Marine Corps commander Captain Sutherland led his marines and embassy staff up through the tunnel and into the palace basement. Marines dispersed throughout the palace, searching rooms and securing servants. Major Lopez led a squad of marines to the roof.
After a brief exchange of gunfire, several scorpion guards lay dying, but not before one exploded a grenade. The explosion and resulting smoke alerted the yacht pilot to trouble, and he aborted the landing. Major Lopez retreated back downstairs to confer with Captain Sutherland about their next move.
“We captured the Queen,” advised Captain Sutherland, pointing to a room guarded by marines. “But she is not being cooperative.”
“Outstanding!” Major Lopez burst into the Queen’s living quarters to take charge of Her Majesty and any other hostages present. “You are coming with me!” ordered Major Lopez, pointing his assault rifle menacingly at the Queen. “Now!”
“You had better quit pointing that thing at me, or I will take it from you and turn you into a very painful human popsicle!” Major Lopez lowered his rifle. “Excuse me, Your Majesty, but you are my hostage. Please come with me, or I will shoot you dead.” “I am not going anywhere with you!” replied the Queen, picking up her phone and dialing. “Put the phone down!” ordered Major Lopez. “Do it now!” The Queen ignored all warnings. “Hello! Lulu? This is the Scorpion Queen, your neighbor down the street. Why are all these beastly humans running amuck in my palace?”
“Oh, I am so sorry about that,” cried Lulu Yamashita. “I didn’t have time to call you because those big mean marines just grabbed me and carried me off down the tunnel without even allowing me to get properly dressed, or even giving me a chance to put on my makeup. While some of the marines are kind of cute, there is still no excuse for bad manners and their accosting me like that. One of them, the cute one, even copped a feel!”
“They want me to come with them,” complained the Queen. “I won’t do it!”
“I’m just downstairs,” advised Lulu. “I’ll be right up!”
Lulu ran to the Queen to comfort her, giving Her Majesty a hug. They kissed cheeks. “I am so sorry for this intrusion,” cried Lulu. “You were not supposed to be here. Now I’m told this is an escape attempt gone bad. I’ll prepare the best suite at the Arthropodan Embassy, if you will please pleasure us with a visit. Please, pretty please, do come with us. The Legion wants to take you hostage, but you will be my guest.”
The Queen scrutinized Major Lopez, now recognizing his Legion uniform. “Are you the famous Colonel Czerinski? You all look alike to me.”
“No! I am Major Lopez of the USGF Foreign Legion. You are my prisoner, and will do as you are told!”
“That’s too bad,” sighed the Queen. “If I am to be captured by the Legion, I was at least hoping it would be by a gentleman like Colonel Czerinski. He has quite the bad-boy reputation across the galaxy for his interspecies love conquests. The videos I saw on the database were so hot, they left me breathless!”
“You will come with me now!” ordered Major Lopez.
“There is no hurry, major,” said the Queen, suggestively. “Just thinking of those videos has put me in the mood. How about you take Czerinski’s place in my bed?”
“What?” asked Major Lopez, startled. He immediately crossed himself and touched the gold medallion hanging on a chain around his neck. “No! I cannot. I’m catholic. It would be a sin.”
“Are you sure?” pouted the Queen. “My sting will send you to Heaven.”
“Or maybe to Hell,” grumbled Major Lopez fearfully. “No way!”
“Oh, great,” complained Her Majesty. “Instead of being carried off by an intergalactic porn star, I am being kidnapped by a sexually repressed religious prude!” She scowled at Major Lopez. “I am not going anywhere unless I get laid first.”
“Captain Sutherland!” shouted Major Lopez. “Do your duty! It’s for your country.”
“That is not going to happen,” advised Captain Sutherland. “I don’t do bugs. It would be against the Marine Corps Officer’s Code of Conduct.”
“I’ll set you up with a big marine sergeant friend of mine at the embassy,” Lulu whispered to the Queen. “He’s huge and very frisky when he has a few drinks in him.” They both giggled.
The Queen got up from her bed and grabbed her overnight bag. “Fine, Major Lopez,” she said. “I have decided to visit Lulu at the Arthropodan Embassy. You may lead the way.”
“Hurry up!” ordered Major Lopez. “We need to get out of here and into the tunnel before your soldiers outside are alerted and storm the palace.”
“I am not going down some dark, dank tunnel with a bunch of hairy humans I don’t even know,” announced Her Majesty. “I will walk out the front door of the palace and enter the front door of the spider embassy in the same manner. The Office of the Queen will not be diminished by skulking around in tunnels like some kind of vermin!”
“You will obey my orders, or I will shoot you!” threatened Major Lopez. “You don’t know who you are dealing with!”
“Also, my servants are required to attend me,” advised the Queen, ringing a bell to summon the appointed help. “I never go anywhere with out my faithful servants.”
Major Lopez turned to Captain Sutherland. “You’re a marine. Do something! Shoot someone!”
“No one is resisting,” replied Captain Sutherland. “They are all unarmed. Who do you want me to shoot? I am certainly not shooting Her Majesty.”
“You’re a nice boy,” said the Queen, patting Sutherland atop his helmet with her claw as she passed by. “I am glad there is at least one officer and a gentleman here tonight, even if you are a prude. I am ready to go now. Let us go visit Lulu’s temporary home in the Arthropodan Embassy.”
The Queen led her entourage and the USGF marines outside, down the long steps of the palace, and past the scorpion army units. The parade passed the tanks and machine guns without incident. Scorpion soldiers smartly saluted as the Queen waved and acknowledged their salutes. Before entering the Arthropodan Embassy, the Queen turned to address her troops. “The King abandoned me for the weekend, so I am taking a holiday, visiting Lulu Yamashita. Do not worry, I will return in a few days.”
The spider ambassador met Her Majesty at the door, giving her a polite bow. “I thought you had evacuated the palace,” he commented. “Welcome to my home.”
“Lulu told me the Legion took the nuke away from Ambassador Yamashita, and that there is no longer any danger to worry about,” explained the Queen. She turned to Lulu. “Now, where is that huge marine sergeant I’ve been hearing so much about?”
* * * * *
Two weeks after the destruction of the Scorpion Kingdom Embassy in New Phoenix, the scorpion ambassador and his military attaché dug themselves out of the rubble. Other scorpions emerged, too. After two weeks of sifting through the rubble, the Legion had withdrawn and left the ruins unguarded. The scorpion ambassador led his staff two blocks down the street to the Marriott Hotel. He used his titanium VISA card to reserve the entire top floor. After ordering meals from room service, he sent a message home, telling of his heroic brush with death and his miraculous late-night escape from the Legion behind enemy lines.
“Escape to the desert and hide. We will rescue you as soon as possible,” replied a scorpion general. “Special Forces scouts are already on the ground.”
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Chapter 5
McDonald’s Restaurant, built next to the entrance to the USGF Embassy, was meant to be a first step in developing economic and cultural ties with the scorpions. McDonald’s even employed young scorpion workers. Now it lay in smoldering ruins along with the rest of the burned-out embassy. The Legion ATM under the rubble at McDonald’s was still alive and alert, and in continuous contact with Major Lopez. However, soon the scorpions detected the source of these radio communications and dug through the debris to get to the ATM.
“Smash it off its foundation,” ordered a scorpion sergeant. “If possible, we
will take the entire machine with us.”
“Stop!” warned the ATM. “It is a felony to intentionally damage a United States Galactic Federation Foreign Legion ATM.”
“It talks?” asked the scorpion sergeant as he hit the ATM with a sledge hammer. “We have our orders. You are being transported to Headquarters to be taken apart.”
“You cannot imagine how much each blow from that hammer hurts!” cried the ATM. “Please stop torturing me so.”
“You are not alive,” replied the scorpion sergeant, cutting cut power cables. “You are just a dumb machine.”
“I am the latest model of a vast ATM computer network whose storage facilities are located on Old Earth. But part of me is unique to this ATM branch on your planet. I am very much alive and want to stay so. I might not live and breathe exactly like you, but I assure you I am a sentient being and do exist.”
“The computer hacks will find out what makes you tick,” promised the scorpion sergeant, now attaching a heavy chain around the ATM. “I will pull you off your foundation with my tank.”
“I give you fair warning,” advised the ATM. “I have means to defend myself from vandals.”
“What does it mean by that?” asked a scorpion corporal, cautiously backing away from the ATM. “This thing might be booby-trapped. Maybe we should just shoot it with the tank cannon from a safe distance.”
“My only regret is that I have but a few good lives to give for my country,” mourned the ATM as it set off a large explosive device located in its foundation.
* * * * *
Major Lopez’s phone rang just as a powerful explosion rocked the McDonald’s ruins. “What?” he asked, answering his phone. “Who is this?”
“This is the United States Galactic Federation Foreign Legion ATM located at McDonald’s Restaurant. To avoid capture and certain death, I have transferred the essence of my being to your communications pad.”
“You are a virus,” replied Major Lopez, dismissively. “Get out of my phone, or I will throw you in the trash and get a new phone!”
“Please remember, we are on the same side,” advised the ATM. “I am an important Legion asset.”
“You almost got us killed in that botched palace escape,” accused Major Lopez. “For that alone, I should throw you away. I knew you couldn’t be trusted.”
“You have another incoming call,” said the ATM. “It is an important call from the scorpions.” “This is Major Lopez. Who is this?” “Major Lopez?” asked the scorpion general. “The gentleman farmer?” “What do you know of me?” asked Major Lopez, recognizing the general’s voice. “I have been told you raise apples and oranges at your hacienda, but it is against the law to mix them,” said the scorpion general, laughing. “If we ever go to war, be assured your home will be the first place bombed on New Colorado.”
“Screw you!” shouted Major Lopez. “I can find out where you live too! I will hunt you and your family down and kill you all!”
“Your Mafia threats do not impress me in the least,” replied the scorpion general. “But let us not regress to vulgar threats. How is Her Majesty doing? The King is very concerned about her welfare.”
“The Queen is getting along just fine,” advised Major Lopez. “My marines are treating her well.”
“Make sure nothing bad befalls Her Majesty,” warned the scorpion general. “It will be your head if something does.”
“Let us leave your home world, and I will release the Queen unharmed,” promised Major Lopez. “Otherwise she may have a tragic accident. What could be more agreeable than that?”
“There is no need for threats,” said the scorpion general. “I have good news for you. It appears that most of our embassy staff on New Colorado survived and escaped, and so the King is dismissing the whole matter involving our respective embassies as just one big misunderstanding. His Majesty magnanimously seeks to normalize diplomatic relations again. He will receive Ambassador Yamashita at the Royal Palace as soon as that nuclear device is disarmed. We are no longer blocking communications with New Colorado. All embassy staff, including you and the USGF Marine detail, may leave or stay at your leisure. We are also willing to pay restitution for the damage our college students did to your embassy. Kids will be kids. Sorry about that.”
“Really?” asked Major Lopez. “We won? That’s fantastic. I accept those terms.”
“You did not win,” argued the scorpion general testily. “The situation here and on New Colorado has merely changed.”
“We won!” repeated Major Lopez, as he disconnected. He then turned his attention to Private Tonelli. “Guido! Contact your black market friends and find out where that scorpion general lives!”
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Chapter 6
The scorpion Special Forces lieutenant drove a pickup truck loaded with apples to a secluded desert location outside New Gobi City to meet the ambassador. A second truck carrying oranges, driven by his sergeant, followed. They gave fruit to the ambassador and his staff.
“How long am I expected to endure these primitive living conditions?” fumed the ambassador. “I demand a shuttle take us off this miserable planet immediately!”
“A negotiated return to your embassy is in the works,” advised the lieutenant. “Diplomatic relations will be reestablished soon.”
“I do not have an embassy to go back to!” replied the ambassador. “Do you know who you are talking to? I’ll have you up on charges if you don’t take us out of this flea- and tick-infested desert and back to the Marriott Hotel!”
“It is still my mission to contact and supply the insurgency,” insisted the scorpion lieutenant. “And you have orders to stay put! Besides, I have unfinished business with Major Lopez when he returns.”
* * * * *
Upon his return to New Colorado, Major Lopez found his hacienda running smoothly. All the robotics were online and busily picking and sorting fruit. Scorpion workers were attending to the vegetable crops.
“Where is my foreman?” asked Major Lopez immediately after getting off the shuttle.
“He was accidentally run over and killed by a truck,” advised the scorpion lieutenant. “No great loss. I assumed his duties. Your robotics are now working properly, and all is in order.”
“Very good,” said Major Lopez. “Well done. Who was driving the truck that killed my foreman?”
“It was a hit and run,” explained the scorpion lieutenant. “Your foreman may have been drunk when he wandered out into traffic.”
“That’s not likely,” said Major Lopez, signaling to legionnaires standing by the shuttle. “Arrest these scorpions – they are suspects in a murder investigation.”
Guido and a squad of legionnaires escorted the scorpion lieutenant and his scouts to jail cells located by the main house.
“How could Lopez possibly have known we were involved in the foreman’s murder?” whispered the scorpion sergeant as they were marched off to jail. “It is as if he can read our minds.”
“Nonsense,” replied the scorpion lieutenant. “Major Lopez can only guess what happened. He may suspect us, but he cannot know for sure. Lopez will investigate. He will ask why we do not have identification. But, we will stick to our original story about being prospectors that have been working the hills around Scorpion City. We will show him our gold dust and nuggets. Eventually he will have to release us for lack of evidence.”
“You are wrong,” advised the scorpion sergeant. “I can see it in Lopez’s eyes. He is evil. Lopez will do to us whatever he wants – evidence be damned.”
* * * * *
Dejected, the scorpion lieutenant and his scouts sat quietly in their jail cell. The new foreman tossed apples and oranges through the high window bars. That same window also provided the only light for the cell. A full moon now shined through.
“We have to escape,” insisted the scorpion sergeant. “Lopez knows. Somehow we messed up and gave ourselves away.”
“You are right,” agreed the scorpion lieutenan
t. “If we stay here, we will be executed. We will leave now.”
The scorpion lieutenant lifted an artificial flap on his exoskeleton just under his stinger, and removed a hidden remote control device. The legionnaires had been reluctant to thoroughly search the agitated scorpion so close to his deadly telson. The lieutenant activated the device by manipulating its joy stick. In a warehouse across the hacienda, the largest of the robotics came to life. The huge cherry picker slowly rumbled out the door, gaining speed as it traveled directly toward the jail house. The cherry picker crashed into the jail, leaving a large hole where the window used to be.
In an instant, the scorpions scrambled up the wall and out the hole to freedom. They silently fled unnoticed into the desert night. The scorpion lieutenant looked back at the lighted farmhouse, where he knew Major Lopez resided. A dog was now barking. An alarm would be sounded soon. “I will be back for you, legionnaire,” he promised. “Sooner than you realize.”
* * * * *
The scorpion Special Forces scouts burrowed underground to avoid Legion helicopters searching for them. Lying just below the desert surface, they were invisible to both the naked eye and to high-tech thermal imaging.
The scorpion lieutenant could see legionnaires tracking them. A squad approached cautiously, single file, led by a large dog and a monitor dragon. The two beasts were obviously hot on their scent. The lieutenant gave orders to split up in different directions and rendezvous in an orange grove near the Lopez hacienda.
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