This again? Alanna fought down her frustration. The guilt she’d seen in Darcy’s gaze, in her words, when Alanna had told her how her kidnapping had affected the Morgans, already seemed forgotten. Right now, seeing Darcy wasn’t about getting an apology. It wasn’t about getting closure on her past. The fact was, she’d probably never fully have it. That was something she needed to manage. And it was something she could manage, with her degree in psychology and her job helping others overcome worse trauma.
What she did need was for Darcy to understand the hurt she’d caused. She needed to understand the further hurt she’d cause if she let Elysia stay with Johnny. It was the only way Alanna had a shot at getting Darcy to choose Alanna’s happiness over that of the man she still called her son, the man who still called her Mom.
Alanna folded her arms in front of her on the table, leaned in.
Before she could speak, Darcy asked softly, “What happened to your ring?”
Alanna’s hands twitched, her wish to keep them hidden under the table too late. Darcy had given her a worn ruby ring when she was sixteen years old. It was a family heirloom Darcy had worn most of Alanna’s childhood. Alanna hadn’t taken it off for three years. It was the only thing she’d taken with her when she’d left Alaska besides the clothes she’d been wearing the day police had split apart the “family.”
The Morgans had all stared curiously at it when they didn’t think she would notice, but they waited for her open up to them at her own speed. She hadn’t wanted to hurt them, hadn’t wanted to admit that she missed Darcy and Julian, that the ring felt like her final connection to them. Instead she’d taken it off, placed it carefully at the bottom of a drawer and hadn’t put it on since.
“It’s safe,” Alanna said. “I still have it.” She slid her hands back under the table, tried to get the conversation back on track. “You thought you could trust me? Well, you said you loved me. You said you wanted to raise me to be strong and happy.”
The offense was as obvious on Darcy’s face as it was in her voice when she insisted, “I do. I did.”
Alanna leaned toward her again, closing the space between them, letting Darcy see the hurt and fear on her face. “Then why would you let Johnny take my niece?”
Darcy’s mouth dropped open into a small O. She shook her head slightly, her brow furrowed, but she didn’t quite meet Alanna’s gaze.
“You didn’t know?” Alanna demanded, not sure if the confusion on Darcy’s face was feigned or real. Hope started to replace the fear that talking to Darcy was too much of a long shot. If she really hadn’t known, she’d be more likely to help Elysia. But would she be able to? Would she know how to get through to Johnny?
“I—No. That wasn’t part of the plan. I didn’t even know your niece was here. Heck, I didn’t even know you had a niece. It’s not like you talk to me anymore.” She scowled, then gave a quick, hard shake of her head. Her voice was sad and lost when she continued, “We just wanted what we had before. We weren’t trying to hurt you. We weren’t trying to hurt anyone.”
“But you know you did, right?” Alanna asked softly, willing Darcy to look at her, to face what she’d done. “Just like you knew what you’d done to all of our families. You tried not to think about it, tried to convince yourself the families you stole from would all be fine, that the kids you ripped away from them were happy. But deep down, you knew. You knew it was wrong.”
Tears filled Darcy’s eyes and she blinked rapidly, clearing them away. She started to reach her hand out, then looked at the cuffs keeping them locked together and faltered.
Alanna leaned farther across the table, closing her hand over the top of Darcy’s linked hands, hoping she wouldn’t fixate on the missing ring again. Not that many years ago, Darcy’s hands had been smooth and soft, deceivingly small for how strong she was. Those hands had picked Alanna up hundreds—thousands?—of times as a child. They’d sewn her clothes and helped her build a desk for her studies. They’d wiped away her tears and wrapped around her in loving hugs that Alanna still missed.
Now those same hands felt paper-thin, dry and rough. They looked older, too, as if she’d aged twenty years in prison instead of five.
The guilt that was never far beneath the surface bubbled up. Normally, Alanna reminded herself that she had no reason to feel guilty, that she’d done the right thing. This time, she let Darcy see all of her conflicted emotions, hoped it would help Darcy admit to some of her own.
“Please,” Alanna whispered. “Elysia is only five months old. Johnny doesn’t know how to take care of a baby that young. Not alone. And my sister deserves to get her child back. Kensie has been through enough.”
“I…” Darcy’s cheek twitched, her lips twisting downward. Her gaze skipped away from Alanna.
“Johnny still has a chance to make a normal life for himself.”
Was it true? Alanna didn’t really know. Not only because he’d certainly be facing charges for helping a prisoner escape and kidnapping three children, but also because everything that had happened in the past week proved he was more damaged by their upbringing than Alanna had ever realized.
Still, there was one thing she knew for sure. Turning himself in, handing Elysia over unharmed, was the only chance he had.
Darcy looked up at her, eyes narrowed and unreadable.
“Please help me find them,” Alanna begged, squeezing Darcy’s hands under hers.
Darcy ripped her hands away and turned her gaze to the ground, but not before Alanna saw the regret there. “You’re lying to me. I’m not going to help you relegate Johnny to the same life I’ve had, the life Julian had. I love my son.”
She looked up at Alanna once more, finality in the hardness of her eyes, the clenched line of her jaw. “Goodbye, Alanna.”
* * *
SHE’D FAILED.
Alanna stood outside the interrogation room, her whole body too heavy with dread to move. Even knowing that Peter and Tate had surely already seen everything over the camera feed, Alanna didn’t want to face them. More than that, she didn’t want to face Kensie and Colter, didn’t want to have to admit that their best lead to find Elysia was gone.
The finality in Darcy’s goodbye had brought tears to Alanna’s eyes. Just as quickly, she’d blinked them away, vowing never to shed another tear over Darcy or Julian Altier.
Yes, they’d raised her with love. But ultimately, everything they’d done had been selfish.
Five years ago, Alanna thought she’d taken a huge step in regaining control over her own life. But maybe she’d just been living in limbo, stuck between two worlds, between two families.
Now, finally, she was picking sides. But she’d done it much too late.
Taking a deep breath to control her anxiety, wishing she had Chance beside her, Alanna forced herself to move back toward the station’s bullpen, toward Kensie and Colter.
As soon as she rounded the corner, there they were, crowding around her, fear and hope in their eyes that quickly turned to disappointment when they saw Alanna’s face.
Kensie swallowed hard and clutched her husband’s hand. Then she reached for Alanna’s hand, too, always the big sister, even when Alanna didn’t deserve it. “We’ll find another way,” she croaked, but her voice was full of fear. “The police are already combing the woods around our cabin, looking for trails. They’ll find something.”
Chance, obviously sensing Alanna’s distress, pushed his way through the crowd until he was beside her, his big head nudging her arm. Rebel hurried over, too, slipping in between, so she could press up against Colter and Kensie at the same time.
Alanna stroked her dog’s fur, letting his calming presence relax her too-rapid heartbeat. She looked past her family to Peter and Tate, who were standing a few steps away.
Peter stared back at her with sympathy in his eyes, no obvious sign of the distrust he had to be feeling after al
l of the things Darcy had said about her. Beside him, Tate looked more pensive, but Alanna was surprised to see that he didn’t seem angry or distrustful, either.
“What Darcy said—”
Peter stepped closer, cutting her off. “You did your best. I’m sorry she let you down.”
She blinked back at him and for half a second, it felt like it was just the two of them in that station. She could see in his eyes that he understood, that he hadn’t ever believed she was trying to let Darcy go. A smile trembled on her lips, remembering his frustration in that moment back in the cabin and knowing he’d chosen to believe her.
It faded just as fast as reality rushed back in. Elysia was still missing. Without Darcy’s help, how would they find Johnny? Without Darcy’s help, how did Johnny expect to care for a newborn while he was on the run?
“He never planned to,” she realized aloud.
“What?” Kensie asked, leaning closer, probably recognizing the excitement in Alanna’s voice.
“Without Darcy, Johnny’s not trying to re-create a family anymore. He’s looking for revenge.”
Kensie and Colter shared a worried glance, maybe because they’d already decided Johnny had grabbed Elysia out of revenge. They were probably worried it meant Johnny saw Elysia as expendable.
It was more than simple revenge, though. Darcy was all highs and lows, lots of excitement followed by periods of depression. But she always acted with love, even when it was misguided. And until now, she’d stood by all of her “children,” no matter what. Johnny followed her lead when it came to his mood swings, but his emotions were always all or nothing. Love or hate. Once the pendulum swung, it was hard to send it back.
He’d treated her like his best friend growing up, the little sister he was so happy to have by his side no matter what. When she’d left that note, all that love had twisted into fury. There was no in-between for him.
If Johnny had given up on rebuilding a family, then his entire goal was revenge. It meant Tate had been right when he’d asked what use revenge was if she didn’t know it was Johnny. But with the kids rescued, of course they’d eventually figure out it was him. What Johnny needed her to know now was how to find him. What he needed was a reason to make her come. He’d found the reason. And she knew where to go.
Johnny had returned to where it had all started. He was at their cabin in Desparre.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“Why are we out here?” Tate demanded, zipping his coat up to his chin.
Alanna looked around the circle of people she’d hustled out of the station and into the snow. Kensie and Colter had Rebel between them, and the dog looked as curious as her owners in the darkened parking lot. Peter stood beside her, absently petting Chance and waiting for her to speak, his narrowed eyes telling her he already suspected what was coming.
When she’d told them all she needed to go outside for some fresh air, she’d hoped Tate would stay inside. Some part of her had hoped Peter would, too. Because if either of them refused to go along with her plan, her niece could be in more danger.
“Maybe you should go in and warm up,” Alanna suggested, trying to sound sincere.
“You figured out where they are, didn’t you?” Tate demanded.
“What?” Kensie gasped, clutching her hand. “Really?”
Alanna stared back at the big sister who looked so much like her and nodded. “I think so. But…” Her gaze darted to Peter and Tate. “Johnny understands the Alaskan wilderness the way Darcy does. We grew up learning to shoot in case of trespassers or a rogue bear. Despite my carelessness a few days ago, we were taught how to spot signs of a potential avalanche. We learned how to use the wilderness to our advantage.”
“Like firing at an overhang of snow and burying a team of police officers who thought they were well hidden?” Tate stared, assessing her like he was still trying to determine if the people who’d raised her were that in tune with their surroundings or she’d somehow given away their presence.
“Johnny was better than any of us,” Alanna continued, ignoring the unspoken question—Tate was either going to have to trust her or she wasn’t letting him in on her plan. “I can’t have officers trying to surround him. Not with Elysia in the way.”
Peter took her hand. “We’ll be more careful about—”
“No.” She turned toward him, Kensie’s desperate face in her peripheral vision. “What I said before, about Johnny looking for revenge? I’m the one he thinks did him wrong.”
“We’re not going to let him hurt you,” Colter hissed.
His loyalty brought tears to her eyes and she nodded a quick thanks to the brother-in-law who’d risked his life for her before he’d even known her to help Kensie bring her home. “I don’t think he will. He’s not trying to just lure me close enough to shoot me. He spent the past five years ignoring me. This is his way of reaching out.”
Kensie let out a huffed breath, then leaned into her husband over Rebel.
Alanna kept her eyes locked on Peter, willing him to believe her, praying he’d have enough trust left with Tate to keep his partner quiet, too. “He wants to talk.”
“Talk?” Peter asked, eyebrows raised. “And then what?”
“I know Johnny,” she said instead of answering. “If we give him the opportunity to take me instead of Elysia, he’ll jump at that deal.”
“There’s a better way than trying to make a trade,” Peter insisted.
“Aren’t we getting ahead of ourselves?” Tate asked. “Where is he keeping Elysia? Let’s do some surveillance. We can—”
“You’ll never get close to him,” Alanna insisted. “But I can. I can go there and convince him to leave her behind. I just have to go with him.”
“What?” Kensie stepped forward and Rebel did, too, giving a sharp bark in response to Kensie’s distress. Kensie grabbed Alanna’s arm, turning her so they were face-to-face. “I don’t want to lose you again.”
“You won’t,” Alanna said, forcing herself not to blink or shift her gaze. “He hates me right now, but I’m still his family. As long as I don’t betray him by bringing the police, he’ll go with me. He’ll leave Elysia. I know he will.”
“Alanna.” Her name sounded like a sigh as Peter moved so he was in her line of sight, too. “You can’t know how anyone from the Altier ‘family’ is going to respond anymore. Things have changed.”
“You saw what happened in that cabin,” she told Peter. “Darcy turned her weapon on you, but she ran instead of risking that she’d hit me. After everything that happened, Johnny is still her son. He’ll do the same.”
Kensie and Colter shared a worried glance and Peter’s gaze lifted to Tate’s, his forehead crinkled with doubt. Tate gave a short, hard nod and Alanna felt her whole body relax.
They believed her. They’d follow her plan. She let herself smile, because she knew it could work. Johnny had only grabbed Elysia to get back at her. He’d never hurt a baby. But no way did he want to raise one all alone.
“You can still go inside,” Peter told Tate softly. “You don’t know anything. You don’t have to be a part of this.”
Tate shook his head, the expression on his face a mix of anger and determination. “We’ve come this far because Alanna could predict what Darcy would do. If Johnny knows this place half as well as she does, he could disappear way too easily.” His gaze darted to Kensie and Colter and then back to his partner. “Our department is good, but situations like this need one of two things—a good hostage negotiator or a full-time tactical team.” He looked at Alanna. “I’ll bet on our hostage negotiator.”
“Thank you,” she whispered. Then she took a deep breath and looked at her big sister. “He’s at the cabin where we used to live. He must be. It’s the only place he can be sure I’d know to look. I’ll go up there and get in the car with him. We’ll drive away and leave Elysia there. That way, he can b
e sure anyone coming after us will go into the cabin first. He’s good at watching for tails. He’ll see if anyone follows us.”
“What happens if it doesn’t work?” Peter demanded. “What happens if he tries to run with both of you?”
“I won’t do it.” Understanding that Johnny would probably be armed and there might be a situation where she had no choice, Alanna added, “If I have to get in the car with both of them, I’ll signal you. Then you stop the car. Otherwise, you go in the cabin and get Elysia.”
“What about you?” Kensie asked.
“Once we’re far enough away, Johnny and I will talk things through. I doubt I’ll be able to get him to turn himself in. But he’ll know I won’t stay with him forever, just like I didn’t stay with the Altiers forever. He’ll have to let me go.”
They all stared back at her with worried expressions and she insisted, “I told you, he won’t hurt me. He might take a while to let me go, true. Then he’ll be a fugitive, because I can’t bring him in if he doesn’t want to go. But I’ll be okay. I promise.”
Chance whined, shoved his big head against her arm a few times, like he was begging her to be honest.
She stroked his fur and kept her expression even. Darcy would have been able to see through it, but the woman had raised her. Kensie had only known her for ten years, five of them as a little child and five as a woman torn between two worlds. But no longer. Today she was going to prove where she belonged.
If she didn’t live through it, then at least she’d die looking after her niece the way Kensie had looked after her.
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