by Leigh Bale
She nodded, pressing a trembling hand against her aching face.
“Are you really okay?” he asked.
She nodded again, but she didn’t look at him. She feared he’d see the truth in her eyes. That she wasn’t all right and it had nothing to do with her aching jaw.
“You did well today,” Sean continued. “You always were quick on your feet. Always steady during a crisis.”
Tessa didn’t know how to handle his praise. It felt too intimate. Confusion filled her mind. After all, he had been the one to push her away.
He reached for the drip torch that had caused all the damage, and Tessa noticed that his hands were visibly shaking. How odd. Maybe he was more upset than he led on.
“What about you? Are you all right?” she asked.
He tensed, setting the torch inside the back of a truck where it couldn’t do any more damage. Then he settled his hands on his lean hips. “Of course. Why do you ask?”
His face looked hard as chiseled granite. Hmm. Maybe she’d imagined his duress.
“No reason. I’d like to get back to work now,” she said.
He turned away and she breathed a sigh of relief.
“I think you’re done for the day. We’re about finished anyway. The guys will mop up and we’ll go home. I want you to just sit here and rest,” he said.
He didn’t wait for her response but walked over to help the men. Tessa watched him go, thinking she was losing her mind. She knew the crew would make sure the fire was really out, then they’d load up their equipment and return to base. She thought about helping but decided to stay right where she was. Right now all she wanted was to lie down in a dark room and close her eyes.
How could Sean act so normal? Like nothing had happened between them. A part of her wanted to hug him, and part of her wanted to slap him. Her plan to keep her distance was proving to be more difficult than she previously thought.
* * *
Sean pushed his red helmet back on his head and wiped his brow with his forearm. The small fires they’d lit for the Community Cleanup Project had added heat to an already baking day. Another half hour and they could all go home.
He walked with Cathy and Matt to their car. Once they were both inside, he leaned against the open window on the driver’s side.
“You’ll make sure that she’s okay, won’t you?” Cathy said, looking to where Tessa sat on the running board of one of the trucks.
“Of course,” Sean said.
Thankfully, Tessa hadn’t lost consciousness, or he would have insisted on taking her to the hospital. But he’d been worried about her. So worried that he’d done the stupidest thing yet. He’d cradled her in his arms as waves of fear had pulsed over him. When he’d seen her fall, he’d been so scared. So afraid that she might have a concussion or a broken jaw.
“I’m so glad I got the day off work from the restaurant. It was important for me to be here. Thanks again, for everything,” Cathy said.
“Yeah, thanks, Sean. And I’m truly sorry.” Matt spoke quietly, his face flushed red with humiliation.
“I know, Matt. Next time be sure to think before you act,” Sean said.
The boy nodded and Sean felt like a hypocrite. He should have thought about his actions before he had embraced Tessa. But he’d been so worried about her. And when the fire had spread, a thick panic had clogged his throat. His men had quickly encircled the blaze and controlled it, but not before thoughts of the day Zach had died came rushing back to Sean, making him tremble.
He and Zach had been surrounded by fire, shut off from escape. He’d begged Zach to follow him, but the man had screamed in fear, just like Matt had done. And then Zach had run the wrong way. He’d panicked, his eyes filled with scalding terror. And this was the first fire Sean had experienced since that horrible day.
“Sean, are you all right?” Cathy asked.
His expression must have given him away. He forced himself to smile and push aside his morose thoughts. “Sure. I’m fine. I’m just glad no one got seriously injured today.”
“Me, too.”
He nodded and stood back as she started the engine and drove away. His hands were shaking and he slid them into his pants pockets so no one would notice. It was times like this when his PTSD reared its ugly head. But he could control it. He knew he could. He must!
Maybe his promise to keep Tessa safe had been futile. Even on a simple cleanup exercise like this, she could have been badly injured. Maybe he wasn’t the right man for this superintendent job. Maybe he shouldn’t fight wildfires anymore. But he had to, for Tessa’s sake. If he could just make it to the end of this fire season, she’d be gone and he could move on. It was time. Wasn’t it?
Sean glanced over at his crewmen and caught Tessa watching him. The moment their eyes met, she jerked and looked away. Her face flushed a pretty shade of pink and he knew she was embarrassed to be caught staring at him.
He wondered what she was thinking. What she was feeling. And more than anything, he wished he could ease her pain. He wished he could explain everything to her, but she wouldn’t understand. And Sean could never explain to Tessa that he’d abandoned Zach and chosen life instead.
Chapter Eight
Tessa closed her eyes, trying to sleep. Even burdened by her heavy Nomex shirt and high-topped fire boots, she could sleep anywhere most of the time. But not this night. Not aboard this cumbersome school bus.
They’d finished the community service project, returned to their hotshot base and got cleaned up just in time to get called out on a wildfire in California.
Lifting a hand, she wiped her damp brow. All the windows on the bus were lowered, but the evening breeze did little to relieve the oppressive heat. The sound of the engine deepened as the vehicle crawled up the narrow road circling Nesbitt Pass in the Sierra Nevada Mountains. At over eight thousand feet elevation, this would be their first real wildfire of the season. Tessa’s stomach swooped and dipped over every twisting bend in the road. At this stealthy pace, it’d be another hour before they reached the fire camp high in the mountain forest above Splendor Lake. But that wasn’t what bothered her.
Huddled in her seat, she cracked open an eye and peered through the shadows at the front of the bus. Sean sat near the driver, his head up and eyes open, one strong hand resting casually along the top of the seat in front of him as he gazed out the dark windshield. Stars glittered in the moonless sky, the shadows clinging to his chiseled profile. His tall body swayed with the erratic thumps of the bus. Now and then he spoke to the driver, his deep voice lost within the low drone of the engine. Every other member of her crew lay slumped across the cracked padded seats, their gear and tools stowed beside them for a quick grab once the vehicle stopped. Apparently Sean didn’t need sleep as much as the rest of the team.
She couldn’t stop thinking of the fervent way he’d embraced her when Matt had accidentally kicked her in the face. He’d said he didn’t want her anymore, but his actions spoke differently. So what was going on? If he didn’t want her, what did he want? He hadn’t made any changes to his life that she could see. Maybe he didn’t even know what he wanted. She told herself she didn’t care, but it firmed her resolve to stay as far away from him as possible.
Shaking her head, she closed her eyes again. The driver shifted down. The vehicle slowed and Tessa opened her eyes. Looking out the window, she caught sight of the generator lights at base camp. An open alpine meadow filled with tents, water tankers, pumper trucks and other fire equipment. Even at this late hour, a melee of firefighters moved across the clearing in a beehive of organized chaos.
The bus came to a jarring stop.
“Everyone out,” Sean called.
The crew members groaned and sat up, rubbing their sleepy eyes. Tessa knew the drill. Latching on to her pack, she scanned the floor beneath her seat to
ensure she didn’t leave something behind. The rest of the crew did likewise, perched on the edge of their seats as they waited for the driver to open the door and let them out.
One by one, the men stood and walked the thin aisle. Tessa followed, staring straight ahead. Conscious of Sean’s gaze following her as she passed by, she forced herself not to lift a hand up to her face. Matt’s boot had left an ugly bruise there, but it would soon fade. If only her heartache would disappear as quickly.
Sean was the last man off the bus, ensuring his crew was awake and assembled.
“Relax. I’ll be right back,” he said.
He placed his red helmet on his head, flattening his dark, curly hair. He sauntered toward a cluster of men wearing white and red hard hats to signify their administrative status. They milled around a table set up beneath an open-air tent.
Tessa watched as the supervisory team studied a map beneath the glow of lamplight. They gestured and nodded at each other. Sean leaned against the table, looking casual. Tessa wasn’t fooled. He was highly alert and ready to move. Nodding one last time, he walked back to the crew.
“Okay, listen up. We’ve got a lightning-caused fire of about five thousand acres. Three other hotshot crews are already working on the mountain, but more will come in later this morning from Idaho and Montana. The fire is twenty percent contained.” He jutted his chin toward a sturdy table set up with Cubitainer jugs of water and brown sack lunches that had been prepared for them by a caterer.
“If you need it, you’ve got three minutes to water up and collect your lunch. Then we’re going on a little stroll,” Sean said.
Several members of the crew groaned. A stroll meant they had a long, arduous hike ahead of them. Staggering to their feet, the team ambled over to top off their canteens. Tessa joined them. As she snatched up a sack lunch to stow away in her pack, no one said a word.
Lifting her chin, she met Sean’s gaze. He hovered near the crew like a mother hen. He was in charge and the safety of this entire team rested on his overly broad shoulders. She just hoped they could trust him to make good judgments that got them all home safely.
“Let’s rock and roll,” Sean called.
With his pack on his back, he headed toward the trees. The crew affixed their lamps to the fronts of their hard hats and hustled after him. Tessa fell in line at the back of the pack.
Moving through the trees with only their flashlights to guide them, they soon found themselves hiking up a steep, narrow trail lined with oaks and pines. In the starlight, Tessa could make out the eerie movement of white, drifting smoke that had settled across the mountain. She climbed steadily, her thigh muscles burning with her exertions.
“You doing okay?”
Snapping around, she ran headfirst into Sean’s wide chest. He reached out to steady her, his strong hands closing over her arms. Currents of electricity pulsed between them. For several stunned moments her eyes locked with his.
Feeling burned by his touch, she jerked away and kept going. “I’m fine.”
She didn’t need him to pamper her. After all, she was a veteran wildfire fighter. A hotshot!
The pungent odor of sweat and smoke filled the air. She could hear Sean moving down the line, checking on the other men. She imagined his shrewd gaze assessing each of them, to determine their well-being. And then a nibble of guilt chewed at her conscience. He hadn’t singled her out when he’d asked if she was okay. He was just doing his job, watching out for his crew. Maybe she was being overly sensitive.
“Okay, huddle up,” Sean called.
The team gathered close.
“Those granite rocks above look like a good place for a safety zone. A sudden wind shift and we could find ourselves eating fire. Anyone not know our escape route?” He pointed to the hillside above and they all turned to study the area.
Hmm. Tessa couldn’t help being impressed. At least Sean was putting their safety first. Maybe he had learned a hard lesson from his experience with Zach. Maybe it had made him more cautious. But the price had been way too high.
Sean gestured to his two squad leaders. Each one had nine men serving under him. The three bosses checked their radios to ensure they had good communication.
“We’re gonna anchor right here and cut line fifteen feet wide and head toward that outcropping of granite.” Sean pointed at a projection of gray rock a mile away. “The Black Mountain hotshots are gonna come in behind us and widen our line out another ten feet.”
Tessa didn’t need to ask why. Once the fire awakened with the heat from the afternoon sunlight, it would start moving up this mountain. For them to have to cut a line fifteen feet wide and then have another hotshot crew cut an additional ten feet, it meant the flames of the fire must be burning at fifteen feet high. The line had to be wide enough that the blaze couldn’t jump over it.
“All right, let’s fight fire.” Sean clapped his gloved hands twice.
The crew lined out, waiting for the sawyers and swampers to open the canopy of trees so the rest of the crew could follow behind. Tessa tugged on her leather gloves then joined their two toolers, helping them toss debris far away from the fireline. The persistent buzz of chain saws filled the air along with the clops of chopping out roots and hacking at the thick litter of duff covering the ground.
Every time she turned, Tessa found Sean working nearby, like a sentinel determined to protect her. Surely she imagined his constant attention. He wasn’t staying close by her on purpose. Or was he?
His beautiful blue eyes lifted and rested on her like a leaden weight. So intense that she felt his gaze piercing her to the back of her spine.
Tessa whirled away, trying her best to ignore him.
* * *
She was watching him. Sean could feel Tessa’s eyes boring a hole in the back of his head.
He turned and caught the flash of anger in her gaze. Eyes that had once crinkled with laughter and love now showed her irritation. For him. He hated the accusation he saw on her face. The doubt and pain. He’d broken her heart and she might never forgive him.
She bent her back over her Pulaski as she scraped the earth down to mineral soil, able to work most men under the table. As usual, she’d pulled her long, golden-brown hair back in a ponytail. A few shimmering wisps escaped the confines of her yellow hard hat and framed her delicate profile. No matter how much sun she got, her skin gleamed like alabaster, not a freckle in sight.
He longed to call out to her. To tease and joke with her the way they used to do when they were working. But after what had happened at the community cleanup the day before, he didn’t dare get any closer than necessary. He’d vowed to keep her safe, but the dark bruise on her face attested that he’d failed. His feelings were on the surface and he feared he might reveal his inner doubts. Instead, he walked farther down the line, focusing on the entire crew, clenching his hands so no one would notice that they were trembling. His pulse sped up as his gaze scanned every member of the squad. He made mental calculations to ensure they all were accounted for and in good shape. But what if he couldn’t keep them that way? What if something bad happened? Something out of his control.
By ten in the morning, he called for the team to halt and eat lunch. They sat below the steep ridge above and opened their brown sacks. No one spoke as they wolfed down smashed ham sandwiches, red apples, strips of beef jerky, bags of roasted almonds and boxes of juice.
Sean exhaled a long breath of relief. They’d made it this far without any mishaps. But the day was far from over with. Conscious of their surroundings, he noticed the fire had crawled up the mountain, trailing them, but not too close. Above all else, he wanted enough time to evacuate his crew to the safety zone, if necessary.
“Tank, you’ll plant it over on that ridge and serve as our lookout. You should be able to see what the fire is doing from that vantage point and give us plent
y of warning if we’re in danger.” Sean pointed toward the north.
A veteran firefighter, Tank was big and bull-strong. Sean hated to lose the man’s strength on the fireline right now but knew he could rely on him not to fall asleep on the job. That would leave the team exposed to danger.
Popping the last bit of a granola bar into his mouth, Tank crunched down and nodded before gathering up his gear so he could move into position. Before he left the group, Sean had him test his radio. No taking risks. He’d learned firsthand that putting out a forest fire was never worth a man’s life.
The team returned to work, hacking at the ground in numbing monotony. Sean glanced Tessa’s way. She popped the lid off a tube of lip balm, slathered it on her lips then slid the tube back into her pants pocket.
Sean smiled, remembering the taste of her raspberry lip gloss the night before Zach had died. The three of them had eaten dinner together. Then Sean had taken Tessa for a walk alone. Beneath the canopy of moonlight, he’d pulled her into his arms and she’d whispered that she loved him. He’d kissed her. One of the best memories of his life.
A crashing sound came from behind. Whirling around, Sean stared in horror as a flaming eighty-foot ponderosa pine fell toward Tessa and Pete, one of their sawyers.
“Look out!” A flare of adrenaline pushed Sean into action. Dropping his Pulaski, he sprinted toward Tessa as the blazing tree smashed into another pine. The two trees swayed together, flames sparking and dancing in the air. As if in slow motion, the trees picked up momentum, hurtling toward the earth.
“Move!” Sean bellowed as he ran, frantically waving his arms at the crew members in his path.
Everyone scrambled madly to get out of the way. They had only seconds to react. The thunderous crash of the trees shook the ground.
Sean leaped down into the burning brush, clawing his way toward Tessa. Desperate to reach her. A cloud of dust enveloped him, so thick and heavy that he choked and blinked his eyes. He couldn’t see. He didn’t know where to turn. Where was she?