by Julia Derek
Fifteen minutes later we were driving up the winding, narrow roads of Laurel Canyon. I knew just where I would take her—to my favorite lookout spot from where you could see all the way down to San Diego. At least that’s what Lara had claimed. I’d never been able to see it myself—and I had twenty/twenty vision—but she’d been so sure she’d actually seen the city itself that I hadn’t had the heart to contradict her.
I parked the bike next to a tree and we climbed off. Without a word, I took her hand and we began to walk. We stopped at the edge of a cliff and gazed out over the vast landscape in which cars zoomed by on highways far below and a gazillion lights of varying sizes shone, washing out every star in the sky. As we stood there, I felt Ricki’s hand grasp mine tighter.
I turned to look at her. “Are you okay?”
She was peering down into the abyss instead of out at the huge, flat city.
She faced me, a half smile on her lips. “Yes. It’s just something about standing so close to the edge that’s a little unsettling to me.”
“Why?”
“A few months ago, a very close friend of mine almost pushed her fiancé off the cliff to his sure death. Well, he wasn’t her fiancé then. Not even her boyfriend really.”
“Wow,” I said, truly amazed. “The guy must really love her to want to marry a girl who did something like that to him.”
Ricki nodded, gazing back out over the city again. “Yes, he really does love her. But he also knows that she didn’t do it on purpose. It was an accident. A very unfortunate accident.”
“My mom died when she jumped off a roof,” I said suddenly, not sure why those words had left my mouth. “She was only twenty-one.”
Ricki’s other hand covered mine then. “I’m so sorry, Dante.”
“Yeah, me too. From what I understand, she had a fucked-up life. Her last years at least.”
We were facing each other now. “Why do you say ‘from what you understand’?”
“My grandma told me about it when I was seven. I remember every word of what she said. I can’t really remember my mom, though.”
“What did your grandma tell you?”
I nodded toward a thick tree trunk that lay on the ground behind us, looking like a bench to sit on. “Let’s sit over there, and I’ll tell you.”
Ricki said okay and I led her over there. We sat on it, side by side. From here, we were able to discern a few stars in the sky and the moon, which was almost full.
I could tell that she was waiting for me to start talking, so I did.
“I ran away from my first foster home and rang the doorbell to my mom’s house. I had overheard my foster parents talking about where my grandparents lived and written down the address. My grandma opened the door and took me in. I was lucky my grandfather wasn’t at home, or she would never have dared to do so. I stayed there for five days, then she took me back to my foster family.”
“What?” Ricki stared at me like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “She took back her own grandson to the foster family he’d run away from? Why on earth would she do that? I can only assume that you didn’t run away because you loved your foster parents all that much. Didn’t you tell me the father beat you a lot?”
I gave a small, humorless laugh. “Yeah, he did. In his defense, he was a drunk and didn’t know what he was doing. He beat his own children, too. Anyone who got too close when he was drunk.”
Ricki’s hands flew up to cover her face. “So then why did she take you back there? Didn’t you tell her?”
“No, I just wanted her to talk about my mother. And she never asked either. I don’t think she wanted to know.”
Ricki shook her head. “Oh, my God…”
“Anyway, in those five days I learned that my mother started dating my dad, a Mexican with ties to drug cartels. My grandfather couldn’t get over that his only child of pure Irish blood was involved with a spic.” I rolled my eyes at the thought of my racist grandpa. “So he told her that either my mom gave up my dad or she could go live with him. My mom chose my dad and that was how I was made. Unfortunately, my dad was murdered by someone in the cartel, which left my mother to fend for herself since my grandfather refused to let her come back home now that she had me. So she prostituted herself to provide for me and her. Finally, I guess she couldn’t take it anymore, so she jumped off a roof to her death.”
Ricki was still shaking her head, like she couldn’t believe her ears. “Your grandfather is a mean son of a bitch, I’m sorry to say. And your grandma isn’t much better.”
I gazed into the dark sky. “I can’t argue with that.”
We fell into silence for a while then.
“Did you get that teardrop tattoo because you killed someone?” Ricki suddenly asked. I closed my eyes, knowing that I had no choice but to tell her the truth then, no matter how much it pained me to talk about Lara. I didn’t want Ricki to think I was a murderer. In my ten years with the gang, I hadn’t once killed anyone, only roughed up people, some badly. But it had been either them or me. I took a deep breath and steeled myself for the inevitable pain that would fill me as I answered her question:
“No,” I began. “It’s in the honor of my dead girlfriend. I never killed anyone.”
Ricki
Dante sat stiffly beside me on the tree trunk, his gaze trained to the ground before us. Again, I’d been able to feel the pain that had radiated through him as he’d answered my question. I took his hand with both of mine and squeezed it.
“Dante, I don’t know what to say,” I said. Saying that I was sorry yet again seemed to have lost its impact, but what else was there to do? So I said it again, “I’m so, so sorry.”
Even someone as curious as me was not about to keep probing this matter. Not when I’d been able to sense how much it had hurt him just to bring it up to me. If he ever wanted to give me the details of her death, I’d let him do it when he was ready, not push him.
He brought my hands to his mouth and kissed them. “It’s okay. It wasn’t as hard telling you about it as I’d expected.” He gave me a warm smile. “Actually, I’m already feeling better having told you. So I’m happy I did.”
I smiled back. “That’s good.”
“Yes, it is.” He inhaled and lowered my hands into his lap. He looked me deep in the eyes. “I came to your house tonight because I wanted to tell you that I lied to you about having a girlfriend. I haven’t had one since Lara died and that was eight years ago now.” He chuckled and looked away. “Well, I’ve had girlfriends, but not a girlfriend-girlfriend if you know what I mean…”
I nodded, eager to hear what else he was about tell me. Because I could definitely sense that there was more to come. So I said, “I do know what you mean.”
He faced me again. “I also wanted to tell you the real reason why I said that.”
I held my breath as I waited for him to continue.
“Well,” he began and I could have sworn he blushed, but it was too dark out to determine that for sure. I put my hand on his to encourage him to talk because my intuition suggested this was going to end well. For both of us.
He took another breath and looked at me with embarrassment in his expression. “I got scared.”
I exhaled quietly. “Why did you get scared? Did I scare you?”
“I got scared that you would end up the way Lara and my mother ended up if we ever got serious. You know, started dating.”
“You mean that I would… die?”
He nodded.
I tilted my head in confusion. “Why would I die?”
He shrugged. “I dunno. I guess I’m just superstitious. It seems like every female that I love dies. Because I did love my mother despite that she wasn’t strong enough to keep being my mother.”
He buried his face in his hands, his elbows on his knees.
I put an arm around his back, felt how he was trembling slightly. “It’s okay, Dante. It’ll all be okay. I won’t die. Not for many, many years.” Did he actuall
y just tell me that he loved me then…? I couldn’t be sure and I was definitely not about to ask him to clarify, either.
He looked up at me and his dark eyes glittered with tears. The corner of his mouth turned up in a lop-sided grin. “You promise?”
I made a cross with two fingers over my chest. “Cross my heart and…” Clearing my throat, I caught myself before I could finish the end of the saying. Fortunately, my crude choice of words didn’t seem to bother Dante. Instead, his gaze had lowered to my lips and the tension between us became almost unbearable. Suddenly he leaned in and kissed me, his hands going up my shoulders, bringing me closer to him. I helped him by slinging my own arms around his neck, and soon we were so closely entangled it felt like we had become one being.
He pulled me to my feet, not leaving my mouth with his as he did so. He held me so tightly while kissing me feverishly under the moonlight that my feet left the ground for a few seconds. His hot mouth against mine felt so good rushes of excitement surged through my entire body. I never wanted him to stop kissing me, but soon he did. He looked me deep in the eyes, fire burning strong behind his, and caressed my cheek with his thumb. He smiled.
“I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this happy, Ricki,” he said.
I couldn’t help but grin back at him. “Not me either, to be honest.” I truly meant those words. I was so happy I felt almost dizzy. Out of the corner of my eye, I gauged how far away we were standing from the cliff edge. Relief shot through me; it was several feet from us. After what had happened between Nina and Dylan, I had become slightly paranoid about being too close to the edge of any heights.
He cupped my face and placed a light kiss on my lips. “It’s late. We both need to get up early, so we should get going.”
I didn’t really care if I slept at all tonight—with all the euphoria filling my every cell I didn’t think I’d be able to fall asleep anyway. Also, I didn’t need to get up that early, but I knew that Dante did, so I nodded. “Okay, let’s go.”
Hand in hand, we walked over to his Harley and took off down the winding roads that outlined Laurel Canyon. It didn’t take long until we were back at my place. I got off Dante’s bike and faced him. I absolutely didn’t want him to leave. Every part of me screamed with pain at the thought of it.
“You’re welcome to spend the night at my house,” I said, hoping he’d say yes. “And I don’t mean on my couch…” I blushed a touch at my boldness, but I didn’t regret what I had said. I so wanted to be with him tonight. I couldn’t blame him for saying no, though, since he needed his sleep a lot more than I did, working so much and so hard.
He broke into that grin that made him look like a toothpaste model. “I’d love to spend the night at your house.”
I breathed a silent sigh of relief at his overwhelmingly positive response.
“All right, let’s go then,” I said and winked at him. “It’s late, so let’s not waste any time…”
I walked into my building while he parked his bike on the street. My fingers were shaking I was so excited when I tried to open my apartment door. Only when Dante was right behind me did I manage to get the key in and turn it around.
We were barely inside my place before our hands were all over each other, our lips connected in a hot kiss. As we got closer to my bed, still kissing, Dante suddenly pulled away.
“Let’s do this the right way tonight,” he whispered. “Take our time and put on some music. Light some candles. I think this is a moment to celebrate, don’t you?”
How could I argue with that?
“But don’t you have to get up early,” I said. “It’s already ten o’clock.”
Dante smiled. “Trust me, Ricki. After a night with you, I’ll feel energized tomorrow even if I only sleep an hour.”
Oh, God, was this guy for real? He said all the right things…
“Okay,” I said, giddy with happiness. I looked for my iPod. “What music should we put on? I have tons of music on my iPod.”
He pulled out an iPod from his jean pocket. “I do, too. And I know just what songs I want to make love to you to…” He slid his free hand behind my head and gave me a light kiss.
“Do you have matches?” he asked me.
Without answering, I handed him a book of matches that I got from the big bowl on the coffee table beside us. He took it and began lighting the five big candles that I’d placed in strategic places throughout my studio. Then he switched off the light in the ceiling and my place had suddenly transformed from pleasant and neutral to intimate and romantic. I didn’t think I’d ever lit all those candles at the same time. Or even one of them, actually. Who would have known it would have that effect?
“Where can I attach my iPod?” he asked next.
I pointed to my boombox that sat on a side table. “Do you see the cord that’s hanging there? You can attach it to that one.”
“Great.” Dante walked over to the side table and inserted the cord into his little iPod. He turned on the boombox and soon Alicia Keys’ recent hit The Fire We Make streamed out from the loudspeakers. A shiver went through me when I heard what song it was. Alicia Keys was one of my absolute favorite artists and this song in particular. He adjusted the volume so that it was just right, the perfect aphrodisiac for the ear. Then he turned to face me.
Dante
Ricki’s mouth had dropped open a touch when I looked at her from where I stood next to the boombox, Alicia Keys’ sultry voice streaming out from the loudspeakers. She looked even more beautiful in the soft light that emanated from the candles. I’d noticed them the first time I’d been in her studio and wondered why she’d never lit them, if they were only there for show. It was about time they were put to use.
“Do you like?” I asked her and walked toward her slowly.
She smiled. “Yes… How did you know that I love Alicia Keys? And especially that song?”
“I didn’t. It just happens to be one of my favorite songs, too.” I stopped before her and cupped her face, tilting it up to me. “Do you know how beautiful you are, Ricki?”
She blinked as she gazed back at me with those innocent blue eyes. “I am?”
I bent down to kiss her. “Yes. Very.”
As we’d been riding back to Ricki’s place, I’d become even more convinced that telling her about Lara had been the right thing to do. Revealing my fear to get too close to Ricki had made me feel as though I was suddenly lighter and it became easier to breathe. The pressure against my chest that always used to be there was gone. As Jose had pointed out, I needed to stop the ridiculous thoughts that I was somehow cursed to inflict death on the women I loved. I only had two women to base this assumption on, which wasn’t exactly a large sample. It was time to let it go and allow myself to love again. Love Ricki. I could tell that it wouldn’t be long before the intense feelings of “like” I had for her would turn into love. It was just the way it had felt with Lara when we first started going out.
I was determined to show Ricki my very best side after what I’d put her through recently.
I bent down to kiss her again, deeper this time, and she soon responded by wrapping her arms around my neck. Her eagerness to taste more of me was an incredible turn-on and I felt myself instantly harden. I traced my hands from her waist up to her breasts and squeezed them lightly. Tonight I would be more gentle and romantic, serve her before I had my way with her.
I left feather-light kisses along her neck down toward her breasts and she tilted her head back to give me easy access. I pulled her top upward and she helped me get it off her by raising her arms in the air. Before I continued with her bra, I admired her in the candlelight for a moment.
“Pure perfection,” I murmured as I bent to kiss her breasts while unhooking her bra. It came off easily enough and she gasped with pleasure as I filled my mouth with one of her breasts, sucking it while stroking her outside her pants. I unbuttoned them and pulled them off her, covering her stomach with kisses all the while. Her skin was just as
soft as I had imagined it to be when I first saw her.
Instead of removing her panties, I grabbed her under her knees and back and placed her on her bed. Then I removed my own clothes, not taking my eyes off her.
She watched me transfixed, as if she couldn’t wait for my next move. The way her light eyes had gone dark and shiny, I had no doubt I was doing all the right things. I began kissing the insides of her soft thighs and the closer I got to her center, the quicker her breath became. As I reached my goal and pulled aside her panties, she gasped my name.
“Spread your legs, Ricki,” I murmured and she instantly obeyed. She kept moaning my name as I pleasured her with my tongue, enjoying it as much, if not more than she seemed to be doing based on her whimpers. The closer she got to release, the harder she clutched my hair, crushing my face to her center. Finally, I got her where she wanted, riding her ecstasy with her all the way to the end.
I felt her entire body relax afterward and I slid up toward her face. She gazed at me with a lazy expression, looking pleased.
“You’re not about to fall asleep on me now, are you?” I asked and smiled at her. “I’ve only just begun…”
She smiled back. “I don’t think you’ll let me.”
I kissed her berry mouth. “You’re damn right I’m not.”
I buried my face in the crook of her neck and closed my eyes, just enjoying the moment, inhaling her scent. She ran her hands through my hair, making me relax further. I had to struggle not to fall asleep myself now. Her hands suddenly froze and I heard her gasp with shock.
I raised my head to see what had prompted such a reaction, even though I already had my suspicions. She was staring at my back in the way other women had done before her. But they usually never said much about it.
“Oh, my God, Dante. That must’ve hurt so much…” Her hand touched one of the scars on my back, the result from a variety of fights I’d been involved in. The ones on my torso weren’t nearly as noticeable as the ones on my back, partly because a couple of my tattoos reached across my chest, camouflaging them.