by Susan Stoker
Tilting it up just a fraction, she stared deeply into his narrowing eyes, her breath hitching, her heart suddenly taking off at a gallop. This had been coming and never had Kara wanted a man to kiss her more than Cade Patterson. Did he know how long she’d ached as a blossoming teenager to kiss those sculpted lips of his? To taste him? To feel his power unleashed and shared with her?
Leaning down, he brushed his lips against her brow. “Kara, I want to kiss you…but it has to be mutual…”
Cade’s low, growling tone feathered through her. He caressed her cheeks with his thumbs. She could feel the callouses from the work he did at a nearby ranch, herding cattle, doing wrangling chores, whenever he could get a day off. For him it was extra money, and she’d come to discover he was an earnest saver for the future. It was a good habit to have and she admired his ability to work hard and be responsible. She loved that about him.
Would Cade think her a romantic if she told him she saw the sun, the moon, and all the stars in the sky in his intense golden eyes that now held hers? She stepped forward, pressing her body against the front of his in response to his question. Without a word, she raised up on her toes, meeting his descending mouth. There was such sweetness flowing through her as his lips settled against hers, tentative, seeing if she wanted his contact. A low sound vibrated in the back of Kara’s throat and his fingers tightened slightly, holding her against him as he invited her to return the gift of himself to her.
All Kara was aware of in that moment was his restrained power as a man, holding himself in tight check as she parted her lips, opening up to him, telling him in a silent language of her own need for him. Her hands flattened against his chest, the soft cotton material of his shirt revealing the male warmth of his flesh beneath her palms. His mouth drew her more deeply into his, gliding across her lips, molding hers to his, drinking in the sensation of her lips as if she were an exquisite wine Cade had tasted for the first time. So many sensations overwhelmed Kara in that moment. She was transported, unable to think, only able to feel.
He released her face, his hands trailing down either side of her slender neck, flowing across her shoulders, pulling her toward his hard, lean body to create full contact between them. It was such a sensual movement that she felt dampness between her thighs. Never had a man turned her on so swiftly! His breath was moist against her cheek, his scent a combination of the sage soap he used and the scent of chili, the heat of the spices combining to pull a sound of pleasure from deep within her.
Time melted around Kara. Her whole world anchored to each ragged breath of his that flowed into her own. Cade’s mouth grew more firm and confident as he coaxed her to meet him all the way. It was mutual. She was no wilting lily when it came to engaging and moving with her own female needs. As his palm skated slowly down her spine toward her hips, it felt as if Cade were memorizing her in every possible way. Fire skittered downward through her as he took her mouth, unleashing some of his tightly held strength, sharing himself more fully with her. The moment his large, exploring hands settled around her hips, she felt him place himself in check.
His mouth slowly separated from hers. He kissed each of her closed eyelids and reluctantly eased Kara slightly away from him.
Opening her eyes, feeling sexual languor, her lower body aching with need, she stared, dazed, into his darkening eyes now filled with pure hunger.
“What…,” she whispered. His hands smoothed her hips, stroking her, calming her. She wanted to make love with this man.
“This has been a long time coming,” Cade rasped, his gaze locked with hers. Lifting one hand, he moved a few strands of her sable hair away from her one cheek. “I wasn’t sure of what we have, Kara…we have a past. A long one.”
Her brows dipped and she so badly wanted to lean into him, feel his body against hers once more, but he held her so she couldn’t connect fully with him. It was then she realized that Cade was as confused as she was. He was trying to put his feelings into words, but her mind wasn’t working at all. Her sensual side had exploded and taken over everything, including her ability to think.
“So what?” she managed, her voice strained. Again, she saw hesitation come to his expression as he searched her widening eyes. “The past is the past, Cade. I don’t care about it. We can’t change it, anyway. Let it go.” She was beginning to sound strident and upset. And she was.
“It’s not easy to let the past not affect the present,” he offered, sliding his hand across her hair, taming it back into place here and there. “We still live in Kenedy County. Your father doesn’t approve of me and never will. For him, time stands still. He doesn’t care who I am, what I’ve become, or what I do for a living. I’ll always be from the wrong side of the tracks with him, Kara.”
“I’m not my father!” she cried, her fingers curling against his chest. “I’ve never been like him! I don’t believe for one second you or anyone in Clayton is beneath me! He’s controlling, Cade. He belittles people, intimidates them. But I’m an adult and so are you. We don’t need to worry about that now.”
Giving her a patient look, Cade asked, “What if I loved you right now, Kara? What if we decided to extend our relationship, live with one another? Maybe dream even bigger dreams together? What would your father do then, I wonder?” He gave her a keen look, leaning down, kissing her forehead.
“I left my father’s ranch at eighteen, Cade and never returned! I refused to be a pawn of his any more. I turned down the job he offered me. I’m my own woman now, not his imprisoned child that he can manipulate like before.” Her voice became choked. “Please, you have to believe me,” she said giving him a pleading look. The glint in his eyes changed and she saw pain deep in them, the fact that her father had demeaned his entire family for eighteen years.
Kara understood Cade’s hurt, their collective past staining their present. Why hadn’t she realized that kissing Cade would bring up all of these issues to discuss? It had to happen she realized belatedly. They had so much to talk about, to sort out before they could go any farther with one another. If only she could tell Cade how many times she’d dreamed of having a relationship with him.
“I do believe you, Kara. But we have to talk. You have to grasp that once your father realizes there is something serious between us, he may well lash out at you, or me, or both of us. We’ve both seen what he did to boys in high school who chased you and wanted a relationship with you.” His mouth thinned. “I don’t want that to happen now. I realize we’re adults and we’re old enough to decide what’s best for ourselves. But Jud Knight has never realized that and I don’t believe he ever will. When I came home from the Corps, I found out you were still single. I asked my mother if you were with anyone and she said no, that your father had chased off a guy who had serious intentions toward you. He ended up in an accident that nearly took his life from what I understand.”
All her hopes for Cade being a part of her life felt like a balloon deflating right in front of her. Kara wearily rested her brow against his chest, feeling hot tears stinging the insides of her lids. Just the slow sweep of his hand against her back brought back her hope.
“That’s true,” she said in a low, strained tone. “Bill Curdy was serious about me and yes, we had a relationship. He lived in Houston. But what we had was a friendship, not the serious relationship my father thought it was. Bill was a nice guy but he was a truck driver, Cade. There was an accident north of Houston and he nearly died in that crash.” She felt his hands warm with promise on her shoulders, felt him press a kiss to her hair.
“What was the cause of the accident?” he demanded.
“Someone cut the brake fluid line. The police said it had been done on purpose, but they never found out who did it.”
“Was your father behind it?”
Lifting her head, her eyes swimming with tears, she whispered brokenly, “I think so. I can’t prove it, though. My father hires men to go after anyone who shows any interest toward me. After Bill nearly died, I swore off being
seen with men, Cade. That is…until you walked back into my life,” she said, sobbing. She pressed her hand against her lips and stared at him. Was her father capable of murder? In her heart, Kara knew the answer. He was. Every man who had shown interest in her had had an accident of some sort. A vehicle would run the guy off the road, the brake fluid line would get cut, someone would fire a gun into the driver’s side window, barely missing the driver. It was too much. Just too much.
*
Bringing her against him, Cade held Kara, resting his chin against her head. He could feel her trembling, her fingers digging convulsively into his shirt, the fabric becoming wet with her silently spilled tears. She was trying so hard to stop from crying. He could feel her struggle and he kissed her temple, his lips near her ear. “Kara, you’re carrying around too much by yourself. I’ll hold you…let it go.”
And she did. A sob tore out of her, shaking her entire body. The sounds coming out of her were as if she were an animal in horrific pain. Cade knew Jud Knight despised anyone who cried, even a woman. He knew enough in the time that Kara had lived with him that her father was a tyrant of unbelievable proportions. As gentle and kind as his own father had been to him and his mother, Jud Knight was the opposite—a monster inside a man’s body as far as he was concerned. As he held Kara in his embrace, rocking her a little, trying to soothe her, Cade made her a silent promise. He loved Kara. He had always loved her from the first time he’d seen her in the first grade, and that love had only grown through the years as they went through school together. She didn’t know it, but that didn’t matter. Cade would surround her with his protection because he loved her. And this time, her father wasn’t going to interfere with what was blossoming naturally between them now.
No, Jud Knight wasn’t going to chase him off. Not ever again.
As he slid his hand slowly up and down her back, he felt Kara’s weeping begin to slowly abate. A woman crying tore him up, but not in the same way it did Jud. Cade felt helpless and wanted to fix whatever was wrong so Kara wouldn’t want to cry any more. She was in such pain.
She was all heart and she’d always worn her emotions on her sleeve. All she’d ever wanted out of her life was to improve the lives of other people who had less than she did.
He knew now that Kara was his whole world and unless she objected to it, Cade would surround her not only with his love, but his protection.
Leaning toward the counter, he grabbed the box of tissues and pulled a few free, stuffing them gently into her damp hand. Her fingers trembled as she tried to stop the trickle of tears, her eyes reddened by the release. But it was a good release and Cade knew it, continuing to soothe her with his light but caring touch.
“Come on,” he urged her quietly, releasing her and tucking her beneath his arm and against his body, “Let’s go sit down in the living room.”
“B-but the chili,” Kara brokenly protested, twisting her head, looking toward the stove.
“I shut it off earlier. It will sit there and be fine. We can eat later when we feel like it.” Cade guided her to the couch that she loved sitting on, her knees drawn up to her chest, reading a book or knitting. Her mother had taught her how to knit when she was ten-years-old. Kara admitted it calmed her anxiety that seemed to come and go every day.
Cade had watched her covertly during the time she’d spent with him. He’d found that her sleep was often restless and broken, that anxiety would wake her up. When she was anxious, she chewed on her nearly non-existent fingernails and she’d always pull out her knitting bag and work on some project. She’d confided that she made sweaters for all the children who came to the Delos Home School and Day Care Center. She would make them throughout the summer and then wrap each one in a pretty Christmas box with a shiny red or green ribbon. Each child received a gift from her, no matter his or her age.
It was just another aspect of Kara that Cade loved. She was a giver, not a taker. Her father however, was a brutal taker. He sucked the life out of everything he owned or touched. He was sure her father was also brutal to his wife, Pamela, who was known around the county as a kind, generous woman. How was she able to live with that kind of person?
Sitting down in the corner of the sofa, Cade coaxed Kara into his arms. She came, lifting her legs and tucking them beneath her, her head coming to rest on his shoulder, hand against his chest. She was pale, her beautiful eyes reddened and filled with anguish. He eased the curtain of long, sable hair away from her face so he could watch her expressions as they talked. This was what they both needed: intimacy and nurturing. He could feel her trusting him with her life, the anxiety dissolving in her expression the longer he held her.
Closing her eyes, Kara rested her cheek against him, whispering hoarsely, “Do you know how long I’ve wished you would hold me just like this, Cade?”
He shook his head, his hand coming to rest over her hair. “No, I had no idea.”
“Forever,” she whispered. “Forever.”
“That’s a long time, Kara.”
Lifting her chin, she stared up at him. “I remember seeing you in the first grade and thinking you were so cute, so nice. I was drawn to you even then, Cade. I remember going home that first day and telling my parents that I liked you so much.” Her voice filled with hurt. “My father got angry. He said you were the son of a plumber and you were beneath us. You were poor. You would never amount to anything. He ordered me to never talk to you again, to stay away from you, or he’d hurt you.”
Cade stilled. “He said that?” He was stunned by her revelation.
“I was only six-years-old. My mother yelled at my father for yelling at me like that. I sat at the table, starting to cry. It was a horrible end to a wonderful day.” She dabbed her eyes with the damp tissue. “I remember my mom talking to me in my room. She was telling me not to talk to you or be found walking around with you, or Father might hurt you. I couldn’t understand it at that age, Cade. But I believed my mother. From then on, I had to like you from afar. I was so afraid my father would harm you. I’d seen him hit some of the wranglers who worked for us. I was always afraid that someday he’d hit me or my mom.”
Cade said nothing for a moment as rage flooded through him. “He began to threaten you when you were that young?”
Kara bobbed her head, saying nothing, just burrowing her face into his chest, as if to hide. He eased his other arm around her and just held her. Finally, after a few minutes, the tension left her body and he heard her draw in a ragged sigh and then release it.
“Well,” he began, “since we’re fessing up to one another, I remember seeing you in our classroom in first grade. I thought you were a fairytale princess dropped into the room. That was how pretty you looked to me and I was only six at the time.”
“I-I didn’t know. We couldn’t have known what the other thought. I had to avoid you, Cade, or I knew my father would make good on his promise.”
“The man is an animal.” Cade’s anger was reaching the breaking point and he couldn’t keep it out of his voice.
“You think? After I got out of there at eighteen, I took teaching classes at Texas A&M. I also had to take a number of psychology classes.” She wiped her nose. “That was when I realized my father was sociopathic. He had no feelings, no morals, no values. He played by his own rules.”
“And that’s why, when you returned to Clayton to set up that Delos school, you refused to live on his ranch?”
“Exactly. I was going to be my own person. My mother supported me, even though my father used to scream and curse at her for standing up for me and my decisions.”
“Why hasn’t your mother left him?” Cade demanded, voicing a question he’d asked himself often since reconnecting with Kara.
Wearily, she replied, “I don’t know. I wish I did. I don’t understand it. She’s often told me he’s like a mad, sick dog and someone has to take care of him. She always had a soft spot in her heart for strays. That’s why she works for the county humane society and gives money to no
-kill shelters.”
“God,” he muttered, shaking his head. “What the hell happened to him to make him like this, Kara?”
“I was having lunch with my mom at Clayton Cafe once and asked her that shortly after I graduated from the university. She said his father, Gordon Knight, my grandfather, used a belt on him. Any time he did something wrong, he got taken to the barn and whipped. My father turned into an angry, vengeful teenager and he managed to get his court records sealed.”
“Oh?” Cade asked, pulling her away from him to meet her red, swollen eyes. “Was he arrested as a teen here in Kenedy County?”
“Yes.” Kara sat up, sweeping her hair off her face, scrubbing her cheeks dry of the last remaining tears. “Mom said he committed arson at thirteen and burned down a man’s barn at a nearby ranch because he didn’t like him. That fire killed thirty of the man’s prized horses, Cade. It was awful.”
Her voice shook with grief. “He spent time in juvenile hall but because of his rich, powerful father, he got out in a few months. The court records were sealed, never to see the light of day again.”
“Anything else?” Cade’s mind spun with possibilities. It would take a lot to get Knight’s court records unsealed and he’d have to have a damn good reason to make that request in the first place to see what was contained in them.
“My father worked with a Mexican drug cartel until he was eighteen. They ran drugs from the border near McCall. It’s not something I’m proud of, believe me. I’ve never touched drugs and never will. I see what it does to the person and how it hurts the whole family.”
“What happened when Jud was eighteen?”
“My grandfather made him foreman of the ranch, took him under his wing, and taught him how to run and manage the ranch. I guess at that time, my father was old enough, thoroughly brainwashed and controlled enough by my grandfather that he no longer got beaten up like he used to.”