She peered out the gap and sucked in a startled breath. He’d seemed so angry, regretful. Why was he here now? She almost shut the door in his face. How could she face him now? Her cheeks burned at the memory of her wanton behaviour.
“Katie,” he said sorrowfully.
It stabbed her wounded heart. She wanted to hear her real name on his lips. “What do ye want, Finn?”
“Let me in,” he demanded softly.
With a sigh, she stepped back, allowing him to push open the door and enter the room. He seemed to take up all the space in her chambers. Candlelight gilded his hair, highlighted the dark circles under his eyes and the grooves in his brow. His brows knitted as he studied her, as if he were in pain.
Catriona clamped her arms around herself and held on tightly. Even now, she wanted him. While her heart ached and her stomach cramped, she needed him. Her body betrayed her.
Her heart betrayed her.
She loved a man who didn’t even know who she truly was. Who could never really love her as she loved him. He was still wrapped up in his dead wife and child, any fool could see that, and who would blame him. That he cared so deeply for them only made her love him more.
“Are ye well?”
She blinked up at him. “Aye, I am well,” she replied stiffly.
He stared at his feet then lifted his gaze to her. “I didnae mean....”
“I know well ye didnae mean to take a tumble with me, Finn. Ye made that clear.”
“Nay, I meant… I didnae mean to hurt ye. Physically or.…”
He looked so lost, her heart almost burst for him. “Emotionally?”
“Aye.”
“Fear not, I shall recover I am sure.”
Finn scuffed a foot across the floorboard. “Also, I wanted to check… I mean I shouldnae have… if ye should carry my child, I should like to know.”
She closed her eyes briefly and put a hand against the post of the bed for support. Lord, she hadn’t even considered that. She could take some tea which would help prevent babes but with everything going on, she had forgotten. What if it was too late?
“I am sure naught will happen. ‘Twas only once after all,” she replied blithely.
“I should still like to know.” He took a step forward and she shrank back. “What shall ye do if ye conceive my child? Will ye pretend it is Gillean’s?”
This thought appeared to pain him and his brow furrowed further. She itched to smooth away his concern. It was for nothing, after all. If her father didn’t turn up on the morrow, she’d have to marry Gillean and pray her father rescued her before the laird found out the truth. After all, Gillean could not hold her to a contract that did not have her name on it.
She shuddered as she considered what she might have to suffer to keep up the pretence.
Finn touched her cheek. “Forgive me, I didnae mean to scare ye.”
“Ye didnae scare me.”
“Forgive my behaviour then.” He dipped his head and wrapped a curl of hair around one finger, staring at it as he stroked its length.
“There is naught to forgive.” Her legs trembled when she saw the darkening in his eyes. His gaze dropped to her lips, then to her breasts—her nipples likely stood out against the white of her chemise—and back up to meet her gaze.
“There is. I took advantage of ye. I behaved like a boar.”
“Ye didnae take advantage, Finn. I gave myself willingly.”
“And I shouldnae have taken it. I thought myself a better man than that but I was wrong.”
Catriona shook her head slowly. He meant to torture himself and she refused to allow that. He might have hurt her but she had no wish for him to hurt any more than necessary. The man already carried too much around on those great shoulders. “Ye are a good man, Finn. Dinnae say otherwise.”
“Not good enough for ye.” He smirked. “Forgive me, I shouldnae have spoken so.”
She searched his gaze. What did he mean? A spark of hope lit in her chest but she tamped it down. Even if he felt as she did, there could be no future for them. On the morrow—if she could not delay the wedding any longer—she would be wed to Gillean.
“Ye are too good for me,” she said gently, giving in and pressing away the dips etched into his forehead. “Ye have been kind and patient.” She cupped his cheek and he leaned into her hand with a tiny groan of surrender.
“What am I to do with ye, Katie? I am a weak man around ye.” He put his arms around her, placed his hands against her lower back and pulled her into him. “Ye are to be married…” he murmured as he urged her down against the bed.
She nodded, warm gratification flowing through her at the feel of his hard body against hers.
“On the morrow ye shall be another’s.” He laid his lips to her neck.
“Aye,” she whispered.
“I can offer ye naught.”
“Aye, I know.”
“I cannae resist ye.”
“I know,” she repeated. “And I.”
“Just one more night,” he breathed into her ear.
“Aye, one more night.”
One last chance to feel loved and treasured for the first time in her life, even if it wasn’t true. He felt something for her—whether it was love, she knew not—but the way Finn touched her and worshipped her body was enough. He was no man of great words but he said much with his fingers. Everything was unravelling. Soon, something would change. If she couldn’t persuade Gillean to delay the wedding further she’d be married. And if her father ever came to her rescue, her real identity would come out and she’d return to Bute.
Still, before long he would forget her and her deception. Finn had offered her no commitments, no words of love, and she doubted he ever intended to.
But for now, she wanted one more night. Another memory to carry her through whatever the next few days brought. Catriona parted her lips in invitation and he hovered over her.
“No’ so hasty this time, wee lass.” He skimmed a finger over her lips, down her throat and circled it lightly. “So fragile,” he murmured. “Yer skin is so pale and beautiful. I shallnae touch it again after this night.”
She nodded numbly. Against the painful throb of her heart, warmth flowed through her at his touch, the combination confusing and exhilarating, as if his seductions might soothe away some of the agony.
“I shallnae kiss ye again,” he whispered.
He tucked his arm further under her back and held her close before lowering his lips to hers. The instant bolt of awareness that jolted through her still surprised her. He shoved her chemise from her shoulder. Dragging his mouth away from hers, he bit down on her bare skin and she moaned. He used his teeth to rake across her skin to her neck and took a moment to suck and lick there. Katelyn writhed under his weight
He fumbled with the laces at the front of her shift, trying to part the material but his hands seemed uncontrollable. With a growl, he gave up his fight with the laces and rolled so she landed on top of him. Her legs came to either side of his hips and his hardness pressed against her sex. She rocked against him and plunged her hands into his hair to kiss him fiercely. Tongues tangling, barely time to take a breath, Finn grasped her hips and she moved eagerly as flickers of gratification already pulsed through her.
Her hair trailed over him, like a curtain, hiding them from the world. The candlelight slid over his features, flickering and dancing. Catriona stroked her hands over his stubbled jaw and touched the scar on his lip, twisted the small braid in his hair. His hands found the neckline of her chemise once more and he tugged forcefully. She ran her palms up and down his chest, urging him on, and his plaid loosened and fell to his side. Her nails hit his stomach, pressing under his shirt and he hissed.
Catriona gasped when his desperate tugs rent her chemise nearly in two so the curves of her breasts were visible to his eager gaze
“By God, Katie, ye are more perfect than I ever dreamed,” he murmured in awe.
She lifted her breasts, entreating him to
touch them while the soft flesh vibrated gently with her wanting breaths. The rosy tips tightened under his scrutiny.
A smile crept across her face. “Ye dreamed of me?”
“Aye. Many a night.”
“I dreamed of ye too,” she admitted.
“Come here, my sweet lassie.” He used his hands to coax her forward, bringing her breasts to his mouth.
Finn sucked on one breast while he palmed the other, always avoiding her tight nipples. She groaned in frustration. His hips thrust up, mimicking what she longed for him to do but he appeared determined to slow things down. He moved his attention to her other breast, holding her against him now with both hands. She skimmed her hands down his sides, treasuring the flex of his muscles and waiting for that hot mouth on her aching tips. Whatever he felt for her at least she knew he desired her just as much. Rising, she tugged his shirt up and he helped her pull his garments off. His hair rumpled, his eyes softened. Catriona trailed a finger over the dips of his stomach and over the fine golden hair leading down.
“Yer so beautiful,” she murmured and he chuckled. “What? Ye dinnae think a man can be beautiful?”
He lifted those great shoulders, amusement in his gaze. “Lasses are beautiful. Ye are beautiful. Yer made so perfectly.” Finn ran his fingers up her sides, tracing her curves.
She smiled. “As are ye, Finn.”
Fingers flexing around his arousal, she trailed her hair over him, watched the undulation of his muscles as his breaths rasped, and licked the tip. He bucked his hips.
“By God, Katie,” he spluttered when she took him further into her mouth.
The taste and texture of him danced on her tongue. She’d heard of such a way of pleasuring a man but she did not know it could bring her pleasure too. Her body pulsed as rough fingers winnowed through her hair. Catriona took him deeper and he throbbed against her tongue. She worked up and down him, hand clasped around the base. His scent filled her nostrils, musky and masculine.
“Enough now,” he ordered, gripping her arms to pull her up. She straightened and licked her lips—savoured the taste of him. “Katie, yer enough to send a man out of his wits.”
Knowing fingers sought out her heat, rubbing and coaxing pleasure from her. She pitched against him and traced his features and body with her gaze. Never again would she have this—have him, she reminded herself. She had to imprint him in her memory. Finn—naked and full of desire for her. It filled her with power and strength. If she was to get through the next few seasons, she would need that strength.
“Finn,” she moaned. “Finn, I need ye. Dinnae make me wait.”
“Ach, ye know I cannae deny ye.”
He grasped her hips and drove up into her. Her cry split the air. His heat speared her, shocking and soothing at the same time. Calming her need, yet igniting a new one. Finn helped her into a rhythm and warmth coiled in her belly. He stared up at her. How she wished she knew what he was thinking. Gazing into his eyes, she could almost believe he loved her. With one look, he made her feel impossibly beautiful and amazing.
Sensation built like a growing flame. Her breaths laboured as she rode him and her skin grew slick. Perspiration shimmered on Finn’s torso. Catriona scraped her fingernails down him and he groaned.
Never again.
Never again would she have him like this. She wouldn’t feel his touch or hear his laugh. See his smile or blush under his attention. An ache gathered in her throat. Her vision became cloudy. Before she realised what had happened, tears rolled down her cheeks onto his chest.
“Katie?”
Suddenly, she was lifted from him and placed onto the bed. He leaned over her, a hand pushing away the tears from her cheek. Catriona gripped his arm and fought to keep more tears at bay. This rough warrior could never know how much his actions meant to her. Without him, the past few sennights would have been torture. He gave so much but thought so little of himself. Why could he not see he deserved another chance at happiness? Finn was meant to have a woman to love.
Just not her.
Eyes squeezed shut, more tears threatened to come. She pictured a future with Finn. A life filled with love and several fair haired children. If things were different—if she wasn’t lying or committed to another—would that ever have happened or would he stay forever locked behind his wall of grief?
“Katie, look at me.” He continued to smooth his callused hands over her cheek. “Why do ye cry?”
Catriona opened her eyes and gave him a weak smile. “’Tis naught.”
“I dinnae wish to make ye cry.”
She shook her head. “’Tis nae ye.”
His expression grew grim. “’Tis Gillean?”
“In a way.”
Finn paused, his hand stilling on her cheek. She searched his gaze for an answer but none came that made any sense. Deep burning love reflected in those eyes but mayhap that was only hers. Her chest clogged with emotion again, until it became unbearable.
“Dinnae speak on it anymore. Only love me, Finn.”
He nodded, throat bobbing. “Aye, that I can do.”
He coaxed her onto her side and tucked her into the crook of his legs. He palmed a breast and she released a breath of gratification. His manhood pushed against her bottom and she wriggled as the desperate ache renewed. Scraping her hair aside, his lips met the sensitive skin of her neck and the top of her spine. Catriona leaned into his kisses while he rolled and plucked a nipple. After so long desiring his touch there, it electrified her. Skin tingled and moisture gathered.
“Love me, Finn,” she begged, unsure whether she was pleading for him to fill her or simply confess his feelings.
“I will,” he whispered in her ear. “I will love ye until ye forget yer name. Until ye can think of no one but me. Ye shall remember this, Katie. Remember me. When all has changed around ye and time has passed, still ye shall think of when ye came apart in my arms.”
Who knew if his words were meant to be comforting, but comfort her they did. He was right. She’d forever carry him in her heart and he would give her the strength she needed to protect her home and do her duty. His words were the closest thing to love she’d ever heard so she vowed to treasure them.
A hand slipped between her legs, parting her for him and he slid easily into her sheath, still slick with lust. He moved his hand to her hip and clasped it so he could glide into her with ease. Whispers slid over her skin—words of affection, how beautiful she was—as he took her higher and higher. Trembling and keening, she splintered apart, a slow, full release that brought fresh tears to her eyes.
Finn’s harsh groan echoed in her ear as he gripped her tight and convulsed against her. The fingers on her hips dug in and relaxed suddenly. Warmth filled her and she sighed, limbs loosening against him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she held them there, as if to keep him with her forever.
He kissed her ear. “Rest well, wee lass. I’ll stay awhile but I shall be gone before dawn.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat and held him tighter.
***
With the sun creeping up behind him, Finn urged Dìleas into a gallop. When they reached the brow of the hill, he pulled her to a stop and patted her flank. Gazing down at the keep, he found himself where Katelyn had been not so long ago. He’d thought he’d lost her that day. Ach, not that he ever had her.
Filling his lungs with air, he had Dìleas set off at a wild pace. He should have been satisfied, he thought. A night of hot lovemaking shouldn’t have left him with energy burning under his skin, with a pang of hunger in his belly for more.
More Katelyn.
He had to leave. He would say his farewells to his sister and be gone this day. How could he watch Katelyn wed another? He’d been selfish enough bedding her again. Foolish enough too. Yet again, he’d spilled inside of her with no thought for her safety or future. He didn’t even know how she would explain to Gillean how she had lost her maidenhood. Women were tricky, he knew that much, but not Katelyn. He
had taken all she could give and thrown her to the wolves.
He was the worst kind of a man. He’d failed to protect Alice and the babe, and now he’d failed Katelyn. Still, she would move on, have babes and live well enough. He might not trust Gillean but what could he do? He was no better for her and she was contracted to marry the man. How could he stomp in, demand Gillean relinquish her and destroy any chance of a good life for her? If he did not leave Kilcree that might be what he would do. He had to leave before he did anything even more foolish.
The breeze buffeted him, refreshing him but not removing the throb in his heart. He’d never forget her, to be sure. Had he ever met a woman so giving in bed? So divine, her fragile beauty only increased as he touched her, like a flower turning toward the sun. He smiled at the memory of those soft lips curving upward then touching him. Finn gripped the reins.
This would not do. If he wasn’t careful he’d put himself deep in his cups again. Odd how one scolding remark had taken away any hunger for wine or ale though. Likely he would always recall her light admonishment and wrinkled nose.
He cast his gaze over the castle while he rode Dìleas down a steep embankment. The sun now sat just above it, as if balancing on the ramparts. The orange glow warmed the stone. His gaze travelled to Katelyn’s window as it always did and he clenched the reins until they dug into his palm. He had to surmount this. Leaving was his only choice. Once he was back in his small cottage in Glencolum, the memories would fade. Her scent wouldn’t be able to follow him across the hills; her laughter couldn’t reach him there. She might invade his dreams sometimes though.
Nay, he’d remember her. He snorted. He’d wanted to brand himself in her memory for some sadistic reason. She’d as much as admitted she had no wish to marry Gillean. In some twisted way, he believed the memory of him—a selfish, cowardly man—would carry her through the misery of an arranged marriage. However, he thought it more likely she would forget him soon enough and he would be left with the lingering doubt.
Finn shook his head and eased the horse into a trot. Lorna needed to know he was leaving. He vowed to avoid Katelyn if he could. And then he would be gone and Katelyn would be married.
Samantha Holt (Highland Fae Chronicles) Page 16