the offer. Taking on old people would be a huge job that would just tie you down. I wouldn’t want that to happen.”
“Being needed is the most wonderful thing in the world.” Lennon murmured as she surveyed herself in the mirror. “I guess I don’t look too bad.” She looked like a stranger to her own eyes. Dresses just weren’t practical in her everyday life. Even on school days, Lennon was up before dawn to get all of her chores done. If only she weren’t so drab looking. Brown hair, brown eyes, skin browned by the sun. A memory of her mother made her smile. She’d always called Lennon her little brown wren. And more curves would certainly help. Turning sideways, she judged her figure–nope, they weren’t any bigger. She stuck her chest out as far as she could and the meager swells of her breasts seemed to mock her.
“Don’t fret. You’re precious just the way you are. Not every woman wants to carry around baggage like this all their life.” Flora indicated her own generous bosom.
“Maybe. If you see Dad, tell him I’ll be home by midnight. I don’t think the dance will last much later than eleven.” It seemed to Lennon that she seldom saw her father these days, he was always busy. Right now, he was driving back from a cattle sale. But when he was home, they never talked. They probably didn’t say six words to one another in a week. Work consumed him and when she wasn’t in school, work consumed her. She’d done it so long and so hard, her father barely had to give her directions anymore. She just did it–day in and day out. The monotonous routine of her everyday life was why this dance, this chance to be like the other girls, was so important to Lennon.
With a kiss and a hug from Flora, Lennon hurried off into the night. Opening the door, she climbed up into her dad’s old farm truck. The old Chevy wasn’t exactly a Cinderella-worthy chariot, but it would have to do.
The drive from Apache Springs to Sierra Blanca took almost an hour. Sometimes she wondered if her life would’ve been different had she grown up in town around the other kids. Probably not, she just wasn’t meant to be popular. The ranch she lived on had been in her father’s family for generations. Years ago, it had been a destination. Rich people traveled to the Chihuahuan Desert to bathe in the mineral rich hot springs that bubbled up on their property. The old lodge and connected bathhouse still stood, but no one used the pools these days but her. Since her mother passed, things had really gone down around the ranch. Lennon did her best, but it was hard. Keeping the cattle, horses and sheep tended was all they could handle these days.
Holding the steering wheel tightly, Lennon watched the road. She was so excited at the prospect of a date that she wanted to squeal with delight. Getting invited to the dance had come as such a shock–and by Colin Ferguson! She’d had a crush on him forever. And when he’d sent her a note by her friend, Tony, Lennon had been stunned. Since then, she and Colin had been corresponding by email. What a way to start her Senior year!
The sun was getting low in the pastel painted sky by the time she spotted the green and white city limits sign. Tumbleweeds blew across the road in front of her, a sure-fire indicator that she was in deep west Texas, just miles from the border with Mexico. The remote location of Apache Springs meant that Lennon had few close friends. Her cousin, Miranda, used to be her constant companion. Those days were gone, though. She’d graduated last year and was now in El Paso working in a bar. Their phone calls were few and far between, but Miranda seemed to be loving the freedom. Getting away from Hudspeth County had always been her cousin’s goal. Lennon knew she wouldn’t be moving. Apache Springs was her destiny. Even if she married, the land would always be her responsibility.
As she slowed down to meet the speed limit, Lennon began to feel nervous. This was so big. Her first dance. Her first date. Maybe her first kiss. She’d dreamed of having a husband and a family someday. Maybe this was the beginning. Maybe she was finally blossoming, as her mother had told her she would.
Pulling up outside the gymnasium, she found a place for the rickety old truck. The school wasn’t huge, they only played six-man football. Yet as small as it was, there were still cliques. Lennon wasn’t popular by any means. She was one of the unfortunate few who seemed to bear the brunt of other people’s hostilities. No, she wasn’t beautiful and she didn’t have time for sports. So, she didn’t meet any of the qualifications that would’ve made her one of the cool kids. Her shunned state was one of the reasons Colin’s invitation had come as such a shock.
Taking a deep, steadying breath, Lennon opened the truck door and hopped out to the ground, taking a moment to balance on the heels she was so unused to wearing. Glancing around, she looked for Colin but he was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps he was waiting inside for her to arrive.
“Hey, Lennon!”
She raised her head to look around, recognizing her friend Melody’s voice. They were on a few committees together. Lennon enjoyed helping out, being needed made her feel complete. “Hey, girl. How are you?”
“I’m good. I just found we’re moving at the end of the school year. Dad got a new job in Galveston.”
“Oh, no. I’ll miss you.” Lennon would be sad knowing Melody wasn’t close by. The likelihood that she’d been able to spend a lot of time with her was small. When Lennon wasn’t in school, she was working. “We’ll have to make the most of the time we have together.” She linked arms with Melody as they walked tow
ard the entrance, their pathway lit by the big school sign declaring ‘Go Vaqueros!’ in bright white lights. “How are you?” she asked her friend. “I sure do like your hair.”
“Thank-you. I’m good.” Melody smiled, flipping a long lock of her curly hair behind her. “Do you want to hang with me tonight? Us wallflowers have to stick together. We can plan what plays the Drama Club will do this year.”
Lennon smiled at her friend, giving her a wide-eyed stare. “I would love to spend some time with you. You’re as pretty as a picture tonight.” She admired Melody’s pretty blue dress, obviously new. “But miracle of miracles…” Grabbing her friend by both hands, she stage-whispered. “I have a date!”
“You do?” The joy on Melody’s face was unmistakable. “With who?”
“Colin! He sent a message by Tony at church and he’s been emailing me all week!” The elation in her voice made people stare as they walked by.
“Where is he?” Melody asked, looking from side to side.
“Inside with the other guys, I suppose. It’s a hot night to be just lounging around outside waiting for me to show up.” Arm in arm they moved toward the wide double doors. Through them, Lennon could see the burgundy and white balloons, their school colors. A big welcome banner hung over the door and when one couple entered ahead of them, she could hear the sound of the DJ as he announced the next song.
As they entered, Melody gave her hand a tug. “I’m going to the restroom. I’ll see you inside.”
Lennon nodded. She probably should go in and check her appearance, not that it would do any good. In her haste and excitement, she hadn’t even brought a lipstick with her. Face it, she just wasn’t used to being girly. With a tremble of excitement, she stepped into the main room, taking in the scene before her. Everything was as gaily decorated as their small budget would allow. Couples were dancing to the music; others were standing around the refreshment table. But when someone spoke loudly–it all came to a screeching halt.
“Attention everyone, it’s time for our evening’s entertainment!”
Lennon stopped where she was, on the top step of the entrance way. When a spotlight hit her, an uneasy tingle made its way down her spine. The crowd parted and Elton Warner appeared. Oh, no. For some reason, Elton hated her. This couldn’t be good. From the time they were in elementary school, he’d led numerous attacks against her. Anything to make her feel uncomfortable or humiliated was his usual goal.
As she stood there, the movie Carrie came to mind and she glanced up–just making sure there was no bucket of pig’s blood hanging over her head. No, nothing there. But that only meant he’d come up with something better. She steeled herself, looking for Colin.
“Ladies and Gentlemen! You are all invited to witness the hook-up of the century. Colin Ferguson meet your blind date!”
Blind date? Lennon started to shake. No, this wasn’t a blind date. Even as she reminded herself how this had gone down, a sneaky suspicion began to creep up her spine. She probably should’ve run, but her feet were frozen to the ground. Her eyes desperately searched the crowd.
“What the hell?”
Colin Ferguson came from the rear, dressed in a dark brown suit. He looked amazing. She waited for him to come toward her. “Colin?” she whispered, not loud enough for her voice to broadcast across the room.
“Colin, your friends wanted to give you an early birthday gift. For your dating pleasure, we offer the delectable…the desirable…the laughable–Lennon Haley!”
There was a moment of silence–of dead quiet as everyone digested what Elton had announced. Slowly, a few people began to snicker. Then, a few more began to laugh. Colin came closer, staring hard at Lennon with a frown on his handsome face. She felt like a small helpless bug under a microscope. “My date?” he said scathingly. “Are you fucking with me?”
Elton basked in the attention they were receiving. “Yea, buddy, we arranged all of this just for you. Of course, little Lennon thought it was you she was talking to on the internet. We laid it on thick for you. Look at that dress–isn’t it a blast from the past? Isn’t she stunning? Wouldn’t any guy just…puke if he had to kiss her?”
By that time, the laughter coming from the crowd was an uproar. Colin took it in the spirit it was intended–to have fun at Lennon’s expense. “Lennon, you didn’t actually think I’d want to go out with you? Why would I? You don’t even have any boobs!”
The premonition she’d had of being like the character Carrie came true as white hot shame cascaded down over her. How stupid was she? Lennon tried desperately to think of something to say back to her tormentors. Why was it that she could always think of snappy comebacks about fifteen minutes after she needed one? But she was spared when two adult chaperones showed up to calm the kids down and get the music turned back on. Mrs. Lark started toward her, a concerned look on her face–but Lennon didn’t wait to hear what she had to say. Whirling around, she made a run for it–crying all the way to her truck.
Once she was on the road, she drove out of town, then pulled over at a small roadside park to give herself time to calm down. Christ! She was such a joke. Wiping tears from her face, she laid her head back on the seat and tried to imagine the humiliation waiting for her at school the next day. As she stared at the night sky, she wondered why people had to be so mean. Would she ever find love? Lennon didn’t think so. Not in this town, anyway.
Oh well, She’d find someone who needed her, there were more kinds of love in this world than romantic love. And who knows? Fate might send her someone–he could just show up at her ranch one day and offer to protect her from the big bad world.
Too bad fairy tales didn’t come true.
Chapter Two
‡
Eight Years Later…
“Be careful! Those hay bales are as big as you are. You’re going to hurt yourself.” George lamented as Lennon climbed from the cab of the truck to jump in the back.
“Don’t worry. I’ll manage. I always do,” she called with a happy voice. “I have a system. Cut. Tug. Push. Scatter.”
“Her can do it, George. Lenny is strong.” Sally held up her little arm like she was making a muscle. “Her can do anything.”
Lennon could hear Sally speaking in that sweet baby voice she loved so much. The little girl’s faith gave her the energy to keep going even when her strength was almost gone. “If things would just quit breaking around here, I could hire some help. Preferably someone who has mus…cles,” she grunted as she tumped a square hay bale onto the ground.
“Here, they come!” George yelled. “Spot’s leading the way!” Lennon didn’t look up. She didn’t have time. The cattle were coming and they were hungry. She giggled at the thought of naming a cow Spot. That had been Sally’s idea. Methodically, she went through the steps to get the hay on the ground. This was an everyday job for her. The big round bales would’ve been cheaper and easier to manage. In fact, she could’ve brought one out on the tractor and let the cows munch at will. An opportunity to buy this Bahia at a cheaper price was more important than the difficulty she had in delivering it to the herd. Every evening she put out twenty bales to supplement the sparse vegetation that was available. If this drought didn’t break, she’d go broke–poetic.
“Help me count, George,” Lennon requested as she moved out in front of the mass of cattle which were a mix of Beefmaster and Angus, they were large beasts. None of them were aggressive, but by the time they pushed one another to get to the food, if she got in the way–well, it was better not to. At least she was used to dodging horns and hooves. Being a bullfighter for the rodeo to supplement her ranching income was not only fun, it paid well. “Forty-two, forty-three.” Lennon stood on tiptoe to see everyone. George had come to stand beside her, Sally hung out the window counting fireflies.
“Dammit,” she fussed. The last two mornings, there had been a few head missing. For the next few minutes, they were quiet, tallying the cattle. “The count for the past two nights has been off,” George sa
id, leaning on his cane. “There’s supposed to be a hundred-seventy-six in this section and I only count a hundred-sixty-three. That’s thirteen gone.” They’d hoped maybe a fence was down, but Lennon had ridden the perimeter and found nothing out of place.
“Let me get you two to the house.” Lennon let out a long sigh. “I’ll come back out to make another pass. I want to make sure of this before I alert the authorities. If I find tracks at the gates or if the fence has been tampered with, I’ll call.” There really was no other explanation. If they hadn’t gotten out, somebody had helped them. They didn’t just not show up. Cattle don’t usually find better things to do than eat.
“Cattle rustling. Dirty business. You’d think society would’ve outgrown this crap,” he grumbled as they climbed back into the beat-up old red truck.
“It happens, even in this digital age, George. Thieves will always be thieves.” Lennon held on to the window frame and let the cool air blow against her face as her old friend drove home. Sally had fallen asleep while they worked. They’d gotten her up before the crack of dawn. At five, she was still far too young to leave at the house on her own. “I just don’t understand why we’re having all of this bad luck. Sugar in the tractor gas tank. Somebody took a baseball bat to one of the gates. Waterlines are busted. Mailbox shot up with a BB gun. Do you think it could be kids just being kids?”
“Maybe, for that stuff. I don’t think kids are stealing cattle though.”
Lennon closed her eyes, dreading the phone call. “You know – I’d almost rather deal with the rustlers than the sheriff.” Who would’ve ever thought Colin Ferguson would end up the law in Hudspeth County? “We’ve got a better chance of striking oil digging for turnips than him helping me with this mess.”
“He’s a fool, always has been.” George Morgan still remembered the night little Lennon had come home crying from the dance. “Flora, bless her soul, told him off the week before she died. That woman loved you more than anything.”