by E S Richards
“Mom, what the…? No!” Michael was speechless, unable to believe what he’d just heard his mother say. “That’s ridiculous,” he argued. “You can’t…”
“Michael,” she interrupted, her voice sounding strained but serious. “Think about it rationally. At best, I’ve got a couple of weeks left. At worst, it could be tomorrow. It was how I felt even before all this mess happened with the volcano. I was going to tell you and Angie when you both got back from work. I want to die on my own terms. I’m ready.”
“This is ridiculous.” Michael sank into the chair beside his mother’s bed. “I won’t let this happen.”
“You don’t have a choice,” his mother smiled. “And Angelica agrees with me.”
“What?” Michael couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Surely his sister couldn’t be on board with this. “Where is she?”
“She’s gone to see Tom; he’s got something that’ll do it.”
Michael felt a sudden sob get caught in his throat. Tom kept horses. He had drugs that were designed to put them to sleep when they got lame or no longer had any use to him. He raced them in the summer, heading out to events all across the country. It was weird, in a way, that he always came back to the village. Everyone knew he had the money to move away and live a very different life if he wanted to, but he always chose to come home. In that moment, Michael wished that Tom had left years ago. If Angelica had gone to get the drugs from Tom, then that truly meant that his mother’s mind was made up. She wanted to die. As if the timing couldn’t be any better, Angelica chose his exact moment of realization to return home.
“Mom?”
Michael heard his sister’s voice come from the front of the house, muffled thanks to the bedroom door having swung closed as it always did. Seconds later it was opening, revealing Angelica and Tom, the abettor standing awkwardly by her side.
“Hi, Dawn,” Tom smiled, “you all right?”
“No need for pleasantries,” Michael’s mom cut the chat short. “We all know what we’re here to do.”
“Mom, please,” Michael pleaded. “Can we talk about this first?”
As Dawn opened her mouth to reply, another shuddering coughing fit tore through her body, overpowering her words and leaving her feeling weak. “It’s time, Mike,” she whispered. “You need to let me go. Then you can go and find your children. It’s the right thing to do.”
“What about everyone else?” Michael started to panic, refusing to believe that what was happening was real. “Angie? What are you going to do?”
“This isn’t about me,” Angelica shook her head. “Mom’s right; this is her decision and we need to let her go.”
“And then what? Are you going to stay here still?”
“Michael,” Dawn interrupted again. “Don’t do this. Please. Can we just say goodbye?”
Michael froze. His mother wasn’t changing her mind. Like it or not, he was being forced to say goodbye. Letting that sink into his head for a second, he realized he was being given a chance that most people didn’t get. He could choose exactly what the last thing he said to his mother was. And slowly but surely, he began to understand why she was doing this.
Dawn didn’t want to die from ash inhalation or dirty water. She had known her life would end eventually ever since the accident. She’d likely come to terms with it years ago. Now that it was time to bite the bullet, Michael actually respected the choice his mother was making. She was doing this not only for herself, but for him too. He shouldn’t have stayed behind. He should be with his children, or at least trying to get to them. Like a ball of lead dropping into his stomach, Michael suddenly realized how much of a mistake he’d made.
“I love you, Mom,” he whispered. “And I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, son,” Dawn replied with a shake of her head. “You don’t ever need to apologize for this. The only fault in your heart is too much love.”
Michael bit his bottom lip, trying to stop it from quivering. “Not that,” he disagreed. “I’m sorry, I can’t watch this happen. I can’t be here.”
“There’s no shame in that, Mike,” Tom interjected, reminding everyone that he was still there. “It’s never nice to watch, no matter who or what is leaving our world.”
Michael looked at his friend briefly. He wasn’t sure whether he valued Tom’s words, or whether he was offended by him comparing his mother to putting down a horse. Either way, it didn’t matter. Michael knew within himself that he couldn’t watch this happen. Taking a step forward and ignoring Tom’s words, he knelt over his mother’s bedside, his face just inches from her own.
“I love you, Michael,” she whispered in his ear. “You go and find those children of yours and make sure they live full and happy lives. You go and be the father I’ve always known you can be.”
Tears started to form in Michael’s eyes, the hot liquid burning his corneas. “I love you too, Mom. I…I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything, my dear,” Dawn placed a pale hand on her son’s cheek. “You’ve always shown me how you feel. Now go and show your children.”
“I’ll miss you every day.”
“I know,” Dawn nodded. “But I’ll always be with you. You’ll always have my heart.”
Michael squeezed his eyes shut, though not before a single tear escaped and rolled down his cheek onto his mother’s pillow. She meant the world to him. He’d vowed to always protect her no matter what happened and yet, now that they were at the end, she was the one taking care of him. He just wasn’t strong enough to watch her go. He had stood beside Lizzie earlier that day when she died; he couldn’t do it again.
“Bye, Mom,” Michael whispered as he pushed himself to his feet and made a beeline for the bedroom door. He didn’t look back. He didn’t turn around and make eye contact with anyone. He couldn’t do it. Michael had always thought he was strong; as he ran out into the street, he realized that was the opposite of what he was.
He was a coward. He couldn’t watch his mother die and he hadn’t been able to save his children. Every decision he made only seemed to make things worse and he wasn’t helping anyone. Least of all himself. Tearing the scarf from around the lower half of his face, Michael threw his head back and screamed. The wind attacked him from all angles and the dirty air tore down his throat and ripped through his lungs. Michael didn’t care. Inside, his mother was dying, and as it happened, he physically felt a part of himself dying too. One cavity of his heart was empty and his mother was no more.
Chapter 4
“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Chase repeated to himself for at least the third time since he and Riley had gotten back in the truck. The hardware store was well in his rearview mirror now and they were tearing along the road in the direction of Houston. With no hope of finding what they needed in the store and both of them agreeing they couldn’t go home without it all, Houston seemed like their only option.
“It’s okay,” Riley tried to soothe her brother, somehow becoming the more rational of the two of them. “We’ll be in and out before you know it. Grab what we need, load the truck up, and be back home for dinner. Just as planned.”
“I’m not sure, Riley,” Chase started to question their decision again, his mind changing every third of a mile or so. “Maybe we should go home for the night and then do this in the morning. Maybe the storm will have quieted by tomorrow and we’ll be able to see things a little clearer. Maybe…”
“Oh come on, Chase!” Riley shouted at her brother, her voice needing to be loud to be heard over the wind that they were letting rush in through the back windows. “We’ve been over this! Maybe this will happen and maybe that will happen. Maybe the whole roof of the farmhouse will collapse and there won’t be any home to go back to. We can’t know what’s happening and we can’t guess at it either. All we know is that we need to fix it and we can’t do that without going into the city. This is our only choice!”
Chase looked at his sister. Was she re
ally only thirteen? She had already surprised him a great deal in the last couple of hours by sneaking out of the house and joining him in the truck. He shouldn’t really be surprised that she was brave enough to take on the city as well. But he was. Perhaps it was because he was scared himself, though he was reluctant to admit it.
Grandpop had warned him about meeting other people while he was out on the supply run. They’d been lucky in that respect at the hardware store. Going into Houston, Chase was certain they’d cross paths with someone and when they did, he didn’t want things to go badly. He was scared for himself, but—no matter how tough he was acting—he was more scared that he wouldn’t be able to protect his sister. Chase knew that if anything happened to her, he would never be able to forgive himself.
“Okay, okay.” He held his hands up to his younger sister, trying to get her to calm down. “I know, Riley. I know we’re not going back. Doesn’t change the fact we really have to think this through. Houston will be dangerous. Are you sure you’re ready for this?”
“Oh man,” Riley covered her face with her hands. “Chase, please. How many times do I have to tell you? I can do this. I’m not a little kid anymore and the sooner you stop thinking of me like one, the sooner we can get this done and get back home to Grandma and Pop. Please…can you trust me?”
“I trust you, Riley,” Chase tried to explain. “It’s just…”
“Just nothing,” Riley cut off her brother. “We’re going to Houston and we’re going in together. Nothing you say is going to change that so you might as well just shut up and drive.”
Chase opened his mouth to argue back, but in the end just let out a huge sigh instead. He didn’t see the point in it. Inside, he agreed with his sister and they had both come to the decision together to drive into Houston without going home. He knew it was the right thing to do and he didn’t want to keep rehashing the matter with Riley. He just wished he could get her to see how much he needed to protect her. Of course he trusted her. On top of that he was incredibly proud of her too. But she would always be his little sister and there was nothing that could ever change his need to look after her.
He’d felt that way ever since that one day at the beach when Riley was seven and Chase himself just turned ten. He remembered his parents leaving them playing in the surf just for a second. They were in the designated swimming area. Lifeguards were on patrol constantly and Chase only needed to watch Riley for five minutes while their parents were away. Ever since then, Chase had made it his job to look after his sister, because the first time he had been entrusted to do it, he had failed.
Fweeeeet.
The sound of a shrill whistle snapped Chase’s head up from the sandcastle he’d been making, looking up to see two lifeguards charging toward the water. Riley. Chase turned to where his sister had been, finding the space of beach empty, her bucket and spade discarded without a second thought.
Chase stood up, his sandcastle no longer important to him. The lifeguards sprinted past, red life preservers clutched in both of their hands. Looking out to sea, Chase saw what they were running for. A young girl struggled to keep her head above water, the rip tides that meandered dangerously close to the shore pulling her farther and farther out to sea. Riley. Chase would recognize those pink and yellow armbands anywhere. That was his sister and she was in trouble.
“Chase!” Lauren screamed her son’s name, seeing him standing motionless as he watched the lifeguards dive into the water, both swimming at breakneck speed as they tried to reach the girl. “Where’s your sister? Where’s Riley?”
Chase could only lift one shaking arm and point out to sea as he looked on. Terror turned his skin white as he lost sight of the armbands, Riley slipping below the surface once more. His mother screamed again, noticing that it was her daughter in the water. Her daughter struggling for breath below the waves.
Standing with his parents, the three of them could do nothing except watch as the lifeguards finally reached Riley’s body. They kicked hard against the current, supporting her on the floats as they brought her back to shore, both of them sheltering her body with their own.
Lauren and Brogan instantly rushed forward, leaving Chase shivering by his abandoned sandcastle. Riley looked so still. She looked so lifeless. One of the lifeguards began CPR and Lauren burst into tears, throwing her body against Brogan’s shoulder as she wept for her daughter. Chase continued to watch. The seconds drew out as the lifeguard continued, trying as hard as he could to push air back into the little girl’s lungs and get her to breathe again.
Finally she coughed. Water flew upwards into the sky out of her lungs as she spluttered and gasped for air. Chase fell to his knees. His sister was alive. She was safe. It had been so close. He had been the one who was supposed to watch her. He had been the one who was supposed to take care of her and instead, she’d had to fight for her life. Tears rolled down Chase’s little red cheeks as Riley finally stumbled to her feet and locked eyes with her brother. She was alive, but Chase knew he had failed her. Never again, he vowed. Never again would he let any harm come to his sister. So long as he had breath in his lungs, there would also be breath in hers.
The memory was so vivid in Chase’s head as he drove, it could have happened yesterday. He could still remember the shame and the guilt that he felt on that day and even the weeks after the incident. Riley had never blamed him for it, and neither had his parents really, but Chase had blamed himself. Everyone said he was only ten, there was no reason why he should’ve known or done any better. Chase knew differently. He knew he had been capable of looking after his sister better then and it was something he had tried to prove every day since.
The fact that his eyes were fogging over as he thought back to that day didn’t help Chase with the drive. He could only hazard a guess at what time in the day it was, outside barely having changed since he left the farmhouse early that morning. Calculating how long he’d been driving, Chase figured it couldn’t be much later than midday. He’d gotten an early start with the intention of getting back by dinner that day. Not that that was going to happen anymore.
Squinting his eyes, Chase peered at a road sign as they passed it. Houston: 86 miles. On a good day, Chase knew that drive would take just over an hour. In his current situation, he figured it would be closer to three. Cracking his neck from side to side, he tried to keep his mind focused and his body alert. The driving conditions were extremely difficult. Low visibility and the occasional random obstacle in the road meant he could barely get above cruising speed. The journey was painstaking and, with each mile that passed, Chase only started to worry more about what they would find at the end.
Houston was a huge city. Over two million people lived there, spanning an area that had grown to over six hundred square miles. Chase had been there on countless occasions, yet he had never really liked the place. It was too loud and the people were always rushing around. They never had the time to slow down and apologize for cutting you off on the sidewalk or say thank you if you moved out of someone’s way. Everything was bigger in Texas, and so were the locals’ attitudes.
Chase had always been a country boy. Even though his parents didn’t live on a farm like his grandparents did, they had spent a lot of time there all through their youth. The house that his mom and dad bought was in the suburbs of Livingston, just outside the Sam Houston National Forest.
It was a small town compared to Houston, but it had always been big enough for him. Sure, he now traveled a lot closer to the city for school. That wasn’t like being in the city itself. He had always been distanced from it in some way and now that he was driving into the jaws of the beast, Chase worried about what he might find.
They hadn’t passed a single other car on the road since leaving the farmhouse, something that Chase couldn’t help finding odd. He deliberately avoiding the main highways on purpose, although he had still expected to see the occasional fellow vehicle. Especially now that they were nearing the city, the density of people should start
to increase. He just hoped that when they did eventually meet someone, they were helpful and kind and didn’t make their task any more difficult than it already was.
Chase hoped for that with all his might, even as he knew he wasn’t that naïve. His grandfather had warned him before he left.
Don’t trust anyone. Even if they seem like they genuinely want to help you. In situations like this, people are only looking out for number one. A smile can turn into a frown just as easily as a welcome handshake can turn into a knife in your back. I’m not kidding around, Chase. You need to know how to protect yourself out there and you need to take it seriously.
That was why a hunting rifle was strapped to the inside of the roof and why a knife normally used to gut small animals was strapped to his ankle. Chase felt the tip of it brush against his skin every time he used the brake, a reminder of how careful he truly had to be. These thoughts swam in his head over and over again until Chase had passed over two hours in silence. The numbers on the signs were growing smaller and smaller and—had it been a sunny day—Houston would be visible in the distance.
“Hey,” Chase nudged his sister on the arm, her small body having drifted off to sleep in the passenger seat. “Hey, Riley. Wake up.”
“Uhh?” Riley groaned. “Seriously, Chase? What’s going on?”
“Sorry,” Chase replied, hoping the animosity from their conversation earlier had faded away. “You all right? We’re just entering the outskirts of the city, I think. I’ve come in a different way than how we normally would.”
“You have?” Riley asked, ignoring the question about her wellbeing and sitting up straighter in her seat to peer over the dashboard. “Why?”
Chase shrugged. He thought it was obvious, but didn’t want to worry his sister too much over it. “Fewer people,” he replied nonchalantly. “Gives us more of a chance to scope out the city first.”